Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, May 9, 2011


SUPER LURV the homemade card.  Hallmark can SUCK IT

Yesterday was one of those rare days.  I only get about, oh, four of them a year, whereby the weather is beautiful, and the kids only fight about 40% of the day, and I don't have to cook, and it's just completely stress free.  Yeah, I don't get many of those, but who cares, because yesterday was FABULOUS. 

The weather was fantastic (SIX MONTHS OF WINTER: DONE). It was bright and sunny and almost cool enough to require a light jacket. Most importantly, it was DRY. This meant NO STUPID HAIR! Hooray!

First, I watched The Man dig a hole to plant a fun, new tree my Dad forced on us. What?!? You can think of something MORE soothing than watching someone else do hard, physical labour? So, that was very relaxing.

Then, I played Swingball for ages, while girlie jumped on the trampoline.

I love you, SWINGBALL. Why can't all toys be as fun as you? 

THEN, I actually plunked my a$$ down on the driveway and made some chalk drawings with my tiny girlfriend.   I got wicked eyestrain, because I'm OLD LIKE THAT, but it was so soothing and fabulous! 

OMG, The Man bought FANCY CHEESE

Cheese, I love you so much, I could write a poem about you.  With hearts on it.  With love arrows through the hearts.  With "karen + Red Leicester" scribbled in the heart. 

check it out--we even got out the fancy cheese TRAY.  That's how we roll.

wanna make out?

Also, The Man bought us breakfast!  Have I mentioned how good the coffee at McDonk's is?  That is some seriously good coffee.  And that McMuffin?  I defy you to find a better lowbrow brunch.

So, when I got up after HAVING A LIE IN, that fine Mother's Day morn, I demanded MY DUE from the children.  No beating around the bush.  I asked Jack straight out:

"did you make me a Mother's Day card in Class?"

Jack:  "yeah"

Me:  "well hand it over."

Here is the inside of the card (the front is pictured at the top of this post of course).  Jack, egoist that he is, has drawn a rather nice picture of himself, sharply attired in a suit.  There's some other garbage going on on the left, that must have been an abandoned first attempt at a drawing.  No matter, it's really cute.  Then the kid said; "There's a picture of you on the back, Mom!"

"Yes?!!"  I said, excitedly!

  Jack NEVER draws me.  I can't pay the child to draw me, or even include me in his pictures.  Once I asked him if he could draw me into one of his British Invasion concert pics.  So, in the sea of swirls that made up the heads of people in the audience, he pointed to one random, scribbled swirl and said; "that's YOU, Mom." 


So, let's see how he's drawn me!  After all, he's a fab little artist!


What the f*ck?!?  How come he gets to be "sharp guy inna suit," and I get to be Modern Art Earth Mother Goddess of Fertility sculpture??? 

The Man, chuckling as he looks over my shoulder:  "let's hope those are your HANDS." 

Even more fun though, is the little write-up Jack did in class for me.  Click to enlarge, if you can't quite see it.

I am the scribble on the left

It's fairly bullsh*tty, but really touching. OH come on--"my mom helps me COOK"?!That's a hot one coming from a child who actually hates 98% of all food, and won't even partake in throwing his own cinnamon bread in the toaster. So, while we all know he reached into the 'cute answers' bag, and grabbed a handful of words to fill in the blanks, it's touching and sweet just the same. Even if he drew a scribbled BACK OF ME. Whatever. It's the thought that counts, right? Right?


I mean, you can't argue with applewood smoked cheddar.  It's like bacon and cheese got together and had a really gorgeous baby. 

How was your Sunday?

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  1. Lol - really - I laughed out loud when I saw his picture and the man's comments.
    My mother's day was great too. Sarah made me a key rack thing at Brownies and Matthew made me a lego M. Even had a nap - life is good :-)

  2. oh my gosh, that drawing of you on the card is awesomely weird. i'm pretty those are your tits. cuz if they were arms, wouldn't there be hands at the ends? at least some stick fingers? he did make himself look pretty good with his little tie.
    my day yesterday consisted of cleaning & purging toys & games cuz we are moving! it's only 4 weeks away & we have a week of vaca in there too, so i've got to start getting ready now. not exactly a mother's day extravaganza, but a wonderful step toward something better.

  3. oh, and i wanted to tell you that i find cheese to be nearly orgasmic too. i think if given a choice, i'd probably pick cheese over weiner most days. TMI?

  4. Oh i am so glad you had a wonderful Mother's Day!!!

    Hey I love McDonald's coffee too!

    You are going to freak but i had a dream about you last night!!!!! You just had a baby girl!!! Okay don't pass out!! Don't ask me why i dream't clue!

  5. Holy shit.
    DID THAT EVER get me laughing. When I saw that rendition of you I literally burst.

    WTF? I was expecting some incredible rendition of you..the hoots/hands just nearly killed me...jeez this is funny.

    you better watch out karen looks like you have a little ego on your hands.

  6. wow that was the best laugh i have had in weeks!i was laughing so loud gabriel came to see what was so you remember that kid song"do your ears hang low"? replace "ears" with "boobs", and that could be the name of that picture.ohhhhh do your boobs hang low, do they wobble too and frow.....

  7. homemade presents and a NAP, Michelle? That truly is awesome! I love a nap on a sunny afternoon. Just love it.

  8. That's it Sherilin, and everyone else: I'm asking Jack tomorrow if those are indeed my TITS. I'm thinking arms. Well, I'm hoping it's arms, anyway.

    You're moving eh? Are you excited?!?

  9. oh, and not tmi at all. I'd choose most things over that most days! Ha! It's awesome to be me.

  10. no more babies for me, Pam! I think if I were ever pregnant again, the baby would actually be riding along OUTSIDE MY BODY, since that's how destroyed I am now :) Glad you had a nice day too.

  11. Melissa, I was hoping for some masterpiece of me as well. Alas, I got BLOB MOM.

    Oh yeah, he's definitely a little narcissist. Which is good--better than my crappy low self-confidence when I was a kid!

  12. Yes Paula, I know the song, and luckily they don't hang low yet. Still got it!

  13. Laoch, what a shame. What I've discovered though is that the GOOD cheese is really addictive. Once it's gone, I still crave it for days.

  14. This was HI-larious. Oh I feel for people who think having kids will make them happy.

  15. I'd love to borrow that whole "My mom..." and see how my kids finish those sentences...I may just have to, now the curiosity is killing me.
    By the way, the whole "Mother Earth" thing is very in right now, way more than the "Guy in a suit" look.

  16. dbs, I had kids so I could perfect the art of worrying, and get some really snazzy white hair.

  17. yeah, I'm timeless now, aren't I Sandra. Timeless.

    Yes, by all means, borrow that fill in the blanks thingy and force your kids to answer. "My mom loves it when I'm cool." Gotta love these pulled-out-of-my-ass answers.

    I do, actually :)

  18. Your Mother's Day sounds divine.

    Of course, you know how I feel about cheese.

  19. i copied that "my mom" thing & left it out for brooke to find this morning & she wrote that i help her cook too! but in our case, i actually do, but of all things i do with her, funny that she'd say the same thing as jack.

  20. Oh yes I do, Ms. S. Thanks to your scrumptious post, that image of a whole store of wonderful cheese is burned into my brain forever.

  21. that's funny, Sherilin! Is that what the children think we're good at??

  22. You deserve your fancy cheese self - and the kid knows you're a Goddess so Go Jack!!!!

  23. "hands" indeed! Too funny. I had thought the same thing. Maybe he has to observe you more, so that the portraits are less...well, abstract.

  24. Well, leave it to you Chritina to FORCE me to see things in a better light :)

  25. Yeah, but Matt, he observes me all the time! He noticed one day when I wore navy blue eyeliner instead of brown. He notices if I colour my hair. He's all over my appearance. Except when it comes to art. Then I'm not interesting, clearly :)

  26. Or self-awareness hogs all the 'art time' leaving precious little sketch-action for others.


I lurv comments. Thank you for the comments. They are scrumptious.


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