Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

How To Kill The PMS MONSTER??? Part 1

Want the whole PMS Story?  Click Any of the links below:

How To Kill The PMS Monster? Part 2: The SUPPLEMENT

How To Kill The PMS Monster - Part 3: Hormone-o-rama

How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 4: Maybe They're Really That Annoying

How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 5: PMS Can Suck It!

Aw, PMS--my old buddy, friend, and life long pal.  It seems like a funny joke right--"ha ha, I'm soooo bitchy! I'm TOTALLY PMS-ING!  LOL!  You too, girlfriend?  What?  If you don't get a chocolate bar with some nuts in it you're going to start lopping off heads too?  ROFLMAO!"Yeah, ha ha, right?  And how about that other tired joke that I've heard so much, I can hardly muster up a feigned "yeah, heh heh" any longer?  That joke goes a little something like this:

Me (with anguish and great, bald sincerity):  "I suffer terribly from PMS."
Mr. Hilarious:  "Yeah?  So does your husband!  Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk." (did you just hear that ba-doo-CHAH! of that jokey drum riff with cymbal clash too?) 

Granted, this is true--The Man does INDEED suffer--but it never, ever lightens up the situation.  Never.  GOT THAT?

Ookey, moving on...

Actually, I make light of the whole thing myself to a certain extent.  Oh man, it's so funny that that womanly time comes when I want to tear off heads and sh*t down necks, har har har--yeah, my PMS lasts for TWO WEEKS!  Ha ha ha!


This is the part when women stopped laughing and started looking at me.  With wide eyes.  Your PMS lasts for TWO WEEKS???

uh...yeah...doesn't yours?

Womanly friend A:  "um, nooo...I get one day where I want to drink coffee all day and cry over everything, but that's about it."

Womanly friend B:  "I have a couple of days when I feel like I could shoot someone, but that's about it."

Womanly friend C:  "I guess I have two or three days when I'm really irritable, and I find my husband really unattractive and annoying, and the kids really get on my nerves, but that's about it."

karen, the freak with two heads:  "erm, at around exactly two weeks before my red buddy shows up, my breasts start to get sore.  Sometimes they get so sore and achey, I nearly need to put a heating pad on them.  I also become extremely depressed, very, very, very edgy, totally angry, and suffocated by anxiety.  I get so bloated in the last week that I can actually SEE it in my face, and I could easily pack my bags and never return again." 

And so, even though all those things I listed are one big wonderful adventure, for some reason I've decided I've had enough.  Two weeks out of every month.  Hey, I'm no math genius--in fact, I SUCKED at math in school.  I sucked so hard at math that in elementary school, I had to be in the extra help math group because I could NOT GET the concept of "rounding up or down" to the most logical number.  You know--5.7 gets rounded up to 6?  5.4 gets rounded down to 5?  (That's right, isn't it?  I may yet be an idiot).  And when it came time to learn "factoring" in grade 10, my boyfriend at the time (and incidental math genius) could not make me see that he wasn't simply pulling numbers out of his A$$.  So, I'm a math idiot, but not so much so that I didn't figure out that 2 weeks out of every month of feeling sh*tty, and horrible, and bummed, and SUPA DUPA TIRED = FIFTY PERCENT OF MY FREAKING LIFE!  No es bueno. 

Also, it was my sister who pointed out the obvious to me:

Nerdo:  "karen, that's not PMS.  I think you have that PMD thing, or whatever it's called." 



So what the hell is PMD?  Actually, it's PMDD:  Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.  Mmm...yummy!  Well, let's grab some of the juicier info from good old Wikipedia, shall we? 

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of Premenstrual syndrome[3], afflicting 3% to 8% of women.[4] It is a diagnosis associated with the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle.

PMDD is a premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that is so severe it is debilitating.

Like less severe forms of PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder always follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms always begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and always end completely shortly after menstruation begins.[5]

Emotional symptoms are always present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant.[5] Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD.[5] The cardinal symptom—always surfacing between ovulation and menstruation, and always disappearing within a few days after the onset of the bleeding—is irritability.[6] Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur.

Hey....this is what I've always soon as the EGG DROPS, I turn into an angry, asexual cactus!  The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include

* feelings of deep sadness or despair, possible suicide ideation
* feelings of tension or anxiety
* increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism
* panic attacks
* mood swings, crying
* lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts. Typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them (oh, I am aware!)
* apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
* difficulty concentrating
* fatigue
* food cravings or binge eating
* insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
* feeling overwhelmed or "out of control"
* increase or decrease in sex drive
* increased need for emotional closeness
* physical symptoms: bloating, heart palpitations, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face and nose Common physical symptoms include:

* physical symptoms such as breast tenderness or swelling, headaches, joint or muscle pain.
* an altered view of one's body - a sensation of 'bloating', feeling fat or actual weight gain.

If you would like to read the entire article, go HERE.

Well frankly, that BLOWS, but one can almost perversely get used to living this way, if it's THEIR LIFE. 

So, I'm going to subject you to my own guinea-pig installments of whether or not an over the counter supplement can make a difference in my life, since I'm just not ready to get on hard-core meds just yet.  Don't worry--I'm not going to talk exclusively about yucky PMDD stuff.  There'll be other fun things to discuss like poop, boobies and other goodies. 


Makes it almost sound exciting, no?


  1. Let me know how the killing goes because many of those symptoms sound familiar, very.

  2. i have pretty bad pms too. it started after the kiddies were born,i went off the pill because of high blood pressure, since i was on the pill for like 15 years i never knew how bad it really doctor [the best m.d. ever] told me a few stories about patients with baddddd pms, one lady filed for divorce every month until she was put on meds to help with the mood swings! another lady was so pisssed off with her hubby that she smashed his windsheild. my doc gave me some prozac and it has helped alot. now i want to hurt people, or run away for only 2 days, not 2 weeks! anyhoo you should not have to suffer with this,if the stuff you are taking does not work do not be ashamed to take meds, it could save your sanity![and your hubbies].

  3. Alaina, I will! The real test will be to interview my family and see if they think I'm less revolting.

  4. gee Paula, this would be very interesting if those anecdotes didn't sound JUST LIKE ME, ha ha ha. 2 days eh? I'd take 2 days of horrendousness over 14. Prozac doesn't sound so bad to me. It makes me nervous when they start tossing the "Paxil" word around, because that stuff is HORRIBLY addictive.

    I'll see if they over-the-counter thingy does anything.

  5. What's the over-the-counter thingie? Nyquil? Sleep your way through the 14 days???

  6. Matt, all will be explained in....PART 2! Hooray! I feel very relaxed today, but then--the kids slept over at their grandparents'. I could sleep for 14 days. No problem.

  7. I am the same as you Karen...yup 2wks before I am with you!
    Oh and I was in that dreaded math room too!!!
    We must be related...I can speak for Diane too!

  8. well I am of the A variety. Sorry folks...I can only imagine what a miserable 2 wks you go through. There must be help out there..some naturopathic, or chinese medecine..

  9. I am no expert, but I do have a close friend who takes meds only during PMS/PMDD time. It works well for her.

  10. you too Pam--math and 2 weeks of PMS??? Oh the suffering! Diane suffers 2 weeks as well? Hm...maybe it's a nice genetics thing...

  11. Melissa, good for you for not being in the BOTTOM 3 %. Sheesh, I can't win the lottery though...

  12. really Lisa? Now you have to find out what she takes, for SCIENCE! Ha ha. That sounds promising though.

  13. Karen - I was just lamenting about this the past few days! I totally get it, I been off of the pill for a few months now and my periods are back with a vengenace! There is no mercy! I get PMS for almost 2weeks before my period too complete with the severe irritabilty, cramps and crying. Also the urgent need for chocolate and salt. I remember when I first heard about PPMD I was like oh good now they have a name for what I have!!

  14. JD, that's interesting--and it all started when you went off the pill eh? Well, I haven't been on the pill since my early 20's, but I do think my pms has gotten worse since having my 2 kids--especially my daughter. Good times!

  15. Uh it will be worse after we have the baby, well of course it will!! :)
    Thanks for the suggestions in the Part 2 post!

  16. Oops and I guess I meant PMDD, not PPMD haha! See its also taking over my brain!!

  17. will it be worse after having the baby? Well, not for everyone JD. Some people actually gecome happier and more inwardly calm I guess.

    I'm so tired, I didn't even notice you got the letters mixed up in the ACRONYM...ah well. Oh..don't take the supplement as a suggestion quite yet...remember: I'm still being the guinea pig :) Ha ha!

  18. Come on the day wasn't that great I mean it was 3C...LOL

    Hey I did my time on the prairies. I was just smart enough to get the hell out of there!

  19. Now I know what to do to that kind of monster. Preventing PMS to get worst is also preventing PMDD to occur. I will be waiting for part 2 of this post.

  20. yeah...I've heard those mythical stories of just how insanely cold it is in the prairies! hoo boy...when your running shoes freeze to the sidewalk, that's ridiculous.

  21. thanks for stopping by PMDD. I am curious to see what an over the counter supplement can do.

  22. There is a marijuana strain called Kali Mist, that with some other strains is said to be excellent in tempering some of the symptoms of severe PMS...

  23. Anonymous, that sounds so appealing now there are no words to express my feelings. Sigh. Thank you for the tip...and now to find someone who has it ;)


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