Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Going Downhill and Picking Up Speed!

The Man just threatened that he's going to rip my shirt off. 


Actually, no--not in a sexy "oh woman, you are so buxom, I can't keep my HANDS OFF OF YOU!" kinda way.

He's disgusted by my ripped shirt.  This coming from the guy who, until this winter, was wearing a coat with duct tape holding the lining together.  He also has this shirt that says; "You can Leave Liverpool--Liverpool NEVER Leaves You."  So I just made a joke to him that went like this:  "you can leave Liverpool, but your thousand year old Liverpool shirt will NEVER leave you."  Haw, haw, haw.

He's not budging though.  As for the coat?  "Yeah, but that was the lining," he said.  This means, who cares; nobody could see that his coat was ripped (he also got that coat in grade 9.  Kudos to my mother-in-law for having such good taste in clothing, that The Man could still wear a c. 1986 coat that would STILL look good today).  And as for that shirt?  "It doesn't have a big HOLE in the front."

Hole shmole.  There are a couple of horizontal slashes between my left hoot and my shoulder, and I was thinking it's passable, and maybe even looks kinda cool.  You know--like this:

"Shooting at the walls of HEARTACHE--BANG, BANG! I am THE WARRIOR!!!"

But, The Man thinks I look like "a bum."  A bum.  How melodramatic can you get?  I wear one favourite, white, cotton, long-sleeved shirt with a couple of rippies in it ONE LOUSY DAY, and he's appalled and thinks I reek of derelict.

This shirt should have had a lot of good life left in it though!  There I was, in the basement doing the laundry one day recently, stretching my shirt to the desired longer length (2 kids people.  Hide the evidence), when suddenly--THE UNSPEAKABLE!  Rrrrrrip!!!  I was mortified.

But I told The Man:  "I have to wear it.  I'm poor.  I have no INCOME."  Did I just get a bonus for all the hard work I do?  No, I did NOT.

Anyhow, I think I'm harming noone by wearing my shlumpy shirt...but am I wrong?  Is this how it all begins?

Today, I went out of the house with NO MASCARA ON!  Oh, you think this is no big deal?  Well, I came of age in THE EIGHTIES.  It was almost acceptable to wear makeup to bed back then for crap's sake.  Also, come to think of it, because I felt like tired, germ filled bucket o' death this morning (my head is killing me, and even my teeth are itchy), I didn't get a wash.   Yeah...I just washed my pits, and some other pertinent parts, threw on my rippo shirt, and slobbed off to the kids' schools with only 95% of my makeup on. 



See this?  A little slip here, a little slip there, some duct tape on this outfit.  Some duct tape on that outfit, and before you know it, I'll be rolling in to pick up the kids at school wearing pyjama pants.


Then, I'll give up on this unyielding haystack on top of my head once and for all and gel it into a pony tail. So much easier to manage!

Yeah, maybe I'll let my 1980's eyebrows grow back too:

1984.  Oh Dear LORD. Now I feel sorry for me

1987.  Look at those f*cking eyebrows.  This is making my sister very happy.  I can just feel it. 

2009.  Hell YEAH, that's what I'm TALKING ABOUT!  Much better eyebrows.  No, don't make a comment about how I took my own glamour shot.  Who else was going to take it--The Man?!?

One thing's for certain:  there will be NO RETURN to 80's eyebrows. 

I used to work in an office.  I used to do IMPORTANT things like send faxes and answer the phone.  Yeah, valuable things!  I wore nice clothes.  I got so comfortable wearing nicer clothes that I would wear skirts on the weekend JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT.  Now, I make different choices, like, "gee, I like these new running shoes, but I can't be bothered tying up laces all the time.  Yes, I need some casual shoes with no laces, that I can still run in, for the next time Ella tumbles off the slide." 

But who cares.  I'm a MOM now.  I'm a Mom who gets 95% of the germs the little people bring me.  I'm tired all the time.  Am I not entitled to one lousy day wearing a comfortable, snuggy, shirt that has two itty bitty slashes in it? 

Next stop:  TRACK PANTS TOWN. 

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  1. You talk about all the things I do.

    I have always driven the kids to school in my jammies, and still do.

    I don't even brush my hair sometimes.

    The ripped shirt....always! I don't have a wardrobe to look at. I have painted and caulked and built in most of my clothes so therefor they are ready for the garbage pile.

    As for the eyebrows...I saw a chick in Vancouver last week that had the most thick , bushiest dark brown eyebrows EVER...the funny part was that they were well manicured to a tee.

    ?Why could she not have had them made thinner????????? It was gross.

    Have you ever seen THE DIONNE Quints when they were teens and young ladies...that is what they looked like only trimmed! YUCK.

  2. The hell? Do all husbands do this? Because I got the same thing about an admittedly maybe had seen better days sweater that I had worn. The husband deemed it unacceptable because there were a few rips where the collar joined the back, which WERE NOT EVEN VISIBLE because the collar covered them.

    But his stupid sweatshirt with the giant hole in the front? Perfectly fine.

  3. Great photos Karen!!
    I picked Sam up from school one day in my PJ"s ...well there was so much snow and i thought why bother i will just stay in the car when i pick him up. Well wasn't that the day the principal wanted to talk to me???

    I'm okay with the mom outfit but Karen Please no running shoes in the snow!!!

  4. Go 'mom'...go all-the-way 'mom'! Wanna hear my theory? If you quit fighting its pull, you will be completely sucked in, a la black hole style. What happens in principle is that you will re-emerge in some other reality where you will be avant garde in fashion sense and style. Just a theory though. Care to test it?

  5. What you really need are inspirational beer T-shirts. No doubt thee will set you in the right frame of mind.

  6. You get better looking the older you get. What gives?
    Your Friend, m.

  7. On my days off I don't take a shower, I consider it saving on water. HAHAHAHA Now that I am a working girl I have to be careful because my customers live in my neighbor hood and can see me in my dirty paint splattered shirt/pants weeding my gardens. Ugh I am not giving up my tanks when I mow the lawn even if the girls kind of hang out/how else am I going to get a tan people!
    Oh and the eyebrows, I still have mine, nope not plucking them, they keep me warm. As for the gardening, weeding and planting is more fun when someone is doing it with you, my sister comes and we weed and laugh, then I go and we do the same at her house, goes great with beer too.

  8. So the tape I used at work because the hem of my pants was falling is perfectly acceptable or not? I won't comment on how many times I used said tape in order to avoid sewing or gluing the hem.

  9. Melissa, not brushing the hair, the ripped shirt--all are fine in my book. But, for heavens sake woman! Oh wait...I had a question: do you just wear jammies in the car, and you don't actually have to get out? I'm cool with that. I'm talking about the moms who are walking down the street in the middle of the day wearing pj pants.

  10. Ms Suniverse, I don't know why a perfectly comfortable and comforting item of clothing can't be forgiven for its wear and tear.

  11. Pam, I'm a hard core weather nerd. This means I NEVER wore running shoes in the snow. I wore my stupid boots until I wanted to THROW UP at the sight of them.

    Yeah, like I said to Ms. Melissa: if you're wearing jammies to school but never getting out of he car, that's fine.

  12. Matt, I fear your theory is doomed to failure I imagine I'm becoming a frump in myriad parallel worlds

  13. Laoch, that reminds me: my husband has a "Whaaaaaaazup" t-shirt. He still wears it. That slogan is so out-dated, I don't know if anyone gets it.

  14. A ton of work, Mark. A ton of freaking effort.

  15. Oh Alaina! I forgot about your love of tans :) Enh, that's fine. And you GO GIRL with your eyebrows. I hadn't noticed them looking anywhere near as hideous as young karen's anyway. Gardening with beer sounds fun, but then I'd need a monstrous nap.

  16. Lisa, I think the tape is actually a stroke of genius. I've used a big safety pin before when the stitches came out of my hem job.

  17. Jammies to school: no. make up, never, unless so important it's time to hear, "wow - you look great" and roll my eyes becaues yes, I can, but doing it every day major waste to garden and write. The Man owes you a raise - a hefty Vacation raise, by the beach, and and iPod touch so you can blog in the bathroom, bed or at the park!!!

  18. Ah Christina, that's a wonderful fantasy! Blogging by the beach...sigh.

    Actually, I have to say that me mock freaking over not wearing makeup is a joke on myself, and my ridiculous fear of going out without it. It's all conditioning, and like I said--I've been wearing the junk since I was 13. So sad! kudos to you for wearing your own face with pride! And why not? More of us should.


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