Is anyone tired of eating?
Is anyone just plain tired?
I started my day with 3 Ferrero Rochers. They are the CRACK COCAINE of Christmas treats.
No--I don't actually want to talk about chocolate. I may throw up a whole chocolate river.
So! What did you guys eat for Christmas/Your Personal Holiday dinner? My sister, brother and I try to keep the Polish Meat Overload tradition going, in honour of my Grandmother, and my MOM.
This means that I make the special MEAT pierogi, my sister makes the breaded/fried/roasted pork shish kebabs (mięsa na patyczki), and my brother made the kapusta (cooked saurkraut dish with chunks of Polish sausage)
|This looks a lot like Grandma's special secret roasted pork/sauerkraut|
pierogi. Yeah, you boil them and then fry them in BUTTER, and coat them with caramelized onions
which were, uh, fried in BUTTER
|"meat on a stick" as we always knew it. Breaded, fried, roasted. You know--glistening with FAT?|
I don't know what the f*ck that rice and peas thing is though.
|To make kapusta, you have to drain and rinse some sauerkraut, but leave some of the sour-ness|
and simmer it for 2 1/2 hours with a can of mushrooms, Polish sausage, a little squirty of ketchup
and a couple of tablespoons of LARD or BUTTER.
Yeah! Then you also have to have your basic roasted turkey, mashed potatoes,(BUTTER), gravy, bread stuffing, bowl of corn, cranberry jelly thingy in the shape of the can, simple green salad tossed in oil and vinegar, and GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE!
|GREEN BEAN MOTHERF***ING CASSEROLE|
Herewith, I must compose a small love letter:
Dear American friends,
Thank you for your GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE. We here in Canada don't make such fun, fantasy dishes like GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE, and that really weird sweet potato casserole thingy that I've heard has MARSHMALLOWS in it.
Oh...there's that other thing you guys created called Ambrosia salad or something, which has pineapple and marshmallow fluff and other stuff? Yeah, we can't decided if that Ambrosia salad is really good or really, really disgusting. Leave it to you guys to come up with a way to take green beans and AMERICAN-IFY them! Hooray! Who even knew that crispy onions came in a FREAKING CAN?!? YOU GUYS DID, THAT'S WHO!
That green bean thingy is DOPE. I wish I had some right now, but I was so completely revolted by the sight of food that IMMEDIATELY after dinner I made my sister walk those leftovers RIGHT back across the street to her house. Please visit again soon. You make green vegetables PALATABLE. Can you do the same for BROCCOLI?
Oh yeah...also, my Mother-in-law brought THE WORLD'S BEST POTATO SALAD. Yes, I can hear you now. You're saying; "actually, that's MY recipe. I use celery and mayonnaise and blah blah blah.."
THIS potato salad is warm, not cold, and is made with ROASTED POTATOES tossed with crispy bacon and green onions in CAESAR SALAD DRESSING.
OMG, people. Somewhere the ghost of my gallbladder is weeping.
See that? The turkey is NOT the centrepiece on the POLISH TABLE!
My sister and I rolled 107 pierogi last Wednesday. We are rock stars. Now, in order to make all this Polish food, you need a shit ton of butter and, apparently, a whole BUSHEL of ONIONS.
I discovered that if you chop enough onions, your nose will just begin a free-flow.
Over the past few weeks, I made a lot of Polish food jokes--but with AFFECTION you must understand, because this food has a very special, fond place in my heart. Like, I told my brother that the ONION is the Polish apple, and beets are the Polish tomato, and kapusta is the Polish SORBET, because that vinegar-y sauerkraut is THE ONLY THING THAT CUTS THROUGH ALL THAT FRIED, LONG COOKED GOODNESS. IT'S A PALATE CLEANSER! GET IT???
Oh! And I'm super proud of myself because I made a PLUM PUDDING for dessert! Me! I made it! I did it all by myself!
Wait...you don't know what the hell that is.
A plum pudding, is a traditional English Christmas dessert cake with raisins, cherries, almonds, spices and sherry (or booze of choice) that is STEAMED for 5 to 6 hours. Well, I made one half the size and I used Port wine instead of sherry, because SHERRY IS DISGUSTING, and I even made the traditional "hard sauce" to go on top.
This is an old recipe from my paternal grandmother, and haven't had one since Christmas 2009, because nobody attempted it last Christmas without my MOTHER.
HOW DO MY ENGLISH HOMIES LIKE ME NOW?!?
HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW B*TCHES?!?!?
|this looks a LOT like mine did, and it was YUMMO.|
And so that is what we ate. I would like all of you to know that once all the food was ready and on the table, after days of work, I felt like HURLING and having a cocktail instead!
Everybody else assures me it was delicious.
So what did you guys eat???