Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Do You Do This?

* Do you ever laugh so hard that laughing turns to mania turns to crying with laughter which then just turns into crying?  And then you're all sullen and not happy?

* Do you take commonplace or quirky phrases and CONSTANTLY turn them into names for imaginary rock bands, or names for something else?

EXAMPLE:

My sister was talking about having to temporarily put her litter box on the warm front porch, and she said that she didn't want to smell the "hot stink" anymore.


And I say; "HOT STINK IS THE NAME OF YOUR JOAN JETT COVER BAND!"

I have no idea why Joan Jett came to mind.


or,

* I'm putting a new bag in the organics bin   (for my American friends who don't have to do this yet, this is a little bin into which you have to scrape all that nasty, smelly, leftover food, and all the veggies you bought but didn't eat, so they can be mulched and broken down easier than by doing the lazy douche thing, and scraping them directly into the garbage.  The organics bin is the 4th layer of hell),   and I suddenly detect a misplaced smell of "clean."  Finally I realise that The Man bought new organics bags with "Odour Guard,"

And I say to him; "HEY! 'Odour Guard' is your VIKING NAME!  SPELL IT!"

Finally we agree on this:  "Od√∂rgaard".

* Or, the time The Man was doing push ups, and thought he imagined his pecs moving too much, (they don't. He was being paranoid.  He barely moves all day, and he's still magically fit)  and I immediately piped up and said:

"HEY!  What if you're Indian spiritual name is 'Johnny Manhoots'?!?"

And then I laughed till tears squirted out, and then it just turned into crying.


(no offense intended to any Native peoples--any and all offense was intended for The Man)

.....

* Or the time I gleefully told him;  "HEY!  'Sphincter' is the name of your DEATH METAL band, and the album cover looks like THIS:"

 
mad skillz, clearly


Finally, do you give your kids so many endearing, affectionate nicknames that they actually become TIRED OF YOU, and request you just call them by their GIVEN NAMES (how boring)?


EXAMPLE:

Jack

Snuggy

McSnuggin
Captain Snuggington
MacSnuggin
Monkey Bones
String Bean
Jackington
Jackinator

Ella

Poopsy

Poopsicle
Lady Baby
Ella B (the B. stands for BABY, of course)
Pooky
Pooky Pants
Pookatina
Pookerella
Pookykins


You do all that stuff too, right!?   RIGHT? 

Hello?

34 comments:

  1. Um, Noooo.
    Just kidding. Off the top of my head, I know for sure that we call our one son, Jacob, "Badness". But he doesn't seem to mind.
    m.

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  2. Love the album cover. I have called my nephew "Chauncey" since he was little because of the character on Rocky and Bullwinkle.

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  3. Laughter to the crazy? ALL DAY LONG!

    Johnny Manhoots. Oh holy hell. Fantastic.

    You have quite the facility with names.

    I also tend to call the girl by a nickname or 20,000. I named her. I can nickname her, too.

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  4. The "bad" ones never do, Mark. They never do.

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  5. see Geoge? Nicknames are fun, and crammed with affection!

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  6. some would say a TIRING facility with names, Ms. Suniverse. I still laugh at Johnny Manhoots, and yet, Jon does not. Go figure.

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  7. Billions of nicknames! Billions I say.

    I call them Part 1 and Part 2, Booger Brain (and geez I forget the other part of that),

    I used to call Adam SweetPea until his little 4 year old self asked me why I was calling him something that goes in the toilet. That may be a recurring theme in his life, while Ryan was learning to talk he called Adam "Doo Doo". Imagine the cool 1st grader and his toddler brother chasing after him yelling "doo doo I want doo doo".

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  8. we are always thinking of things that can be rock band names or indian names. and laughing till the tears or the pee flow is pretty much a prerequisite of any good, hardy laugh.
    do you ever look at damnyouautocorrect.com ? there was one in there where someone tried to type mickey mouse, but it auto corrected to mickey manboobs. we like to use that phrase with annoying frequency now.

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  9. Yes!!! Lisa, I'm so happy to hear that you do the nickname overkill thing too. That's cute about calling his brother "doo doo." I have to say I hadn't thought of "sweat pea" that way.

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  10. Mickey Manboobs?!? Auto correct did that? That means someone chose the autocorrect to accept the word 'manboobs.' Yeah, laughing till peeing does indicate a really good funny, doesn't it!

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  11. Hee, right! You are not alone. :-) At all.

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  12. come check out my tell it like it is blog...haha

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  13. Hey.. for the record... it's not MY litter box. It's my cats. I had a weird image of myself dropping some poops and scraping the litter over it. ew.

    Laughing till I cry is rare, but it has happened. And I laugh and laugh so hard that it turns into silent laughing... which turns into this strange MANIA... which turns into crying... and then just this weird, tired, sullen feeling.. and while everyone else is laughing, I can no longer find anything funny... ha!

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  14. a couple of times the rock band thing has come up ;like when our local mall had some sort of pyramid/dome thing that lit up at night, i said they looked like 'electric brasieres'[sp?].great name for a band esp. if you have man hoots! another time a bunch of us were playing some trivia game, and someone asked what do monks do? well i had just seen a documentary about monks who supported their monestary by making this awsomly yummy fudge...so i said'monks make fudge' also a cool band name. as for the weird names we give our kids, well we have many, like 'kiki la rou' 'munchkin' 'boo boo chicka boo boo' 'sweets' 'cute patoot' and thr list goes on..poor kids.

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  15. ANONYMOUS, eh, sister? Ha ha...still can't remember your google password I see.

    that image of you in the cat pan just cracked me up. totally.

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  16. Paula! Why do we do these things??? I got all excited with 'electric brassiere'. I feel it would be a Motley cure/Poison cover band.

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  17. OMG I can't even tell you the ways in which I love you and your terrific mind. Love the band Sphincter and the album cover.
    But I have to say, my one son loves the nicknames and gets upset if I can't keep coming up with them. Can I send him your way?

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  18. HOT STINK ROCKS!
    Nickname lists: nope - sorry.
    Laugh till I cry - yes, bring it on and why the hell do you think I read your blog? So I can laugh until I cry - duh!
    Manhoots: scary retired football players come to mind who knock over TV trays with their belly when they jump, screaming, at the screen.
    Cat poop: try "Yesterday's News" cat litter - don't know why it works, but it WORKS. Poor kitty, panting in the heat trying to take a wiz - geez! : )

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  19. Sandra! Yes! A new child to come up with nicknames for! Magical. I liked the album cover too. Jon kind of shook his head at it, as he does to most of my ridiculousness.

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  20. Christina: yesterday's news cat litter? I am intrigued and will have to look it up. Sometimes cats will reject a more 'organic' cat litter though if they don't like the feel of it under their little paws.

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  21. the autocorrect website is SUPER funny!!! That makes me laugh til i cry! then like Aims, I feel all tired like....
    We too have awesome names for each other at home...my favorite one for Co is Stinkerbelle. Ben's....Mr Benjemyn"J"...not sure why?

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  22. i found a kids book called 'go the f---k to sleep', for some reason i thought you may enjoy this book. right now i am feelin' that book way too much!

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  23. Steph, that's hilarious! Why does the J have to be there? Nobody knows, but it makes PERFECT SENSE somehow!

    Glad to hear you get the mania laughter too.

    Stinkerbell is a perfectly cute nickname.

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  24. I'm guessing it's a book ABOUT kids rather than FOR kids, right Paula? Har har! But who knows--kids are much hipper now than they used to be.

    Oh, I would like that book. This is what I feel like shrieking at 9:01 every Sunday night when I'm trying to watch Game of Thrones.

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  25. Yesterday's news is all newspapers. It absorbs odor really, really well - now Go the Fuck to Sleep!

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  26. Ha! Have you also read this book for grownups?

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  27. Oh, better than the book Go the F*** to Sleep, go to audible.com and download the audio version. It's free right now (or it was yesterday). Narrated by Samuel L Jackson. Ha.

    There seems to be a growing number of these kind of books. I'm kind of partial to "Monsters Eat Whiny Children" or "I hate everything" : )

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  28. geez Lisa--maybe this is a genre I should carck into!! Seems to be what I've been whining all along anyway!

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  29. I just wanted to comment too. Nothing to say, though. Paula said it all. So, I will just fill you in-box with nothing.

    So don't get those manboobs in a knot.

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  30. ha ha...manboobs in a knot. My own joke, coupled with your take on it amuses me still.

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