Oh coffee, you delicious drink! You're so wonderful I think I'll compose a small poème in your honour:
OH coffee, my friend,
so warm and strong
I could drink you
all day long
But caffeine, alas,
so bad to me,
would cause all night
So, just one cup
but DAMN, so great;
all chem'd up with coffee mate
You wait inside
my snowman mug
to give me one big
bad breath hug
And though this rhyme
may seem retarded
You and I shall
Ne'er be parted.
Sniff! ...the happiest part of my day, aside from hitting the sack in my jammies with Jane Eyre.
This morning, karen and Coffee sat down for their usual break, and talked about their long history together:
Coffee: We've been together a long time haven't we?
karen: Hoo boy! You're going to make me feel old, ha ha!
Coffee: do you remember one of the first times?
karen: sure, we were on a family vacation, and I was just a kid--maybe 8 or 9? We were camping, and my Mom let me have half a cup of instant coffee with sugar and coffee whitener.
Coffee: and what did you think?
karen: FANTASTIC--and before you ask, no I don't think it's a tragedy for a kid to have half a styrofoam cup of coffee. Bless you Mom, bless you.
Coffee: what are some of the worst experiences you've had with coffee?
karen: well, one time my inlaws offered me a cup and I naively said "sure."
Coffee: yeah? So, what's the big deal there?
karen: INSTANT WITH 1% MILK
Coffee: so? Coffee's coffee, right?
karen: that is NOT coffee.
Coffee: but you drank it?
karen: yes. That was nearly instant gut-rot. Oh, and don't forget nearly every diner, restaurant and wedding I've been to
karen: oh don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about: COFFEE-FLAVOURED WATER. Weak, weak, weak.
Coffee: oh yes, what's that saying you've invented about weak coffee?
karen: 'there is no greater sin than weak coffee'
Coffee: ha ha ha!
karen: ha ha ha!
Coffee: ah, it's funny because it's true.
karen: oh well, at least there's a certain consistency out there--they make the same insipid brew in every public place it seems.
Coffee: how about Tim Horton's coffee?
karen: strong enough, but I prefer making my own
karen: decent! Especially good with one of those egg sausage muffin thingies
karen: once I get past the mind-scrambling menu and just ask for the strongest coffee they have, I would have to say 'quite good.'
Coffee: okay, so how about some other bad experiences with coffee?
karen: oh, well, of course you recall that ridiculous job I had back before I got married?
Coffee: the one where you had to clip ads out of newspapers and tape them onto promotional "you could have saved THIS MUCH if you'd placed your ad with us" flyers?
karen: yeah, that's the one.
Coffee: the job with the husband and wife boss team, with the wife who just had to open her mouth and butter-headed gems would fly out?
karen: yes, the woman who said that it's good when it's windy, "because the wind blows the clouds away."
Coffee: stop, you're killing me. But let's get back to the topic
karen: oh right, they weren't coffee drinkers, but they provided coffee for the employees.
Coffee: sounds decent
karen: a GIANT can of Folgers??? I can STILL conjure up that disgusting taste
Coffee: I'm going to have to agree with you there.
karen: anyhow, I have to thank you because without you, I'd have no energy at all.
Coffee: no problem! And hey, I'll see you tomorrow?
Some interesting facts about coffee from http://www.justaboutcoffee.com/ :
The second most widely used product in the world after oil.
It was worth 6 million tonnes per year in the mid 90's.
It is worth €30 billion per year to the producing countries.
It is a living to more than 100 million people.
It is consumed at the rate of 1400 million cups per day.
The world's second most popular drink after water.