Here's how I would
* roll out of bed at 8:00 so as to be ready for a power walk
* go for a power walk then come back and write
* have oatmeal and a leisurely coffee while checking out my good friend INTERNET
* make some beds. Maybe.
* get round to doing a load of laundry or 15
* have all the laundry done in ONE DAY! MIRACLE! JUBILATION!
* not talk to ANYONE while accomplishing all this.
(does anyone realise how f*cking sad these aspirations are? Anyone?)
Instead, it's summer vacation and apparently kids don't know how to freaking entertain themselves any longer, because cartoons are on 24/7, and the internet always has something to offer.
Also, The Man works from home, so I feel like I HAVE to get the fight twins out of the house every day so he doesn't have to be the one to KNOCK HEADS TOGETHER, as I sit here ignoring them and blogging.
*Note: I'm ignoring their endless, petty fighting, not their triumphs and witticisms, whatever those may be.
So, I've been to the library, and the public pool (hellz yes, that was some GOOD chlorine inhalation! That HAS to be good for you!). I've done a couple of day trips to the beach (so stressful I almost had a stroke just getting ready). I've been stuck in the backyard for several afternoons while the kids fought in their little pool:
"Mom, Ella keeps trying to make my head trapped under water."
So yeah, stuff's been happening. Today, because my sister and I are burnt, we are taking the kids to one of those stupid indoor playland places, that cost too much $$, but are air conditioned, and have a giant jungle gym inside for the little monsters of the city to climb around on.
These places often have some stupid name like "Fun Town" or "Fun Zone" or "Balls of Fun" or "Little Monkees" or whatever. I've been to enough of them over the years, and have been nearly weeping with desire to come home after hours of wandering around after a super hepped up little person, so they've kind of lost their appeal.
Plus, they are CESSPOOLS OF PESTILENCE. Your child is almost guaranteed to come down with something horrid after a fun afternoon of running around like an idiot, while all the other kids wizz on, drool all over, and coliform the play structure.
Also, I have a few problems:
|Hey, there's PUKE under here! Cool!|
|see this fun slide that was on the website? Yeah, it hasn't been inflated in months|
|holy crap--I can't find my kid|
|here's the birthday party room where the kids get to eat their cardboard pizza. Sorry, there's only food for the kids. None for parents.|
|I've been here for FOUR HOURS! Mommy won't stop crying, hee hee!|
|only 5 kids at a time on the bouncy castle. The rest of you kids will have to have the tantrum of the century while you wait, and then lose your minds with pure rage after your 2 minute jump session|
It is important to note that older siblings are very rarely helpful, and they do NOT give a crap when their younger siblings are losing their mind somewhere up their on the third floor by the rope ladder. So, no matter how much you plead with them to rescue that sibling, it's going to be YOU who has to squeeze your way up to find that kid.
Here's another problem: at least half of the parents never pay attention to their kids. So, their little jerks are running around shoving other kids, and steamrolling over top of other kids to get to the top, stepping on heads to get to the twirly slide, whatever. Because the more kids that are in these places, the more they feed off the frenetic energy that's in the air, and the more INSANE THEY BECOME. You've seen them: eyes all wild, completely CRAZED with LUST FOR FUN.
This brings me to my super paranoid fear: I am always afraid that the kids are going to turn all LORD OF THE FLIES way up their at the top of the climber where I can neither see nor get to my kids in time, and they'll just trample some weaker kid up there.
Okay, that's horrible, but that's the kind of crap I worry about.
And don't get me started on pedophiles. I worry that they're lurking EVERYWHERE. Thanks Chris Hansen--I'm totally paranoid now. And just know THIS, lurking pervo who tries to snatch a kid on my watch: I have no problem with tearing your nuts off by hand.
So, these little worries aside, the biggest problem is that these places are FREAKING BORING, and the kids NEVER EVER EVER WANT TO LEAVE.
Ah well, it's still better than the public pool.