Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Love You Coffee. Do You Love Me? You Do?! Hooray!

Oh coffee, you delicious drink!  You're so wonderful I think I'll compose a small poème in your honour:

OH coffee, my friend,

so warm and strong
I could drink you
all day long

But caffeine, alas,
so bad to me,
would cause  all night

So, just one cup
but DAMN, so great;
all chem'd up with coffee mate

You wait inside
my snowman mug
to give me one big
bad breath hug

And though this rhyme
may seem retarded
You and I shall
Ne'er be parted.

Sniff!  ...the happiest part of my day, aside from hitting the sack in my jammies with Jane Eyre. 

This morning, karen and Coffee sat down for their usual break, and talked about their long history together:

CoffeeWe've been together a long time haven't we?
karen:  Hoo boy!  You're going to make me feel old, ha ha!
Coffee:  do you remember one of the first times?
karen:  sure, we were on a family vacation, and I was just a kid--maybe 8 or 9?  We were camping, and my Mom let me have half a cup of instant coffee with sugar and coffee whitener. 
Coffee:  and what did you think?
karen:  FANTASTIC--and before you ask, no I don't think it's a tragedy for a kid to have half a styrofoam cup of coffee.  Bless you Mom, bless you. 
Coffee:  what are some of the worst experiences you've had with coffee?
karen:  well, one time my inlaws offered me a cup and I naively said "sure."
Coffee:  yeah?  So, what's the big deal there?
Coffee:  so?  Coffee's coffee, right?
karen:  that is NOT coffee.
Coffee:  but you drank it?
karen:  yes.  That was nearly instant gut-rot.  Oh, and don't forget nearly every diner, restaurant and wedding I've been to
Coffee:  ?
karen:  oh don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about:  COFFEE-FLAVOURED WATER.  Weak, weak, weak.
Coffee:  oh yes, what's that saying you've invented about weak coffee?
karen:  'there is no greater sin than weak coffee'
Coffee:  ha ha ha!
karen:  ha ha ha!
Coffee: ah, it's funny because it's true.
karen:  oh well, at least there's a certain consistency out there--they make the same insipid brew in every public place it seems.
Coffee:  how about Tim Horton's coffee?
karen:  strong enough, but I prefer making my own
Coffee:  McDonald's?
karen:  decent!  Especially good with one of those egg sausage muffin thingies
Coffee:  Starbucks?
karen:  once I get past the mind-scrambling menu and just ask for the strongest coffee they have, I would have to say 'quite good.'
Coffee:  okay, so how about some other bad experiences with coffee?
karen:  oh, well, of course you recall that ridiculous job I had back before I got married?
Coffee:  the one where you had to clip ads out of newspapers and tape them onto promotional "you could have saved THIS MUCH if you'd placed your ad with us" flyers?
karen:  yeah, that's the one.
Coffee: the job with the husband and wife boss team, with the wife who just had to open her mouth and butter-headed gems would fly out?
karen:  yes, the woman who said that it's good when it's windy, "because the wind blows the clouds away." 
Coffee:  stop, you're killing me.  But let's get back to the topic
karen:  oh right, they weren't coffee drinkers, but they provided coffee for the employees. 
Coffee:  sounds decent
karen:  a GIANT can of Folgers???  I can STILL conjure up that disgusting taste
Coffee:  I'm going to have to agree with you there. 
karen: anyhow, I have to thank you because without you, I'd have no energy at all. 
Coffee:  no problem!  And hey, I'll see you tomorrow?
karen:  absolutely!

Some interesting facts about coffee from :

Coffee is...

The second most widely used product in the world after oil.

It was worth 6 million tonnes per year in the mid 90's.

It is worth €30 billion per year to the producing countries.

It is a living to more than 100 million people.

It is consumed at the rate of 1400 million cups per day.

The world's second most popular drink after water.


  1. I love coffee, at all my previous jobs they said I should take it through a needle in the arm I drink so much of it. I NEED it to stay alive man!

  2. This was a hilarious post.

    I have a on again off again relationship with coffee.

    When my kids were little I had up to a pot a day for myself.

    BAD MELISSA. I was so tired.

    When I have consumed too much coffee over a period of months I can feel my joints become VERY achy. I am at that point again for the last three months and need to quit. I need calcium. Then my bones feel better.

    Coffe depletes your bones of calcium..and boy do I feel it.

    I love coffee and hate it.

  3. I love my coffee and have tried to quit but it just makes me too sick!
    It has to be served in a certain sized china mug. Actually Diane bought me this particular mug when i lived with her. She called it my snob cup!!

    Thanks Karen for your heart felt comment about the loss of my Kachina. It just sucks that she had to pass. I'm pretty angry about it.

  4. Alaina, I mix together one container of coarse grind and one container of decaf. So, I figure I'm only getting one cup of half caf (ha ha, this is losing sense rapidly). One cup per day, and sometimes 2 if I'm DYING. I need it to live too, but the caffeine makes me feel too zingy--and not in a good way.

  5. Melissa, yes, caffeine is the enemy! I have heard that it leeches ( calcium from bones, so that's definitely a down-side for women especially. Oop..better go brew some up...

  6. Pam, the "snob cup" thing is funny, and VERY Diane. I actually feel uneasy if I go to make my coffee and my snowman mug missed getting washed.

    yes, I'm sorry about your cat. How lucky she was that she had you for her cat Mom--think of the luck of you finding her. My last cat was 13 and had tongue cancer, so we had to put her to sleep. It was very upsetting. I wish all pets could just die peacefully in their sleep--hm, come to think of it--people too!

  7. Thanks Karen...and I am very happy she passed in her sleep. She deserved to go peacefully. She was the sweetest cat ever.
    Yes i gave her a good life . I didn't post her whole story but she was brought into my work (animal hospital)from the H.S. to be P.T.S. .
    we were conducting HWT on cats for a vet at guelph. So every cat that was to be P.T.S. was sent to us for bloodwork and then we had the ugly task of euthanizing them. Anyways it was a grim month all these cats on death row every night being brought in. Well one morning i walked in the lab and there she was on the table getting her bloodwork and I said "is she a Heartworm case? and i said im taking her home! Well my boss and co worker just about threw her to me they were so relieved! She was so tiny and sweet and infested with fleas.
    Thank god that Vet in Guelph finally finished his research and we didn't have to euthanize any more HS cats!

  8. ugh! What a grim story. I can't even imagine you--animal lover that you are--even being in that position.

  9. Are you on vacation? I need my fix!your blog is my coffee.

  10. Paula, you're so funny! No, I'm not on vacation. Sometimes I just wander around so grouchy, I don't even have it in me to blog about my grouchiness. Don't worry--more to come!

  11. Several countries became countries because of their trade of coffee.

    As a teen I worked at a redneck store, in the back bakery and I usually had to keep the coffee pot fresh.
    A bunch of old men used to sit with the store owner at the front of the store, doing what old men do.
    One morning I made it really strong, and I noticed they were really loud. The owner went to the back told me:" Try not to make it so dammed strong. We're all hopped up."
    Just imagine a bunch of old men getting into verbal disputes louder than normal because of my coffee.

  12. Don't make the coffee so strong, they told you...ah, teen jobs are the best jobs of all, aren't they? Why, they're even crappier than adult jobs--but only just a smidge. I imagine you have lots of fun anecdotes from that one somehow, Bennet.

  13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love the convo! Now, how come every time I try to have a conversation with Coffee, Heartburn barges in? So friggin' annoying.

  14. yeah, good old heartburn. I just enjoyed some last night after a horrid evening of PMS pizza and doritos. Hmm...looks like I deserved it but 20 year old karen would never have suffered so.


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