Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yeah, That Just Happened...AGAIN


I just peed my goddamn pants.  Sorry to my friends of faith if I just offended you with that bible swear.  No, seriously--I try to keep myself in check on that kind of stuff here in blog land, because sadly, bible swears are my favourite. 


It went a little something like this while the boy child was home for lunch:

Jack"Mom:  more chocolate milk?"
Then I ranted and complained because I had made him a 12 oz glass of chocolate milk SPECIFICALLY so I didn't have to get up and make another chocolate milk.  Because I have stirred a GOOGLEPLEX of chocolate milks in the past 5 years, because SOMEBODY thinks white milk is actually POISON. 

So, as I was bending down to get the new bag out of the fridge (of COURSE I had to change the milk bag--are you surprised???) I had another bronchitis coughing fit and spritzed my giant gitch.

"I just peed my pants!"  I said, aghast.  "That makes me so ANGRY!"

Jack "Angry at me?"
Me:  "Noooooo!  It's not your fault...oh wait...indirectly it is."

Jack (clearly amused):  "Is it funny that you peed your pants?"
Me:  "YEAH.  It's HILARIOUS that on the way out, you and your sister grabbed hold of my bladder and YANKED it down with you."

Then I turned to The Man:

"I JUST peed my pants!  How would you feel if you were a 39 year old woman and you just peed your pants?"

The Man:  "like--a lot?"
Me:  "enough that I have to go change my underpants!  Yeah, a good squirt!  And you know what THAT means?  One day someone will have to take one of those ring things, and stick it up inside my cooch to hold my bladder in place AT ALL TIMES."

The Man (with a long-suffering tone):  "your 'cooch.'"

Then, in my rage I tripped over Ella's doll, and flapped my arms out to keep from falling, much to The Man's delight.

The Man:  "Ha Ha Ha!  Can you do that again?
Then he begins to sing that stupid R. Kelly song:   I believe I can fly..."

Jerks.  They are all jerks. 

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  1. ...but... after all that... I'm still waiting for that chocolate milk...

  2. girl, i could write a book about all the times i've peed myself. at least you were home when it happened & you didn't have company. i'm sorry you piddled yourself & your family laughed at you.

  3. I feel your pain honey... every time I get a bad cold I have the same problem.

  4. While I can feel for you, it's still funny. You keep your milk in a bag? It's not the cow's udder you're referring to is it? That would be really fresh milk.

  5. oh, he got that chocolate milk LostinIdaho. Oh yes. And then he had two sips and abandoned it. That is the icing on the pee cake. But, I'm me, so I put that f*cker in the fridge to wait till after school for him.

  6. Insensitive bastards, Sherilin! Ha ha...actually, I've peed myself a wee bit a few times, but not in quite a while. Lousy broke down body.

  7. You too, Miss Rosie! Oh the common grief we share!

  8. funny you should say, George: on my favourite scandinavian cooking show recently, Andreas Viestad had a bowl of milk he'd gotten STRAIGHT from the cow. It was yellow, thick as pudding and strangely repellent to me.

  9. That's funny!!
    Hey you changed your profile pic...i like it!!
    Pregancy is great! My hair is still falling out...and the boys keep complaining about it in their food..
    Yeah i've had the peed in the pants experience ...hilarious!

  10. yeah, it's thrilling to pee one's pants as an adult, isn't it Pam! Hey, I see your commenting thingy is fixed? Anyhow, have you had your thyroid checked, or your iron levels?

  11. those ungrateful #@$%! kids, don't they know and appreciate that my body used to be cute,and it only peed when i wanted it too?! sigh.just last night when giving the kids a bath i leaned over and and pushed my bladder against the tub, and a wee tinkle came out,sigh, i feel old! i don't laugh at the depends ads anymore, i may be in one someday.

  12. Paula that was tragic and hilarious all at the same time. "it only peed when I wanted it to!" WORD. I like to see the panty peeing crowd coming quietly out of the closet on this. It's comforting.

  13. yeah. the 'water closet'. teehee!

  14. You're blog wouldn't be half as funny if they weren't so insensitive!
    Depends are on sale at WalMart. . .
    !!!Love your humor Karen!

  15. Ah, DEPENDS...Christina, I used to snicker at those commercials, and wondered if the wearers were walking around with square asses. Snicker no more, incontinence karen.

  16. I've overheard my wife and her friends, especially one, talk about peeing themselves due to pregnancy type stuff (I'm not sure how to finish this sentence because I don't have a vagina). Anyway, you are not alone.

  17. dbs, why on earth did your comment just inspire a little lechery in me, like I wanted to reply "no you certainly do NOT" in this winky winky voice. I have no idea. Incorrigible I guess.

    Peeing the pants might be the official stamp on the end of hawtness...whatever that was.

  18. I lurve the 'jerks' in your life. They make me smile. I truly believe Jon was cut from the same cloth as myself, though he would likely be horrified by the suggestion.

    Your wit in anger astounds me - I am amazed that rage does not short-circuit your creativity. Keep it up - a little squirt of urine here or there is worth every barbed comment.

  19. barbed comments are what I live for. Yeah, I could totally imagine you and Jon with shoulders shrugging up and down in amusement as you chuckle evilly at the same thing.


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