Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Feel Free To Be F*cked up--You're An Adult Now

When did I make that transition from "I hope some cute boys will smile at me on the way to class!" to "I'm so freaking tired, please, just shoot me now"???

Well let me tell you people, it will CREEP UP ON YOU.  It's called ADULTHOOD, and it's one giant suitcase full of fun! 

Let's see, in highschool everything was so melodramatic, and yet so lame.  What did I have to worry about back then?  Well, let me put my brain back into teen karen mode:

1) I tried to smile at SUPER CUTE GUY in the hall today, but he didn't even notice me, and now I'll have to wait until after French so I can try again!  My life is horrible.

2) I tried to put this cool, blonde streak in the front of my hair, but it turned out buttercup yellow.  My life is horrible.

3) that grade 13 football player will never fall in love with me.  My life is horrible.

4) I have to do my gymnastics routine for marks today, and I still don't know how to do a backwards roll.  My life is horrible.

5) I'm trying to grow out my feathered layers, but my hair is sticking out.  My life is horrible. 

Seriously.  I think 99% of my life drama centred around which cute boy wasn't yearning after me, as I was him.  Okay, I'm simplifying things a bit.  I'm sure I had some real stuff to worry about, but the stress of being all growed up just seems to trump most of it. And if you have children???  You can almost see where the new white hairs have sprung up each day.

I just got back from my yearly physical.  Because I've had the flu for the past week, I was abysmally sweaty while I was on the table, but that's neither here nor there--I simply mention it for aesthetics.  What I find funny about doctors is that they tend to see things in black and white.  I told the doc my breathing had been very congested, and I felt like crap because I had come down with the flu last Wednesday.

Dr.:  "The STOMACH flu?"  (I'm hip to the doctor lingo.  If I'd had THAT, I'd have called it 'gastroenteritis')
Me: "no, INFLUENZA."
Dr. (with slight smile): "how do you know it's influenza?"
Me: "well, I've had a fever off and on for several days, intense all over body aches at the start, bad headache, chills, and now this horrible cough."
Dr.: "well, influenza doesn't start spreading until winter.  What you probably have is a bad cold."

A bad cold.  Is that why my PANTS hurt???  I have nothing against her.  She's a great doctor, and so compassionate she makes me feel like bursting into tears whenever I'm in front of her LARGE PROBING BLUE EYES.  However, I knows the difference between a cold and something much suckier.  Plus, I've gotten this same feeling "bug" for the past...what...5, 6 years? so I know that it feels like THAT.  Also, I've always been obsessed with reading whatever medical guide I've currently had in my posession, so yeah, I know it's not just a cold.  A bad cold.  Pfft.  By the way, I don't recommend the medical guide for casual, relaxing reading.  No, wait, that's not entirely true.  I avoid all the cancer sub-sections, and stick to non-life-threatening illnesses, and tongue-related afflictions.  Black, hairy tongue, yo! Tell me that's not some interesting reading.

So, anyhow, after poking and prodding all my sweaty bits, and using that long, long q-tip (oh don't be coy.  It's all part of the process of keeping healthy-ish), while we conversed about interesting things like ovarian cysts, (this is interesting:  according to the doc, whenever a woman ovulates, she produces a small cyst on her ovary(ies), which usually goes away on its own, and I had one in my last camera-up-the-hoo-ha ultrasound, but nobody told me at that time, because apparently, it's only just MY BODY, and not something I need to or have the right to know everything about after all) I lamented once again that I am sick and tired of being fat, when I don't even do the things that the greater majority of overweight people do.  I almost never drink pop.  I don't eat sweets.  I don't buy junk food.  I go for good, brisk walks at least 3 times a week, and walk most anywhere else that isn't ridiculously far besides that, I hardly sit down all day (except for now, because blogging is muchos fun).  I have to force myself to eat during the day because I'm not interested, and what I crave now all the time is salty foods, so I occasionally succumb to some baked potato chips when I'm really climbing the walls for them. 

So, I told her my latest theory, which I probably shouldn't have mentioned, knowing that doctors--like I said--tend to see things in black and white, and if there aren't pages and pages of proof on something, well, it doesn't exist, as far as they're concerned.  I have to interject for a second and say that this is funny to me, considering "medicine" is a constantly evolving field.  Anyhow, so I unrolled my papers I had brought with me and presented...ADRENAL FATIGUE! Seriously, if you're burnt out all the time too, you should give it a read--it is me to a T.

Dr.:  "first of all, there is no such medical condition as 'adrenal fatigue,' but why do you think you have it?"

Well, I think it makes sense that if you're super stressed over time, eventually your motor's going to get a little overheated and stop running as efficiently.  THIS she agreed with.  And then she said;

"Well, you've had a lot to deal with in the past few years:
- one child on the Autism Spectrum
- a new baby right around  that same time
- you moved in the past year
- your husband had thyroid cancer

- your mother died.

You've had a LOT to deal with!"

Hey!  YEAH!  No wonder I'm so freaking tired all the time! 

Occam's Razor.  That's All I'm saying. 


  1. I hate it when doctors make you feel stupid for reading a bit of homework!
    I have read all about the adrenals being stressed...and lived it!!!!!!!!!!!I was a healthy freak awhile back and caved into junk junk and junk and am now paying the price. A cup of coffe does nothing for me anymore. I could go to bed a have a big sleep...mees in trouble!

  2. You have to love the medical community. I actually cleared up some of my medical conditions on my own. My Doctor still refuses to believe proper nutrition helped. Remember, they are human and are prone to make mistakes. No one knows your body better than you. I hope you feel better.

  3. That's why i never go to the doctors.
    Yeah you have had lots to deal with me too and still am. Stress is a killer.

    Hey does your dad read your blog?
    And how come Peter never got married? He's so cute!

  4. Ok, I am going now to google Adrenal Fatigue because I must have it.

  5. Berries, that is the way it goes in the medical community. I should do a blog on a book I read about a Mom who had a tremendous uphill battle with doctors to get her son cured of a sudden, shocking onset of debilitating OCD.

    I remember how you said you and coffee had a dangerous friendship!

  6. Marnie, that's it exactly--they are fallible just like the rest of us. Not only that, but the body is such a complicated, convoluted "vessel," how could they have mapped out and be aware of EVERY LITTLE THING that can go wrong?

  7. Pam, I don't know if my dad reads it regularly, which is fine if I'm talking about LADY PARTS and such. As for my brothers, he's extremely content the way he is!

  8. Chania, I have a good link for Adrenal Fatigue in my post as well, so you can read that one too if you like, as well as googling it :)

    It just makes sense to me that if you're too stressed for too long a period of time, your body will stop dealing with it as efficiently!

  9. it could be worse, you could have black hairy tongue(ewww!) and bad feathered hair and be stessed. at least you look good while you are stressed!

  10. thanks Paula! Wasn't that feathered hair just horrendous in its 80's-ness? Fascinating. I still remember going to the hairdresser's and asking for "short on the sides, and longer in the back." Sigh.

  11. Black hairy tongue made me throw up in my mouth a little.

  12. oh right. Like you don't enjoy the tongue sub-section of a medical guide.

  13. Ah, the "benefits" of infertility: -Gray hairs WITHOUT children (why, I plucked a gray eyebrow just the other day)
    -A full-on MD education about lady parts, such as that monthly ovarian cyst. ;-)

    P.S. Discovered the Reader issue (somewhat) on my blog....posted about how to fix it. Thanks for reading!! :-D

  14. And thanks to you too, Maria! Yeah, that's my point (re; grey hairs with infertility): there's are myriad extra fun problems we get to face as adults that are just about a billion times worse than the ones we faced as kids.

    I get white hairs. Pure white.

  15. Hey Karen, I just gave you the Cherry on Top back to my blog to pick it up. :-)

  16. OMG where do I start commiserating with you!!!!???
    I swear, doctors learn that shit in medical school. It's a class called: "How to make the patient feel like they have no right to know anything about their health."
    I have a son who has suffered from migraines since he was 2. When I spoke to the doctor about it a couple of years ago, he said, "How do you know it's a migraine and not just a bad headache?"....really? really?!

  17. Oh no Sandra. Suddenly I'm right there beside you in your (rage) frustration. What, pray tell, is the apple and oranges difference between a migraine and really bad headache anyway?? Isn't a migraine A REALLY BAD FREAKING HEADACHE?!? Idiots abound.

    Your poor little guy :(

  18. BOOM! So that 'splains it, and the need to investigate the validity of vacating the bed (grin). Dammit. Adulthood. I KNEW there was a name for it.

    I suspect the 'Dino Lif' may help to alleviate this condition :)

  19. I am thankful that my doctor(s) live in the real world - to an extent.

    A few years ago my blood pressure was sky high and my doctor wanted me to sit quietly and relax for 10 minutes several times a day and then take it and chart the results. I just looked at him with a grin on my face. When he asked if there was a problem, I told him "I don't get 10 minutes of quiet a day. The closest I get is sitting in rush hour traffic, can I take it then?" He got it.

  20. Irish, the Dino Lif would help. It did help. I need that kick in the ass at times. I also need one of those pinned to my fridge.

  21. Lisa, I feel you on that one. After I run away from the kids at close to 9 PM with my fingers in my ears shouting "I CAN NO LONGER HEAR YOU, SO GO TO SLEEP" I THEN have about two hours of relative peace and quiet. But let me tell you, as bedtime approaches, I can hardly stand another minute of mom-ness.


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