|I need 3 fingers of rye--STAT|
My 4 year old daughter came up with that expression. She accidentally got a foot to the privates one time while swimming, and said she got kicked in the "poodle."
She is a SCREAM.
Listen people: little karen sunshine is NOT here today. I have NO words of encouragement to offer. Why? Because it's NOT GOOD, that's why. How not good is it, you ask? Well, I was just chowing Doritos for breakfast, and washing it down with Vitamin Water--my favourite one for improved eyeballs.
I'm coming down with a cold. This will be my third cold in about as many months, and frankly, that sucks ass. You know what else sucks? I just came out of THE PMS.
So, I am still a bloaty water tower. A FREAKING WATER TOWER. Let me give you a small update (for anyone who cares) about PMS, since I started taking THE SUPPLEMENT. If you've been with me from the start, you'll know that I used to suffer massively from debilitating PMS, ie; a full two weeks of homicidal depression. Since I started taking the all natural supplement thingy, instead of having 14 days of OH GOD PLEASE LET ME DIE, I have about 4...and kind of peppered here and there during those two weeks leading up to my period, not all in a row.
There are a couple of things those little ass-flavoured pills can't touch though: MONSTROUS WATER RETENTION, and the need to eat as many Doritos as I can get my grubby, oniony little hands on. Seriously people, if you chop onions one night, why does that smell have to be reactivated for the next couple of days every time water hits your hands? How does one get rid of that? Must google this later...
So, when I cram down half a bag of smelly sock chips whilst watching evening television, I tend to feel BAD about myself. I can't imagine why. Then I go to bed and wake up with the worst tongue ever.
I don't even know what the hell this post is about, but it feels good.
But you know what happens when I'm all full of that much water? I get jowls. For two weeks I have jowls, and for two weeks I don't. My sister says this is ridiculous, and she has noticed no jowls, but she does NOT KNOW. I'm considering duct taping my face back for a couple of weeks and seeing if that will help.
Yeah, so I've been stumbling around, trying to go for these super lame power-walks, with a big doughy winter white ham hock jowl face, and sore ta-tas, and feeling yuck and exhausted because I'm getting a cold.
So that's all. I just wanted to share my Monday pain, because somewhere out there, some a$$hole is trying to spread INSPIRATION, and that is so, so freaking NOT what we need.