Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, August 16, 2010

PMS Week

Hey everyone, it's time once again to do the PMS SHUFFLE. Shuffle to the left, shuffle to the right, kick something until it breaks, then have an angry nap.

My daughter was just eating lunch. As a rare treat, I made cheese and crackers, with a nicely rolled up piece of baloney. I almost never eat crackers, myself, but I thought, hey, why not--and tossed a bunch down my yap. Then Ella sat down to lunch, and was happily eating, when suddenly she said;

"There's a [sic] ANT ON MY CRACKER!!"


"WHAT?!?!?" I fairly shrieked. As I inspected the cracker, there was a teeny tiny brown ant on her cracker, and a few running around on her plate. The new box of crackers was SWARMING with them. And then everything went blurry as I turned into the HULK. The top shelf of the pantry? Loaded with the little bastards. I freaked, and had a fairly satisfying moment whereby I slammed the chocolate syrup container with good force on the counter proclaiming how I

Seriously--I'm really beginning to think that all this sh*t is NOT random. I believe I am the butt of some cosmic joke. Seriously. First off we have small black ants. Then we have flying ants IN MY FREAKING BEDROOM, and then we get ants that are so small one can't notice them until they look closely.

Just think of all the crackers I tossed down my cracker hole! Oh mon dieu! If you read one of my other tales of ant war, you may recall that I ate an ant-covered cookie, and a couple of the little f**kers got in my mouth, bit me and my mouth stung for a long time afterward. So now I imagine that my tongue has little irritated spots on it, like I was eating little hot chili flakes.

Sigh, and double sigh.

So, this rage lead to other more or less productive thoughts, such as, how ugly my kitchen is, and how it will probably NEVER EVER be refurbished into a nice kitchen, so I might as well paint it and make it semi decent (right now it has ugly yellowed walls, where I ripped off the wallpaper, and the bottom half has hideous 1950's plastic tile. Oh wait, let's see if I have a picture...oh wait, I don't have a pic on the computer right now, because the computer got A VIRUS, and everything on it was WIPED OUT. Silly moi! I'll upload one from my camera in the near future. The pantry has some lovely brown panelling (sp?) in it, and since that too won't be turned into anything nice in the next decade, I might just slap a white coat of paint over IT.

In the meantime, the kitchen is filled with dirty dishes I haven't gotten to yet because I'm TOO ANGRY, and when I log onto my computer, my internet home has this idiot article up titled; "RPATZ AND KSTEW GET COZY," and I'm supposed to give a f*ck about the "stars" right now when all I'd like to do is tell them; "YEAH, GET COZY NOW, BECAUSE IN A FEW YEARS HE'S ONLY GOING TO DO THE FREAKING DISHES ONCE A WEEK!"

shuffle to the left, shuffle to the right...

Oh my god. It has just occurred to me that I haven't even had my coffee yet today! My most treasured time of the day!

I think I'll sign off now and go cry.


  1. Fast someone get the poor woman a coffee for god sake! As for the ant problem. We grew up in a house that was over 100 yrs, yes ants in the summer time, flying ants in the basement. If I recall my mother used to put bay leaves on the floor near the entrances or in the cupboards. I hope this works. My daughter just brought me a surprise, a cricket in the house, nice. GET IT OUT!

  2. Ah the musings of Karen! Nothing i love more when i am having a totally negative morning is to read your blog.
    Now i feel better!

    Don't you just hate all that star crap on MSN messenger? Makes me crazy like i care what the stars are huffing down their throats or how those "K" sisters look in bikini's or whatever else they are doing!

  3. ah, poor you,pms really sucks, when i "became a woman" i soon realized i could always predict when my "friend" was coming,there would be a
    very bad hair day that always ended up with me whipping the hair dryer. just inhale some chocolate,and remember,its great being a girl!

  4. Girls, you've cheered me up immensely. I will have to look into this bay leaf idea, Alaina. Lord knows I had enough cinnamon sprinkled around the house, and still they find a way to defy me! This house is nearly a hundred years old come to think of it. The helpful computer calculator (I'm tired) tells me 82 years. I'm sure the bugs think it's THEIR HOUSE.

    Enough about that though...Pam, glad my bitchiness brings a smile to your face, and Paula, my hair was like some kind of hideous wig today. Wonder if that means anything...

  5. hey karen, i was just reading Todays Parent,and they are looking for mom bloggers. you really should share your talent for making mommy angst funny! anyhow, here is the address so check it out o.k.? ,to submit an entry.

  6. thanks Paula, that's great! I appreciate it, and will indeed check it out. I was just thinking that if tomorrow I had to go back to the work world, what the hell would I do that wouldn't be completely loathsome???

  7. Too afraid to comment... estrogen... overpowering... can't... breathe...

  8. I think your the first blog i follow that has a male follower! I think you should get points for this. Anyways his comments crack me up especially this last one. I can just see him turning red over all this estrogen stuff!!
    Yes love the bitchiness karen keep it up! It makes me feel better!

    Hey how come Aimee and Diane don't comment anymore?!

  9. Aim comments occasionally, and Diane...I think I have to track Diane down. She's been M.I.A. for some time.
    That would be my friend Matt, who cracks us both up. We've known each other since kindergarten! I have one other male follower too--yay me! And to think, I haven't scared them away yet with all the girl talk. Geez, my own husband isn't even that interested in my blog...

  10. Thanks, Karen...and Pamela! What can I cash in the points for? :)


I lurv comments. Thank you for the comments. They are scrumptious.


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