|Srsly, why are we famus again?|
- bc we r HAWT--DUH! Who needs 2 make a contribution 2 da world whn u r hawt??? (image from here)
Yeah. I don't watch a lot of TV. On Sunday nights I enjoy whatever HBO Canada is currently offering up--right now that means True Blood. Saturday mornings I like to watch New Scandinavian Cooking on PBS, because the recipes look delightfully weird and repellant, and Andreas Viestad is just so darn quirky.
|today I will be preparing fermented cod in a dill cream sauce with a purée of turnip, ha ha, how bizarre to your north american senses!|
Mostly though? TV is a vast WASTELAND. My sister would disagree. She thinks there is something to watch EVERY NIGHT of the week. That means I get to hear lots about the latest episode of Deadliest Catch or some other manly type show about dudes who take their lives into their own hands by driving their transport truck over a road made of ice, so they can make the big bucks.
During the day, the children seem to own the TV. Yeah, you can judge me on this. This is where I am indeed a BAD MOTHER, because if that dial moves off the cartoon station, the freaking is legendary. Then at night, The Man is always watching something SUPER TEDIOUS. You know; some kind of show in which dum-dums have to run through a padded, wet obstacle course, and get bashed off track by giant padded mallets? Or maybe it's a show with a ridiculously improbable pairing of combatants, and you have to wait till the end to see if Ghengis Khan will kick Abraham Lincoln's ass in a battle or vice versa. Or else he'll be watching something that reeks of SCIENCE, and that makes my girlbrain run screaming away from the TV every time.
Once--ONCE I got sucked into some show that was a spotlight on the Kardashian family. I lost 500 IQ points in ten minutes, and I'll never get that time on my LIFE CLOCK back again. Let me try to paraphrase the scene that is burned into my head for life. Okay, in case you are lucky enough to not know who the hell this asinine family is, the mom used to be married to the guy who was OJ's lawyer, and now she's married to the plastic mannequin edition of Bruce Jenner.
|now that's just f*cking scary (Image)|
like, the guy who was on some strange sex show talking about his massive, massive dong, and saying that the ladies have to be patient if they want him to "get to full size." WTF?!? What--is it like filling up the kiddy pool? Does it take an hour for that much blood to get into his weiner? And by the way ICK, and furthermore, YURG. Yeah, it's not his fault that he has super donk, but I do. not. need. to. know. about. it.
or, how about the guy who gets turned on by blowing up balloons? DON'T ASK ME, PEOPLE, I have no idea. Yeah, he gets super wood by blowing up balloons, and he used to feel like he was all alone in his balloon lust until he found a whole group of bizarros who also enjoy balloon erotica. Because there is always more than one, people, there always is.
But this, my loves, THIS one takes the cake as far as I'm concerned. Even if you're unfamiliar with the name, surely you've heard of the bizarre phenom known as PICA???
Pica is a pattern of eating non-food materials, such as dirt or paper, or other inedible delicacies. I'm sensitive to this, I really am. When I was a small kid, I used to eat towel strings. They were delicious. Then I grew the freak up and ate a real diet with fibre and nutrients, and I didn't crave towel strings anymore, OKAY??? So yeah, I get this, until my sister told me about the episode starring the woman who could not stop snacking on her late husband's ashes.
|He was good before, but he's downright DELICIOUS now|
It's okay. Take your time.
Let it sink in.
So yeah, this person carries the urn with her wherever she goes, to snack on whenever she needs to. And sometimes her mother chases her around saying stuff like; "honey, I love ya, but ya have ta STOP."
And yet, AND YET, AND F*CKING YET, here she is, on TV. And this is considered ENTERTAINMENT now.
Yeah, I think I'll stick to books, and playing word scramble games online.