Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Saturday This And That

The children are having a sleepover at their grandparents'.  The Man is asleep.  SMELLS LIKE FREEDOM TO ME, B*TCHES!

Today my sister and I hung out.  We wanted to go to our pathetic "downtown" area to scope out a few stores we like there.  You could have rolled a bowling ball down the sidewalk and not hit anyone.  For miles.  Oh, wait--that's not entirely true; maybe that ball would have hit that guy who crossed the street a few times, whilst lugging a carry-on suitcase.  Yes, that guy who said; "Hey!" after we had passed by and then; "come over here!" to us.   


We discussed this:  if we'd gone OVER THERE, could anything good possibly have come from that?  Should I have marched back there, all SALLY HAPPY, and naive:

Me:  "Yes?  What can I do for you?"


Here's what else was annoying about our little shopping trip:  four men, as they were driving past, sloooooooooooowed right down to check us out.  The first time, as this man was driving by, he was driving at walking speed for a second, and his face was completely turned toward us.  What the hell?!?  I thought, with mild annoyance, and we moved along.  By the fourth car, I became uber pissed.  What the f*ck?!  Did they actually think we might be HOOKERS?

Do I LOOK LIKE A FREAKING HOOKER?!?  Does a hooker go out with capri pants, and a pale blue cotton shirt, with her MOM PURSE slung over her shoulder? 

The only thing that redeemed that little trip was the gourmet cheese store.  I love you, gourmet cheese store.  I purchased some nice hunks of 1) applewood smoked cheddar, 2) some kind of Dublin cheddar, and 3) cheese with carmelized onion.  HELLO HAPPINESS. 

When I got home, my email informed me that I had a couple of new friend requests in my Myspace account.  I think there is only one reason I keep my myspace profile:  it's so damned entertaining every once and a while. 

And behold!  I had friend requests, but I also had some messages.  I checked out the messages first:

Hi Pretty woman,

How 're you doing? am from United State of a contractor, Married before but divorced... Am looking for a serious Relationship that Will lead to marriage,pretty woman,As i was seaching i come across your profile so I decide to say hello to you also to let you know how beautiful are. i like you Can we be friends?

Take good care of yourself.......while i wait for your Reply

Does that mean I'm supposed to take care of myself while he waits for my reply, and then do what the hell I want after that?  I'm confused.  Oh well, on to the next one:

Hi there..,was just going thru here and finding friends i can get together with and hopefully get to know better and maybe it sure leads to something serious and i came across your picture here,,i must confess i love what i saw and would definitely love to get to know u better if you dont mind.. am like your normal guy next door,simple,easy going,calm,matured,responsible,honest,God fearing,intelligent&very comfortable,,romantic,nice,funny&absolutely adorable.I hope my lil profile here interests u and u did like to get back to me... u can email me directly at [blank] its at yahoo dot com....... i really hope i get to know u better&u write me back asap... take care
Hoo!  I am a popular girl TODAY!  I probably could have made an easy 500 bucks downtown too, if only I could have...could have....blech.  Nevermind. 

Okay, so that was fun. Let's check out the three friend requests.  One is from a musician, one is from some lame sounding metal band, and the third is

SWEET MOTHER OF MUFFINS, THAT BOY IS RIPPED.  He's also only wearing a (gulp) towel to cover his 23 year old self....





Let's file that one under "request pending", hur, hur, hur.

Oh crap, I accidently hit "accept" instead of "ignore" to the friend request from that rock band.  Oh dear god, they're terrible.  It's that awful SPEED METAL GUITARS DRUMS WALL OF NOISE SOME IDIOT SCREAMING, SCREAMING, SCREAMING OUT HIS UNINTELLIGIBLE MESSAGE....

ack...note to self:  do NOT hit "PLAY" for any more of their songs.  Oh, but dig this--this is what they have written on their profile page:

...As you breathe rock, we breathe rock. As you feel rock, we feel rock

Um, no.  Actually, I like a soothing cocktail and a good book.  Maybe some poetry, maybe not.  I neither breathe, nor feel rock any longer (if I ever did), because that sh*t gives me a headache.  As soon as I'm finished clacking this up, I have to find the button that undoes our new 'friendship.' 

And so endeth another Saturday. 


  1. the women i live w tell me capri pants means about 300 bucks an hour.

    our brains are furious, funny, freaky

    wanna share my crazy pills?

  2. I thought they took a gigantic fire hose to all the creeps downtown. Apparently not. I remember when downtown was THE only good destination in the city. (sigh)

    Sorry that I chuckled when I imagined the horrified looks on yours and your sister's faces. Truly sorry.

    You are the only one who would write about trix, cheese, and metal rock in the same space. Yet it all works. Kudos.

  3. wow you were a hot chick yestarday! so was the 'i think you are beautiful blah blah'guy the same as the ripped 23 year old guy!? ps . i want a pic please.

  4. Laoch, I wish. It was sensible cotton all the way. However, had those dudes seen me later that night when I was all WHORED UP to go out for dinner, then yes, their mistaken impression would be completely understandable.

  5. BY GOD YES, LANCE. $300 an hour? Is that it? Pfft...

    Hmm...I wonder what denim gets...

  6. thanks Matt, apparently that's how I roll on Saturdays. Who knows what Sunday will bring!!! Oh's over, and I dropped a hundred bucks on plants. Hm. Not as colourful somehow.

    Jon says they should close the street off a la Sparks Street in Ottawa.

  7. girl, you shoulda turned a quick trick to make some spending money! hello, shopping! it's not like the husbands pay for those favors.

  8. of course it wasn't the same guy, sadly, Paula. The guy in the towel? His message IS his towel, and the towel is saying "take it or leave it, baby."

  9. wait a minute...what would faux hooker capris be? I want suggestions from youse peoples.

  10. Sherilin's right. I'm going to bring this up right now. I brought it up and he gave me a noncomittal "pssshhh" in return. Nuts.

  11. so i had to look, how do you know this boy hmmmm!?his name seems greek, maybe he was going for the greek god thing.

  12. this is how pathetic i am, my eyes skimmed the guy , but i zeroed in on the nice granite countertop in the background....guess i only have eyes for my awsome hubby!!

  13. how do I know this boy? I don't. He was cruising profile pics, and obviously thought I was ONE HOT TICKET, har har har...or a potentially desperate coug--either, or.

    That's hilarious...HILARIOUS that you were checking out the counter top. That just made my day.


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