Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Tomorrow, my little girlie is graduating from nursery school.  It's kind of sad..well, a bit more than kind of...that now I'll no longer have any really little people in my house. 

Have more babies, karen!  you say.

To this I would have to ask if you are HIGH.  Yes, I love the little people to pieces, but if I were ever to have another child (which will never happen), I'm fairly certain I'd be carrying him/her on the OUTSIDE of my body, because I'm fairly certain my UTERUS would just drop right out, since I IMAGINE it's only hanging on by a thread now anyway.

But I digress...

I LOVE the nursery school.  The ladies who run it are WONDERFUL.  They are kind, patient, and lovely--you know; all the things I inspire to be, but fall JUST SHORT OF???  Har har har!  I just adore them. 

Also, nursery school is a lovely time in a kid's life, unless he/she is a ridiculously shy, self-conscious kid with a great genetic lack of self confidence, and everything--I MEAN EVERYTHING new makes them highly moi, for example.  Now, however, I'm either relatively RIGHT ON, or I no longer care.  They both pretty much add up to the same result.

Every other day, when I'd bring Ella into her little classroom, all the charming little crotch-high people would be happy and busy:  some would be wearing little aprons, perhaps pounding homemade playdough, some would be at their miniature kitchen making meals for the slightly grubby dolls, some would be building towers with cardboard blocks, and the rest would be chattering away to the teachers.  In other words, it was a very idyllic scene.  And it's all coming to an end.

Last year, when Ella was at the "grad" party, Mrs. C., one of Ella's teachers, read a heart-felt letter the ladies had written about how much they love and care about the children, and when she got to the part about how some of them would be moving on to public school, she was CRYING.  I nearly disintegrated right then and there, because my secret is that on the inside I'm actually just a giant MUSHBALL. 

And, I'm also a giant CRYBABY.  If you want to know the truth, I was just crying as I wrote out the thankyou cards.  So what's the big deal, you ask?  Shouldn't one be allowed to cry during these TENDER MOMENTS OF LIFE?  Oh yes, that's fine, but when I cry, it's UGLY. 

it's a cloud, of course, a big, water-filled cloud

First of all, I was always the kid who was either crying, or trying desperately NOT to cry.  Remember that classic Disney movie DUMBO?  Remember when they put Dumbo's mother in chains?  Yeah, I was a wreck for the rest of the movie. 

If a teacher told me off (which didn't happen HARDLY EVER, square, boring, STRAIGHT ARROW that I was..), I'd spend the next hour trying not to cry. 

But it's not just the fighting NOT to cry, it's the idiot, INSANE crying that ensues, once the dams burst.  I mean, I could just let some tears roll gently down my face, and look all serene and lovely with DEEP EMOTION, but NOOOOOOO...I have to be a crying maniac, whereby I might get the dreaded grimace face, and be nearly incapable of talking to you--you know; like a little kid, who is crying so hard they're stuttering? 


And It's not just the INTENSITY of the crying, that's WAY, WAY, WAAAAY over the top:  it's how UGLY the crying is. 

Tell me, when you cry, does your whole face become puffy?  Do your eyelids puff up and turn red from lashes to eyebrows?  How about that rim above your lower lashes:  does it turn bright red as well?  How about your eyeballs?  BLOODSHOT TO HELL???  Oh, and does your upper lip swell out to twice its original size, and turn red all the way up to your red, swollen nose?  Actually, is your face ready to explode from all that CRYING LIQUID THAT'S JUST READY TO BURST OUT OF YOUR HEAD?

Oh, and don't even bother trying to blow your nose out in public after one of these episodes.  A) You'd need at least two paper towels, and b) the noise would be both horrendous and shocking to any and all sitting around you. 

Speaking of paper towels, here's a piece of advice:  never bring tissues to a sad event.  Years ago, at an uncle's funeral, I was a hot mess, and the tissue my Mom gave me from her purse, disintegrated as I mopped up the waterworks.  This I did not know, until it was pointed out to me that I had little fluffy pieces of tissue now CEMENTED to my face. Let that be a lesson to you people:  tissues will let you down.  ALWAYS bring paper towels. 

Thus, I am DREADING tomorrow morning.  I'm already sad that my girlie has to enter the world of "real" school, where kids learn how to be jerks faster than they learn how to add and subtract, and most of the teachers either should never have been hired, or should have retired a long time ago. 

How on EARTH am I going to make it...(you can't bring a flask of whisky to a nusery school party, can you???)

Oh well, at least I'll be bringing some really bitchin chocolate chip cookies. 


  1. Great post Karen! My god we are so alike we must be related!
    I cried and was so sick with grief when Sam graduated from JK all the moms had to console me...pathetic mess and was so sick i lost my voice. It was not until Grade 3 before i stopped crying...but now he will be graduating from Elementary school and well I will be crying again at his graduation.

    I know what you mean about Ella starting real school with teachers who should not be teachers and mean kids etc...this is how i feel about Sam going to middle school which is grade 7 to 9 at this school!!

    Oh I've been hard at it at my job as to why i have missed so many posts. I hate my my co-workers...would love to choke alot of customers and managers too! The joys of work...maybe i should have another baby lol !!! My shifts have been horrid too...3pm to 11pm..who the hell came up with this shift???

  2. I just googled bitchin chocolate chip cookies. You should sell them and that should be your advertising campaign slogan.

  3. This is beautiful - cry on, sister. The waterworks only get bigger as they do (you deserve to be warned). Tip: carry them as much as you can, yes, THEM, the little ones. The one warning no one talks about enough: the day comes when you can't pick them up anymore and you will cry then, too. Have a great day! It doesn't matter what you look like because you have a huge heart, my dear - hence, big loads of tears.

  4. Good wishes to your little one. No doubt this will be the first of many milestones which will bring tears to your eyes.

  5. i like the artwork, esp the doilie cat,very better strap some buckets to your face when its time for your kids to get married!anyhoo, i am an ugly crier too, when i broke up with the first boyfriend, i cried myself to sleep, the next morning, my huge red swollen eyelids were basically glued shut;now, thats ugly!

  6. Wow! You are a big crybaby. But I guess that's okay. You'll be alright.
    Love Ella's artwork by the way. Isn't it hard to throw away artwork made by your kids?
    Now go dry your face and put some make-up on.
    Your Friend, m.
    p.s. I don't cry. I'm a Republican.

  7. i must have a big crusty heart, or a tear duct blockage.

    i didn't cry at any graduation, and 3 of my kids have graded high school.

    and yet hallmark commercials make me ball.

    at kayti's first day of kndergarten, when we entered the classroom, she turned around and told me to go home, this was HER CLASSROOM, she then pushed me out the door, as all the other 5 year olds were crying and clinging to their worried mums.

    so from then on, i have learned not to cry.

  8. Congratulations!

    you guys get out late. My girl have been done for a month.

  9. 3 to 11 is indeed a crappy shift. If I worked that shift, I would blow the WHOLE DAY.

    Anyhow, I didn't realise Sam is going into grade 7??? HOly cow, time passes, and I'm glad to say it's not just me who gets totally emotional about the passage of time. You lost your voice! Aim was a mess when Lily started kindergarten. I'll have to tell her about your sobbing episode.

  10. dbs, I could do that! Plus, I make them with whole wheat flour. SUCK ON THAT, WHITE CARB enthusiasts! Ha--actually, when anyone ever finds that out, they're shocked.

  11. thanks Christina, that's a better way to look at it than KAREN IS A GIANT SUCK. Har har. ACtually, Ella has been such a big tall girl since birth, that I haven't been able to carry that child for ages. It's sad too! I can make it about 20 feet carrying my girlie.

    The boys in her class come up to her chin. Seriously. Husband genes.

  12. Jesus Laoch, what doesn't bring tears to my eyes? Recently I was checking out Beyonce's new video and was so overcome by her vision of 'woman power' that I became a little verklempt. I'm losing it.

  13. oh Paula, that's my laugh scream for the day. Who are these magical people who cry and still look the same???

    Strap buckets to my face....chuckle chuckle...

  14. Mark, it is hard to throw out art made by the kids--unless it's three lines on a paper and then that thing gets stuffed into the bin.

  15. this is MY CLASSROOM! OMG, that's hilarious. Truly. Hallmark commercials. I hate hallmark...and Disney, so I don't know if they ever get me.

  16. Yeah, true Lance--but then my kids are always still on vacation when our sobbing young friends to the south are heading back to school.

  17. shhh. Don't tell anyone I am a sobartist too. Worse for guys, really.

  18. oh my god, Matt. I'm so tired. You wrote "sobartist," and I sat here for the next minute racking my brain to see if I know what "Soe bartist" means. Sob artist. Got it. Don't worry. I know this about you. Or, I knew this about you, when you were a sensitive buddy just like me, but I didn't know it still applied. Ah well, can tigers change their stripes?

  19. LOVED the artwork. So sweet and such a great idea. But did you really kid yourself that we all didn't know you were a giant mushball on the inside? C'mon! We who read you enough are a: smart enough to read you enough, and therefore b: are smart enough to figure out the mushball who exists behind the edgy veneer :) And we love both of you.

    I went through this experience with both kids. It was so damn hard. ANd I cry at EVERY FREAKIN' EVENT my kids have. I swear. I used to volunteer (still do, actually) at the kids' school, and sometimes I'd be reading a story or just watching them all, and my eyes would well up with tears. I am such a fucking loser. It's just like watching the best of humanity before it gets all fucked up, y'know? So much potential and promise.

    And btw -- I am probably the same kind of cryer as you. It is MESSY and UGLY and my face doesn't return to normal until the following day. Plus, I get so fucking congested I can't breathe until the next day either. Such a drag. It was worse when i was a kid, because I had such a hideous relationship with my parents that i spent A LOT of my childhood crying, and thus was forced to go to school with puffy eyelids ALL THE TIME. ugh.

    Paper towels -- excellent tip, by the way.

    And do you have a secret storage method for all your kids' artwork? I am still working on that one. I throw out nearly NOTHING and my oldest is going into fifth grade. Though the good/bad thing about them getting older is that they do less fun/cute crafts. It's sad, but helpful in terms of storage!

    I feel your pain, I really do. Yet another reminder (like we need it) of how fleeting this time of life is for our kids and how much we have to enjoy it. Life is a bitch, that way. You have to mourn each stage of a child's life as it passes, while trying to welcome the next phase.

    Someone once gave me a tip about putting preparation H on your eyelids to reduce the swelling... actually, I've read it in a couple of places. You might consider trying it.. but that could lead to an entire other post if it goes awry!

    Good luck :)

  20. Prep H on my eyelids! Brilliant! I used to have a little squirty thingy of Visine too, and it did indeed TAKE THE RED OUT of my eyes--almost instantly. Must invest in some of that again.

    Minka, I loved this: "It's just like watching the best of humanity before it gets all fucked up, y'know? So much potential and promise."

    That's exactly it, and what I was trying to convey, but you hit that nail.

    Do I have a magic storage solution? Not yet! That's why there's a mountain of paper on the bottom shelf of my baker's rack. Sigh. I actually was organised enough to put Jack's in a folder when he finished nursery school.


I lurv comments. Thank you for the comments. They are scrumptious.


Related Posts with Thumbnails