Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Time To Crawl Out Of Butter Mountain

Holy FROCK people.

Is anyone tired of eating?

Is anyone just plain tired?

I started my day with 3 Ferrero Rochers.  They are the CRACK COCAINE of Christmas treats.

No--I don't actually want to talk about chocolate.  I may throw up a whole chocolate river.

So...

So!  What did you guys eat for Christmas/Your Personal Holiday dinner?  My sister, brother and I try to keep the Polish Meat Overload tradition going, in honour of my Grandmother, and my MOM.

This means that I make the special MEAT pierogi, my sister makes the breaded/fried/roasted pork shish kebabs (mięsa na patyczki), and my brother made the kapusta (cooked saurkraut dish with chunks of Polish sausage)




This looks a lot like Grandma's special secret roasted pork/sauerkraut
pierogi.  Yeah, you boil them and then fry them in BUTTER, and coat them with caramelized onions
which were, uh, fried in BUTTER 


"meat on a stick" as we always knew it.  Breaded, fried, roasted.  You know--glistening with FAT?
I don't know what the f*ck that rice and peas thing is though.



To make kapusta, you have to drain and rinse some sauerkraut, but  leave some of the sour-ness
and simmer it for 2 1/2 hours with a can of mushrooms, Polish sausage, a little squirty of ketchup
 and a couple of tablespoons of LARD or BUTTER.  



Yeah!  Then you also have to have your basic roasted turkey, mashed potatoes,(BUTTER), gravy, bread stuffing, bowl of corn, cranberry jelly thingy in the shape of the can, simple green salad tossed in oil and vinegar, and GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE!

GREEN BEAN MOTHERF***ING CASSEROLE



Herewith, I must compose a small love letter:

Dear American friends,


Thank you for your GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.  We here in Canada don't make such fun, fantasy dishes like GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE, and that really weird sweet potato casserole thingy that I've heard has MARSHMALLOWS in it. 


Oh...there's that other thing you guys created called Ambrosia salad or something, which has pineapple and marshmallow fluff and other stuff?  Yeah, we can't decided if that Ambrosia salad is really good or really, really disgusting.  Leave it to you guys to come up with a way to take green beans and AMERICAN-IFY them!  Hooray!  Who even knew that crispy onions came in a FREAKING CAN?!?  YOU GUYS DID, THAT'S WHO!


That green bean thingy is DOPE.  I wish I had some right now, but I was so completely revolted by the sight of food that IMMEDIATELY after dinner I made my sister walk those leftovers RIGHT back across the street to her house.  Please visit again soon.  You make green vegetables PALATABLE.  Can you do the same for BROCCOLI?  


Affectionately yours,


karen Somethingorother


Oh yeah...also, my Mother-in-law brought THE WORLD'S BEST POTATO SALAD.  Yes, I can hear you now.  You're saying; "actually, that's MY recipe.  I use celery and mayonnaise and blah blah blah.."

and,

you're wrong.

THIS potato salad is warm, not cold, and is made with ROASTED POTATOES tossed with crispy bacon and green onions in CAESAR SALAD DRESSING.

OMG, people.  Somewhere the ghost of my gallbladder is weeping.

See that?  The turkey is NOT the centrepiece on the POLISH TABLE!

My sister and I rolled 107 pierogi last Wednesday.  We are rock stars.  Now, in order to make all this Polish food, you need a shit ton of butter and, apparently, a whole BUSHEL of ONIONS.

I discovered that if you chop enough onions, your nose will just begin a free-flow.

Over the past few weeks, I made a lot of Polish food jokes--but with AFFECTION you must understand, because this food has a very special, fond place in my heart.  Like, I told my brother that the ONION is the Polish apple, and beets are the Polish tomato, and kapusta is the Polish SORBET, because that vinegar-y sauerkraut is THE ONLY THING THAT CUTS THROUGH ALL THAT FRIED, LONG COOKED GOODNESS.  IT'S A PALATE CLEANSER!  GET IT???

Oh!  And I'm super proud of myself because I made a PLUM PUDDING for dessert!  Me!  I made it!  I did it all by myself!

Wait...you don't know what the hell that is.

A plum pudding, is a traditional English Christmas dessert cake with raisins, cherries, almonds, spices and sherry (or booze of choice) that is STEAMED for 5 to 6 hours.  Well, I made one half the size and I used Port wine instead of sherry, because SHERRY IS DISGUSTING, and I even made the traditional "hard sauce" to go on top.

This is an old recipe from my paternal grandmother, and haven't had one since Christmas 2009, because nobody attempted it last Christmas without my MOTHER.

HOW DO MY ENGLISH HOMIES LIKE ME NOW?!?

HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW B*TCHES?!?!?



this looks a LOT like mine did, and it was YUMMO.

And so that is what we ate.  I would like all of you to know that once all the food was ready and on the table, after days of work, I felt like HURLING and having a cocktail instead!

Everybody else assures me it was delicious.


So what did you guys eat???

31 comments:

  1. Glad to read that you had a nice time, I mean lots of food. Our Christmas eve dinner was ok, just ham and potatoes, damn things, I told everyone that I am no longer going to be making a potato dish with dinner unless it is mashed. I have the worst luck with the potatoes, they held up dinner for almost an hour. Dinner was good though. I make a broccoli casserole for this dinner. Very simple, broccoli florets, creamed corn, some stuffing mix egg and butter. My dad loves it and even my sister will eat it and she is not a fan of creamed corn. For dessert I made a light creamy trifle with yellow cake, cream cheese and pudding and then of course lots of Christmas cookies. As for Christmas dinner, yeah we had leftovers. We stay in our pjs all day, my little sister comes over in the late morning and opens her presents and we watch movies all day and hang out while the kids play with their toys. We make it a rule not to go anywhere on Christmas day.

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  2. Christmas dinner - turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, bread stuffing (no cornbread!), glazed carrots and mac & cheese. Mac & cheese is a vegetable here and it went nearly untouched on our table. No dessert, we had goodies to munch on all day. I didn't eat until dinner on Boxing Day, just didn't want to think of food.

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  3. We are a traditional lot when it comes to Christmas dinner - turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, carrots and swede, brussel sprouts, peas, cranberry sauce and gravy. Then Christmas pudding with cream and brandy butter (kids had ice cream). All cooked by moi, and delicious if I say so myself!
    You MADE your Christmas pud? I always buy mine, so I am suitably impressed, Karen! Your dedication to the British plum pud is admirable!
    I love the sound of all your Polish food - even with all the extra butter. Who am I kidding? BECAUSE of the extra butter! xxxxxx

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  4. I ate pretty much everything.

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  5. i've always liked coming here to visit over the holidays because my moms cook and bake for me. but now that i live here, the same thing is almost a curse. i've got too many days here with all the good food and amazing desserts and i can't stop eating!
    and you know what i got for christmas? 3 gift cards to yummy places to eat, 3 packages of wonderful candies, a huge box from "harry and david" packed with fantastic foods and a box of lucky charms. clearly my family thinks i like nothing more than food and i'm sorry to say that i'm not disappointing them, but am chowing down relentlessly. like it's my JOB! i'm so sick of it, but i just CAN'T STOP! who wants a chocolate covered cherry ~ or five? oh yeah, i do!

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  6. Well , for christmas eve/day....since we had company I made...French Onion Soup/made with sherry. OMG it was so good.
    2 kinds of quiche....

    for dinner we had home made , Moussaka, Spanakopita, Homeade tzatziki with pita and many many other yummies.

    I went easy on the turkey the next day....but we had brussels sprouts that were boiled then cut in half and then, sauted in butter with garlic, parmesan cheese and bacon bits.....and we usually make the ambrosia salad but had used the sour creme the day before in my spinach dip (bread)so no luck.

    I am so freaking stuffed to my gills with food, I can hardly roll over.

    Generally , I don't make that much food.....but you cannot beat home made tzatziki....and it is soooooo easy!!!
    nearly forgot the Brie cheese baked with fresh garlic and sundried tomatoes..
    and all the different cheeses we injulge in........
    good thing i will be going to be vegetarian, in january to get rid of this completely sluggish blob, I carry around for a body.

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  7. pretty much anything that was not nailed down,esp. the yummiest candy ever turtles!

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  8. Oh Ms. Somethingorother, you're just plain nuts.
    Eventhough it's only 7a.m. in the morning and I just scarfed down a huge bowl of Post Raisin Bran, I am dying for that Potato Salad. I love all things Potato Salad but yours is the one I'll have when I get to Heaven.
    m.

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  9. Well, this was actually for Thanksgiving, but I am so proud of it - I made The Traditional green bean casserole for the UU church planned potluck. Unitarians all have faith in healthy cooking, but they gobbled up every last spoonful of it. I liked it too. But I bought an off-brand of the fried onion rings, and they were not rings but chips. Won't do that again.

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  10. Green bean casserole - who knew it was an American thing? Wait, do you mean to tell me there are no fried onions in a can in Canada? So what in the hell do you put in the beans?

    Christmas in our house is tamales and enchiladas. Yum!

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  11. My motto this year is eat less, so I had an apple and a few hard boiled eggs and some seaweed. I know such excess!

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  12. Ambrosia Salad is disgusting...its on our table every christmas and I avoid it like the plague. And try broccoli casserole instead of green bean casserole. Seriously, It has cheese. CHEESE!

    And now I am drooling.

    Also? Christmas Pudding is the mutha-fuckin BOMB

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  13. My husband and I had Christmas dinner of tacos and beer in a truck stop casino. We were the only people there.
    Only 'cause I was mad at Christmas this year though.

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  14. Alaina, roasted potatoes NEVER work when you MOST want them too. For some freak reason, they will still be hard after 2 hours in the oven when you have enough company.

    Your Christmas day sounds fun and relaxing, and I'm intrigued about this brocc casserole, but not convinced it makes broccoli LESS DISGUSTING. No--you're a wise woman, I'll believe you.

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  15. Lisa, your dinner sounds nice, simple, not overwhelming and delicious. That is hilarious about the mac and cheese though. After all, you do live in the SOUTH now!

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  16. Curtise, my inlaws are from England, so on Boxing day I had a very similar dinner to what you had--including the SPROUTS because my inlaws NEVER have a roast meal without them. I think they are delicious when halved or quartered, and DISGUSTING when boiled whole.

    I just had to ask The Man what "Swede" is. He tells me it's like a big raisin. I don't feel satisfied with that answer, so off to Google I go...

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  17. IT'S A TURNIP. A SWEDE IS A TURNIP. Ha ha on The Man. I'm surprised he didn't know, since his family eats carrots and turnip ALL the time!

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  18. yeah, and how do you feel dbs? I'm getting reacquainted with fresh vegetables

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  19. Sherilin, what is this "harry and david" of which you speak? Relatives, or is it some fun company?

    Yeah, I get WAY stressed if I eat too much for too many days, so I was the miserable jerk who only baked ONE BATCH of Christmas cookies this year. I kind of missed that lively, cozy baking, but I did NOT miss eating like an idiot.

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  20. Melissa, thanks for sharing because all of your foods SOUND YUMMY. Oooo...the french onion soup! YUMMO. Oh, but the heartburn afterward...

    I love tzatziki. I am a FOOL for all things garlic-laden.

    My m-i-l does this delicious baked brie with mushrooms and caramelized onions, all wrapped up in puff pastry and baked. It's wicked good.

    I have a weakness for the good cheeses too.

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  21. Mark, that potato salad is ridiculously good--easy to make too, really. My m-i-l is NOT stingy with the caesar dressing either.

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  22. Jeanne, that is a yummy casserole, isn't it! I first had it a few years ago when my Mom discovered it. My sister is currently obsessed with it, so this is about her 7th time making it today in 6 weeks.

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  23. Vesta, there are fried canned onions here--HALLELUJAH! I always saw it on American commercials, I should do a poll on how many Canadians know about it.

    Your Christmas sounds yummy AND interesting!

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  24. LAOCH! How on earth can a gourmand like you justify the freaking SEAWEED? Blech. I know, it's insanely good for us, but still--it smells like FISH FOOD!

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  25. Carmen, that is HILARIOUS. You avoid it like the plague!

    Yeah, it's such a weird, weird, concoction.

    You can't leave a teaser about this broccoli casserole without giving more info, dammitt! You said CHEESE, woman!!!!

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  26. Tumbleweed, I'm sorry to hear that, but DAMN--your Christmas sounds romantic! And I mean 'romantic' in the sense of GREAT ADVENTURE! Or am I an idiot?

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  27. Miss Paula, I missed your comment almost! Yeah, turtles are yummy. Any chocolate/nut pairing is WONDERFUL.

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  28. I NEED all those recipes!!! My god, I have indigestion just reading about them! But yum! Christmas is a time to gorge, my dear. In 2 weeks, you'll be wishing for just one more plate of that meal.

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  29. Leanne, you've made a good point: yes, we do miss it once the Christmas rush is all over! Actually, I craved that dinner THE NEXT DAY, when I'd stopped cooking it :)

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  30. here's a link to the delightful harry and david site. feast your eyes and your wallet on the beauty that is their food.
    http://www.harryanddavid.com/gifts/store/gift_____gift-baskets

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  31. Sherilin, I was expecting it to be far more junk-foodcentric, as that seems to usually be the case with gift baskets, but that was some gorgeous looking food!

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