I just peed my goddamn pants. Sorry to my friends of faith if I just offended you with that bible swear. No, seriously--I try to keep myself in check on that kind of stuff here in blog land, because sadly, bible swears are my favourite.
It went a little something like this while the boy child was home for lunch:
Jack: "Mom: more chocolate milk?"
Then I ranted and complained because I had made him a 12 oz glass of chocolate milk SPECIFICALLY so I didn't have to get up and make another chocolate milk. Because I have stirred a GOOGLEPLEX of chocolate milks in the past 5 years, because SOMEBODY thinks white milk is actually POISON.
So, as I was bending down to get the new bag out of the fridge (of COURSE I had to change the milk bag--are you surprised???) I had another bronchitis coughing fit and spritzed my giant gitch.
"I just peed my pants!" I said, aghast. "That makes me so ANGRY!"
Jack: "Angry at me?"
Me: "Noooooo! It's not your fault...oh wait...indirectly it is."
Jack (clearly amused): "Is it funny that you peed your pants?"
Me: "YEAH. It's HILARIOUS that on the way out, you and your sister grabbed hold of my bladder and YANKED it down with you."
Then I turned to The Man:
"I JUST peed my pants! How would you feel if you were a 39 year old woman and you just peed your pants?"
The Man: "like--a lot?"
Me: "enough that I have to go change my underpants! Yeah, a good squirt! And you know what THAT means? One day someone will have to take one of those ring things, and stick it up inside my cooch to hold my bladder in place AT ALL TIMES."
The Man (with a long-suffering tone): "your 'cooch.'"
Then, in my rage I tripped over Ella's doll, and flapped my arms out to keep from falling, much to The Man's delight.
The Man: "Ha Ha Ha! Can you do that again?
Then he begins to sing that stupid R. Kelly song: I believe I can fly..."
Jerks. They are all jerks.
click here if your body is falling apart too since you had kids