Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Few Words From Your Friend TAMPON

 Hey there, hi there HO THERE, Friends!  I'm a busy little wad these days!  Hoo-boy!  I know, I know--you're all sad that summer's nearly over :( FROWNY FACE! 

I too am super duper sad that summer is almost done, 'cuz I've been having so much fun!  Why, I can't tell you the number of vacations I've been on this summer, and especially the number of times I've been to the beach!  Hooray!  What?  You didn't know I love the beach? 

Hellz yeah I love the beach!  I've got a sweet deal worked out with Mother Nature to see that I get to go to the beach or on vacation nearly every time SHE gets to go to the beach or on vacation!  It's really swell. 

Here's a funny little story about karen:  her dad called her up mid-week and said; "we're going to BLAH BLAH beach on Friday!  I'm driving you and the kids and your sister and her kids in the van and we're all going to go up together and have a great day!"

Well, karen checked her calendar and she boo-hoo-ed and wa-waaa-ed, but she knew deep down in her heart that I'd be coming along too!  Hey!  You wanna hear something crazy?  karen's only been to this particular beach TWICE in her life, and it takes an hour and a half to get there, and BOTH TIMES, she got to bring ME along! 

ISN'T THAT A F*CKING SCREAM?!?  Ha ha ha ha!  She had to throw about six of me and my buddies in her purse, and tuck one secretly into her "Walmart Teen slut shorts" (her words, not mine), and go slip in to a filthy public washroom (with flies!) to FRESHEN UP!  Oh, and for good measure, she tossed a bottle of ADVIL into the bag, along with the towels.  WICKED!

Just for kicks, let's see some pics from my scrap book.  Enjoy!



Dick:  "Come on Gals!  These waves are BOSS!  Let's hit the surf!
Jane:  "oh sh*t...I think my f*cking tampon's falling out"


Every g*ddamn time I go to the g*ddamn beach I get my g*ddamn "monthly bill."  Let's just hope this red swim suit covers any 'wardrobe malfunctions'


Annette:  oh SNAP!  I just got my sh*t A$$ PERIOD!
Frankie:  Is that why you've been such a bitch for the past week?!?

Hey kids!  I've changed the term for "period" to LADY TSUNAMI !"


38 comments:

  1. oh. my. gosh, karen. you're insane! what kind of wackjob writes a post, with full hilarious photos, from the tampon's perspective? the best kind! lol!
    next vaca you could leave TAMPON behind even if your lady tsunami arrives if you'd just take along your diva cup!

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  2. Sherilin! We were just commenting on each other's blogs at the same time! Intimate, no?

    Yeah! I'm a wackjob! That makes me so happy. I need to get that diva cup, but I figured I'd best not try it for the first time during a trip to the beach.

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  3. that was a really special moment we just had there. i replied to your comment and then you replied to mine. such syncronicity. two wackjobs, bonded at heart.
    just remember the twist when you use the diva cup. i think that's an integral part of the insertion process, leading to leak-free days & nights.

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  4. yes, okay, got it: insert and twist, and then MAGICAL PROTECTION.

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  5. and yet, dbs, here you are. HERE YOU ARE.

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  6. oh yeah my little 'super plus'friends seem to always hitch a ride on our vacations too,yipeeee!i purchased the 'instead'cups, the box made me joyous, you can be free and clean for up to 12 hours, and maybe even get a little *wink*wink*with no mess....well needless to say i tried a couple of times to get it right but it just did not work.is the diva cup any different in desighn,i do not wan't to pay 40 bucks for it to sit in the closet.

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  7. Wait... am I a tard or something? What the frig is a diva cup? And dare I say... "EWWW" at the mental image?

    Aim

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  8. Do you know what's fun?
    Most guys will public react with an:"Ewwuuuaaa" like a little girl to the thought of women and Lady Tsunami...but if you get a guy sick enough, perverted enough, he'll turn this into a fetish and gather hoards of obsessed perverts to chant to readings such as these.

    Just a thought...Luckily I'm not one of them. No, not. The idea just randomly sprung into my mind. Honest.

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  9. Paula, Sherilin SUPER LURVS her diva cup. Here's the link to Sherilin's loving post all about it:

    http://laughingmyabsoff.blogspot.com/2011/08/shes-green-diva-now.html

    Apparently you have to make sure to "twist" it or something, according to Sherilin, but all I'm getting is an image of a teenager twisting a cone to get the perfect soft serve swirl at Dairy Queen. I have no idea why.

    A little wink wink eh...hm...that thing promises A LOT.

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  10. Oh nerdo, it's the environmentally FRIENDLY way to enjoy your LADY TSUNAMI, then, when you say "my cup runneth over" it has a whole new, earthy meaning!

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  11. hundreds of obsessed perverts, eh Bennet...well, that would make this comments section interesting now wouldn't it. Seriously though: nothing surprises me anymore, or at least very little does, so I concur.

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  12. Going out on a limb. If you want the bleeding to stop, Google "pressure point" + " shin" + "stop period" an you'll find it. It will slow or stop bleeding. Don't do it TWICE!! You could accidentally make yourself bleed more, which would suck.

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  13. well Christina, I found nothing with those searches, but I did find some tips on how to make a period lighter by making sure to get the right nutrients etc.

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  14. the twist helps make sure it opens properly & seals up like it should. not very ice cream cone-ish.
    i haven't seen or tried the instead cup. the diva worked for me & no need to try anything else.

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  15. well Sherilin, next time my lady tsunami comes in, I'm going to try that cup. And then I can horrify people with milliliters! Or, ounces for my American friends :) I like to INCLUDE of course.

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  16. It's bad enough I just had to buy pads for my teenager. I have to read this?

    I come to you for sunshine, blue skies, unicorns and palomino ponies, Karen.

    sarcasm

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  17. o.k. so 'my friend'came for a week long visit. so i went to the drug store and shelled out the 40 bucks...guess what it works!!!well i have not tried to remove it yet...but 3 hours and no leaks yahooo.yay diva cup!!

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  18. yay for paula & being brave!
    there are pressure points on our shins to make our periods lighter? i needed to know about this!

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  19. great Lance, now I have to find a way to incorporate those items into my blog in the most sarcastic way possible. Yeah, I almost made The Man pick me up some pads while he was out the other day, but figured I'd spare him the lengthy instruction on WHAT I NEED

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  20. Paula, this is exciting! Did you get it at a well-known chain drug store? That's it. I have to look into this thing. I'm also perversely interested in your mention of 'week long' friend. Someone else suffers some nasty periods too??!

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  21. Sherilin, I think Christina was being opitimistic EVEN FOR cHRISTINA, because she is one upbeat inspiring chick.

    Yay for Paula is right! I can't wait to buy my new cup!

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  22. HAHAHA!!! That sounds like EVERY beach vacation I've ever had. I swear mother conspires against us.

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  23. That's hysterical. And soooooo true. Every. Damn. Time. The unwanted party crasher.

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  24. Did your buddy tampon ever do a guest shot on South Park? He sure looks like he would fit in with Towlie and Mr Poo. It has to be like when you have to drag a younger sibling along, you already know it won't be fun because they are there.

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  25. this cup is not really working now!!i keep trying and it will not 'seal' ugh.really how hard can this be,insert twist voila!but sadly no, i will keep trying though, because if it does work it will be sweet!p.s. i got it at pharma plus.

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  26. and doesn't it completely SUCK, Lizbeth?!??!?!!!!

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  27. yeah Flannery. Word. I even got to enjoy a water park with that buddy...hey kids...mummy has to go palm a tampon and freshen up in the can.

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  28. George, wonderful analogy! Yeah, I thought it was oddly southparkish as well.

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  29. Hey Paula, now we have to ask Sherilin if she's used it for more than one session. Let me know if you MASTER it, and thanks for the drugstore info.

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  30. I found it took a few tries to get it just right...once you master it...you will fall in love...well, asm uch love as you can have for it.

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  31. My daughter just spotted the tampon on my blog and said: "Look at that sock puppet; it doesn't have a butt." And when I scrolled down she said; "I just saw the happy banana!" Yeah, that's what she STILL thinks that smiling maxi pad is

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  32. Steph, that's awesome! I was starting to lose confidence after Paula's lament.

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