Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Saturday, October 2, 2010

karen Is NOT, Nor Has Ever Been A MORNING PERSON

Okay, right off the bat, I'm irritated by this new formatting thing Blogger has to offer.  Prior to their recent upgrade, when I began typing, my font would appear just as I like it:  in soothing Times New Roman.  Now, however, when I begin to type, this eye-offending thick, black, block lettering comes up on the screen, and I have to MANUALLY click the font tab and CHOOSE Times New Roman

The POINT of that highly unnecessary little aside is to illustrate just how much of a NON MORNING PERSON I am.  Because, seriously?  Who cares that they have to click a button to change the font?  But, it's just past 8 on a Saturday morning, and I want the computer to be simpatico with my brain and just give me what I need.  GIVE ME WHAT I NEED--I'd immediately order it on a t-shirt if I didn't think annoying idiots would be snickering at the pseudo-sexual innuendo-ness of the message.  GIVE ME WHAT I NEED, however, would roughly translate to DON'T BE AN IDIOT


Okay, so I am fairly certain that life is much, much easier if you're a morning person.  Those people who are up jogging or at at the gym at 6 in the morning?  I'm sure they're happier.  They don't roll out of bed feeling like a well-worn sock, hoping, just hoping that NOBODY will talk to them for a solid hour.  They probably don't have to have ten minutes of "stupid" time in the bathroom whereby I stand there staring at a plant, yet not staring at a plant, while my brain goes HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... 
and then I actually have to kind of shake my head a bit to snap out of it.  STUPID TIME is usually followed up with FACE RUBBING ECSTACY time.  You know--where you just stand there and rub your face for ages, moaning and sighing and taking in great sniffs of air  because nothing actually feels better?  FACE RUBBING TIME is even better with a nice, slightly scratchy towel.  Oh oh, I'm getting weak just thinking about it. 

So, what if you're the kind of person who hates getting up bright and early, and takes approximately 3 hours to shake off the filthy feel of morning?  Well, you hit the snooze button way too much, and sometimes you roll toward The Man and say; "hey, how bout you take Jack to school today?" (and he does, because he wuvs me).  Or, perhaps it's Saturday, and you stay in bed NO MATTER WHAT, even though the kids have had 3 slap/scream fests, and they're starting to get on your husband's nerves so badly that he's beginning to shout, but nooo, HELLZ NO, nobody is going to get you out of bed, and you can sleep through A JACKHAMMER if you choose because it's the weekend, and ever since you were a teenager, the one HUGE reason you looked forward to the weekend...the one thing more than ANYTHING ELSE...was for SLEEPING IN.  So, even though the house is falling apart around you, you FORCE yourself to stay in bed till 9:30 or 10:00, and you don't know why, because that last bit of sleep wasn't quality sleep, and you probably had some horrid dream that you were  sitting in a public washroom but there were no doors, so you've woken up feeling more tired and kind of agitated. 

So, after I've dragged myself out of bed at 10, it's off upstairs to get a wash, put on the face, do a little yoga and wrestle with the hair.  Then, it's 11:00 and I haven't eaten breakfast yet, but the disgust I now feel for my slovenly self has almost killed my appetite.  And then, for most of the day, I run around like the headless chicken that I am, feeling tired, yet able to accomplish just as much as I need to to get by.  Finally, right around the time the kids go to bed, I begin to feel actually GOOD, and then I should really hit the sack around 10:30 otherwise it'll be another painful morning and day. 


So, I googled "morning person," and here's what I found (click link for the entire article):

Morning People And Night Owls Show Different Brain Function

Scientists at the University of Alberta have found that there are significant differences in the way our brains function depending on whether we're early risers or night owls...
...They found that morning people's brains were most excitable at 9 a.m. This slowly decreased through the day. It was the polar opposite for evening people, whose brains were most excitable at 9 p.m.

Other major findings:

Evening people became physically stronger throughout the day, but the maximum amount of force morning people could produce remained the same.

The excitability of reflex pathways that travel through the spinal cord increased over the day for both groups.

These findings show that nervous-system functions are different and have implications for maximizing human performance. I'm not just a total lazy slob?  So, for all those people who have complained over the years that in sleeping in, I was "WASTING HALF THE DAY," I could have said; "I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S MY BRAIN!"  Interesting.   Still, think of what I could accomplish by noon, if I didn't have to have all that face rubbing time, and that nobody-bug-me-I'm-having-my-coffee-and-coffee-time-is-sacred time. 

So, bearing in mind that I do not like mornings, and I wish I could just sit in total quiet for at least half an hour (I'm making concessions here since I have children--I wanted to say ONE hour) how would you like to be milling around the kitchen making breakfast, while your son plays THIS SONG on youtube, over, and over again...and before you choose to NOT listen to the link, just know that you MUST listen to it, in order to truly appreciate it, and listen to THE WHOLE THING, because at first you'll be saying; "that's not so bad--she's just miserable."  Then imagine you have to hear it ten more times.  In a row. 


  1. Mr. paint or the cat has woken me up every morning since June at around 5:30 -6:30 am.

    I have had so much to do making a kitchen that I got up with him or shortly after. Now my body clock was awake itself at 5:30 am this morning and I had to force myself to stay in bed til 6:30.

    I would have never been up this early before even with toddlers.

    But now I find myself longing for bed at 9:00Pm.....unfortunatly there is good TV on.....

  2. This is really cool. I'm definitely a morning person.


  3. funny...I'm sitting here now feeling like death warmed over...

    oh well, I think it would be neat to be up at 5 or 6 and feel good about it.

  4. I'm a morning person and the husband is a night owl! How's that for compatability? Last night he complained that i can never stay up with him till like 11am (yeah i'm pathetic)so i stayed up till 10 but was feeling crappy! I like to get up early but I like the house quiet ...even the dog leaves me alone lol!

    If i go to bed really late it doesn't matter how much i sleep in i still feel like crap. But it's funny the older the get the more crappy I feel every morning!

    I hate those toliet dreams! I have them where the toliet stall is a change room and there is no toliet!

  5. Oh I feel sorry for you, that song is awful, and I only listened to 27 seconds of it! I am a morning person but with Gabe falling asleep later I will stay up just to get a couple of hours of blissful quiet, it seems like I never get kid free time if I go to bed an hour after my 7 year old!p.s. thanks for the new post I feel better now!

  6. yes Pam, I have many recurring dreams about awkward bathroom situations: the stalls have no doors, the stalls have screen doors. The stalls have doors that only come up to my waist, the bathroom is coed, the toilets are too high to reach...I have no idea where this comes from.

  7. Paula, quiet time is CRUCIAL. That means that I will typically stay up too late at night just because I'm unwilling to let it go.

  8. Sleeping in is where it's at. It's the sh*t. :)

  9. Aimee, please try to use nicer language on my blog. I prefer "shiznit." Thank you. Har har.

  10. I liked the song. The lyrical poetry was stunning. Anyway, I'm a nighthawk and agree with Paula's 'up with adult time' thesis. Ironically, I've trained myself to run 5k many mornings before the household stirs. It helps my day go easier and being alone with my thoughts as the sun rises is really the same as those 'braindead' morning moments you've described.

    Anyhoo, based on your comment, I declare that you MUST do an entire entry on your bathroom nightmares. MUST. Your simple comment might give ME nightmares about bathroom madness...


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