Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, February 21, 2011

How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 4: Maybe They're Really That Annoying

Wednesday Feb 2

IMPOSSIBLE to tell if the magical PMS pills are working today.  Schools are closed for a freaking SNOW DAY.  This was exciting for about 5 minutes.  Hooray, I didn't have to fight with the kids to get ready, and brushed, and into their full wardrobe of cold weather clothes, but wanting to throttle my son all day does not equal good times.  I don't think there's an over the counter supplement called  FAMILYBGONE.  Okay, that was lame.  Whatever.  It took 3 whiskies for me not to put my head through plaster.  Y'dig?

Okay, so no rage today really, but a good steaming dose of BLAH.  Somebody cue Mick Jagger:

"you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you'll find, you get what you need." 

No wait--that song's stupid.  Chop it after the "not getting what I want" bit.

The pills have done nothing to dull my hyper-sensitive detail-noticing powers.  The Man uses the box of salt...and leaves it on the counter.  The Man opens a new pair of boy's underpants, takes one out for Jack to wear to school....and leaves the bag on Jack's bedroom floor.  Jack takes off the clothes he's worn that day...and tosses them on the floor.  And Ella?  Well, it's a constant wardrobe revision.  Obviously when it's -16 (that's about 3 degrees F, my charming American friends)  degrees outside, it makes good sense to wear that little summer tank dress.  Obviously.  Oh, there was that puddle of pee I stepped in on the bathroom floor.  Beside the toilet.  Soaked my sock.  Had to find new socks.  Would have been annoying enough to just step in a bit of water, but then there was the shiny, happy yellow puddle.

"Not me!"


The Man set his alarm clock for an early hour this morning, even though he works AT HOME, and also even though ELLA WAKES US UP FAITHFULLY EVERY DAY.  He set it just in case Ella didn't wake us up (which she always does). Did he hear the alarm though?  No.  Who fell immediately back to sleep?  The Man.  When did he get up?  A solid half hour later.  No worries everyone--I didn't kill him.

So, am I supposed to float around the house, smile and feel the spreading warmth of love from deep inside when I step in a puddle of p*ss?  Oh, silly children!  Tee hee!  Maybe it's impossible to feel serene when they're this annoying.

One thing of note:  giant, nickle-diameter zit over my right eyebrow has gone away on its own, as quietly as it appeared.  How strange.

One thing of possible note:  I feel like my nose looks smaller.  Commit me now, I'm losing it.


Damn it y'all , it's FRIDAY.  I don't know if I have a steady undercurrent of very, very mild blech, or I feel mildly blech thanks to the debilitating 20 minutes of Jack being home for lunch today. Hmm....who can say?  Jack has been fighting during lunch now.  He's angry about everything, it seems, and especially angry when it's time to go back to school.  Normally he eats his lunch, and then he's allowed to listen to some music before he goes.  This he knows.  That's all fine and good though until we say:  "Jack, it's time to go back to school now" and then this happens:

And EVERYBODY had better look out.  So, these lunches--each being a more splendid fight than the last--are fairly draining.  Actually, they suck all the goodness out of me.  I did manage to find some inner calm though, so that's still pretty good--right???


***Stay tuned for the conclusion and see if THE SUPPLEMENT DID ANYTHING to change my horrid PMS!  I'm sure you're just DYING to know. 

* Hey!  Want the whole PMS Story?  Click Any of the links below:

How To Kill The PMS MONSTER??? Part 1

How To Kill The PMS Monster? Part 2: The SUPPLEMENT

How To Kill The PMS Monster - Part 3: Hormone-o-rama

How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 4: Maybe They're Really That Annoying

How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 5: PMS Can Suck It!


  1. Sounds like you have a crouchy hamster wheel phenomena going on....Me I got no answers.

    well, not true: just do drugs.

    ya, thats it. DRUGS for the Family.

  2. I especially enjoyed the photos of Jack losing it. That kitty one about sent me rolling on the floor.

    SIGH. Maybe the solution is that can of whoop-ass. Did I spell that right? Could be worth a shot... right?

    But Karen... don't you remember what Mom said? These are the BEST years of our lives! When we grow old we'll look back fondly and miss these years. Right? right? Ummmm.

  3. I'm still enjoying the photos of your kids on FB. Ella is like those old antique chubby china dolls! I want to just mush her and squeese her! Too dam cute!
    Just love this PMS seems to get worse for me!

  4. Ya, some of that stuff would drive me around the bend, and I do NOT suffer from PMS (last time I looked into it, anyway).

    Can the routine be changed at key im-gonna-lose-it points of the day?

  5. Ah Melissa, you've forgotten SWEET LADY WHISKY--MOTHER'S LITTLE HELPER. Har har, no, I don't drink during the week, and I don't even have a drink or two every weekend. Still, it sounds so romantic...

    but that post was then, and the more recent past is soon to be revealed!

    OH yeah, I'm a total hamster on a wheel.

  6. The best years of our lives? OMFG. I need to scratch that from the records, so I don't find myself wallowing at the bottom of an Oreo bag. THAT idea keeps me up at night. True story.

    Yesterday, after our kids had screamed "I HATE YOU" and we'd both been physically abused a few times, Jon and I wondered if kids were better in the days when it was okay to give them a big SMACK. I'm not kidding. I may have to blog about this...

  7. Well Pam, maybe after I go through 2 cycles of ladyness, and reveal my findings, you will want to try THE SUPPLEMENT as well!

    Yes, Ella is super cute. She also says a million hilarious things each day. I really need to start writing them down.

  8. I don't know Matt, why don't you call Jon up and ask him? Har har har. Oh, that was such typical "MAN BAD" wife type talk.

    Actually, since I got back from vacation and gave a small "I AM NOT A DOORMAT" speech, (hee hee), things have improved, why Jon's doing dishes as I type this response. Progress!

  9. i can totally relate to that whole kid going rambo all of a sudden business! mine does it around shower/tooth brushing time every day. like a switch was flipped & it's time to freak the freak out. maybe if i screamed back, it might shock her into silence.

  10. i know jack hates change but can he stay at school for lunch? you could make it sound soooo coool to eat at your desk with all the other crazy for you i say drugs my friend, oh they are my friend,but sometimes i still want to ram a pick though my eyes when i have pms! case in point, DO NOT take kids to the auto show at the SUPER crowded toronto convension centre when you have pms,it was BAAAAAD on many many levels ugh!

  11. No Sherilin! Don't give in and become that SCREAMING IDIOT MOM that I fight being all the time. I hate being screaming idiot mom. It gives me a headache.

    You've hinted at your daughter thinking she has Aspergers? Have you ever had her diagnosed? It's interesting to me.

    I tell my sister all the time, that now I can spot a kid with legitimate "issues" a mile away.

    We should chitty chat sometime and swap symptoms eh?

  12. Oh Paula...I can only imagine your outing from hell: a) a show featuring cars that kids aren't really supposed to climb all over, thus, they don't care, b) potentially cranky baby girl who didn't get the nap she needed c) crowded, congested, noisy, hellish Toronto all equals bad times.

    So far so good with the supplement! But I'll be getting to that...


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