Okay, first of all, do you ever have this raging fantasy that you just say whatever you want to people without censoring yourself all the time? I have that fantasy. Lately, the top guy on my list I'd like to be blunt with is the freaking crossing guard.
Oh the crossing guards. How they do drive me mental. I mean, we're talking months and months of inane conversations about the weather.
"Nice day today."
"Have a good day."
"Kinda chilly out this morning eh?"
"Yeah, but it's supposed to warm up."
"Oh, is it?"
"yup. Then rain tomorrow."
"Have a nice day."
"Hasn't started raining yet."
"I think it's going to blow over."
"Have a nice day."
"yup, you too."
Okay, but it's the GUY crossing guard on the opposite side of the street who is on my list right now, because honestly? If he makes that joke about our sunglasses again, I might lose it. So, I'll just clack up a fake letter instead:
Dear Man Guard,
You know that joke you've made about five times now--the one where you say; "I see everyone's got their 'JOE COOL' glasses on!" or, "Looks like everyone's got their JOE COOL glasses on today", or "here comes JOE COOL", and then you chuckle likes it's the first f*cking time you've ever made that joke? Well, we GET IT.
Yes, we wear our sunglasses whether it's cloudy or sunny, okay? It's not because we're SUPER COOL, it's because I'm 39 AND LOOK LIKE A BAG OF HELL IN THE MORNING.
with fond annoyance,
Damn I'm too tired today.
You know what else is sad? The guy who is putting in new basement windows for us (F*CK OFF ANTS, TRY TO GET THROUGH THESE WINDOWS A$$HOLES), just shuffled in a few minutes ago and said; "can I use your washroom?" So, now I'm wondering, in a sad, wilting way, if any of my gitch are lying on the bathroom floor, and how many bras are in there, or if anyone changed the toilet paper roll.
See, I clean the bathroom every day, but there are no promises it looks pretty after the morning headless chicken rush to get the boy off to school on time.
Furthermore, that guys been up there for more than a minute. Thanks so much for the fab windows, and for taking a dump in MY bathroom.
Oh, but everyone, what I really wanted to talk about was this week's offering of SEARCH STATS. When I log in to blogger here (for those of y'all who don't blog), there is a section from my homepage titled "Stats" and I can go in there and see how many page views I've had for the day, week, month, or ever. I can also see what posts are catching people's eyes, and I to digress for a second here and say
Why isn't anyone looking at THIS POST? It has WHISKY in it for crying out loud! It's much more entertaining than a stupid post about flying ants, which, by the way, has had a ridiculous number of hits. I have no idea why.
Anyhoo, here are the search terms that people used, and the number of people who used said search terms, in the past week that helped them find me, either on purpose or inadvertently:
* ow my angst - 15
* very ugly hairy lady - 5
* fisher price sesame street house - 4
* fuzzy hairy boys legs - 4
* the wiggles drawings - 4
* feel better funny - 3
* feel better soon funny - 3
* flowerpot in ass - 3
* karen somethingorother blogspot - 3
* barbie camper 1976 - 2
Okay, that's all fairly straight forward. 3 people found me by actually searching my blog url (which I myself can almost never remember. Perhaps it's time for a change). A few people stumbled upon me thanks to this fantastic photo:
|"While The Man Is Away"|
Some peeps found my blog while trying to feel better through humour. Aw! That's magical! Hopefully they didn't read some pms posts. Those aren't too HA-HA HAPPY.
Some were looking for Wiggles Drawings, which is cool, because then they got to see some of my little guy's art.
wait a minute.
flowerpot in ass.
3 PEOPLE USED THE SEARCH WORDS "FLOWER POT IN ASS"???
Can someone help me with this? It appears I may be completely out of touch with what's HIP nowadays.
I need a coffee.