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Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Funny Stuff Little Boys Do

My Jack, in all his 7 year old glory, has been working extremely hard to master a new craft:

THE ARMPIT FART

He has been working at it with dilligence and determination.  He is desperate to master this fine art.  This, of course, is something little boys have been doing for years.  Girls, of course, can take part in all these ridiculous things too, but don't seem to have quite as much enthusiasm for them as boys. 

What Jack loves, is the story my brother told him.  Uncle P. was somewhere around Jack's age, when he and his class were at school having a session in the library.  The thousand year old, brittle, crusty, crotchety fossil librarian was most likely reading some bland, long book of the Curious George variety.  Most of the kids were quiet, but Uncle P. and his friends were very busy in the back of the class.  They had their pant legs hiked up over their knees, with a little hand cupped carefully under each skinny knee.  Slowly they were pumping their legs up and down to make quiet FFFFFFFURT noises, laughing quietly like crazy all the while.  Their one friend, Mike, wanted to join in the fun too, but couldn't quite get it. 

"How do you do it?"  he whispered

"Like THIS" the boys whispered back.

"Like this?"  Mike said.

"Move your hand a little higher!"

FAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRP!!!

Immediately the old miserable bag of a librarian's head shot up from her book to the red-faced boy with his mouth hanging open, and his hand cupped under his knee. 

He got a DETENTION, of course. 

Jack thinks that story is EPIC.  I had to tell it nearly every day for two weeks walking home from school.  He's been completely enchanted.  And then recently, this fine art made its appearance in his grade 1 class room.  It just so happens the boy who Jack finds most interesting anyway is the talented one. 

Jack:  "I wanna do the armpit fart like Mohammed {name changed, of course} does!"

Me:  "Hmm...well, don't ask me--I was never able to do it.  My armpits were too chubby."

Jack:  "but why can Mohammed do it?!?  I WANT TO DO IT!"

Me:  "well, he's a skinny kid.  It's usually the skinny kids who can do it well."

Jack:  "am I a skinny kid?"
 

Me:  "Not really honey.  You're just normal."

Jack: "but I WANT TO BE A SKINNY KID!  That's it!  I'm NEVER gonna eat anymore!"

Whooooooah there pardner...

And after working at it and working at it, Jack's dream came true on Friday night.  No, he didn't get to stop eating, he somehow managed to squeak out a small, but audible "FFFT".  He was enraptured. 

Then, The Man discovered that he was able to do it too, and quite well in fact.  They spent the next 20 minutes working on technique and form. 

My armpits are still too chubby. Probably worse. 

Jack also loves the story about Uncle P. practising Christmas songs at school for the concert (back when they still did that Christmas sort of thing), and as the rest of the class were singing The Little Drummer Boy the way they were supposed to, my brother and his friends were quietly singing "BUM! BUM! BUM! BUM!" in the background. 

They all got detentions.

But that's the funny thing about boys, and the delightful thing too:  they're compelled to do the craziest things!  I didn't know any girls who were able to flip their eye lids inside-out.  Boys just seem to have so much more energy.  I wish there were more teachers in school who get this, and realise that they're not being bad--they just can't help it. 

I think they're charming just the way they are.




I am 89!  WOOT WOOT!  Thanks everyone!Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me!

16 comments:

  1. Ha ha this brought back memories!! So funny! What is it with boys and their love of any type of farts?
    I remember Sam doing this!

    Crusty old librarian!! What is it with the librarians back then?? The one we had in school was just the same and do you remember the one at Myer? She was had to be the nastiest yet!

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  2. too bad arm farts are not [yet] an olympic sport, with that kind of determination, he could win gold!

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  3. karen&penis fan!!April 3, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    89!!!booya!remember when you were thrilled with 630!? great job lady!

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  4. who is that boy in the video & is he jack's ultimate hero?
    i used to be jealous as a kid cuz my brother was a pit farting professional & i could barely make a noise with mine at all.

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  5. not just boys Pam--Ella is INSANE for fart/poop/pee jokes. It makes me sooooo tired sometimes. I don't remember the librarian in highschool for some reason! But Miss Dunns is burned into my brain.

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  6. but Paula-- has Gabe not discovered that yet?!? Give him a little time. Yeah, Jack's probably upstairs in bed armpitting away, even though he should be sleeping

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  7. yeah! 630! I was excited about htat, and now I'm on page 4! Muchas Gracias, everyone!

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  8. I never could either Sherilin! My sister can still honk out a decent pitter I think. I don't know who that kid is in the video, but I will have to show Jack tomorrow! He will be delighted.

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  9. Hahahaha....Aim was always good at that...me not so much:( Ben is NOW learning how to master this craziness.
    He thinks its sooo funny...he also thinks smelly feet are just great...so bathtime now is a good fight...(this is all thanks to the book Smelly Socks) Boys eh?

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  10. Smelly socks! I'll have to look for that. Yes, I could have included a whole section on smelly feet, smelly shoes, and knock-you-over-with-the-stank boots. They're the one thing I Febreze.

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  11. haha! Stephy remembers my armpit farting talent! I WAS good at it! But I remember it pained me to do it. Literally. Maybe my knuckles were too bony.. when I would ram my arm down on my well cupped (yet bony) hand it hurt!! Also, the only way I could successfully make a fart noise with my armpit was by making my face really ugly in the process. Not sure the science behind THAT.

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  12. yeah! The face! I asked Jack if he needed to make an ugly face in order to get some better sound. He claimed he does not.

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  13. yes! the "ugly" face!!! ahhh memories! I dont think at the time I thought it was an ugly face...I was to amazed that you could do the armpit farting AND realy fart on comand!

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  14. Oh man steph--how did I forget about her ON COMMAND gift?!? Hilarious! Yeah, my bro used to make a pretty ugly face when he did the armpit or leg pit thing.

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  15. Boys doing this is fine with me. There is much to be said about school structuring that turns kids into mindless drones void of energy or inspiration.

    However, more disturbing is grown men doing this with other adults as the punchline to their jokes that need sound effects.

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  16. Grown men doing this for punchlines to their jokes?! Oh man...that's because "The GOOFBALL" is a much portrayed desireable manly image. Look at all those beer commercials, and SPIKE tv...yeah I'm not surprised.

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