Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I Need A Freaking Break

OMG people, it occurs to me that I still need a vacation. What are you talking about, woman, you ask, you just had a vacation. Oh, you're a funny one, aren't you.

Okay, so let's think about it here: I've been home from my vacation for 6 days, and I STILL have one last load of laundry to do. I haven't put the kids' clean clothes away yet, and I'm wondering if I give a SH*T about what we're having for dinner. I'm a little cranky right now. I was just stuck in the back yard for what felt like HOURS, while the kids cycled back and forth from the pool to the trampoline, back to the pool, back to the trampoline, until I became so hungry for the lunch I never had that I wanted to cry. The zillion slap and hug-of-death fests the FIGHT TWINS had didn't make being outside any more fun than it actually was.

Jack: "Ella, your name is ELLIOTT."
Ella: "your name is JACKY."
Jack: "my name is NOT 'JACKY,' Elliott!"
Ella: "Jacky boy! Jacky Boy! Jacky Boy!"
Jack: "Okay, Elliott."

So, I finally convinced them back inside at which point I INHALED a yogurt. I gots a headache.

Last night, as I was putting on some makeup before going out, Jack was on the can having a conversation with me. I should interject here, and mention once again that having ONE bathroom really bites sometimes. Picture it people: you've just drawn a relaxing bubble bath for yourself. You even lit a candle for wonderful ambiance. You sink in and feel the tension draining out of you. Then the door opens and your six year old says; 'GOTTA POOP.' Or, upload this little image: 3 out of 4 family members all have the stomach flu at the same time, but only have one bathroom. Suck on that one for a while.

So, as I was saying, I was getting ready to go out, when Jack decided to have a typically random 6 year old conversation;

Jack: "Mumma, being fat makes you ill."
Me: "it does?"
Jack: "yes, it makes you ill."
Me: "am I fat?"
Jack: "no, you're not."
Me (pleasantly surprised): "oh! Thanks, honey."
Jack (after pondering for a minute): "well, you're a little bit fat."

Then I went downstairs and told this to The Man as I was on my way to get my shoes. He said; "come back for a sec?" So I did and he said; "you look a bit smaller." Great. He called me back to check out if I was indeed a 'little bit fat.'

I need some suggestions from y'all. My son draws NON-STOP. And when I say non-stop, I mean that when he's not swimming, he's drawing. I have an inch-high stack of drawings from our one week of non-relaxation. I love the drawing--I really do. Two years ago he was literally afraid to try to draw, and now his pictures are amazing. I may even have to blog about them (nothing is safe). The problem is, my dining room table is a disaster zone. It is full of crumpled up rejects, markers, and the stacks of new drawings. HOW THE HELL CAN I KEEP THIS IN SOME SEMBLANCE OF ORGANIZATION??? Sigh. It makes me weary just thinking about it.

In other news, I have started doing situps every day. Oh, who am I kidding--I can't even do a situp any longer. I do "curlups." So, I've been doing curlups every morning this week, hoping to re-introduce some tone to my disaster zone. Every time I curl up, my stomach forms a nice peak in the centre. Every time I see that stupid peak, it once again makes me want to smack the plastic surgeon who informed me that my stomach sticks out now, after having my daughter, because I have fat UNDER the muscle. That may be, dough head, but is one's stomach supposed to puff out like a pyramid with exertion??? I THINK NOT. One of these days, I'll find a plastic surgeon who'll be sympathetic and say; "you're the sexiest chubby woman I've ever seen, and I want to stitch those gorgeous muscles back together. And the cost? For you? $2000. Yes, that's right--I would never dream of charging $8000 to restore you to your former bitchin self."

Someday, karen, someday.

Back in the good old days, when one was having a day like this, they could LITERALLY knock their kids' heads together. Okay, okay, don't get all bunged up--I'm mostly kidding. But for now I must say; "STOP. IT," or "KNOCK IT OFF," or, "if you two don't stop, I'm PHONING SANTA!" or, "don't worry kids--in just a few weeks, you'll be BACK AT SCHOOL, AND UNABLE TO BUG EACH OTHER!" I seem to be full of these little gems.

I need a freaking break.

image reference:


  1. You need to talk to Alaina at Arbor House lane...she has a kid that was failing school because he would not stop drawing......

  2. Hi, I just saw that you joined our chit chat. So I came to visit you. You will fit right in. The fighting with the kids, I was sitting right next to you, my kids are driving me crazy until I go to work and they go back to school. So funny, I was going to send you a comment in regards to your son and the drawing and I read the comment from Melissa above me. I did a post about my son, the boy draws. He almost failed 2nd grade because he was constantly drawing in class. Our house would be littered with drawings from one end of the house to the next, but I finally had to throw out the extras all except my favorites and his favorites. Yes he draws every day all summer. Nice to meet you.

  3. karen,didn't you know,"mom"means never having to use the bathroom alone again? By the way, "family vacation is an oxymoron, or maybe you just have to be a moron to sign up for one!

  4. Welcome Alaina! So nice of you to join us, and read all the stuff I spew out. Seriously--I'm always thrilled whenever anyone drops in. I just got through the 'comment moderation' section of my dashboard (had to do it otherwise I'd miss the fun comments on my older blogs! Thank you so much for your own wit and insight. There is comfort in mutual suffering, no? I used to have a "just one bite" rule with Jack, but it appears I've given that up lately thanks to BURNOUT. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
    I'm def. going to check out your blog tomorrow in between Jack's youtube session, and Ella's PBS kids session.
    That's interesting about your son's drawings. I have a hard time parting with ANY of Jack's, because he was so averse to it for so long, and suddenly he draws the most amazing pictures! I think I have to scan some in and blog about it!

  5. Ah Paula, I knew you'd get a kick out of my latest vitriol. I just want to go to the bathroom all by myself. Sigh.

  6. Oh great you have met my other friend Alaina! I love this about blogging you meet everyone!! She has a great blog check it out.
    Karen i love reading about your life really...I just have one child so all this is like a great sitcom for me...okay don't hate me but i love what you write. It makes me proud to say hey we are related!!!
    I think the drawing thing Jack has going on is fantastic!

  7. thanks Pam, I'm touched. Yes, it is fun to meet new people! Hooray! I just checked out Alaina's blog--I'm developing a real thing for these beauty and aesthetics blogs y'all are writing.

  8. I love the scanning in idea of the pictures. We just bought the new printer and it scans too, thanks for the idea. Yes there is comfort in mutual suffering, remember a wise woman once said "keep swimming, keep swimming." I love that one, it is sure to become a catch phrase for me. I enjoy your blog for its' honesty and relateablity (spelled wrong)you say it in a funny way though. My blog, yes I will admit has lots of pictures, I am not confident enough to go with the true raw feelings. Those I save for such new friends as you and Cranberry cottage, she is a great person and even more amazing when you really get to know her. Oh, one question, are you the cousin who went to visit Pamela? Just curious, she mentioned she used to live in Niagara Falls not far from me. Have a wonderful weekend.

  9. Alas, I haven't made it out west yet, so no, I wasn't the cousin who visited Pam.
    Oh, I could be far more raw--I have to reign myself in though!

  10. An alternative to scanning all of the artwork is to take pictures of them. I find that pictures are faster and I need all the time saving I can get. ;)

  11. good point Lisa--I'll see which one gives me better results.

  12. Here's MY break: after yardwork, errands with a baby who throws everything she can touch onto the floor, being used as a life bouy in the town pool, and a 'story time' full of overtired meltdowns [not all of them mine], I get to sit and enjoy your blog. Ironic, no? Actually, I confess to a 20 minute nap this afternoon, and going out to storm chase tonight... :)

  13. ah, the overtired meltdown. While I KNOW why these occur, it doesn't make them any better to live through. And geez, just think of how YOU could blog about it!

  14. Nah, too lazy to blog. I believe my place is to support yours with the token male perspective. Kinda like The View, only entertaining.

  15. like the View yet entertaining--Matt, that deserves a "LOL"


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