Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Random Stuff At The Homestead

* What is it with my 3 year old and clothes?  It's WINTER here.  That means it is COLD.  There are several inches of snow on the ground, and the wind that I feel whistling in the cracks of the (apparently) sub-par kitchen window is COLD.  I'm sitting in my little pantry here, clickity clacking away, and wondering if I should put a scarf on.  

The Man put plastic over both windows back here, and he even plasticized the old, no-longer-in-use pantry door to the outside.  So like I said, it's cold.  However, little Miss Fashionplate, has been coming downstairs in the morning dressed in a tank top and a mini skirt.  I, the broken record, keep repeating:  "ELLA, IT IS WINTER.  IN WINTER WE PUT AWAY OUR SUMMER CLOTHES."  She also takes all the clothes off every toy she owns.  Does she hate clothes?  Is it a 3 year old thing? 

* I was just reading that horrible library book to the kids again, which I hate, and they enjoy.  It's called Dog Breath, by Dav Pilkey.  Incidentally, the kids seem to love all the books I've brought home by him, but The Man and I hate reading them.  It's about a family pet, who is otherwise lovable, but has breath so bad nodoby can be around her.  The dog's name is Hally Tosis (drives me up the wall right there.  The 'HYUK' factor is minimal.  The 'YUK' factor--huge).  I had just gotten to the part in the book when 2 burglars creep into the Tosis home, when Jack stopped reading his "British Invasion" book and casually said;

"I'm a 'turd burgler.'" 

Made it all worth it. 

* One of the presents The Man got me for Christmas, was an enormous pair of fleece pyjamas.  The pants are red with white reindeer on them, and the top is this man-sized red rectangle with white trim around the neck and cuffs.  The size on the tag alone had sent me into a downward spiral of depression (is that how big he thinks I am?? Sniff!), but the best part was the first time I wore them, and the kids hopped into bed with us in the morning:

Jack:  "Mom, are you being SANTA CLAUS?" 
Me:  "Oh great." 

The Man:  "no, she's Mrs. Claus"
Me:  "yeah, that makes it better."
The Man:  "sexy Mrs Claus."
Jack:  "I think Mom's being Santa."

Me:  "I'm going to get dressed."

* Ella was doing a little reminiscing with me today: 

Ella:  "Momma, you're too fat for McDonald's Playland."
Me:  Sigh.  "Yeah, you're right, honey."

Ella:  "That skinny grampa had to save me."

For the whole story, read HERE.

* my sister and I have come to the realisation, that there appears to be one year in a child's young life, whereby he/she seems to be sick nearly CONSTANTLY.  The year Jack turned 3, he was sick from December till April--steady.  I had gone to the doctor's at one point in despair, when she informed me that a child will typically have 10 colds a year until they reach the age of 10 or so, and they will have a respite from being ill in July and August, when they're off school.  I have a theory that this is why a lot of kids visibly "shoot up" in growth during the summer vacation:  their bodies aren't being taxed by constant defense against GERMS. 

* further to the last point, Ella has had a cough, nearly continuously (maybe with small breaks) since August.  The last virus she had was a doozy, and she was so grouchy I was ready to put my own head through the plaster wall:

Me:  "Ella, you need to eat some of your soup, so you can feel better in time for Christmas!"
Ella (with total contempt and disgust): "Who cares, YA WEIRDO."

* Poop on blankets always puts me in a bad mood.

* How does one teach their 3 year old to wipe from front to back when their chubby little baby arm doesn't actually reach their ass???  This is something of a puzzle.  Hm, I said, whattaya know about that...well, we'll try again in a couple of months

* this (by some miracle), may not be how I look, but after eating fruit cake, pizza, yummy cookies that my sister made, and scrounged chocolates from the kids, and sleeping in till 10 in the morning, and hardly getting a lick of exercise, this is how I feel:

you saw that movie "Blade" Didn't you?  Time to get back into those regular walks.  (Note:  this is not a real person, it's a really yucky character from the movie.  There, all better, right?)



  1. I odn't think I let the kids wipe their own bum until they were least the butt hole part.

    I just got em to bend over, and wiped it mess, no poop.

    by the age of five those chubby little arms were able to reach the behind area.

    Karen, for the record: YOU ARE NOT A BIG WOMAN.


    Don't you know about the kitten rule? If you have a shocking picture you post a kitten so it shows up first...we do this on chit chat.....someone around there whom shall be nameless posted some pretty wild stuff on her blog, and boy did she get some backlash!

    I love the fat woman by the way it makes me feel good about myself.

  3. my daughter likes the dog breath book too. but the part about the burlar makes her worry, so we don't like to read it at night.
    my daughter told me i'm not allowed to be the tooth fairy cuz i'm too fat to wear the suit. see if the tooth fairy visits her again!
    pink, i hadn't thought about the kitten rule. i probably should have done that myself today if i didn't want to offend people w/ my picture. but then, maybe it'll bring me some traffic. ;)

  4. Oh my god, Berries, you're cracking me up. The kitten rule! Now that's funny. Actually, I don't know if that's a woman in the's a really disgusting character from that movie "Blade" starring Wesley Snipes. "Pearl" was this hideous creature who managed all the computers and such, and never moved around. Har har.

    I'm a fairly big woman--not huge, but no delicate flower, surely. Thankyou though.

    Also--hilarious about the bum wiping advice. Yeah, I guess I forgot I only stopped doing that for Jack LAST YEAR, and he's 6, so you're right!

  5. Sherilin---LOL!!! Aren't kids just the most charming little dickens at times? Too fat to wear the suit! Oh geez.

    Hey, I like the shock value of the picture--besides, not many people stop by beside our cozy little group, and that's fine because we all have so much fun in the comments section here.

  6. Oh and Sherilin--I agree about the burglar part of the book. I try to breeze over that part as quickly as possible so the kids don't have to start worrying about burglars waltzing into their house.


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