Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Am A Suck-Ass Homemaker

There!  That's the last of them--now every dish in the kitchen is polished and sparkling and isn't that wonderful--wait, what the f*ck am I doing?!?



I am, once again, in the wrong vocation.  I hate housekeeping.  It bores the tits off me.  I get no satisfaction out of washing the dishes 2 or 3 times a day, or folding clean, crisp laundry.  Yeah, I dig the fresh clean scent, but you might as well be slowly pulling my fingernails off, one finger at a time.  It's like torture. 

Even though I live with a kid on the spectrum, who NEEDS to have his life as scheduled as possible, I HATE scheduling myself.  It makes me feel caged-in, trapped.  I like to do things HAPHAZARDLY.  That's how I garden. That's how I do laundry.  That's how I organize things. 

I don't have a regular schedule for dinners:  there's no FISH ON FRIDAYS, CHICKEN ON MONDAYS, CASSEROLE ON TUESDAYS, VEGETARIAN WEDNESDAYS.  I just pull something out of my ass most days of the week.  Some days the meal is masterful, and other days it's kraft dinner with broccoli.  And then other days, it's a cheddar and mushroom omelette with homemade hollandaise sauce.  Yummy. 

Sometimes there are proper meat and potato meals, and a lot of times there are EXPERIMENTS.  Often there is grumbling at 5:30 pm that I'm "GOING ON STRIKE" as I am frantically whipping some crap together while the kids are whining "WHERE'S DINNERRRRRRRRRR......" from the other room. 

anyhoo,

I kinda have a grocery day now.  I sorta have a roundabout laundry day..but oh wait...Wednesday has come and gone, and all the sorted piles are still on my bedroom floor.  So much for the sort-of Wednesday laundry day. 

There are days when suddenly I get a whiff of the kids and realise I should have given them baths the night before, but my god--who can take the fighting???

There are clean clothes EVERYWHERE in this house.  They need to be put away.  There are clean sheets downstairs on the dryer.  They've been there about two weeks now. 

So yeah, I kinda stink at this job.  I should technically be fired.  I gripe a lot.  Sometimes I shout that I'm putting a "TIPS" jar in the kitchen because I'm UNDERAPPRECIATED, DAMN IT!  Sometimes I whine; "where's MY Christmas bonus?!?!" 

I have a lousy attitude...

I'm not very organized...
I show up late for work nearly every day...

but, I hug my kids a lot, and continuously bolster their confidence, and sometimes...SOMETIMES I even shape lunches on the plate to look like smiley faces. 

So, it's not all bad, right?


Tell me:  what kind of homemaker or worker are you?  Do you have a good attitude, and do everything you're supposed to, or do you find yourself daydreaming, or sneaking in a little facebook time at your little desk, or thinking of your next blog post?  You can tell me.  We're all friends here.   

38 comments:

  1. I am your soul sister. You were discribing me! I am not kidding, to a T. Sometimes, I will just look at my husband and say why, why do I bother to sweep the floor when I have to do it again in 15 minutes. OH MY GOD, I too hate being the maid. Nope, not what I went to college for. The babysitter gets paid better than I do. Sometimes I want to say, the maid, waitress, babysitter, gardener, chauffer and stripper are all going on strike. Do you think it will get me better wages?

    The worst for me is the cooking. Do not have any interest at all. My favorite is when my husband is out of town and I can feed my kids sandwiches and chicken nuggets and they like it. A joke my husband and I have is that whoever asks "what do you want for dinner?" the other person has to make it. Doesn't always work. I always have canned veg. and fruit on hand for when it is out of season. So anyway, I have to say I am SOooooooo glad school starts next week.

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  2. oh my gosh, i'm on your page, sista. right there with you. just tonight i was telling my husband about how this year for school we're doing things in a structured, routine way to help brooke cope with schooling. it's working so well for her, but it's so not the way i like to operate.
    living with my in-laws has been truly challenging for me because my MIL is a full time, stay at home house slave. she exists to clean up & feed people. i only do those things at the last minute & only because i HAVE to. i swear, my character must be developing at a mighty rapid clip this year with all the stretching i've had to do to accomodate every damn person around me. someone throw the water at me so i can scream, "I'M MELTING!"

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  3. so i am the sick puppy who cleans for stress relief.matt knows how stressed i am by how violently i am pushing around the swiffer!i need tidiness and order to function,my friends eight year old told me i was obsessed with cleaning,and he has noticed i am even cleaning up stuff at his house!oh dear.yes there are days where i feel if i pick up one more toy/sock/food stuff, my head will explode.i am going to take my meds now.

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  4. I love to clean. It's true. In fact, when I was in my 20s, I would clean other people's homes for extra money. Sometimes when I finish cleaning a room, I stand in the doorway and admire my work. My favorite time to start cleaning is 8a.m. and when the kids are not there. If they are there, it totally throws off my mojo. Saturday is our big cleaning day when we all clean the house. It's not my favorite day because the kids are involved and although I know I should be teaching them the ropes, I feel like they're just get in my way. That said, I have started a little chain gang dishwashing operation in the house. Yes, we have a dishwasher but I want them to learn to wash the dishes instead.
    Okay, even though I like to clean, my house is always a mess and I walk around in constant "angst" over it. You don't mind if I use that word, do you?
    Anyway, I've talked long enough. You get me, right? If you don't, here's a clue. I'm a mess!
    Your Friend, m.

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  5. I am reading your blog at work...hahahaha..

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  6. I love being a homemaker but i am not organised or on any schedule! It drives my husband nuts he is so orderly. I half do stuff all the time...laundry then vaccum then this leave it etc. I am the same on dinner. No routine here just routine of walking Pilot every morning. Now that i am working at my hateful job i have to be somewhat more organised. My brain can't handle it...maybe it's because i am a visual creative person? I don't know i just know i am always stressed now. I know some women who have weekly menus and buy accordingly and stick to a budget uggg! I can't do it!!!!

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  7. Oh you have to check out the blog Echoes of Laughter on my blogroll. SHe is the queen of organisation!! Weekly meals planned, budget, house bills organised you get the picture. She is amazing and i cannot always visit her blog because it stresses me out lol !!!!

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  8. This week I have been a lousy worker. I get that way when I'm not too busy though.
    I am a lousy housekeeper, your typical bachelor.

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  9. I used to be a wonderful housekeeper and mother who home-schooled, baked her own bread & made preserves, kept a clean organized house AND read to and hugged her kids.

    NOT ANY MORE!

    I work fulltime now, so I cook like you do with chicken nuggets or frozen pizza mosst nights and glazed pork roast with cranberries and apples another. Yes, there are clean clothes but they're sure not upstairs where they belong. The house is somewhat clean but not at all organized. No time!

    I like a clean organized house; and I do like doing it. But with time in such demand and life being so short, I happily opt to hug and kiss my kids in front of a TV movie while we eat our nachos!

    Quality, my dear! Quality!

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  10. Alaina, that inspired me in more ways than you can imagine:

    "the maid, waitress, babysitter, gardener, chauffer and stripper are all going on strike."

    That was pure poetry to my tired ears.

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  11. SO TRUE, SHERILIN!!! I only do those things because I have to as well!!! Yeah, I think about you and your new, more restructured school schedule. Brutal. I hate tying myself down and BEING tied down.

    My mother was an EXCELLENT homemaker--efficient, organized, and completely scheduled. She never ran out of anything in her pantry/kitchen, and shopped at various stores just to get the sales when they were on.

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  12. Yeah, but Paula, think of how good your house looks if someone drops in on short notice! Like today, for instance, when the guy came to measure our basement windows before he gets to work on putting in new ones...I had to hide in my bedroom in mild shame.

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  13. Mark, I loved that story. Truly. I think my angst and despondency stems from it being a LOSING FREAKING BATTLE in this house, and because I'm overwhelmed, I no longer kill myself to try to keep all the toys and papers in check.

    Hey--I have to find you on Twitter!

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  14. ha ha ha hahaha Steph! Don't think I didn't think of YOU when I asked what kind of office worker you are! Love it.

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  15. Pam, I did have a small guilty pang in writing this post, because I know you love being a homemaker and treasured that time doing it, but were forced to get a heinous job out of necessity.

    Still, I suck at this job--perhaps worst of all my jobs.

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  16. blech Pam--too much organisation just from what you've described. But, I will check her out. Kudos to all you peeps who are very organized. I have one request: just come to my house and figure out how to set up my daughter's room. Thank you.

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  17. George do you have nothing in your fridge but beer and a bottle of mustard?

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  18. Sandy, you've given me better perspective: I'm going for QUALITY TIME, and PRIORITIZING the important things..


    unfortunately the important things just happen to be blogging and that stupid Twitter.

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  19. I love it... I love standing there in my dingy basement washing load after load. And then folding it and putting the clean clothes away gives me such a THRILL I almost get shivers of joy.

    Actually. I need to be structured and organised. If I'm not I'm likely to feel great anxiety. Cleaning does calm my nerves. However, (and especially lately) it's a torn feeling. I'm weary of cleaning and trying to be organised all the time. Yet, I can't stop! One time I came home to a messy home and I was going around cleaning it and feeling so exhausted but I couldn't stop and I nearly had an anxiety attack. It was weird. I was running around cleaning and crying at the same time. That'll learn my man for leaving the house a mess!!!

    ;)

    aim

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  21. Oh boy - really? You went there -
    well GOOD FOR YOU! You can come hang out at our place, you won't mind the legos, laundry, to do and done lists, the papers on the wall, taped, I might add, lest this single mother forget a meeting, photo day, parent teacher conference, open house, early release, or any other school related thing. It's the school wall. It's colorful, organized, yes, but those little calendars don't work for me - I need notes, the real deal, lest I skip something.
    I have a white board to keep me organized (it works) and food: well, let's see. HOW-FREAKING-EVER: when I go to the pantry to pack lunches nothing irks me more than to realize the stash of raisins etc are gone - and no one tells me. I can't just "run to the store" and leave the sleeping cherubs - that's always my most creative moments - lunch packing. Oh, laundry: Yeah, me and clothes. I think about people in 3rd world countries who have very few clothing items - and when the laundry wants to walk itself down the street - I bless them, and think of sending them some of our bounty. It actually gets donated instead - after it's washed, of course. yeah, we have a system, though it took years to get in place: if it's folded it doesn't leave your hands until it makes it to the basket and the drawers. It only kind of works, the basket makes it to the room, then kids get distracted, so I have laundry put away time - make them help, Karen. You have an advantage I don't-you're hubby is perfectly capable. Though my mom was an EXCELLENT housekeeper, she trained my dad, too. He is amazing to this day - but I remember the early years. Train him. Plus, you can run to the store in the middle of the night - not so over here.
    Overall I aim for Happiness - we're all happy - and the "stuff" the BLESSING of things to play with, wear, eat and cook with get picked up and moved accordingly - I still love that we are able to enjoy it all - is that what was meant by, "Bless this Mess" ?

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  22. I'm sorry Aim, I'd like to reply, but I have to go throw my sheets in the dryer, or I'll be sleeping on the mattress tonight :)

    Oh man, I do know that can't-stop-but-so-want-to-stop cleaning thing, believe it or not. It's hideous.

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  23. Christina, I figured you had some solid organization in place--you're brainy like that. I think of your white boards all the time.

    Yeah, my kids are starting to help, and Ella is fairly willing, but they're still young and clumsy and quite half-assed. As for The Man, he actually does a fair bit! Hell...what can I say when I'm sleeping till 9 in the morning and he makes the kids brekky every day???

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  24. I grew up with hoarders so I'd say my home is quite well kept all the time or to be honest, I'd go insane.

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  25. Now I feel teh need to defend myself hahaha...as I am again, reading yoru blog while at work!!
    I am a very dedicated employee. I am very good at job. (meaning, i am good at NOT saying things that I am really thinking) I work fast and get the job done...i reward myself and hard work with reading your blog and CNN online.
    At home...well...my is clean. Not organized. Never. You will find the craziest stuff on my small kitchen counter...a pile of shoes by the door, a plie of backpacks/purses in the corner...but I keep the house clean...just not so tidy. Once a week I will go on a crazy tidy up thing adn I will work up sweat puttign things away...but a few days later...its al ove the place again. I give up.

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  26. Holy Crap! I think we live in the same house! Our house has clean clothes everywhere!!! I have no problem washing the clothes, it's the putting away of the clothes that's such a pain!

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  27. OMG, you crack me up!! I'm suck-arse but I'm too type A NOT to clean up. I like the carpets and floor clean and beds made but I could give a crap about cleaning toilets! I know, I'm weird. Right now, I can't find A THING to feed them even though we're stocked. It's like my brain has given up!!!

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  28. serious hoarding, dbs? I can only imagine what a difficult environment that is to live in/grow up in for the non-hoarder.

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  29. Oh Stephy, I figured you were a good worker. My vice, when I was in an office was EMAIL. Did I even have internet on the computer at my last job? No--I don't think so, but I did have email and I spent the first 10 minutes of every shift emailing my dad, AND the bosses knew about it, but never said anything! Ha! I am great and terrible!

    I totally am on your page: house not tidy, but NOT dirty. Dirt = BAD.

    But...my kitchen floor is CONSTANTLY covered with toast crumbs as that is all Jack eats. I sweep many times a day.

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  30. Paula, I washed AND put away ALL THE CLOTHES IN ONE DAY yesterday. How revolting. Were it not for school starting in a few days I'd never have done it.

    Blech. Stupid laundry.

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  31. well Lizbeth, you're in the throes of the evil readjustment back to school time...and besides, cooking is mostly a chore. Is your son a good eater?

    My son sucks, as I've ranted a billion times. My daughter is picky at dinner time though, and my daughter only really likes lunch...oh wait, I think I'll blog about this...

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  32. lurved the cartoon and caption.

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  33. In fact, looking at the cartoon again, I noticed that those built-in ovens are coming back into home style. Maybe the ideals of the 1950's are returning after all. Let's all start reliving those failed ideals, shall we?

    One more thing: the man in the pic is polishing his car, but he seems to be preoccupied with something else - which leads to Paula's comment that it is obvious that the wife has not had kids yet because of her waist. Hmm. So much wisdom gleaned from such a simple image..

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  34. Matt: HOORAY FOR FAILED IDEALS! They're so freaking idyllic...

    Your wife has made a very astute observation, but perhaps she is underestimating the model image of the PERFECT wife: she has all those dishes polished up, and the kitchen gleaming whilst little Billy and Sally are at school...and she kept her Scarlett O'Hara waist.

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  35. There are stages to a homemakers workload, babies/toddlers (insane workload that 4 people would have trouble handling), then Elementary School, kids need you but lots of time in the day to get the cleaning done while kids are at school so you can be a mom/dad when they are home, then middle/high school kids are doing chores themselves, seeking a greater amount of independence job as mom/dad is different and requires a little less handholding time compared to elementary.

    This rant and questions are for homemakers with kids in full-time school and related to the housecleaning role of a homemaker since this is the area that changes the most between outside the home working parents or one parent outside the home with a homemaker...

    Ok, I get it house work sucks... Fine, but don't some (most) outside the home jobs suck too? Why do people believe that just because you have chosen to be a homemaker that you should not treat the housecleaning role that comes with it like a job?

    Why is it so hard to develop and maintain a schedule for the cleaning part of the homemaker job? - Wake up and clean the house while the kids are at school instead of watching tivo'd shows from last night or facebooking with your friends or having lunch with the girls? If you worked outside the home would your level of effort put into cleaning or efficiency at doing it be tolerated? Shouldn't you be done with that part of your job before your kids and spouse get home? When is the last time you got peeved when your working spouse was working late and abusing family time... Same for you when you leave the spouse and kids to go clean because you blew off the day while the kids were at school.

    So because homemakers can't treat cleaning like a job they end up flustered, irritable, annoyed, and ultimately take out their frustrations on their working spouse just because they choose not to manage themselves well...

    I don't understand why this happens? Is it a holdover from when the kids were in diapers and no one expected a clean house and it was just too much to clean anyway. Do homemakers believe that now when the kids are older and in school the same rules apply?

    Being a homemaker is a job choice, lots of families have 2 working parents and well adjusted kids. Unless your wealthy and have staff to do your job for you, this choice requires that you work and perform well and your paycheck for the work is Mortgage, Food, spending money, gas, car, ect. that your spouse is earning all alone so you can work at home to be there for the kids.

    Homemakers need to find their own value in what they do and in many cases stop resenting their working spouse because they "get out of the house" and do that "fun job" while you watch reruns, go have coffee with your friends and leave the house trashed for another week.

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  36. Hey Anonymous,

    All good points. First of all, I have to say that ABSOLUTELY jobs outside of the home stink. Hell, I would also whine if I had to do my husband's job, but maybe that's because I just have an all around poor attitude! Always have--sigh.

    That being said, it's not always difficult. I guess this depends a lot on energy level. If one is having a very energetic day, it's easy to be efficient, get most of the laundry done in one day, have dinner on the table that night and a clean house to boot.

    With young kids, and a child that is demanding because he has special needs, this dream of efficiency can seem nearly impossible.

    I guess it is the same way at any job though--ie; there are always going to be distractions, disruptions and diversions.

    I think maybe it's difficult to simply treat it as a "job" is maybe because there is no paycheque, per se, not a lot of appreciation. That's the failing of the human ego: we all need it stroked once in a while, hence the creation of a "christmas" or "year end" bonus.

    But,

    there are women out there who do treat housework as a job and excel at it. My mother was the best housekeeper/homemaker I ever encountered. She was very efficient, great at grocery shopping and getting the best value, never ran out of a necessary cooking item and her house was always neat and tidy.

    Thanks for your comment. I really enjoy a good THINK!

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