Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Hell That is Shopping

Shopping, since having my children has become pure torture. I'm speaking specifically of CLOTHES SHOPPING. Nothing can lower my self-esteem faster than hitting the stores for something fun to wear. And girls, are we all in agreement here about the worst items to shop for? They are:

1) BRA: I have no idea why I can grab 10 bras that all say they are my size, and have such a great disparity of fit. One bra has a band so tight I can't even do it up. One bra has more hootage squeezing out by my armpits than in front. One bra has wrinkly, un-filled cups. One bra hikes the girls up nearly under my chin. And there's always at least one that gives the dreaded ice-cream-cone shaped boobs. Hate bra shopping. Oh, and I have another gripe: why, why, why is it impossible to find beige, nude or "sand" coloured bras???? I mean, do girls really like walking around with a white t-shirt and a clearly visible white bra underneath?!? Makes me nutty

2) JEANS: once again, why can I grab a half dozen pairs of jeans and find such a wide array of fit/non fit with them? Geez--THE MAN goes to a store, checks out any type of pants that he wants to buy, finds his size and brings them home without EVER TRYING THEM ON. And guess what--they fit. So, there I'll be in the changeroom. The first pair won't even pull up past my hips. The next pair fits everywhere in the body, but squeezes so much fatness over the waist band I want to cry. And the other pair says it's a 'relaxed boot cut,' which really means it hugs the fat thighs from top to mid calf where it flairs out a bit, thus giving the most unflattering shape possible. Oh, and finally, I end up buying the pair that's a little too big everywhere, but doesn't cut off circulation in the waist, which is wonderful at the time in the change room, but after wearing them twice in a row, they loosen up enough to become DUMPY.

3) The bathing suit. Enough said.

Shopping is terrible now. I think most of y'all know of my complaining about what a train wreck my mid-section is. Also, if you're me, you will invariably find yourself shopping at the Great Wal of Evil, and the lighting in there is HIDEOUS. You are nearly guaranteed to leave that change room utterly crushed and convinced that you are fatter than you've ever been, and your hair colour is horrendous. Evil, evil fluorescent lighting. Yes, and the best part is that nothing fit properly, and you blame yourself rather than the ULTRA CHEAP MASS PRODUCED CLOTHING you just tried on.

But here is my favourite thing since having my daughter: I am almost too big for the "regular" stores, and I am too small for the fat stores. And if you take offense to me calling them "fat stores," I'm sorry, but those clothes are huge, and I am no petite flower. So, nyah.

I have a wedding coming up at the end August. I have ONE dress that I wore for the first, and only time to a wedding last summer. Yes, because we're ridiculous, we girls really, really like to have a new thing to wear to new occasions, or at least a new thing to wear to an occasion that has all the same people as were at the last occasion. I wouldn't mind finding a cute skirt. I do have a funky top I could wear, so with a skirt, I'd be all set. Good luck, karen. A skirt in this city is apparently as difficult to find as the holy grail itself. So, I got out of my car, took a deep breath, and headed to the fat store. There was ONE dress style in the whole store. In that style, there were 3 left. Cute dress too, but WAY TOO BIG. While this kinda makes me feel a teeny bit better, it also p*sses me off: why was there nothing smaller than 2X???

So, off I went to the neighbouring box store, which thinks it's so clever by having a regular section, petites section, and plus section all within the same store. The petites clothes are extremely cute. The regular clothes are pretty hip and funky. The PLUS CLOTHES ARE FRUMPY DISGUSTING SQUARES. I do not want a giant polyester flag of a shirt that has a faux camisole top sewn behind the neckline. Sorry, nobody's fooled. And, there was one skirt. So, now I'm becoming homicidal, and had to vent to the apathetic sales girl: "why are the clothes in the plus section always SO UGLY??? Why can't they take THIS shirt (funky black shirt with braided rope belt for the waist), and just make it one size larger?!?" Why can't they do that??? Why can't they have a store filled with styles that come in all sizes from 2 to 22??? It's the same shirt, only it's BIGGER. DUH!!

Or, perhaps they're thinking that only older women are fat, and they no longer care about looking cool--that's for the younger crowd. It makes me want to scream.

I returned home in the worst mood, yet again. But hey, I did find two cute tops.

Tick tock, tick tock, time's running out till that wedding. Lousy shopping.


  1. I am so with you on this one! I have a hard time finding jeans that does not show the crack of my butt or is perfect when that flood comes in. Yeah everytime Ray needs jeans he just sends me with the measurements and they fit!!! Kill me!
    Have you tried Winners? They have quite a selection and i know what you mean about the lighting in the change rooms yuk!

    Thanks for the BD wishes too!!

  2. Karen, I hate to inform you, but , you are showing your age. Girls NEVER wear tan/beige/nude bras. they consider them for the aged.

    the more colourful, and zaney the better, and they don't care about wearing white under a t-shirt....oh, and NEVER, NEVER call your top a blouse. That is a big big mistake!!

  3. I am with you. I shop at a bra store now and only own about 3 because of the price. Elsewhere I couldn't find the right fit. I also have trouble with the L or Xl not being wuite big enough in some things. I like to shop at the Jones New York outlet as the fit is great, the style good and they always have a dress that works with the tummy thing.

  4. ahhhh now i feel better... try addition elle, they start at size 14. there are two in st. catharines,one at the pen,and one on fourth ave. by walmart. you could save time,money and sanity and wear the other dress,but it still feels good to get something new. oh yeah, edition elle sells spanx, well worth the money, they could make rita macniel look svelte!

  5. spanx. I succumbed to something similar called 'slim and lift" but it seems to turn me into something of a springy beach ball. Paula, I used to poke my head in one in the big city when I lived there, but I'll try one there. Blech.

  6. Cranberry, I suppose you are right about the beige bra thing, but geez, I must be practical! I think I still always call my tops "tops" thought, so, phew...I guess.

  7. Chania, I like Jones New York stuff, but have only found their stuff among the often hideous selections at Winners.

    Yes, Pam, I've tried Winners, and used to love riffling through the racks for hours to find that ONE NICE ITEM, but now I seem to have lost all my patience!

  8. I know a lot of what you were saying was English, but it was difficult to understand. What confuses me more is that show, What Not To Wear, where they give you four or five 'simple' rules to follow and unleash the person in New York with thousands of clothing stores, billions of choices and then give trillions of corrections on the victim's, er...I mean, guest's poor choices. Oh, ya. Throw in the demand that EVERYONE gets all their clothes tailored (who does that?), and voila! Clothing shopping is tres simple! So, I don't know what your problem is. Just drive to New York with a $5K credit card along with 2 fashion consultants and and a tailor (oh, yeah and a makeup artist and stylist - I forgot them), and you've got that bra and dress. You're welcome.

  9. Yeah, Matt--no kidding. Funny you should mention "what not to wear--" I was just ranting about that show the other day, and how much I loathe it. What kills me is when women from small-town-chicken-wing-and-cigarette-ville are on the show, and the hostess can NOT understand why they never wear skirts "just cuz." I guess I could have taken that tent of a dress (that would have been cute) and had it altered, so then that $30 dress would have cost about $100. Hooray.

  10. don't you wear skirts to take out the garbage and pick up toys and kill killer ants? What a slacker.

    But I guess $100 would not be too bad for a dress for a wedding. Go back and get it.

  11. I don't have enough time to have it altered though! Waaaah! Still...maybe you have a point...

  12. I have a new job, with that comes, the need for new clothes. I am not a wonderful size that can take clothes home because ahahah they will fit. When I shop it is usually with my 3 kids, let me tell you, not a fun thing to try clothes on with them in the same room. Let's just say that the question, why doesn't it fit mom? A hundred times can make a person go mad. So, until the little darlings go back to school, I am wearing what I still have in the closet.

  13. Mon dieu, Alaina. The thought of shopping for clothing with my children simply makes me tired. They like making faces in the change room mirror for a few minutes, but it's all downhill from there.
    Maybe I'll go check out this outlet store in town tonight...ALONE!!

  14. So how was the wedding? Did you land a dress in the end?

  15. Wedding hasn't arrived yet! Off for more shopping/self esteem torture today!


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