Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Neighbourhood is Gonna Be Awesome

image from HERE


In a mere few weeks, guess who is going to be my neighbour?!?

MY SISTER!

Is that not weird?  Is that not completely bizarre?  Well, maybe not, but she's going to move in to the house right across the street from me. 

It's exciting. 

I told her that we'd each be at the front windows of our respective homes, like this:

Here's ME looking at HER, looking at ME looking at HER. 

But what if it's a bit weird too?  Like, what if she calls up and says; "karen, I saw you naked, making the bed in Ella's room."  Then I guess I WILL have to go tell The Man that he was right:  that people CAN see into the front windows from the street during the day. 

Soon, she will take posession of that house.  Then we get to clean it!  Hooray!  And this is good, because for some reason, the house smelled like a giant (used) maxi pad when we were looking through it. 

Yeah, okay girls.  Don't play COY with me.  You KNOW what I'm talking about.  So, we are going to scrub that maxi pad smell out of it, and we are going to clean that joint from top to bottom, and we are going to wear those HEINOUS RUBBER GLOVES, WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, WERE INVENTED BY SATAN, BECAUSE HANDS SHOULD NEVER FEEL THAT SWEATY. 

And most importantly, I am going to make my sister get rid of the TRACK LIGHTING.

karen's rant about TRACK LIGHTING

Track lighting is retarded.  Yes, that's right:  retarded.  I hate it.  Do you know when track lighting looks good?  in an ART GALLERY, or a store, where they want to showcase their wares.  Track lighting to me screams (in a smooth, smarmy voice...so I guess it doesn't scream it, but whatever); 'hey ladies, I'm a bachelor, and I have TRACK LIGHTING in my house, and a black bed spread, with zebra striped throw pillows, because I'm a MANIMAL.  Grrr!  Check out how HAWT you look under my TRACK LIGHTING.  Sorry, that's what track lighting says to me, even if it is both untrue and unfair.

Eff, I hate it. 

And, that house has an awesome front porch.  I said we'll be having cocktails on that front porch, but I'll have to keep running back to my house to make them, because people:  we know where the booze is AT.  This is when my sister protested that she "always has alcohol in her house."  Yeah.  Because she doesn't drink it

Also, we can kinda have conversations from one front window to the next, because my sister is really good at reading lips!  I however suck at it, so she'll have to hold up large signs!  And when my kids turn into little F&*#$, I will shriek at them: 

GO TO AUNT AIMEE'S RIGHT NOW

And all will be well in the world! 

I wonder if she'll have an ant problem at HER new house...

34 comments:

  1. a manimal, huh? i likie!
    how freakin cool that you're going to live across the street from your sister! hey, guess what, i'm about to live right in the same house as my in-laws! hooray! i bet it'll be like a super fun party that i'll wish would never end. (cue huge, cheesy, smile complete with eyebrows raised almost to my hairline.) yay!

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  2. yeah, because living with inlaws would HAVE to be a party, right Sherilin? You're not fooling me, amiga.

    Yeah, a manimal. I have very strong feelings against track lighting.

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  3. Excited StephanieJune 1, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    I am super excited about this!!!!! I am also VERY happy for you both!!! How fun!!! I will gladly join in on the cleaning party;) Even you need someone to entertain teh kiddos...I already told Beam, I will help in anyway possiable!!! Super cool for you both *happy dance!!*
    I love having my family accross the street from me! AND it comes in handy when Ben gets out of hand...hey Ben Grandma and Grandpa are home...hint hint!!
    You guys are going to have a blast!!

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  4. so track lights turn a mild mannered husband into a manimal?i say that a great reason to get some![teehee 'get some']i am sure your street will now be the coolest most awsome street in niagara falls!have fun cleaning!

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  5. Used maxipad? Seriously? I'm drinking coffee while reading this. Now I know not to be eating or drinking next time I visit your blog. Or better yet, please provide a warning.
    And question, do you really make beds in the nude? Don't things get in the way of try to shake out the sheets? Oh great! Now I have a visual of you shaking out sheets in the nude. I gotta go. The post really threw me off.
    Your Friend, m.
    p.s. having your sister next door is totally cool. Unless she steals your man. In which case, having your sister next door would totally suck. m.

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  6. thanks Steph! You're very kind. It will be nice. Very nice.

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  7. or it will be the noisiest street, Paula.

    Yeah, I don't think track lighting is worth it even if it does create a manimal.

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  8. Mark, I didn't WANT to give you the ugly details, but I HAD to. I didn't appreciate the smell in the house any more than you enjoyed reading it while enjoying a life-giving coffee.

    Also, have I made a bed naked? Yeah, but that's just because 95% of my clean clothes were down the basement in a laundry basket. NECESSITY.

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  9. Oh my. this is going to be one hell of a blog from here on out! woo hoo!!!
    I have almost finished my Pay it forward post - yes, I have been working on it - hence, the lack of posts.

    track lighting and disco balls, so 70s. Congrats on a neighbor you can own, sister.

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  10. I wonder if halogen lighting is going to give the same vibe one day...?

    I love the concept of sending your kids across the street. If they love her, they will ironically be more likely to listen to her than to you, as depressing as that is. Then you sit back with that drink (or twelve) and watch them mature under your sister's watchful eye!

    (Don't kill me, Beam!)

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  11. Oh, btw, Mark is right. Warnings please, for entries involving naked, bed-making, used maxi-pad destroying authors.

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  12. How wonderful!
    Did i mention me and Diane are incredibly jealous?!!!! Yep!

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  13. thanks Christina! I'm looking forward to checking out your post.

    I actually wish I could install a disco ball in the house--the mirror kind, or the one with all the little lights on it--whatever. They're both good.

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  14. actually Matt, they love her enough to be almost as ERRRRRRRRRRR to her as they are to me. Ah, that's love.

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  15. Oh Matt, would you really want a warning? It would spoil the fun. Besides--it wasn't OUR used maxi pad.

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  16. well, you'll just have to coax Diane to move across the street from you!

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  17. Great. That makes ALL the difference... ;)

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  18. you said, "Besides--it wasn't OUR used maxi pad." as if perhaps you share one sometimes. and i'm all for sharing, but seems to cross some sort of line in a seriously distressing way.
    and i don't know what you're talking about- it's gonna be a party up in that house like no one's ever seen before. one that involves tv and cats & pudding. what could be better?

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  19. Matt: ha aha aha hahahahahahahaha ha ha ha ha ha !

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  20. Sherilin, I just had to POUND MY FIST ON THE FREAKING DESK HERE over your image of a shared sister maxi pad. Awesome. F*cking awesome. Why can't it be friday? I need to celebrate that with a cocktail. And pudding! Yes! Pudding!

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  21. still laughing. OUR used maxi pad...ha ha ha ha aha ha aha aha ha ha ha ha ha...

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  22. What if I started a new blog, and it looked like a great big, cutesy poo scrap book, with ribbons and bows, and it was titled OUR USED MAXI PAD

    Okay, I've lost it.

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  23. HOw fun. I wish I had a sister, or even a brother, and to live across the street!!! how funny you are about track lighting, and so not thinking you for the maxi pad smell analogy. I think I can actually smell it.

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  24. Sherilin is an astute genious!

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  25. Yes, Daniele, I'm excited, and lucky to have my seester.

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  26. Isn't she though, Matt? That's why her comment was so funny!

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  27. I love that: this is me looking at her looking back at me! I wish I had a sister now, one who would move across the street from me!

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  28. that is so great for you guys! And you'll have someone to call when you run out of stuff - like sugar, milk, alcohol, pads etc!!!

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  29. Sandra, I'm glad you liked that joke because I've made it so many times, I'm sure people around me are getting sick of it.

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  30. lol Christy! But yet, so true. Out of pads...snicker snicker..

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  31. That sounds like fun for both of you!! Lucky you! Oh and thank you so much for the sleep tips! I think I may have to throw the book in storage and look up good ol Dr. Spock...Thanks again! I appreciate it!! :-)

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  32. No problem Laura. Use the brain to trick the body, or the body to trick the brain. I'm not sure which...

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  33. i've been thinking of ways you guys could share a maxi. initially, i thought you'd take it in shifts, but then, who would want to use the warm, gooey messy pad of her sister before her, so i've decided that you should use it at the same time. as in, you're both ragging at the same time & you can only afford one pad, so you strap yourselves together into one pair of big pants & period panties & use that pad in tandem. i hope it's an overnighter... with wings.

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  34. funnily enough, I actually pictured the big pants scenario when you first mentioned this. Anyways Sherilin, pads keep getting more and more refined, and thanks to dryweave, they're hardly ever gooey anymore. Hooray!

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