Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Are you the type of wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend who wants to share EVERYTHING with your significant other?  Do you blubber away about how "we have NO secrets from each other"? Do you gush about how you have a joint Facebook account, and that you have one single solitary COUPLE'S PASSWORD for everything you do in computer land?  Aw, that's precious.


And I'm here to say this:  what the HELL are you thinking?!?  Do you truly want your man or your woman in all your bizness??  Do you really have to have ownership over each other's thoughts?!? 


Okay, I love The Man.  I like him just fine.  I have to share a bed with his snoring, leg-jigging, breath-holding, sleep-apnea-maniac self.  I make his dinners.  I lovingly (coff) wash his gitch (but I don't pair his million black socks up any longer (yeah, I just regained an hour of ME-time each week).  I pretend I don't notice how comic books are starting to appear in all nooks and crannies of the house.  I shave the hars off the back of his neck for him.  I still hold hands whenever the kids disappear and we can pretend we're not ADVERSARIES for a little while.  I rant to him about stuff.  I half listen while he tells me all about that ridiculous show he likes, whereby grown-ass people have to race through some insane obstacle course, and get bounced/smacked/spun off stuff like human pinballs (oh, you don't have to watch WIPEOUT?  Aren't you special).


I do not share EVERYTHING with him. Are you insane?!? I don't want him to share everything with me either. If he wants to go on the computer and look up...questionable sites, I don't give a crap. I don't look through his files, and he doesn't give a crap about mine :) We have OUR stuff, HIS stuff and MY STUFF. And THAT, IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

Okay, so I'm on the computer far too much. I love blog land. I want to move into it and live in it forever. I'll never have to make snacks for anyone ever again. My only duties will be to add new gadgets to my side pane, and occasionally upgrade my layout. I already told my husband that blog world is far more fulfilling than my real world, har de har har. The Man has, thus far, never really been too interested in my blog. I'm pretty sure he thinks he already gets his share of whining, ranting, bitchery, and hyperbole simply by living with me. Thus, when he gets a minute or two to himself, he's sure as hell not going to cozy up to a nice, prickly post about my PMS. He gets the blog previews daily.

I can dig that. It may have bruised my widdle ego once upon a long time ago, but truly I don't care. In fact, I like it. I can write about whatever I like! Boobies, poop, maxi pads, foreskin (yeah, it's coming. You've been warned), etc, and do it without the discomfort of a disapproving eye watching over me.

Recently, however, he DARED INVADE MY PERSONAL SPACE!!!


Yeah, I have this notepad. I lovingly named it my THINK PAD. I write all my writeable, thinkable thoughts in it: blog post ideas, recipe ideas, crazy-freaking-out-mom hypotheses, Autism mumbo-jumbo. It's mine. Allllll mine.

See?  This is my THINK PAD. Here is a post I lovingly wrote out by hand one day.  At the top of the page it says "DINK ROCK," which was to remind me to post that special picture.

recipe ideas...NO PEEKING!

This pic shows a couple of fun little conversation with Ella and The Man I didn't want to forget:

I was checking out Ella's kinder egg surprise toy, which happened to be a cool spaceman video game type guy:

Me:  "Ella!  You got DADDY'S DREAM TOY!"

then I turned to The Man:  "This is the part where you say; 'Actually, that's YOU, Babe."  Ha ha, get it?

Convo at the kitchen table:

Me:  "This coffee is DELICIOUS.  I want to MARRY THIS COFFEE."

Ella:  "but it doesn't even talk!"


So like I mentioned, I wrote my post, when our power was out one day, about being slaves to technology in it.  I happened to mention something pertaining this post to The Man one day, and he said;

"Yeah, I know.  I read your blog.

Me:  " my blog??"
"Yeah, the one you wrote out.  It was right there [beside the computer] and I was curious."
Me:  hrm.

Okay, that's fine.  He didn't mention how clever and thought-provoking and witty it was.  NOOOO...of course not.  So, I moved on. 

Then one day, I was flipping through my THINK PAD to find a page to scribble something new on...and found THIS:

I know.  You're mortified too.

Seriously people--


How DARE he doodle in MY THINK PAD?!?

Clearly, I'm going to have to hide it.

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Monday, March 28, 2011

Toys 2!

I'm still convinced that the toys of today stink.  They just STINK.  They're WAY overpriced, and so cheaply constructed.  Plus, the accessories that come with various play sets are usually so tiny, that it's nearly impossible NOT to lose them.  Then the kid is left with some half-shell that's supposed to be a fairy house, but all of the fun stuff that's supposed to go in it is GONE. 

Another problem I have is that every doll has to be UBER STYLISH, and wears 50 times more makeup than I did back in the 80's.  Yeah, I thought I was totally wicked when I matched my orangey brown eyeshadow to my orangey brown lipstick when I was 13.  Then I headed off to the roller rink with my super feathered hair. 

But we're not talking about bad 80's style, we're talking about TOYS!  Mostly we're talking about toys, because my sister (who is something of a toy ADDICT), didn't get her fill the first time we gabbed about toys (Toys!).

If you have young children, chances are you have a house full of toys.  You have toys under your couch right now, a few on your dresser (grrr!), in the bathroom, on the kitchen table.  There are probably some forgotten friends under your deck (if you have one, and scattered around the yard, black and filthy from being out there all winter.  I'll bet you have a box down the basement filled with toys--some of them with the battery panels permanently fused on thanks to corroded batteries that you forgot to take out.  You probably had to buy something that looked like a piece of furniture for your living room, but is actually a secret toy box, because you gave up a long time ago on carting those toys back to the kid's room every night. 

Blech.  See?  You HATE toys now too!  But you didn't USED TO HATE TOYS.  No, they used to be awesome!  Remember:

Fisher Price Little People

Remember those lovable little peg people?  They fit so comfortably in your little hand, and their over-simplified shape was so pleasing to the eye.  Plus, they rolled down the ramps of their carports with such clunkety goodness, and they could be fired like little missiles at your siblings.  And they had so many fun places to live and hang out! 

image from HERE

Image from HERE

image from HERE

remember the "bratty" little people?


Did you have the Sesame Street set too? (image from here)

Did you have the houseboat, the carport or the school house???
Weren't the Little People of way back then AWESOME?  Don't you love their pleasing, armless/legless shape? 

And then, they RUINED THEM!  They?  Was it Fisher Price, or was it US--the new generation of super paranoid parents?  You know--our generation who did away with teeter-totters at parks and probably decided that the old fashioned Little People were the perfect size to plug up a wind pipe?  Or maybe someone at a board-room table decided that they weren't exciting enough for the kids of today, so they tried to cutesy them up.  And then this is what we have now:

what?!?  They're not fun little peg folk anymore!  these new little people SUCK!!!  (sad image from HERE)
Bah.  I have nothing more to say about the modern Little People.  I have a few sets gathering dust in the basement that neither of my kids particularly gave a crap about. 


image from HERE
Did everybody get this as a present back in the 70's/80's?  It seems a bit lame now maybe, but it was super cool then.  You got your set of coloured pens, you stuck them in, and whirled your way to geometric art bliss.  Good times!

Strawberry Shortcake

Follow this link for more Strawberry Shortcake toys!
image from HERE
I don't know about you, but I actually salivate when I look at this vintage 1980's Strawberry shortcake.  Do I salivate because she smelled so yummy-nummy?  No, I salivate with the kind of itching greedy need that only a former doll lover, and nostalgia enthusiast can.  This doll made a reappearance in toy stores this past Christmas.  I didn't buy one.  And then they almost immediately DISAPPEARED.  Sniff! 

Strawberry Shortcake was super popular.  She had her own (horrid) cartoon series and everything.  She and her adorable, giant-head friends all smelled fantastic.  They were cute and charming, and had some pretty fun play sets:

Image From HERE
The Berry Bake Shop!  I TOTALLY HAD THIS.  Look!  Look how fun!  Even if you're a guy, surely you would have loved to get in there and make your own plastic berry pies?  Pretend to grow some strawberries?  And then, when you were all done playing, you could just fold it up and turn it back into a giant Strawberry.  Genius.

Strawberry has made a reappearance on the toy shelves in the past few years, and she comes in a variety of sizes.  Let's see what she looks like now:

Image from HERE
Hey!  She's no longer cute and plucky and charming!  Instead she has to be more STYLIE (as my daughter would say) with super long hair, because noone can just look like a freaking kid anymore. 

Blech.  Let's move on.


There aren't many boys that I know, whose brains weren't LIT ON FIRE after the first Star Wars Movie came out in 1977.  The Man is still an utter fanatic for the stuff, and even has some toys in good condition down the basement.  Yeah, I loved the original movies too, but I think I only yearned for a Princess Leia out of all those toys.  Barbie, however, was queen of my heart.  Anyhow, I'm mostly tired of trying to understand the appeal of  Boba Fett, and have noticed that Star Wars is on some channel nearly constantly these days, but whatever, this ones for the boys.

Image From HERE

My brother had this Star Wars game.  It was completely confusing, and we tried to play it a few times, but never really understood what the hell we were supposed to do: 

"Um, I think we're supposed to have a 'dogfight.' now" 
- "oookay...what do we do?"
"We each have to roll these dice."
-"Okay.  Who won?"
"I don't know."

Yeah, great game. 

Image from HERE
Look! It's the big, plastic Dart Vader head that opens up to become a carrying case for all your cool action figures!  Hands up if you had a JAWA!  Anyone?  Anyone? 

Image from HERE
I was going to post a pic of that plastic HOTH WORLD playset that most of you boys had, but I felt the life being sucked out of me, and opted instead for the Princess Leia doll!  Oh, don't make that face at me!  My brother and The Man have both killed me a bit on Star Wars--ESPECIALLY The Man. 

Barbie and Her Fabulous Accessories

Superstar Barbie 1977 YO
were you lucky enough to have the camper?
 Okay, see that Barbie right there in the pink dress and boa?  THAT my friends, is SUPERSTAR BARBIE.  I lurv her.  I heart her.  I wish I had one in my greasy mitts right now. I love her chincy plastic "diamond" necklace (which would typically be lost within a week), that little diamond ring that you pop into the hole drilled in her plastic hand.  I liked her pink strappy shoes, but OHMYLORD those shoe "clasps" were impossible for little hands to master.  I love her "satin" dress.  Sigh.  She's the one who got away people...weep with me a little...


Anyhoo, there are, of course, far too many Barbies to picture here.  But how about her accessories??? 

Image from HERE

Look!  It's SUPERSTAR BARBIE again!  This, my friends, is the Barbie Superstar Stage show.  It came out in 1978, and did it also have a cheesy little record to go with it?  Well, at any rate, you clicked Barbie and Ken's legs into the holders, and they twirled and danced around the platform, getting stuck at bit in that one corner all the time, while the stage motor made this rather loud "RRRR...RRRRR...RRRR" noise. 

Image from HERE

image from HERE

Okay, could Ken technically be counted as one of Barbie's "accessories?"  Well, I had Sport & Shave Ken, and he was right on.  First of all, he was HANDSOMER, than blonde Ken, and he came with a special marker to draw a beard on his face, which you would then "shave" off with the little sponge razor.  Good times!  Not as good times as Barbie though.  I think Barbie was married to Sport & Shave Ken for a little while, but then, tragically, she had an affair with G.I. Joe. 

She-ra Princess Of Power

Image from HERE

Image from HERE

My sister had a ton of She-ra related dolls.  Incidentally, that cartoon has JUST recently returned to television--on a retro cartoon channel.  And guess what?!  IT'S HORRIBLE.  No, there are no words to convey how truly FREAKING LAME that cartoon is/was. 

"The Evil Forces of Hordak."  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?

Okay, my sis used to have the Crystal Castle, or Crystal Palace or whatever it was called, and she was wondering if it was actually as good as she remembers it being, or if it was lame.  Let's google it...

image from HERE

 Lame or be the judge.

If you'd like to read more about She-ra, and her twin brother He-man (honestly people...does anyone else just find this ridiculous?) click HERE!

Lite Brite

Image from HERE

Tell me you didn't FREAK OUT when you got Lite Brite for a present when you were a kid, and I'll tell you I SIMPLY DON'T BELIEVE YOU.  Lite Brite--its awesomeness speaks for itself.  Little colourful glass pegs are popped through the black paper to create magical, rainbow, lit-up art!  Awesome!  Or, at least it was awesome until you ran out of those pre-measured black pieces of paper  that you needed to make a truly great picture.  You tried to substitute a piece of lined paper but it never ever fit properly, and when you tried to punch the peg through, it got all rippy and...


I'm sorry.  It's just too difficult to talk about

Creepy Toys

image from HERE

Okay, who remembers The Visible Man???  I found this "educational" toy fascinating as a kid.  Apparently this is a model that you actually had to put together yourself, and then you could stare in horror and fascination through the Visible Man's clear, and see all his grody organs!  Yeah!!!  And then what the hell would you do with it?  Did the Visible Man date Barbie?  Was he displayed lovingly on a dresser?  Yeah, I don't know either. 

Pulsar: The Ultimate Man of Adventure
Dig this:

(from Wikipedia)

"Pulsar: The Ultimate Man of Adventure was an action figure for boys made by Mattel in 1976. Pulsar was a 14" action figure looked like a handsome middle aged man with short white hair. However once you opened his sweat suit top it revealed that his entire torso was clear plastic which allowed viewing of his internal organs. There was a button on his back that when depressed would make his lungs and heart pump and force simulated blood through some simulated arteries and veins in the body cavity."WTF?!? 

image from HERE

Oh well, props to Mattel for coming up with something so bizarrely unique. I wonder what the Bakugan-loving kids of today would do if they unwrapped this bad boy at Christmas.

So, toys used to be so fun. You were a kid once, and you loved toys just as much as the next kid. And then you grew up, and had kids of your own, and your house filled up with this crap, and it kinda looked a lot like this :

image from HERE

Yeah, not so fun anymore, is it?

Now it's YOUR TURN!  Tell me your fun toy memories, and which modern toys you hate the most!  Do you have a special loathing for that over-priced Thomas the Train crap?  Or, do you get all fired up just thinking about Monster High dolls?  Let's talk. 

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

A Needle In The Neck is STILL Not Good Times

Gross, yucky image from HERE

Remember our good friend THYROID?  No?  Well, click HERE then!

Yeah.  I hate that thing. 

But let's get the educational thingy out of the way:

From: Definition of Thyroid Gland (click for full article)
Thyroid gland: A gland that makes and stores hormones that help regulate the heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, and the rate at which food is converted into energy. Thyroid hormones are essential for the function of every cell in the body. They help regulate growth and the rate of chemical reactions (metabolism) in the body. Thyroid hormones also help children grow and develop.
Hm...yes, okay. Great. Okay--what else...shaped like a butterfly...wrapped around the trachea, below the adam's apple...scientific mumbo jumbo about how the thyroid uses iodine (found in iodized salt) to make its hormones...big, big words...karen had better cut and paste again...

The thyroid uses iodine, a mineral found in some foods and in iodized salt, to make its hormones. The two most important thyroid hormones are thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3). Thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), which is produced by the pituitary gland, acts to stimulate hormone production by the thyroid gland. The thyroid gland also makes the hormone calcitonin, which is involved in calcium metabolism and stimulating bone cells to add calcium to bone.

There!  Now you know where your thyroid is, and what it does.  Blah, blah, blah, yawn, yawn.  You hope it works fine, give it a little pat, and off you go with your day.  But what if it doesn't work properly?  What if you're debilitated by fatigue, and your hair and nails are brittle, and your sex drive comes and goes, but mostly said "see ya" some time ago, and you feel a little depressed a lot of the time, and you've been gaining weight but you just don't know WHY...well, maybe you should get your thyroid checked out!  All it takes is a little blood test to see if your thyroid is working at its optimum performance level. 

Yay!  I did all that!  Oh wait...the doctors keep telling me my thyroid functions "normally" even though I have nearly every symptom of hypothyroidism.  Pppftt...what do THEY know? 

But I've given up on all that.  I just keep getting the blood tests and nodding politely whenever the docs tell me my results. 

I do, however, have a nodule on my thyroid.  Some of you have probably heard me whine many times about how I have a nodule on my thyroid, and I've been having it monitored for the past 7 years.  I've had a few ultrasounds on it, and a couple of needle biopsies.  Always the results have come back with good news--no cancer.  My previous, arrogant dickhead of a specialist made it clear though that just because it was non-cancerous then "THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT CAN'T BECOME CANCEROUS." 

Okay, okay. Sheesh.  Still, if I don't have have surgery, I'm not going to have surgery, capiche?

That stupid doctor I mentioned, by the way?  Well, I was just thinking again this week about how when I had the needle in the neck those other times, he never froze it first.  Freeze it??? he scoffed, why would he freeze it when the freezing would hurt worse than the needle itself?!?   Why would he freeze it first when the biopsy needle only felt like a MOSQUITO BITE?!?

Okay, here's where I get annoyed.  How many times have medical procedures been compared to a f*cking MOSQUITO BITE???  Do you know what feels like a mosquito bite?  A FREAKING MOSQUITO BITE.  The end.  Yeah, okay, it feels just like a mosquito bite, if the mosquito's proboscis reaches DEEP INTO MY NECK. 


But I have a new endocrinologist now!  He's in the same building as my family doctor, and he's eloquent, articulate, and his first name is CHILANGO!  YEAH!  Does that roll off the tongue or what?!?  On his appointment cards, they put his name in quotes too...

Dr. Chilango "Chill" Blahblahblah

Right on! 

So, I had an ultrasound done on my thyroid first, by him, a couple of weeks ago.  He does them right in his office.  Then he wanted to show me the images of my suck-a$$ thyroid right then and there.  And did I mention that he is T*H*O*R*O*U*G*H???

Me:  "Um, is this going to be a scary presentation?"

Dr. Chill:  "No, absolutely not. 

See here karen, this is your thyroid.  Here is the carotid, and here is the trachea.  You see how on this side you can see the entire lobe.  And you can see the windpipe, etc.  Then you see this side (touches the stupid side of my neck), and it is all lumpy.  The whole thing is just lumpy.  See here (shows the right side on the monitor again), you can see the thyroid, plus the wind pipe.  Then back here (flips back to the other image), it is all lumpy.  You see, this side again, you can see thyroid tissue as well as other tissue.  This side?  All lumpy.  The whole thing is lumpy.  I would not even say that it is a nodule.  You see?  Like this?  [Dr. Chill picks up a small, plastic replica of a thyroid with what looks like a zit on it]  This is a nodule.  But you see here?  [indicates image on monitor again]  This is just all lumpy.  It is all lumpy."


Then he considered for a moment;

"If I were to place this on a scale of probability of cancer, up to ten, I would give it a ZERO.  MAAAAYBE, a ONE." 

All of this is funnier, if you could hear me say it in a very serious African accent.  Not that African accents are funny, but somehow it sounds so much more grave. 

Anywho, YAY, I'm a ZERO. 

But then, the bad news:  he's thorough.  He wanted me to return for a needle biopsy just to be on the safe side.  You know--stick a needle into my neck, suck out a few cells for testing.

The good news:  he would freeze the area first!  Hooray!  He's nice, not like arrogant, mean, stupidhead doctor. 

Silly, silly karen. 

I power-walked on over for my appointment Wednesday morning. As soon as I got in there, I started to feel nervous.  By the time I had to LIE DOWN ON THE TABLE, I felt very nervous indeed.  I'm a baby about this crap now, let me tell you.  I felt very nervous when Dr. Chill asked his assistant to wash my neck here, here, and there, because he was going to put the needle in FOUR PLACES.  OMG!!  Four places?!?  I figured that four places indicated his biopsy locations. 

Silly, silly karen.

And then, NEEDLE-FEST 2011 started. 

Is there not something so wrong about having to lie down for these procedures???  I mean, if you have to get a filling or something, do you think you'd be way less nervous if you could either sit in a slightly reclined position, or lean against a wall?  I tried to make this point, but the doc and the lady assisting him were all business. They also didn't humour me when I tried to joke, weakly;

"Ill just wait for the magic 'all done!' words!"

Dr. Chill:  "now karen, this next needle you will feel more pressure, because I will be going deeper.  The pressure you will feel will be from the fluid going into your neck."

And that was just the freezing! 

How many times did he stick that needle in my neck, as his assistant guided the ultrasound wand around to find just the right stickable spot?  SEVEN, I THINK. 

This was my favourite, right before the second needle:

Dr. Chill:  Now karen, if you need to swallow or cough, it's very important that you raise your left arm first, and we will stop. We don't want you swallowing while I am IN THERE." 

In there.
Holy crap. 

Yeah, guess who spent the next eternity concentrating on that swallowing feeling? 

Okay, I'll spare you all the details but I will say this:  there were a couple of needles I could feel IN THERE.  And there are places in the body that should never ever be touched.  By anything.  Because it feels OOGEY AND WEIRD. 

And finally, finally, Dr. Thorough was finished.  Ooo, look at that nice tray FILLED with lovely, smeary slides!

My favourite part was when I walked out into the waiting room, to get my follow up appointment for results.  The waiting room by that time, had filled with several people.  They all saw me shuffle out with a big bandaid and marker dots on my neck.  LURVED the wide eyes.  Priceless. 

Needless to say that I did NOT power-walk home. 

And when do I get my reults? 

Why, on my birthday of course!  No worries.  That's why there's whisky, people. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Holy CRAP!!!  Nearly 2000 comments...and counting!  Who's FANTASTIC?  YOU are!  Seriously, just read and see how much fun we've been having!

"Yeah... you like it because you like swears so much. For your next birthday I'm going to get you a big box of swears. ;)"

(It's Friday B*tches!!!)

"I wouldn't mind a whole group of me--we could bake cakes."

-me (Are We Really Unique?)

"The occasional beer puts me to sleep, that and a TV with the sound down low. I've seen all of the same science documentaries about the planets so many times that it's putting me to sleep now. With Jupiter, I'm asleep by the 3rd moon."

(sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep...)

"I think I will use my knowledge of your fear of butterflies to take you on a surprise trip to the butterfly conservatory on your next b-day. Oh, wait. Telling you ruins the surprise. Forget I said anything. Just keep staring at your garden."

-Matt (Hi, My Name is karen and I'M A Flower-aholic)

"Man another post i can relate to especially right now as i am on the last day of my vacation and guess who came along? Yeah that's right the same one who came along on the last one!! Oh and i was one of those retarded girls so jealous of my friends because it never came till i was in high school!! Looking back i was the lucky one!"

(It's Wonderful Being A Girl?!?)

"I had mine on vacation too, just to add to the 'relaxing' time we had at family camp. Sometimes you just got to get Superplus. :) ...and go swimming anyway."

-Paula (It's Wonderful Being A Girl?!?)

"Don't worry Karen. You are in the home stretch! Here comes menopause. On again. Off again. On again. Off again. No need for stars on the calendar, just spin the wheel and see what comes up. The husbands get to enjoy the trip as well!"

(It's Wonderful Being A Girl?!?)

"I never was really into tanning a little too boring. I did have a friend who lived to tan, one day she decided to put crisco on herself and lay by the pool. oh, maybe 2 hours later she stood up and said her legs felt weird, she had convinced herself that she had cooked her leg muscles, just like fried chicken,man was she freaked! Needless to say she was not the sharpest tool in the shed!"
-Paula (My Tan Is Peeling, And My Roots Are Showing)

"Too afraid to comment... estrogen... overpowering... can't... breathe... "

-Matt (PMS Week)

"hey lard woman, it is lard, lard and nothing but the lard. THAT made me laugh out loud!"

-Melissa (Jack's Art)

"That's funny, re; Twitter, Paula. I refuse to join Twitter. It's like Facebook status updates, but worse. Do I need to "tweet" my thoughts constantly? Do I care that Demi Moore just posted a pic of her @$$? Do I need to hear what's on Kim Kardashian's mind? Good lord, no."

-Me (Random Thoughts and Small Revelations This Week)

"Sleeping in is where it's at. It's the sh*t. :)"

-Aimee (karen Is NOT, Nor has Ever Been A MORNING PERSON)

"Aimee, please try to use nicer language on my blog. I prefer "shiznit." Thank you."

-me (karen Is NOT, Nor has Ever Been A MORNING PERSON)

"please forgive the speeling adn errors...I have to move fast...shhh..I am at work "

-Stephanie, reading my blog at work!  Oh the Shame (Home)

"Is this only a blog persona or are you this scary in person...?"

-Melissa (Is Today Wednesday? CRAP!!!)

"Girls usually make weak-ass farts...imho"

-Blasé (Happy Birthday To My Brother, The KING Of All Pests)

"I feel so naked! Yipes! Its true, its so very true, I am a hair band lover! My CD collection is filled with Poison, Motley, Ratt, Cinderella, Faster Pussy Cat..oh teh list goes on...a hair band junkie?? I shall hang my head in shame NO MORE!"

-Stephanie (10 Songs I'm Ashamed To Admit I like)

"I can't believe you've reduced this blog entry down to shaped eyebrows. See, this is why you don't have more male followers..."

-Matt (And on a Tuesday)

"I'm laughing because as soon as I saw the title to your post, I was all like, "Oh yeah, hockey men!" Then by the end of the post, I remembered that underneath the gear, they are the stinkiest creatures! Yeah, keep the helmet on men, and make sure you Febrieze it first!"

-Sandra (Hockey Players Are FREAKING HOT)

"it could be worse, you could have black hairy tongue(ewww!) and bad feathered hair and be stressed. at least you look good while you are stressed!"
-Paula (Feel Free To Be F*cked Up-You're An Adult Now)

"Black hairy tongue made me throw up in my mouth a little. "

-Aimee (Feel Free To Be F*cked Up-You're An Adult Now)

"Karen has the best hoots of all. Yeeeeeeha!"

-Aimee (And On A Side Note...)

"you said no one would sniff your meat. that struck me as so funny! so who's going to eat these 99 meaty pierogies?"

-Sherilin (Searching For Grandma's Pierogies Part 2)

"Thanks Pam--re; looking good in that ONE photo. It's a must to take pictures like that. Ah yes, what is more wonderful or more annoying/tiring than family? There's nothing quite like it is there. Oh yeah--give me a few years and I'll be the spitting image of Nanny. I totally take after my dad, and who does he take after--his mother. Wait till my ankles disappear..."

-Me (How I Went Down The Toilet After Christmas)

"I don't think I let the kids wipe their own bum until they were least the butt hole part. I just got em to bend over, and wiped it mess, no poop. by the age of five those chubby little arms were able to reach the behind area..."

-Melissa (Random Stuff At The Homestead)

es that mean i should get a pair of testicles to hang off my minivan,like some of the rednecks around here? or maybe i could get all martha stewart like and make my own, just two tennis balls and an old nude coloured nylon and voila! its a good thing. ha!"

-Paula (New Year)

"I've decided that I love food SO much that I will never deny myself.... I just don't care. Because one day I'll be dead and I won't have to worry about sweets anymore... Until then, CRAM FEST!!!!"

-Aimee (Diets Can SUCK IT)

"Got your link from Pink Satin Sashes and oh my god so glad she posted it. I am laughing so hard I might poop! Yep, new mom here and I know the yelling to the hubby and discussing size and smell all to well thanks for the laugh I am sure days of floating turds are in my future! LOL Amy"

-Amy (POOP)

"Oh, this was so REAL, I laughed so hard! :) I'm glad PSS shared your link. Anyone have the memory of their kids pooping in the bathtub, while they are in there with one or two siblings? That is quite the experience, let me tell ya!"

-Becky (Poop)

"blech--what a conversation before breakfast..."

-me (POOP)

"Pamela sent me over for a visit, and what appears but poop! They should tell kids in High School sex ed about the whole children/poop thing. Would be a great contraceptive."

-Pam (POOP)

"hehe. I remember when I was developing and one boob was coming in and the other was NOT... and I felt like a major freak and I FREAKED out about it.. silently. I didn't dare bring that subject up with Mom. So I wandered around for gawd knows how long with one boob, totally convinced that that was it.. One boob. Luckily, the other came along in due time. Was the lazy one I guess. Geeeesh Karen. What's next? The va-jay-jay!?"

-Aimee (BOOBIES)

"J cup!?! Wimmens--seriously?"


"Your blog is HYSTERICAL!! I so needed the laughs tonight! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

-Anonymous (It's PMS TIME MOTHERF*$#ERS)

"well thank you Anonymous! When I log into my email, it tells me if I have comments on a post, and from whom. So, when I saw that I had a comment from "Anonymous," my first thought was; "oh no...I shouldn't have let PMS karen put 'motherf*$#ers' in the title. I may have offended someone.'" PMS karen, of course, doesn't give a $hit."

"Oh, Karen. You've lept from the poops to the PMS."


"hehehe... hairy penis... hehehehe"

-Aimee (Why I LURV The Library)

"So funny!! When you were little did you have the book, "Where did I come From?" It was funny and bizarre and clearly written in the 60s or 70s! My older sisters had already labeled it with incorrect spellings like penus, if you have never seen it I highly recommend it for comedic value!"
-JD Racecar (Why I LURV The Library)

"I think I just peed my snowpants laughing at your blog! Especially the human toboggan story. I HAVE to know who that was, because the story was vaguely familiar! FB a message to me, pronto!"
-Matt (Freaking Snow, And Other Useless Thoughts)

"Ah thanks Karen I needed a good laugh this morning! It's nice to know I'm not alone out here on this island! PMS is a killer I can so relate to your symptons...actually so can my poor family lol ! Hope the pills work!"

-Pamela (How To Kill The PMS Monster-Part 3: Hormone-o-rama)

"wow, you're brave to try to wax the pits. TWICE! what's that saying, fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me..."

-Sherilin (Vacation: Turning Sasquatch into sexy beach ball woman)

"You're absolutely right. We're all the same. Except different. Kind of nice to know though"

-Sandra (Alone In The Crowd--Like Everyone Else)

"Is it completely terrible that I'm crying from laughing at this?!! I can't catch my breath! I can picture it all too well... I hope Ella is ok. I just can't stop laughing."

-Becky (I Still Smell Barf)

"Oh hell, I live eating issues. I have a 7 year old who lost 9 pounds in 3 months. That's a big deal on a kid whose highest weight has been 55 lbs. Our doctor even asked him to please eat a scoop of ice cream every day. He doesn't. I gave up worrying about vegetables a long time ago. Fruit? Forget it. Please just eat something! I still have his chocolate from his easter basket from last year. The child survives on whole milk, Quik and Subway."

-Lisa (Life On The Autism Spectrum: For God's Sake Just Eat)

"It's so feckin' gross. I *just* had an uber barf-o-rama last night with 1 son. Managed to catch most of it, but a small percentage ended up on all over the dog. THEN when I returned to the scene of the crime after I cleaned up said dog and boy, my OTHER dog felt the need to PISS all over the barf. I don't know how to process the grossness that was that moment."

-Lady Estrogen (EEEK--VOMIT!!!)

"jeez Karen you have a way with words...I did not know there was so much terminology for barf..."

-Melissa (EEEK--VOMIT!!!)

"oh my good gracious, that's some funny sh*t, right there! isn't it fun to come up with every descriptive word & phrase for something really gross...?"

-Sherilin (


-Me (Wonderful, Magical Armpits)

"This rant was a total page-turner. Well, sorta. There were no pages to turn but still. It was."


"oh, you are hilarious, and I hate those days, but honestly, it is nice to know we all have them! (at least us normals!) Love all the poo talk going on too. "

-Danielle (Blah, Blah Blah-Diddy-Blah)

"OMG - well to be fair you make all this stressful stuff sound amusing."

-David M. (Whisky. It's The Only Answer.)

"Freedom isn't Free..... it's about $15 a bottle."

-Tor H.  (Whisky. It's The Only Answer.)

"Oh my. Hmmmmm Remind me again why it is that much of society thinks I should make a family?"

-Bennet (There Are Good Days, There are Bad Days)

"Congratulations on your first year Karen!! Aren't you glad I kept yelling at you through FB to do it!!! It's been fun Cousin!!!"
-Pamela (Holy SMOKE! It's been  ONE YEAR!)

"Congratulations!! Cheers to one year and bringing the funny to us!"
-Jdracecar (Holy SMOKE! It's been ONE YEAR!)    

Cheers to all of YOU, as well, homegirls and homeboys.  You're pretty darn funny yourselves!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Holy SMOKE! It's been ONE YEAR!

Image from HERE
Hey!  I just realised what date it is--March 22!  I was a little distracted because I was contemplating A) The super duper messy kitchen, and B) the needle in the neck I get to enjoy tomorrow morning at 8 FREAKING 30!  Hooray for another thyroid lump biopsy!  No, don't panic.  My lumpy thyroid has been poked a couple of times already.  But we'll talk...oh yes...we'll talk...

Anyhow, it was a year ago today that some of my relatives on Facebook enjoyed my smarta$$, sarcasm-crammed, crusty status updates SO MUCH, that they figured I must be brimming with enough crap to fill a blog. 

And so, a year has come and gone, and I can honestly say that writing is the best way to avoid doing any housework  still one of my favourite past-times. 

What I really love about blogging is the comments section.  Seriously:  you peeps are awesome!  You have great comments.  You're insightful, hilarious, supportive, and not afraid to have your own brain and opinions. 

So, HOORAY TO ME!  Yeah, I do mean that.  I'm VERY unmotivated in most things, you know.  And, HOORAY TO YOU, otherwise this wouldn't be half as fun. 
My Very First Post:  Zhu Zhu Pet Of Terror!

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Monday, March 21, 2011

Jack's Art 2!

Back in September, 2010, I posted some of my son Jack's art .  Seeing as how he draws, and draws, and draws, and draws, and draws, and draws...I figured I'd share some more of his work, because damn it, I'm so freaking proud! I have to post this while he's in bed though, because he's something of an ARTISTE (you know; the tempermental, volatile, EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT kind), and if he caught me he might not be very impressed. However, he's 7, and I'm his mother, so I can toss scruples and discretion to the wind, har har.

Jack mostly likes to draw scenes from orchestras, especially if Jascha Heifetz is the star.  He's also a big fan of British rock & roll, but as you'll see he features himself and his all teddy-bear band, instead of the groups in the original stills.  His band always includes himself, Roland (his toy lion) on drums, John (his small bear), and Dave, his favourite, favourite bear and right-hand man.  The logo on the bass drum is usually that of "The Who."  Even though they're not his favourite band, it seems to be Jack's favourite band logo. 

 Here are some of his recent works done over the winter. Keep in mind, this kid only just turned 7 in February!

You can click on pics for better detail

Jascha Heifetz

Jack's Van Gogh-esque Sunflowers

Jack and his band playing in Hamburg, Germany

Happy Jack, super star

Jascha Heifetz, smiling


Heifetz again, I believe

Jack and the boys, playing The Cavern Club ~ Liverpool, England

A rare colour pic of Jack and his band

yet another concert


at the Cavern Club (note the posters on the walls)

playing in the orchestra

scene from "They Shall Have Music" (1939)

The Standells on "The Munsters" (from the episode "Far Out Munster")



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