Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tuesday eoicoiue.cobbb....zzzzz

A smorgasbord of random crap, lovingly clacked up, from me to you...

Holy frock, I'm tired. 

Oh...I was totally interrupted there for a moment.  The Man said; "just so you know, Ella's very busy in the bathroom." 

When little kids are quietly busy, this almost never turns out well.  When little kids are "playing" in the bathroom, this also doesn't have a happy ending, usually.  She was washing her my little pony with Head & Shoulders shampoo.  Normally I'd have been all over that, but it just so happens the coffee is in the mug, and we all know where my priorities lie. 


Don't Call me STU

So what's been happening here....well, Jack is still calling us "Stu" with the relentlessness that only a ruthless child on the spectrum, who incidentally has no fear of his parents, has.  It goes a little something like this:  "Jack, you need to get dressed for school now." 

Jack:  "okay, STU."

or, "Jack, you HAVE to wear your rain coat today."

Jack:  "okay, STU." 

I need to do a whole post on being called "Stu."  I know you're perplexed, but I have to go to that slightly draining early year's centre so Ella can have some play time soon, so I'm short on time. 

I Don't Wanna Talk About Hitler Anymore

Yes, that's right.  We're still dealing with that silly old swastika (yeah, I lamented this HERE, and HERE).  And as I'm puttering around doing my thing during the day, I get the odd, out-of-left-field kind of questions and exclamations:

Jack:  "Mom, does Hitler sing OPERA?"

Jack:  "If I saw Hitler, I would tell him that he's STUPID!" 

Jack:  "Mom, do you like this drawing I did with the swastikas on it?"

Jack:  "Mom, Ella doesn't understand about the swastika.  She thinks it's a JOKE." 

*for the record, Ella doesn't even appear to think about or have any interest in the swastika, so she neither thinks it's a serious symbol, nor a joke symbol.  She's usually too busy trying to figure out the best way to cram Barbie's uncooperative limbs into a little ball gown. 

Then, the kids were over at Grampa's yesterday.  Jack likes to make anyone and everyone type up Youtube search requests for him.  95% of them are vague.  Jack does NOT TOLERATE ignorance.  This means, that when we don't know what he's asking for, he freaks out.  So, the phone rang, and it was Dad:

Dad:  "Jack wants something on youtube, and I don't know what it is.  Jack, what is it called again?  FURT ...  WANGLER???"

Me:  "yeah.  Furtwangler.  All one word.  'F', 'U', 'R', 'T', 'wangler'.  All one word."

What?  You don't know about Wilhelm Furtwangler, the famous German conductor?  Well, let's do a tidy little cut and paste job from Wikipedia then, and we can all learn together!  Hooray!

Wilhelm Furtwängler (January 25, 1886 – November 30, 1954) was a German conductor and composer. He is widely considered to have been one of the greatest symphonic and operatic conductors of the 20th century. By the 1930s he had built a reputation as one of the leading conductors in Europe, and he was the leading conductor who remained in Germany during the Second World War. Although he was never a member of the Nazi party, the morality of his decision to remain working in Germany during this period has been continually debated since his death. However even today, many musicians, critics and record collectors still revere him for his very subjective conducting style, which is often compared and contrasted to the more objective style of Arturo Toscanini, who was probably the most famous conductor at the time. Like Toscanini, Furtwängler was a major influence on many later conductors, and his name is often mentioned when discussing their interpretive style.
There, wasn't that nice?

Well, search him on youtube.  There are many fine, Nazi concerts for your viewing enjoyment. 

Why can't the kid be a monster SPIDERMAN fan?!? 

The Quest for Quality Sleep Continues

Well, I broke down and bought some melatonin.  All natural product...supposed to be good for helping you fall asleep, blah, blah, blah.  I'm not a big fan of sleep aids, but every now and then people, I just. do. not. want. to. hear. any. snoring.  It's not just The Man's fault of course;  I'll wake up if Ella rolls over in bed too vigorously in her room above me. 

I have a cold right now.  No--don't panic, I'm fine.  Well, actually, I'm a little bit pissy and on edge, but that's because my throat's been hurting like a demon motherf*cker for 3 days now.  Anyhoo, I just wanted to get a good night's sleep. 

Melatonin's kinda interesting, because the body makes it naturally. It's what makes us feel sleepy at night (if we have the right amount in our system), and it's at its highest levels between 2 and 4 in the morning. 

The package had a warning that it may cause "vivid dreams."  Well that's cool, I thought.  I was hoping for some sexy dreams, like I had recently...which for some reason always star this one guy from elementary school (and the same highschool), who I don't particularly remember having a crush on, and he was, incidentally, a slightly popular jerk.  Hm...go figure. 

I have lots of recurring craziness in my dreams anyway, and most of it's annoying, so I was hoping for some recurring sexiness (even if the sexiness is really only ever just a tease, and lord knows some familial noise is going to wake me up before anything ever gets really good anyway...where was I...).  However, I had one of those stupid, typical dreams I have, in which I can never EVER dial a phone.  I always get about half way through pressing the buttons, and my big dream ham fingers will mash two buttons at once, or the number will be ridiculously long, and I'll get two thirds of the way through it and make a mistake and have to start again. 

Very annoying. 

What was the point of this?  Oh yeah, I had some weird dreams, but no GOOD x-rated weird dreams.  Nuts.  Thanks for nothing, melatonin. 

And finally...

I Loves Me Some More Rejection

I keep my eye on this online job board for bloggers.  If I ever get a real job related to my writing, I'll clean the resentment dust off my diploma, and maybe even put a frame on it! 

Anyhoo, there was this website that was looking for writers to contribute regularly to the language section of their blog.  What they want are short-ish, snappy, witty, crackling little pieces about the idiosyncracies of, well, language.  Well, hell, I like words!  I lurv me some words!  So, I crafted up some bit of fluff and emailed it to them. 

Undt zen I got this reply:

Dear Karen,

Thank you for submitting your article to [BlahBlahBlah]. Unfortunately, we will not be able to publish your article at this time. Please do not hesitate to submit future articles for our consideration.

Bummer. Guess I still have to scrub toilets and craft up hamburger-based casseroles a little while longer. 

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  1. If I were a group looking for someone to write short-ish witty pieces for me, I would certainly hire you.
    Loved everyone of those stories.
    And, you Jack sort of sounds like my John.
    Your Friend, m.

  2. At least when he was asking about Hitler he forgot to call you Stu. Maybe he's calling you that as a shortened version of Stupid, that would mean a very, very long time out.

  3. OH funny post Karen!

    I can just see your dad being all puzzled with funny!

    Hey i have that annoying phone dream too! Or how about having too much gum in your mouth and you keep pulling and pulling it out!

    Maybe in time the hitler thing will go away...hopefully replaced with batman or something!

    Karen keep submitting you are a great writer!

  4. if you yell and scream,and basically act really immature while saying'jack my love if one more sentance with the words hitler, nazi or swastika pass your lips ,you will fail to have lips'would this work?[if not, it may make you feel better] anyhoo... your writing rocks, do not stop!

  5. Mrs Tuna, you have hit the nail on the head. That is PRECISELY why he calls us Stu. It is indeed short for STUPID. We do loads and loads of time outs, but for kids on the spectrum, apparently you have to do 500 times as many.

  6. Thanks Pam! And by the way--I remember your gum dreams! Comforting to see that someone else shares the same idiotic frustration dreams.

  7. Oh Paula, if only that would work, but alas, it will not. I told him to get it out of his stystem and then go back to drawing his nice stuff (which he still does as well).

  8. Melatonin made me dream weird stuff. That's all I'm saying.

  9. oh, sick. you had sexy dreams about GR, didn't you? The horror.

    And that blog site must only use material submitted by their cousin. Nuts to them.

  10. okay - so I've been gone (long story, more later) BUT I actually was asking a friend of mine how she thought you could handle the swastika deal. I agree with her, too. go to the Wiki on it - check out the Hindu, Buddhist, Tibetan and Hopi Indian info - they WAY ass pre-date Hitler, and your little one might be Jacking into the spiritual side of this symbol. It's sacred in history. Maybe this can help get him into the peaceful side of it. oh! I would always hire your wit - you rock!

  11. word, dbs. WORD. But you should elaborate sometime. That would be fun.

  12. SSSSSH, MATT! I will neither confirm nor deny your shrewd guess. Who knows why my brain chooses the idiot things it does???

    Yeah, maybe they do choose their wordy cousins. They still have that ad posted though. Jerks.

  13. thanks Christina! I actually told Jack that it used to be a good symbol before that $@&* Hitler got ahold of it. It will pass...but it will pass after he's drawn no less than 5000 pictures of it. Thanks for the link!

  14. Don't worry. Secret's safe with me, and the dozen or so other people who might guess who those initials represent.

    Paula says re-apply for the blog thing with another entry. Their fault for keeping the ad up. I say use a pseudonym.

  15. Matt, in the grand scheme of being petty, I am DONE with those language jerks. Har har.

    Oh, I hope nobody guesses those initials. I have NO idea why my brain works the way it does.


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