Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Saturday, April 30, 2011

HE thinks he's HILARIOUS

Like the apathetic, mostly directionless HUMAN TUMBLEWEED that I am, I often fall back into my same old bad habits. 

Recently, I set aside a hunk of my pride and came to The Man for help.


Me:  "I think you're going to have to help police me.  I'm falling back into my bad habits again.  I don't feel like eating lunch, so around 3:00 when I'm starving, I have a cheese toast (you know, toast with 3 slices of cheese on top, no butter.  Basically, one of the laziest lunches possible). I drink a coffee in the morning, and then have no liquid till dinner time--if then.  I went pee after Jack came home from school, and it smelled like coffee. That's disgusting.  That basically means I hadn't gone to the can all day."

The Man:  "do I have to draw up a schedule for you too?"

Me:  "yeah, you may have to."

See that?  I'm a total, preachy child.  EAT YOUR VITAMINS everyone.  ONLY EAT WHOLE GRAINS, PEOPLE.  DON'T DRINK POP ALL THE TIME, IT'S BAD FOR YOU.  You should be eating SEVERAL SMALL MEALS throughout the day.  It's much better for your metabolism. 

In other words, BLAH BLAH BLAH DIDDY BLAH, because I don't practice what I preach. 

So, this morning, The Man was busy scribbling something, all secretive like.  My new schedule. 

Is it just me, or does it reek of  I'm-a-dick-ness? 








I keep getting stuck on number 6 for some reason.


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13 comments:

  1. Oh I love people who are hypocrites. Just. Like. Me.
    And your husband...he does seem like a total prick. But I get the feeling you like him a lot.
    (I completed a #6 list this morning and that's all I've completed in the last three hours.)

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  2. At least the chores come after blogging. Funny girl. Believe me you are not alone. Everyday of school I pack my children a healthy lunch, fruit, vegtable, sandwich and so on. But do I eat like that NOOOOOOOOOOO.......

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  3. i try really hard to eat the food i encourage my kid to eat, but once she's in bed, all bets are off. bring on the greasy popcorn & candy!
    i like your husband's list though. i think it looks pretty doable.

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  4. so dbs, does that mean you just made the list, or you actually did some CHORES?

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  5. yes, why is that, Alaina? WHY IS THAT? I have to FORCE myself to eat an apple these days.

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  6. Well Sherilin, at least you make it through the day admirably. At least there's THAT.

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  7. i am in pms grunp land, so my list would include 11-eat junk and 12-freak out on someone.yahoo!

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  8. Ooohh... how did you get my hubs to write that? LOL
    He thinks he's pretty darn funny as well.

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  9. LOL Lady E! Somehow that's part of their charm I guess.

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  10. why Paula, I'm chowing on something salty and carb laden even as I type this! Hooray!

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  11. And now the Man is contributing toward your blogs. Nice. Interesting how he both takes the crap and doesn't take it all at the same time. What an art. He should teach courses...

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  12. actually matt, he was mildly disappointed when he discovered I scanned an posted his "schedule"--you know, the same way a parent is disappointed when they find their kid wearing a shirt with a swear word on it?

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  13. disappointed... but not surprised?

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