Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Get OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE, Dear

Are you the type of wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend who wants to share EVERYTHING with your significant other?  Do you blubber away about how "we have NO secrets from each other"? Do you gush about how you have a joint Facebook account, and that you have one single solitary COUPLE'S PASSWORD for everything you do in computer land?  Aw, that's precious.

WELL THAT'S NOT ME.

And I'm here to say this:  what the HELL are you thinking?!?  Do you truly want your man or your woman in all your bizness??  Do you really have to have ownership over each other's thoughts?!? 


ECCCCHHH.....

Okay, I love The Man.  I like him just fine.  I have to share a bed with his snoring, leg-jigging, breath-holding, sleep-apnea-maniac self.  I make his dinners.  I lovingly (coff) wash his gitch (but I don't pair his million black socks up any longer (yeah, I just regained an hour of ME-time each week).  I pretend I don't notice how comic books are starting to appear in all nooks and crannies of the house.  I shave the hars off the back of his neck for him.  I still hold hands whenever the kids disappear and we can pretend we're not ADVERSARIES for a little while.  I rant to him about stuff.  I half listen while he tells me all about that ridiculous show he likes, whereby grown-ass people have to race through some insane obstacle course, and get bounced/smacked/spun off stuff like human pinballs (oh, you don't have to watch WIPEOUT?  Aren't you special).

BUT,

I do not share EVERYTHING with him. Are you insane?!? I don't want him to share everything with me either. If he wants to go on the computer and look up...questionable sites, I don't give a crap. I don't look through his files, and he doesn't give a crap about mine :) We have OUR stuff, HIS stuff and MY STUFF. And THAT, IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

Okay, so I'm on the computer far too much. I love blog land. I want to move into it and live in it forever. I'll never have to make snacks for anyone ever again. My only duties will be to add new gadgets to my side pane, and occasionally upgrade my layout. I already told my husband that blog world is far more fulfilling than my real world, har de har har. The Man has, thus far, never really been too interested in my blog. I'm pretty sure he thinks he already gets his share of whining, ranting, bitchery, and hyperbole simply by living with me. Thus, when he gets a minute or two to himself, he's sure as hell not going to cozy up to a nice, prickly post about my PMS. He gets the blog previews daily.

I can dig that. It may have bruised my widdle ego once upon a long time ago, but truly I don't care. In fact, I like it. I can write about whatever I like! Boobies, poop, maxi pads, foreskin (yeah, it's coming. You've been warned), etc, and do it without the discomfort of a disapproving eye watching over me.

Recently, however, he DARED INVADE MY PERSONAL SPACE!!!

SACRÉ BLEU!

Yeah, I have this notepad. I lovingly named it my THINK PAD. I write all my writeable, thinkable thoughts in it: blog post ideas, recipe ideas, crazy-freaking-out-mom hypotheses, Autism mumbo-jumbo. It's mine. Allllll mine.






See?  This is my THINK PAD. Here is a post I lovingly wrote out by hand one day.  At the top of the page it says "DINK ROCK," which was to remind me to post that special picture.

recipe ideas...NO PEEKING!



This pic shows a couple of fun little conversation with Ella and The Man I didn't want to forget:


I was checking out Ella's kinder egg surprise toy, which happened to be a cool spaceman video game type guy:


Me:  "Ella!  You got DADDY'S DREAM TOY!"

then I turned to The Man:  "This is the part where you say; 'Actually, that's YOU, Babe."  Ha ha, get it?

Convo at the kitchen table:



Me:  "This coffee is DELICIOUS.  I want to MARRY THIS COFFEE."

Ella:  "but it doesn't even talk!"



Me:  "PERFECT."


So like I mentioned, I wrote my post, when our power was out one day, about being slaves to technology in it.  I happened to mention something pertaining this post to The Man one day, and he said;


"Yeah, I know.  I read your blog.

"
Me:  "You...read my blog??"
"Yeah, the one you wrote out.  It was right there [beside the computer] and I was curious."
Me:  hrm.

Okay, that's fine.  He didn't mention how clever and thought-provoking and witty it was.  NOOOO...of course not.  So, I moved on. 


Then one day, I was flipping through my THINK PAD to find a page to scribble something new on...and found THIS:




I know.  You're mortified too.

Seriously people--

WHAT THE F*CK

How DARE he doodle in MY THINK PAD?!?

Clearly, I'm going to have to hide it.


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20 comments:

  1. Wipeout is AWESOME!!! And I'm sorry but I like the Man's doodle...he does obviously have a deathwish though. BRING ON THE FORESKIN!!!!

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  2. Right on Karen! Right on!!
    Yeah i'm friends with a couple on FB they share the same one yuk! So i never know who is posting!
    Yes I need my space and don't care what he is doing on his computer just don't look at mine!

    Oh Sam and his Dad love that stupid show it drives me nuts!!!! I usually blog then but sometimes I have to watch it to make Sam happy. He still likes me to be included..might enjoy it while it lasts but oh that show goes on forever!!!

    I love what Ella replied to you
    but it doesn't talk!!!! That is so
    funny!!!

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  3. yeah! I can't wait to dive in to the foreskin! Wait...that sounds reeeeeeally bad... Yeah, the drawing is talented and fine, and blah blah blah, but how dare he. How dare he.

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  4. ha ha ha Pam--I liked that convo with Ella too. I think you hit the nail on the head about Wipeout: it does go on a bit too long. It's not unwatchable. Maybe the other problem is that it's on ALL THE TIME. Or, it feels like it is at least.

    Yeah, I love my personal space.

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  5. Well I can see where your son gets his drawing talent from. I have to agree about the personal space. We share the computer but each of us has a code to keep our info personal. My husband rarely reads my blog unless I tell him too, and that is ok by me.

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  6. holy crap your whole family is crazy artistic talented. i love wipeout, it makes me laugh. and I kinda want to go on it. except the water always looks cold and I hate cold water more than anything.

    buy him his own pad the next time you are at the evil wall. that's what i do when I don't like to share my stuff. for example, we use different toothpaste tubes because apparently i squeeze the toothpaste out wrong. who knew there is a wrong way to use toothpaste. who knew.

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  7. I just gave you a shout out on FB!!!

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  8. yes, different codes are GOOD, Alaina, very, very good! Hm...maybe most bloggers significant others don't want to read their blog...

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  9. do you squeeze it out from the MIDDLE??? Ha ha ha...who used to freak about that in my family...probably my brother. Actually, Jon pointed out that I invaded HIS personal space by "stealing" the pad of paper from the four pack of paper pads he had purchased. Har har har...
    I will, begrudgingly, pass your compliment on to him, and bloat his ego further.

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  10. i hate the thought of sharing a facebook or email account with my husband too. i'm willing to give him my password if i need him to check something for me, but he'll probably forget it immediately after & wouldn't bother to look at my stuff. i like that i can leave my fb & gmail up all the time if i want & not have to worry about him spying on me. not that there's anything to find, but come on, let's give each other a little space here! we didn't cease to be ourselves just because we got married.
    i like his doodle, especially the toes, but clearly he needs his own paper.

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  11. "we didn't cease to be ourselves just because we got married". Sherilin, you hit the nail on the head as far as the pont I was trying to make is concerned. Yeah, it's not about secrets, it's about keeping a small corner of yourself, for yourself. Like--your own private tree house.

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  12. if you want an interesting story about foreskins,look no farther than the bible,yup,thats right,first kings,25-27...a very interesting dowery!

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  13. Now I know where Jack gets his drawing from...holy cow it that is his doodling what does he do for real drawing?

    Thank the Lord above nobody in this family watches that stupid show.

    After Kayti's accident all we see are head injuries..LOL.

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  14. eek Paula--that sounds ominous somehow!

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  15. yup Melissa, it's a doodle. Jon draws A LOT too. Yeah, it's certainly never, ever my first choice for television programming.

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  16. See, what I do is if MY man is looking over my shoulder at something I'm doing I do the slow turn of the neck with glaring eyes, give him the thumbs and say, "BEAT IT!" hehe

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  17. YEAH! BEAT IT! We should have that on a t-shirt.

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  18. because you LURV your personal space!?

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