|"Shooting at the walls of HEARTACHE--BANG, BANG! I am THE WARRIOR!!!"|
But, The Man thinks I look like "a bum." A bum. How melodramatic can you get? I wear one favourite, white, cotton, long-sleeved shirt with a couple of rippies in it ONE LOUSY DAY, and he's appalled and thinks I reek of derelict.
This shirt should have had a lot of good life left in it though! There I was, in the basement doing the laundry one day recently, stretching my shirt to the desired longer length (2 kids people. Hide the evidence), when suddenly--THE UNSPEAKABLE! Rrrrrrip!!! I was mortified.
But I told The Man: "I have to wear it. I'm poor. I have no INCOME." Did I just get a bonus for all the hard work I do? No, I did NOT.
Anyhow, I think I'm harming noone by wearing my shlumpy shirt...but am I wrong? Is this how it all begins?
Today, I went out of the house with NO MASCARA ON! Oh, you think this is no big deal? Well, I came of age in THE EIGHTIES. It was almost acceptable to wear makeup to bed back then for crap's sake. Also, come to think of it, because I felt like tired, germ filled bucket o' death this morning (my head is killing me, and even my teeth are itchy), I didn't get a wash. Yeah...I just washed my pits, and some other pertinent parts, threw on my rippo shirt, and slobbed off to the kids' schools with only 95% of my makeup on.
Gasp! No LIPSTICK EITHER!
It is a SLIPPERY SLOPE, PEOPLE...A VERY SLIPPERY SLOPE.
See this? A little slip here, a little slip there, some duct tape on this outfit. Some duct tape on that outfit, and before you know it, I'll be rolling in to pick up the kids at school wearing pyjama pants.
IF YOU TAKE YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL IN YOUR JAMMIES, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME RIGHT NOW. GO ON. DO IT.
Then, I'll give up on this unyielding haystack on top of my head once and for all and gel it into a pony tail. So much easier to manage!
Yeah, maybe I'll let my 1980's eyebrows grow back too:
|1984. Oh Dear LORD. Now I feel sorry for me|
|1987. Look at those f*cking eyebrows. This is making my sister very happy. I can just feel it.|
|2009. Hell YEAH, that's what I'm TALKING ABOUT! Much better eyebrows. No, don't make a comment about how I took my own glamour shot. Who else was going to take it--The Man?!?|
One thing's for certain: there will be NO RETURN to 80's eyebrows.
I used to work in an office. I used to do IMPORTANT things like send faxes and answer the phone. Yeah, valuable things! I wore nice clothes. I got so comfortable wearing nicer clothes that I would wear skirts on the weekend JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT. Now, I make different choices, like, "gee, I like these new running shoes, but I can't be bothered tying up laces all the time. Yes, I need some casual shoes with no laces, that I can still run in, for the next time Ella tumbles off the slide."
But who cares. I'm a MOM now. I'm a Mom who gets 95% of the germs the little people bring me. I'm tired all the time. Am I not entitled to one lousy day wearing a comfortable, snuggy, shirt that has two itty bitty slashes in it?
Next stop: TRACK PANTS TOWN.