Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

No Need to Fuss--Just Serve CRAP!

Dear Captain Highliner:  you give me wicked bad heartburn (image from HERE)

I seem to once again be in a little bit of a funk.  Yeah, the SUPPLEMENT can't apparently solve all of my problems.  Yes, it's helped with PMS, but I guess it can't do anything to alter my natural cynical, crusty, blech-o, curmudgeonly state. 

What this means to YOU, my friends, is that basically I've been wicked tired, and then when I'm wicked tired, I invariably forget that I'm probably really tired from a) going to bed too late, and b) doing to much housewifery, and I conclude that I have some sort of debilitating syndrome, or nasty disease. 

Then I sit and spend some quality time with my good friend GOOGLE.  This is never a good idea.  Last time I was ridinkulously tired, I leapt to FULL BODY CANCER.  Well, if not full body cancer, I once again fretted about ovarian cancer, or--my particular juicy favourite--pancreatic cancer. 

Yesterday, after a temporarily debilitating afternoon nap, I found myself googling Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  What?!?  You don't like autoimmune diseases?  You don't want to fall into a little hypochondriac daydreaming about possibly having Myasthenea Gravis or a soupçon of Sjogren's Syndrome one day? 

Anyone?  Anyone?  No? 

I can't help it.  I NEED SLEEP, people.  Regular, quality SLEEP. 

So, basically what this means, is that when I'm v. tired, the dinner quality tends to go a little downhill.  Instead of some slow-cooked masterpiece, with sautéed mushrooms, and balsamic glazes and such, I take one step up from pouring the family individual bowls of cereal. 

Monday Night Crapserole:

* Kraft Dinner with broccoli.

This, sadly, is one of Ella's favourite dinners.  She likes it so much, she'll often request "cheese noodles with broccoli" for days before I cave in and make it for her. 

This involves, cooking the Kraft dinner noodles for 3 minutes, then dumping some chopped broccoli florets into the bowling water/noodles for another three minutes, draining, and making a sauce from that packet of super orange cheese powder, souped up with some extra grated cheddar, and a little milk.  Dump noodles and heinous green veg back into that sauce and voila, dinner is served.  And guess what:  starch, protein and veg are taken care of in one pot. 

Bon appetit. 

In my defense, the broccoli hasn't had the nutrients murdered out of it by overcooking, and because dark green vegetables are actually THE DEVIL, it's like eating broccoli with cheese sauce!  See?  I'm a genius.  Everybody likes cheese sauce.  In fact, cheese sauce was actually invented because most vegetables are disgusting.  And cake was invented as a transport medium for icing.  See?  Cooking is a very logical process. 

Tired Tuesday Garbage Smorgasbord

* frozen fish triangles with boiled potatoes and canned green beans

My brother, the food snob who eats dinner usually at 10 PM, because it takes time to make that homemade pasta for his freaking Pasta Puttanesca thinks that the boiled potato chunk is the bottom of the barrel for cooked potatoes.  Sure, it's a little lowbrow, but the girlie is not particularly impressed by a crispy, roasted potato wedge. 

So, while I heated up those greasy triangles in the oven, I chopped up some taters (but leave the skins on, because that's where the  POTASSIUM PARTY IS, yo!) , and cranked a can open.  Then I nuked those green things. 

When I was a kid, I freaking LURVED canned green beans.  I thought they were delicious. I could eat the entire can of the stuff.  I'd have seconds of those bad boys, no problem.  And come to think of it, it was the 70's and 80's, so all my sandwiches were on fluffy white bread, my apples were peeled because the skin was yucky, the beans came  lovingly out of a can, my cereal had zero grams of fibre in it, and I tried to avoid the pears in the canned fruit cocktail as much as possible.  This is why towel strings were so deliciously appealing for a while, I'm thinking.

But, canned green beans are now fairly horrid.  See?  I'm all growed up.

So, my girlie and I sat side by side, dipping our minced "fish" triangles into ketchup, and our little potato cubes into ketchup, and that girl was RAVING over her dinner, for the second night in a row.  Much better than a lovely, homemade, vegetabley goodness soup, or some unforgivable stir fry.  Heaven forfend any of those foods should be placed in front of her. 

I have discovered something though:  I can no longer eat like a kid.  The heartburn/indegestion that ensued was legendary. 

Better put in an effort tonight. 

What's your shamefully lazy go-to meal?

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  1. it so sucks when i make homemade pasta sauce and meatballs, but gabe just wants the noodles with butter and cheese.then he raves about how yummy it is!sometimes i ask 'why bother'.when i can't be bothered cooking i will get one of those roasted chickens from sobeys. then i will nuke 'simply potatoes' and mash them up and then nuke the 'steam in bag broccoli' voila! micro meal that is yummy and good for you, plus hardly any dishes ya hoo![sometimes if i am being really nice i will make gravy for the taters]

  2. I will eat that Kraft and Fish sticks any day of the week. It sound delicious to me!
    When no one is looking, I sneak one of the kid's cereals. There is no thrill in my Fiber One. m.

  3. Ours... frozen chicken breast, sprinkle some spices on it...throw it in the oven, once its almost done, throw on 2 slices of cheddar cheese...frozen corn...boil that, drain and serve, and the MOST shameful...mashed taters in a box...i am not kidding. Thats our go-to meal. Either that or we say F it and get subs.
    BTW my mom is MORTIFIED by my quick easy meal...its not good for you...blah blah blah...BUT the kids eat it and like it...and most of the time...thats reason enough!

  4. ...OR...pita pizza. Slap on some sauce (or salsa in a bind) some cheese and whatever else you can find the fridge that anyone would eat...slap it in the oven. This is a favorite with my kids. We do this mostly on the nights that Rich is at work and I cant be bothered to cook a whole meal.

  5. we do that macaroni thing too, but i use fresh broccoli, chopped carrots & if i've got them, some corn and/or cauliflower. we call it macaroni surprise.
    we also do a lot of tortilla pizzas. it takes like 10 min start to finish & this pleases me.
    pica much with the towel strings?

  6. I tried tricking the kids once with fish sticks....That did not go over well.

    My crap night is frozen pizza.

    anyhooooooooooooo I am tired.
    and broke, so no frozen pizza tonight which means I actually have to cook.......gag...I really HATE HATE HATE HATE cooking.

    the one great thing about all these dr. appointments is eating out....not the food, just the fact that I did not have to participate in anyway in making it.

    if I was rich I would have a cook.

  7. Hey that kraft dinner with the brocoli is a genius kid recipe!! I applaud you on that. Sam loves kraft dinner this is a great idea! I no longer feel guilt serving him kraft dinner as part of supper. I always get the guilts if its not a long homemade meal with all the good stuff. Why do we pressure ourselves like this anyway???
    My cheat night is chicken fingers (the good ones by Jane ) and frozen fries to make myself feel like a good mom i make a salad or give him some cucumbers!
    Karen i'm always tired too!

  8. Gabe just doesn't like that homemade sauce eh? I know when Jack was little, and would still eat that sauce, I had to put a pinch of sugar, a dab of butter and a bit of the pasta water in it for him to cut down on the acidic tang a bit.

    Yahoo hardly any dishes is RIGHT!

    But Paula, how do you make this gravy you speak of on lazy meal night???

  9. Steph, you hit the nail on the head. The kids like it, and that damn well IS reason enough!!!

  10. Ah, the bland road of adulthood, eh Mark? Well, come on over for dinner sometime and I'll cook you up some garbage. No, that's not true--I'd be more likely to make something nice.

  11. pita pizza sounds fun. Oh, I forgot to mention in this post that the fish sticks dinner was because Jon wasn't at home. Why do we feel more obliged to cook when the spouse is at home???

  12. Sherilin, macaroni surprise sounds just fine in the low effort dept. I laughed out loud at your pica reference. Yeah, luckily adult karen doesn't crave such things. They were yummy once upon a time though.

  13. Melissa, I keep forgetting to ask you about all these exhausting dr. appointments. I hope all is well?!?

    Anyhow, frozen pizzas have greatly improved these days. Too bad you had to cook when you were tired though. That SUCKS.

  14. good old chronic fatigue with no actual known cause, eh Pam?

    Chicken fingers are always awesome. And yes, the salad redeemed you :)

  15. I think Mark is right, guys never grow up from the garbage and will eat those kinds of 'staples' without complaint or need for variety. Even when the colonoscopy reveals the nastiest of surprises and/or insulin shots become a 'must'.

    On a side note about veggies, I've often wondered why asperagus makes pee smell funny. Well, here is an answer that is more complex than I thought:


  16. lazy dinner: eat out, no questions and no clean up. for girlie fatigue: I rec. Dong Quai Google it, if you can't sleep, it works great for any woman, and to sleep: Melatonin. All Natural, good for the brain. Asparagus and pee - that is a worthy blog post title, I think. Love it! Cheese sauce insight: I'm in - slather that goo on and anything is gourmet!

  17. Thanks Christina: I always love new things to google. Yeah, I've heard of the melatonin. Maybe I'll get me some of that.

  18. Oh Matt, you've kicked me out of my morning funk. I'll google about the asparagus, because we seem to talk about that very mystery a lot in this family.

    Lurved the colonoscopy reference.

  19. Bach when I could eat such things, it definitely was hot dogs with onion sauce and mustard. I miss that so.

  20. Wha the fuh? Blogger ATE my comments! I LURV comments! So, if you sent me a comment to this and it's not here, it got eaten. My replies got eaten too...

    sheesh. Like today wasn't exhausting enough.

  21. hey, did my comment not post!?! Or did Karen remove it?!? Censorship!

  22. No, blogger was being a jerk for a day, and nobody had any access to it. Then when us junkies were able to log back in, some people--I heard tell--lost their posts, and I lost about ten fun comments!

    Censorship? There is NO censorship here in the comments section. The comments section is WHERE IT'S AT.

  23. Phew! What a relief. I tried to relocate my link to the asperagus smelly pee article, but could not find the right one. It was very insightful.

    But I also echoed Mark's comments saying that guys are always eating poorly, much to the shagrin of their colons.

  24. I know! Your comment was funny, and I replied to it as well. Stupid technology.


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