Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Kids Won't Stop Fighting As I Try to Write This

karen's current hypochondriac ailments:

1) Ovarian cancer.  I always worry about that one, people.  If I get a little bloaty tummy for too many days in a row, I start to fret. 

2) pancreatic cancer.  Every time I think too hard about the extra work my pancreas possibly has to do without a gallbladder buddy, I get the cold hot heebie jeebies.

3) insidious low thyroid, causing my body to work too hard to combat its inefficient thyroid gland, thereby giving me a GIANT HEART, that, like a ticking time bomb, is going to BURST any year now. 

Number 3 is fairly new!  Isn't that exciting?  It's nice to have variety in one's life. 


Do you ever feel just completely tired of yourself at times? 

Like a bike with the kickstand permanently out, and PARKED in the mud? 

I read a slightly interesting article the other day.  What I had googled was "how to lose weight with hypothyroidism."  I can't begin to tell you the number of years I've almost had every single symptom that's listed on the hypothyroid check list, and still have the docs smile and say; "yeah, I'm tired a lot too.  Well, everything looks great, see ya next year!" 

I've been for lots and lots of blood tests.  Every time I've whined about how freaking tired I am, it's the same thing:  a quick scribbling up of a requisition form and "well, let's get you in for some blood work then." 

blah, blah, I'm tired of talking about it, and you're tired of hearing it. 

Anyhow, I seem to get all the germs the kids bring home, but I get to be twice as sick, somehow.  So, a couple of weeks ago, Ella and I got a nasty sinus cold, but I got a sinus infection and bronchitis.  And then I felt like weak, super sick garbage until, well, yesterday!  Well, with all this fun time on my hands trudging around, wheezing, unable to go for power walks and do much more than "take it easy," because I couldn't freaking breathe, I decided enough is enough.  I don't eat much during the day, but I'm going to pay much better attention to what I eat now.  I don't want my massive heart to conk on out me before I'm ready to go. 

Sweet mother of potatoes my kids are idiots right now. 

*Smack!*  "WAAA!"
*crash!* " No! NO! NOOOOOO!"
"Moooooommmm!  Jack won't stop bugging me!"

Question:  is it really all that easy to get in super fit shape when one has young children?  No, I'm serious:  they don't want to go for power walks, and after a full day of trying NOT to knock their heads together, and doing dishes, and laundry and all that crap, do I really feel like pulling the shrink wrap off that yoga dvd? Or making a second meal just for myself that isn't a starchy casserole, because one of the kids wouldn't like a plate full of lentils? 

There, that got them to stop for a second.  It's all empty threats of course, like when I was awoken stupidly early one day, and Ella wouldn't stop being bratty, or Jack wouldn't--hell, I can't remember.  Are they even actually different children, or are they just one giant SUPERMONSTER?  Well, in a fit of pique I shouted; "IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF, I'M CALLING THE EASTER BUNNY!"
Later on Jack asked me; "Mom, why did you say you're gonna call the Easter bunny?"

How could I explain the concept of "grasping at straws," and that I could no longer lord SANTA CLAUS over them because it was way too long since Christmas, and clearly THAT wasn't going to work any longer. 

What--you don't do that?  When your kids turn your house into FIGHT CLUB, you don't march over to the phone with purpose and say; "THAT'S IT.  I'M CALLING SANTA.  HE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN DOING TO EACH OTHER."  ?  No?

This was actually supposed to be a post about a lot of philosphical mental meanderings, like, how I want to get healthy and stop eating the wrong tiny bits of food, and start eating the RIGHT tiny bits of food. 

It was also supposed to be about this new trend in journalism/blogging/articles wherein the writers have to be snarky, sarcastic jerks.  This after some smart ass put my home town on a list of the top 10 most overrated cities to travel to.  I actually had some thought provoking points questioning why it's uncool to be NICE any longer, and why we have to always be GLIB and sarcastic, and tear people up to feel good?  Yeah, and there was even going to be a good bit in there that The Man told me; about how the NEWS isn't just the NEWS anymore, but always someone's OPINION.

Oh yeah, I was going to mention to you guys about the cluster of flying ants I saw on the OUTSIDE of my house today, all frantically mating and doing those horrifying bug things, and how these flying ants were special because they were the size of FREAKING HORNETS!  I may have nightmares tonight.  The ONLY, ONLY saving grace is that this time they were OUTSIDE the house, but I can still see them in my head stumbling stupidly across the grass after the man BLASTED THEM WITH POISON.  Shudder. 

I was also going to talk about this really cool video I saw on youtube today about how women are STILL being marketed as a super sex product, rather than as as women who are beautiful with their own imperfections, crows feet and FLAWS, but all the while my kids are being


and probably this is the point where I should have a huge fight and force them to the park instead of having fun with all of YOU,


I wear the MOM PANTS, and oh boy are they ever hot and itchy at times.  Plus they're giving me some wicked muffin top. 

Hey, while I'm off knocking heads together (no, not literally, don't panic.  We're not allowed to do that any longer I guess.  Instead we have to try to reason with the little savages, with, you know WORDS), take a lookee at this video.  I thought it was fantastic and thought provoking.

Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising's Image of Women


ahem.  Yeah...go watch that video...


  1. it's one of those days/weeks/months/lives when you just wish you could take a little pill of some sort & wander off to la-la land where you don't have to give a shit about fighting kids or muffin tops or dirty houses.
    i will not go attempt to put my child to bed without calling her the mean names that spring into my head when i hear her continual weeping over things that are so small i can hardly even notice them. then i'll pack some more boxes & dream of a happy pill life.

  2. I'm always tired and your post made me even more tired lol !!!
    How exhausting listening to kids fight it's just as bad as my dog pacing around the house because she hasn't had a walk!!!!!!!!

    Karen what detergent do you use? And do you use bleach?

  3. ah yes, that's right Sherilin--you're moving! Joy! Joy! Ella tends to cry over, well, everything. It's very draining at times. When you find that pill, ship some up to me.

  4. Pam, I've been using Gain detergent and sometimes I use bleach in the whites. That's about it though really. I used enviro detergent for a while until I thought I smelled the washing machine turning moldy.

    But like I said Pam, have you had your thyroid checked? Maybe it's stress?

  5. Hey i use Gain! You know what i did today? THis is how mental i am. I was at Walmart and they had arm and Hammer on for $2.72 so i was like awesome and bought it! Well i just used it for two loads before it dawned on me that i have front loaders and can only use HE detergent! CRAP!!!!!! No wonder why it was so cheap!
    Ray says can't you just take it back? I don't think so.

    I think its the stress that makes me tired. I start my job at the grocery store on Thursday!! I haven't worked for 12years! Can you say nervous???

  6. My teen scrap like feral cats somedays. And there are hormones literally wafting though the air in my house.

  7. Ha... you sound like me! I always think I have some disease or another.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. Benjamin Disraeli once wrote:

    "Worry - a God, invisible but omnipotent. It steals the bloom from the cheek and lightness from the pulse; it takes away the appetite, and turns the hair gray."

    I think that many bad things will happen to you and everyone else you know, eventually. The only way to bear them is to focus on the things you can control not those that are the result of the vagaries of fate.

  10. Wait! Are you typing from my house right now? All that sounds very familiar. And regarding exercising while raising little kids, forget about it! Listen, you can have it all. Just not all at the same time.
    Take care. Your Friend, m.

  11. good luck on your job Pam. Don't fret--I would be nervous too. However, you're a very relaxed person, so you will have more tolerance for customers :) What you SHOULD be is a professional home stager, or personal home shopper who comes in and buys all the stuff to make someone's home look fabulous.

  12. dbs, that's actually comforting somehow. Sometimes I naively imagine mine are the only fighting siblings in the world--especially when calmer kids are standing on the sidelines with expressions of mild horror on their faces.

  13. oh hooray! Mrs T is in the hypochondriac club too! The more, the not merry...

  14. Laoch!!! That wasn't comforting at all! It was, however, highly satisfying in a literary sense.

  15. Oh good, Mark's in the same boat too. I don't even want it all--I just want the odd day off :)

    Nice to see you agree about exercise vs caring for young kids.

  16. OH i'm taking a home staging course right now but in the meantime we need the money and this job has benefits. I hope to do both. I have already emailed a few realtors. Hopefully working at this store i will meet alot of people which can help with my home staging.

  17. I nearly spit out my coffee on the first sentence.. I used to spend hours on the internet looking up diseases to see if I had succumb to any without my knowing.

    I love waking up and reading your posts.

    About the bedroom: I will show you but after my big super duper tantrum of enourmous size might have wait a teensy bit longer....

    Aparently, I am a full time renovator, and picker upper of everything not nailed down...a cleaner of toilets, a cook , a cleaner, a chauffeur, a nurse, a black hoody finder,you name it.

    Oh and I am supposed to tell all my adult family members to pick up that dam empty roll of toilet paper ( well 4 of them) because nobody can think for themselves in this family. They are waiting for super mom to tell them...that is a quote from dear old Mr. Paint. Sorry, Mr. Paint you can pick up the dam toilet paper rolls and find your own damn hoody.

    So you see Karen, you might have to wait a wee bit more to see my damn bedroom.

  18. oh life. life. life life. Fracking life.

  19. Pam, what if you just marketed yourself as a business before you'd completed the course? You KNOW you'd be good at it...

  20. Melissa, this comment just made me happy. Simply, happy. I too was wondering about the empty toilet roll the other day. Why? Why? WHY? It's annoying to say the least. I was also going to bitch at Jon today for never ever washing the biggest, dirtiest pot from dinner, but he let me sleep in this morning, so I shut my trap (again).

    Still, can't wait to see that room!

  21. yeah, chaotic, noisy, NOT ZEN life, right Daniele?

  22. That was full of random concepts, beautifully blended together with rage and exhaustion.

    I agree about the news comment about news commentary. "Newscasters" can't seem to help themselves anymore. They don't even try to hide their long-winded, opinion-filled, leading questions. Almost rhetorical, so that the guest can do nothing but agree. Blech! I think I notice it even more working in the industry...

  23. Matt, thanks for sifting through the angst and seeing the tidbits of....sorta substance, har har. Yes, the news has gotten worse and worse. I thought it was a very good point when Jon brought it up.

  24. If you wish to prevent age-related thyroid decline and you do not have any overt endocrine disease, you may benefit from taking desiccated porcine thyroid health capsules .

  25. Hmmm...thanks Sabrina, I'll have to look into that!

  26. Although there is no shortage of bovine thyroid , you should be careful when considering purchasing them on the Internet. Who knows, you might get one of those fake ones.


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