Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
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Monday, November 15, 2010

karen's Top 20 Most Loathed Songs Of All Time

Okay, I guess first of all, before I begin, I have to say that this list is my own personal opinion, blah, blah, and it's just in fun (mostly fun, that is--some of these acts/songs are true offenders to MUSIC), and if there's a song on my list and you like it, there's no sense waa-waa-ing about it because EVERYBODY'S DIFFERENT, and we're all entitled to our own opinions. 
That being said, I listen to music quite often, and a lot of different music at that.  So today I started thinking about music that sometimes makes me want to run screaming from the radio, music that makes me nauseous, and music that makes me want to go out and pound something, just because I was stuck listening to it. 

20) Snow Bird by Anne Murray

oh my lord, I'd forgotten just how much listening to this song felt like drilling a hole through my head.  Poor Anne--she seems like a lovely  person, but there was something about her smooth, buttery voice that made me run yech-ing from the radio every freaking time.

19) Born In The  U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen


By the time The Boss is finished pounding it into everyone's heads that he was, indeed, born in the United States, I feel like squeezing something until it pops.  I also can't help wondering that his vocal chords never exploded out his neck while singing this.  Patriotism is one thing, but spritzing my face with spit while veins bulge out of you is another matter entirely. 

18) Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden

Hate the song. HATE the video.  Whenever I've been trapped listening to this, it feels like my life is being sucked away, millimeter my millimeter, because it's so slow, and tedious, and whenever Chris Cornell really starts wailing it out, I feel like fingernails are scratching my mental chalk board.  Yeah, I know my sister is probably sad about this entry, and all I say to her is SAVE IT!  har har

17) Lemon by U2

While listening to this, I can't help making the same face as I do when I'm trapped in an aisle at Wal of Evil after yet another shopper has "let one go." 
I defy anyone to prove to me that U2 didn't kinda sorta essentially suck after "The Joshua Tree."  I'm being wishy-washy about admitting to them sucking, because I want to like them.  I really do.   

16) ANYTHING by Billy Talent (no, that's not the name of the song.  I truly mean ANYTHING they've put out)

Yes, yes, this is unequivocal proof that I'm progressing well to "old and uncool" territory, but I don't care--that guy's voice is insanely bad. 

15) Crocodile Rock by Elton John

I only have one thing to say, in a nasal, obnoxious squeal:  "LAAAAAAAA, LA LA LA LA LAAAAAA, LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAA, LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAA!!!!  I could almost pull a muscle with the speed I need to change the radio station for this one. 

14) Raise a Little Hell by Trooper

The Classic Rock lover's 'anthem.'  Or is that "Free Bird?"..and how come Free Bird isn't on this list???  Hmm...it should be.   Anyhow, perhaps if I ever get some wild urge to smoke a dube and clap my hands OVER my head, I'll give it a full listen. 

13) We're Here For A Good Time by Trooper

"We're here for a good time, not a long time.  So have a good time, the sun can't shine every day." 
No sh*t.  Funny how this song isn't helping matters. 

I could smack a whole room full of people as they be-bop to this song and not get tired--that's how much homicidal energy Trooper fills me with.  Oh, and kudos to the Troop for being a double offender on my list. 

12) Hangin Tough by New Kids On The Block

Seriously, watch this clip for a few seconds, and hang your head in shame if you actually liked this song, or this fabricated horror of a boy band.  Funny thing is, when I brought up the topic of songs I truly hate to my sister, this was the first one that popped into HER mind. 

11) Strokin' by Clarence Carter

Ugh.  Ugh.  Seriously.  Ugh.  Here's a sad story:  years ago when this song was popular, and sometimes it would rear its ugly head at weddings, my dad would always leap up to dance to it.  He thought it was so 'catchy.'  I had to tell him that the song is actually fairly filthy.  "Oooh..." Dad said with wide eyes.

10)  Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins

Ponder this:  is Phil Collins the blandest artist in music history? 
And here's another question:  how can you get a valid, thought provoking message about poverty out to the world when your song is so plodding and boring it could put the listener in a coma? 

9) Old Time Rock And Roll by Bob Seger

When this song starts playing at a wedding reception, I want to flip my dinner table over.  And then just leave.  Seriously, is there actually anyone in the whole world who isn't completely sick of it?  Actually, this song is the ultimate calling card of the LOUSY DJ--that and anything by Jive Bunny.

8) Love Potion #9 by The Searchers

I just hate this song:  the overplayedness (yeah, I just made that word, I don't care if it's not a real one), the preposterous lyrics.  Yes, yes, I know a whole bunch of "gimmick songs" were popular for a while, but this one is just so, so stupid. 

7) California Gurls by Katie Perry

Poor Katie Perry--so pretty and yet she gets on my nerves LARGE.  Perhaps it's the airheaded comments she's made about Lily Allen and Lady Gaga, or perhaps it's the way she uses cheap titillation to sell herself, but turns around and burbles about how she's a Jesus-lovin-gal, or perhaps it's because she's a symbol of sorts about what is so wrong with pop music nowadays (ie; FABRICATION), but this song makes me feel true ugliness deep down inside when I hear it.  Don't get me wrong, I loves me some vapid dance music at times, but sometimes I become so completely nauseated by these duh-duh-push-up-bra-a$$ shorts-girls' anthems that it makes me feel this overwhelming need to hit the streets wearing a large billboard reading:

GIRLS, ASPIRE TO INTELLIGENCE, NOT HAWTNESS

6) Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

Yes, I heard it too:  the collective gasp of 80's Alternative music lovers everywhere.  Well I love 80's Alternative too, and this SUCKS!!!  That guy's voice?  It SUCKS THE LIFE RIGHT OUT OF ME.  Seriously, listen to how the music is TRUCKING along in frenetic synthesizer glory, and then this guy rolls over and yawns out some waaa-waaa about how love, love will tear us apart.  Does anyone care????  It's brutal!

5) Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue (I refuse to put the 'umlauts' over the 'u'.  That's pure 80's rock gayness)

Okay, probably this is a bit mean, because these guys already have one huge negative against them, and that is that they were part of the great 80's Cheese Metal collective.  So, it's easy pickin's for any bands from this genre.  If you like 80's cheese metal, that's fine.  I too can even be found grooving to Ratt when it comes on the radio, so I'm cool with that.  I think what drives me up the wall with this song is the chorus.  How many syllables can you cram into each line without it being completely ridiculous?!?

He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes ya feel alright
If you're not singing along with them on those two lines there, you won't quite realise how crammed it is.  Yes, it must be the chorus.  The chorus is what makes me crazy.

4) ANYTHING  (sorry, I couldn't even pick a song.  That would entail hearing a few seconds of it)  by Bon Jovi
Oh my lord.  Reach into the Bon Jovi basket with your eyes closed and pick a title.  Any title will do.  I long ago gave them the distinction of being the 'greatest offenders in music history.'

3) Suck My Kiss by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

I can't think of anything more unsavory sounding which would make me want to do anything but suck his kiss.  It may be one of the most obnoxious songs ever.  Ever.  

2) I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack

It burns!!!  It buuuurrrrrrns!!!!!  Make it stop! 

Somebody spun the Wheel O Clich├ęs, jotted a whole bunch down and a song was born.  This is exactly the kind of terrible song that gets attached to a power point video filled with images of fuzzy baby kitties, children holding hands with old people, and unicorns standing beside sparkling streams, and then gets forwarded to the rest of us as some sort of punishment message reminding us that every day is precious.  

YARK YARK YARK...


 


I just coughed up a hairball I think.  But, is the d├ęcoupage wall plaque sentiment what's killing me, or is it that SUPER SACCHARINE VOICE?? 

Let us never speak of this song again.

1) Me So Horny by Two Live Crew

I'm at a loss.  Okay, I'll try: oh, it's so horrid, me hate it forever. 

Well, there were some other sucky songs that didn't quite make it onto the list, but that was enough bad music for one night.  I'd like to give honourable mention to the following:

* Destiny's Child
* Jessica Simpson
* Alexisonfire
* Our Lady Peace

oh, the list could go on and on, and would more than likely also include The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync. 

My sister and I decided on another somewhat controversial nominee:  David Bowie.  Yes, I know you're all shocked and in disbelief, but my sis summed it up:  "Everybody thinks they like David Bowie because he's weird and interesting, but actually he sucks!"  Then I sang "put on your red shoes and dance the blues" in a very passable Bowie voice, and we laughed and laughed. 

Okay, I'm sure nodoby will agree with my entire list, but now it's time to turn it over to YOU!  I'd LOVE to hear some songs that you just hate! 

53 comments:

  1. You forgot Afternoon Delight, and Lay Down Sally....oh and that horrid song Squeeze box....

    I do like some on your list. I like Our Lady Peace, and my son loves Billy Talent.

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  2. Yes, Billy Talent is popular among the youth because of all that SCREAMING AND NOISE.
    Afternoon delight! Wonderful. I hate that squeeze box song too.

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  3. LMAO! The comments you made on I Hope You Dance remind me of commercials for the NY lottery....if you don't live in this area, maybe they're on youtube. Lots of scenes of fuzzy kitties and adorable puppies and bunnies running and playing. The tag line: "The New York lottery is sweeter than sweet. And that's sweet."

    LOL...you'd probably kill the TV. ;-)

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  4. I got some more of my hated songs.

    Play that funky music.....I hate that song.

    The Eagles, Witchy Woman grrrrrooooowwwwwlllllll

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  5. here are some more songs that make me want to gag! MR. ROBOTO! the cheese just rolls off this one! NOVEMER RAIN,THE MACARENA,BLACK OR WHITE,HELLO?, HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME, SHE THINKS MY TRACTOR'S SEXY,RELAX, PURPLE RAIN,LIKE A VIRGIN,CHASING WATERFALLS,HAMMER TIME, AMERICAN IDIOT, HOT HOT HOT,it really makes me wonder who gives out record contracts,deaf people?

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  6. You make me laugh!! Love the list..even though I do not agree with all of your choices ( I happen to just LOVE LOVE anything Motley Crue:))
    okay here are a few of my choices...songs that drive my up the wall with pure yuck!
    1. Butterfly Kisses...i dont even know who sings that song...I just know it makes me want to ralph! I love my daddy...but i chose not bring that song into it!
    2. Just a Friend...by Biz Markie...you will find me listening to it, becasue I hate it so much...just awful
    3. Under the Bridge by RHCP...hate it...i am a fan of RHCP, but not that song!
    4. Everything I do, I Do it For You by Bryan Adams...groan
    5. I would do anything for Love (But I wont do that) by Meatloaf...really? He used to cool.until that song came out.
    6. Can I Get a What What by Jay Z...*shudder*
    Great blog...what are your 20 most loved songs?

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  7. i almost foregot one of the worst of all, ICE ICE BABY!by the one of a kind talent VANILLA ICE!

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  8. Maria, I don't mind the fuzzy kitties per se, but I received so many of those huggy/snuggy "live for each day" type emails over the years, and that song sounds like one that would be on one of them. Blech.

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  9. Steph, and Paula--you make me laugh. Those are all excellent choices.

    I could probably come up with another 20. My sis and I were just laughing this morning remembering that AWFUL "color me badd" song "I want to sex you up." Hideous. I could devote an entire post to how hideous that song is.

    Of course, we also forgot THE BIEB...

    I'll have to look up that "just a friend" song.

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  10. Berries, I forgot about witchy woman. I also hated that Abracadabra song. So, so much bad music out there.

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  11. I've also not heard "she thinks my tractor's sexy. Must google...

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  12. good lord. That tractor song is brutal. Still, all one has to do is throw a dart at Modern Country and come up with a "winner." It's just too easy.

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  13. Steph, that Biz Markie is so bad it hardly seems serious. It also brings to mind THE FRESH PRINCE and Dj Jazzy Jeff. YURGH

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  14. I'll have to do a post on my favourite songs

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  15. Oh my gosh, you just named all my favorite songs ;) I think most of them are on my mp3 player though. I think some of them are so bad, that they make me laugh.

    And there's a whole genre of old country music that's bad.

    But my hands down #1 is:
    The Name Game by Shirley Ellis. If I go to hell, this will be playing constantly.

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  16. Anything by CMB is aweful!! hahaha..Dj Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince...classic...so bad its good! Nightmare on My Street was the best! OR Parents Just Dont Understand...again, so bad it good. And teh good 'ol Bieb...that is all that is played in our house..that and Hedley. Yay for us...not so much!

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  17. Man I agree with all of it! Why is it at every dance or wedding that stupid Bob Seger song is played. I hate Billy Joel too...sorry Alaina...he sucks.
    I laughed about Anne Murray! Ray and I joke all the time about how she is our only claim to fame in Canada. God have mercy that is all we heard growing up. The sad thing is Karen Grandpa loved her! Driving down to Gaspe to see Aunt Joan well Grandpa sang and played Anne Murray! How's that for a 12yr old kid!

    And you know how I feel about the 80's suck and so does their heavy metal.
    I also agree with Aimee about David Bowie the guy is a freak and sucks!

    Trooper is from here and I don't like them. Actually I don't like any bands from Vancouver sorry Brian Adams.

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  18. I also have to add that song by Lee ann Ihope you dance?! Oh my god that was all they played when it came out it was awful!!!!

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  19. hehehe. So funny. Steph! You crack me up!!!!!!!!! And who are you trying to kid? I KNOW you just LOVE Meatloaf.

    Remember Rush? Roll the Bone and Patio Lantern. TERRIBLE.

    Anything by Mariah Carrey (sp?) is also shudder-rific.

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  20. I think you need to take a courageous leap and do a blog entry about songs you are now embarrassed about having loved in the past. C'mon. I double dare ya!

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  21. Wow I am so lucky none of you put Lover Boy on that list...phew. Grade 10 and Lover Boy, oh yah.

    Oh and Pamela, so sorry but they are a Vancouver band and they ROCK.

    I also did not see Nickelback...technically from ahem, Hanna AB...but Vancouver CFOX helped make em' used to hear them all the time when they were nuthin......just sayin.

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  22. Okay...a couple from my 'era' that are way bad: Cry Wolf, by A-ha. Made me cry for mercy. Also, Godhead, by Nitzer Ebb. I typically liked these two bands, but they must have let their mutated cousins write those songs. One final addition: Hamburger Lady, by Thobbing Grissle. Disturbingly bad. It will eat your brain. You've been warned.

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  23. Should be, Throbbing Gristle. Sorry.

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  24. Aimee, yes I am a fan of Meatloaf...but not any of his stuff after that dumb Love song...ick!
    Rush...I love Rush...but they do have one song that makes my tummy turn...The Trees...oh man..bad with a side of bad!!

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  25. Steph: HEDLEY!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!

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  26. Pam, I'm cracking up. Yes, I know you don't love 80's music at all, and are a 70's gal. Fine, fine. Yeah, I'm not a huge Billie Joel Fan either I'm sorry to say.

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  27. Aim, we just hashed all this over today, and laughed and laughed. Oh, it's so fun to hate! Hooray! Oh wait, that doesn't sound right.

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  28. Matt, that is a fantastic idea. But you didn't add any songs that make YOU want to hurl!

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  29. oh wait...I was too hasty...I'd better keep reading all the comments...

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  30. Oh, I considered Nickelback, Berries. Make no mistake. They are just a chocolate box of badness though. I just couldn't decide which to choose. Plus, I didn't want to think of them too much.

    Loverboy...years ago The Man and I were driving to Moncton, and the only radio station we could get was playing a Loverboy SUPER SET. It was like eating 6 marshmallows in a row: I kinda like marshmallows, but after a short while they're SICKENING.

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  31. Cry Wolf!!! Holy crap, I haven't heard this in eons. I can't say I hate it because it fills me with 13 year old nostalgia. I'm not looking up Throbbing Gristle. Me no likey anyway!

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  32. Oh Matt, I'm disappointed. Your most hated songs are just not retarded enough, you alternative music guy you.

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  33. Is this the point I shouldn't say I went to see Billy Joel and Elton John in concert last year. Elton did nothing for me, but the Billy Joel part was awesome. I remember listening to my parents' albums so it was nostalgic.

    I'm adding The Way by Fastball. I saw them years ago and ugh, the song wasn't any better live.

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  34. oh poor Pam we must never listen to music together....I just want to barf at 70's music, maybe there are a few but I doubt it.

    Hamburger Lady? Throbbing Grissle? Crap that reminds me of when I was like 5 and my best friend invited me over for dinner....you know way back when the steak was like the whole plate. Well I have a distinctly etched memory of her dad cutting a huge mouthfull of FAT and GRIZZLE and having it ooze out at the corners of his mouth..then commenting on how good it was.

    I was sitting there and I am sure my eyes must have popped out of my head...oh it was so nasty.

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  35. maybe someone else had an experience like that, Berries, and were inspired to name their band in honour of it, though I doubt it. Probably just some shock-value loving punks.

    What a hideous story. I might never have eaten steak again.

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  36. Ok, fine. How about, 'Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown. Badest man in the whole down town. Badder than ol' King Kong. Meaner than a junkyard dog.' Don't ask me why I remember the chorus. EVIL!

    Perhaps Karen will now be less disappointed.

    Paula and I joked about suggesting Duran Duran songs just to get under your skin. Yet we refrained...out of love. Bet you're relieved.

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  37. LOL Matt! I was singing that song to my dog this morning and wondered if it qualified as bad. ;)

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  38. Hey, Lisa. Do you still like Chalk Circle? (wondering if there is still any musical hope for you...) :)

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  39. Yay! Matt, Bad Bay Leroy Brown is an excellent choice. That makes me happy.

    Actually, if you'd hacked Duran Duran, it wouldn't have saddened me. I still like them though, but not enough to wallpaper my room with them any longer.

    As for chalk circle, what's the matter with "This Mourning" and "20th Century Boy?? Other than that, I couldn't tell you what they sang.

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  40. wind beneath my wings- enough said.

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  41. Ooo...good one, Paula! Which is worse though: Wind Beneath My Wings or From a Distance???

    yark, yark, YARK

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  42. I have Chalk Circle's April Fool and This Mourning on my MP3 player. : ) I don't think that they stayed together very long.

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  43. Another coountry one - I love you period, do you love me question mark (Don Baird)? Drives me nuts yet I think I know every single word. Also - "We built this city" by Starship, I find it repulsive and yet it will get stuck in may head for days. Like now. darn, I'm going to be singing it all weekend now.

    And I remember the bad leroy brown from John Marshall - I think they made us dance to that in gym class or something awful.

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  44. Christy, that's hilarious! That Starship song was a contender for my list as well. That country song is also brutal, and maybe that's why Matt hates Leroy Brown; if we had to dance to it at school!!!

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  45. That's so funny! The Starship song was a contender for me as well. But I thought that the video was worse than the song, so I passed.

    Hey, there's the third part of the 'song trilogy', Karen: worse videos of all time!

    Speaking of country, a girl at Westlane I knew would joke with me that next time Box Car Willie came to town we'd go to his concert together...I don't remember any of his songs, but I submit that the name Box Car Willie automatically qualifies any song produced as one of the worst ever. Your thoughts?

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  46. Starship was on my list too, but I didn't want it to get stuck in my head.

    I remember being in 1st grade and going into the hall and doing various exercises to Bad Bad Leroy Brown and the Hustle.

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  47. Matt, I wonder if the worst songs also have the worst videos by default...

    Lisa, I remember the Health Hustle. I really recall dancing to that Popcorn song. That song was crazy.

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  48. In all fairness, the Searchers' recording of "Love Potion #9" was a remake. The original, 1959, by the Clovers, is much better.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzU3DMBW3Ik

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  49. Hrm...I don't know Richard: my son killed this song SO THOROUGHLY for me that I'm leery of any other rendition.

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  50. Hey! Don't mention Katie Perry's tits in vain.

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