Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, November 14, 2011


My loves,

Why have I put on a shit-ton of makeup, wrapped a ridiculous feather boa around my neck, and glammed myself up to the point of LUDICROUS?  Well, there are two reasons!  

The first is because I wanted to talk about something very dear to my heart:  


The second is because the next photos you see of me will be intensely hideous.  Hilarious, perhaps, but hideous just the same.



What the HELL is "MOVEMBER" you say?  Well, in case you hadn't heard of it, November is the month men are growing moustaches to raise awareness for MEN'S HEALTH, and specifically PROSTATE CANCER.

See, if suddenly your man, or that guy in the office looks like this:

and the first thing out of your mouth is; "what the HELL are you doing?!?"  He will tell you that he's sporting a MO for November.  See, he's not trying to piss you off, he's trying to raise AWARENESS.

This is a good thing, because let's face it:  unless your man is a metrosexual, or unless he actually pays attention to his appearance, most men get up, hop in the shower, run a washcloth over their buzzed head, shave, brush the teeth and go.

They're not like us--girls and cancer phobes-- noses pressed up to the mirror, inspecting EVERY FREAKING INCH AND EVERY PORE ON OUR BODIES, IMMEDIATELY NOTICING EVERY NEW OR OLD LUMP, BUMP, ROLLY OR UGLY BIT.

Also, how many of you know a man who is a card holding member of the "It's FINE" club.  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about:

"Shouldn't we be bringing a gift to this party?"

Man:  "It's FINE."

"I think you're swinging him too high!  Oh my god!  He's going to fall off the SWING!"

Man:  "He's FINE."

"Is that the only jacket you're going to bring for her?  It's cold outside!"

Man:  "She's FINE."

"I really think you should shut off the power before you put that new light fixture up!!!"

Man:  "I'm FINE."

See?  They're always FINE.  Everything around them is always FINE.  YOU, are running around saying;  "MY STOMACH FEELS WEIRD.  I HAVE STOMACH CANCER!!!"  And HE says; "You're FINE."  
So this means, that for the most part, anything less than FINE is NOT on his radar.  He doesn't see that weird little spot or mole on his body that could be shrieking "SKIN CANCER," and he's been ignoring the fact that it's been a little hard for him to take a leak lately.  Plus, how often does he get that yearly physical???

So, let's be super serious for just a moment and talk about prostate cancer (or super lazy, and cut and paste the info directly from ):

"Prostate cancer is:
  • The most common cancer among Canadian men - it will afflict 1 in 7 men and is a greater threat for those with a family history of the disease
  • Turning up in men in their 40s
  • Going to be diagnosed in about 25,500 men this year, not including cases that go undiagnosed due to men's unwillingness to go for annual check-ups
  • Develops as a result of dietary, environmental and heredity factors (more research is needed to identify its causes and prevent the disease)
  • New, preliminary research suggests pharmaceuticals may help prevent prostate cancer in men at high risk of the disease
  • Often without symptoms in its earliest, most curable stage – making annual testing ever more important
  • Treated by surgery, radiation and hormone therapy (among other treatments)
  • Thought to be a potentially preventable cancer in many cases, but more research is needed
*Symptoms may include slow or painful urination, blood or pus in the urine, painful ejaculation and pain in the lower back or abdomen, pelvis or upper thighs. If experiencing any of these symptoms, please consult a doctor immediately."


Okay, we didn't like reading that.

Let's work on prevention!  Improve your diet.  More vitamins and minerals, less baloney on white bread sandwiches, capiche?  More salad, less GIGANTIC STEAK.  

There is a ton of good information on prevention, and PSA testing, HERE.

We love you guys, and we want you to take care of yourselves.  Why not grow a big, bushy MO for Movember to continue spreading awareness?

 I'd like to recommend my personal favourite:


Hey, remember how in Dances With Wolves For Four Hours Kev C. was freaking hot with his giant handlebar MO, and then later in the movie he shaved it off and that was when the film just became LONG and you kinda wanted to go home after that?


Okay, enough blabbing.  Recently, because I'm me, I decided "what the hell, it's Movember," so I stuck an adhesive child novelty moustache on, and I walked half-way to the school with that MO-FO on my face.  Yeah, I was going with it.

According to my sister, I was getting some VERY strange, long looks from people driving by.  But, I don't care if they didn't know if I was a weird woman or a very, very ugly man.  I did it for the boyz.  It was fun, my sister nearly peed her pants, we took some great action shots, she got to wear the MO for a bit, and finally my kids freaked and yelled at me to TAKE IT OFF MOM!!!!!!

That's right b*tches.  This is how I ROLL up to the school yard.
People were reeeeeallly staring....

my niece liked it.  She felt the power of the MO
(lookit how huge her tiny cute young head makes my giant old MO head look)

tell the truth, it's turning you on, no?

it's actually starting to gross me out looking at these pics now...

shootin some HOOPS, YO

my sister thought she looked especially hideous.  

GOOD TIMES!  So remember:  take care of your MENS!

*Now go scroll back up and look at my sparkle pic again to cleanse your pallet...

For more information on MOVEMBER, click HERE

For more information on Prostate Cancer, click HERE


  1. it should be renamed 'slow-vember'since most ladies do not love the 'mo', so you mens don't get much mo-jo![i crack myself up]

    its all fine and good until someone looses an eye!

    as for our dear men they need to get their cute arses to the doctor more often so they can stay 'fine', 'cause we love you!

  2. that's a like an awesome 1977 Burt Reynolds moustache....well played...

    I'm just rocking a beard and being a snob to Movember

  3. Paula, the MO is not my favourite thing either. I only like the giant, biker guy handlebar Kev Cost kind of moustache for some reason. I have no idea why.

    Slowvember. You kill me.

  4. fair enough Lance, and better in the long run. You can call it Novembeard.

    Okay, that was terrible. I am filled with much shame.

  5. oh, my beloved karen, i love you even more now that i've seen you in a molester stache. i just wish i'd been with you so i could have participated in the wonkiness of the day.
    your stache didn't have a strange odor did it?

  6. ugh what? Gravy? No, I think if anything it smelled like synthetics but nothing struck me.

    Yeah! You've have had balls enough to have worn the mo the WHOLE way to the school I'll bet! I didn't :(

  7. I got no menz to support but I am showing my support by not getting my lip waxed for a week! You are looking pretty spectacular with that mo.

    Mo, seriously, I mean it.

    And on a tenuously related sidenote, one of my all time favourite quotes from The Sopranos is from Tony Soprano to his shrink: "Are you fuckin kidding me? I was PROSTATE with grief!"

    Sarah xxx

  8. You weren't hideous at all, you were...FINE.

  9. Oh Sarah, just admit what we all know: I am one ugly man :)
    Ah, thanks for the Sopranos quote. I so miss that show!

  10. that means hideous Matt!!! How about a nice waxed mo for you, eh Matt? A little Rollie Fingers look?

  11. Love it, very funny. If I saw that in person I would have been laughing so hard my stomach would start to hurt really bad.

    I even think that novembeard is funny.

  12. I can imagine how you would be laughing, Christy! In my mind it sounds much the same way as when I freaked upon finding the spider in the front of the canoe with me and tried to paddle the hell back to shore.

  13. i was thinking that it might have smelled like... well, i shouldn't say that here. it probably never went... there... before you wore it.
    and i'd only have the balls to wear it the whole time if you wore yours too so we could be twinsies. though, i did once wear men's clothes & paint a nicely styled beard and mustache combo onto my face in may & go run some errands before heading to a murder mystery party where i had to play a man. and since my stache was made of eyeliner, it didn't have that... you know, that smell.

  14. Okay, that is the best Movember post evah!

    I love your pics, and usually all this Movember crap just annoys me. Cuz the dudes all look like cheesy 70s porn stars, and not in a good way.

    As a guy with a mustache and a shaved head year round, I have limited opportunity to participate in most guy fundraising stuff. So I support the humane society and laugh at the creepy Movember dudes...

  15. you actually looked like some actor.......I am gonna have to think and get back to you....

  16. Beam looks super HOT with her MO!!! rocked it well too!!!

  17. Sherilin, you are hilarious. No, it had no smell. You are completely insane woman!

    However, your man pick was great! Much less offensive than my big Cop Stash.

  18. don't fear it Laoch, embrace the ridiculousness!

  19. Brahm, you nailed it with the cheesy 70's pornstars comparison. You go with your year round Mo. How come most of the Movember dudes look way too young to even be able to grow one...

  20. well I may have gone for it, Steph, but I still think it was an awesomely scary thing to behold. I like how it didn't match Aim's hair AT ALL.

  21. Yes, you are totally turning me on. In fact, I'm touching my "mens" right now looking at you. Just kidding, I'm checking out that 70s baseball player. And touching my "mens". Honestly, see what you do to me?
    It's mid Movember now but I will try to sport one next year. But if Fred complains about his thighs being irritated, I'm blaming you.
    p.s. Good job on getting the word out. m.

  22. Ok, even in a MO you look great! Thanks for posting this. My man works on doing the PSA's and he will tell you that more than one man had not been saved because he thought he was, "Fine."

    No, go get your men to cough and turn....

  23. Okay Mark, take it easy. Rollie Fingers may have been hot with that ridiculous waxed moustache way back when, but he's not as hot anymore. Still, good pic, no? I have a feeling you will never grow that Mo next year anyway :)

  24. thanks Lizbeth, it is true though isn't it? The avoidance of all around good health?

    Ah well, good thing we women lurv to nag :)

  25. No, Karen. I would have killer 'burns, but the 'stache wouldn't be thick enough. I'd look like one of those poor-judgement teenagers.

    And no, FINE meant FINE. Truly. Not very outrageous on my outrageous scale. Though that might be because we've known each other for so long. In fact, I would have guessed you'd have tried that move YEARS ago.

    BTW, the pics of the elementary school blew me away and took me back to my pre-MO childhood. Scary.

  26. Okay Matt, well, don't forget about those novelty stick on moustaches! So much uncomfortable fun! Then for you, I shall rename it:
    NOVEMBURNS. I think it should be more inclusive for all men anyway. That way, it could be Novembeard for Lance, Novemburns for you and Movember for anyone else.


    Yeah, you should have been me walking through the kindergarten classroom just before Jack started up at school and realising it was ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME, complete with the blue counter at the back and the hooks on the walls and the oversized wooden play blocks. Yeah, ponder that for a while.

    They didn't even slap a coat of paint on the back counter.

  27. Sadly though, Karen & Matt, they have removed the fountain sinks in the bathrooms....othr then that...still...oh wait...they got rid of the pods...okay...well teh kindergarten washroom side of the school is STILL THE SAME...even smells the same....rotting apples mixed with smelly gym socks mixed with cleaner smell!

  28. OK, You are too cute! I want to get one of the sexy mustaches and do a photo shoot too!

  29. Steph, you're too funny. I forgot to mention about the bathroom fountain. Everyone loved that, didn't they???

  30. Yes Paula! Do it! Then we could be Movember wimmens together!!!

  31. by the way, in case any of my American friends are wondering why the hell it's called Movember instead of Muvember, we spell moustache the British way. I mention this because every time I write MOUSTACHE blogger desperately wants me to correct it. Screw you blogger, you're clearly not very COSMOPOLITAN.

  32. You're a flipping riot!
    the best preventative for Prostrate problems:
    Saw Palmetto - works every time, and amazes the Doctors, too - !!!
    Happy Movember and you look like a genius detective, K!

  33. Thanks, Steph & Karen, that paints a picture.

    Thanks, Karen for the bonus trivia.

  34. saw palmetto eh Christina? Now that's INTERESTING. I was always a big fan of selenium and lycopene, but this is a new one for me. Thanks!


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