Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Monday, March 26, 2012


Oh Florida, wonderful thief of my heart....

Listen.  This is going to be long, so just take a break out of your day, enjoy your favourite hot beverage, and stay with me.  I know everybody has no time for anything more than quick blurbs these days, but I have so much to share with all y'all!

So!  How is everyone?  How have you guys been?  I just got back from Florida yesterday around dinner time.  When I left it was warm and balmy, and this morning I awoke to FREEZING COLD TEMPS!  Whilst walking the kids to school this morning, it was so cold I actually wished I'd worn my scarf.  Is that depressing?!  Well, a little, so let's transport ourselves back to Florida, shall we?

The trip begins in the dark and cold...

Wednesday, 1:30 AM

The airbus is coming to pick my sis and I up between 2:20 and 2:40 AM to get us to the Buffalo airport for our 7 AM flight.  Yes, that's right.  It's coming to pick us up ridiculously early.

Is this ever a good way to start a vacation?  For the record, it is very, very, very difficult to gag down a ham and cheese sandwich and a yogurt at this hour.  The body protests.  It screams:


Shut up body:  you won't get to eat until that awful airport food court opens at 5 AM

Airbus arrives ten minutes early and off we go!  Last year, we had to pick up several people, and so we made it to the airport by 4 AM.  This year, however, I am HORRIFIED as I realise we are hurtling along, on a DIRECT COURSE for the airport.  We will arrive there by THREE IN THE FREAKING MORNING.  OH DEAR GOD, WE HAVE FOUR HOURS TO KILL BEFORE OUR FLIGHT.

Somehow time passes and we manage to stumble around until that food court opens.

By the way--go to your local McDonk's, and thank them for how they've PERFECTED that egg/sausage muffin sandwich, because the version that the food court was serving up?  Guh-ross.  One hour later I burped up pure acid.

Anyhoo, sister kept commenting on how surly the employees at the breakfast thingy were.  Yeah well, it looks like they have to start every day at FOUR, then fry up bacon and sausages and shit for an hour, they probably get a total garbage wage, and every morning have to face travelers standing there staring at them, chomping at the bit until they open.

Does this sound fun to you?

7:00 AM

Finally it's time to get on the plane!  Oh but wait, they've boarded all the other rows that are supposed to go up first:  the people with small children, the premium jerks who paid for extra leg room, the elderly people who are motoring off to Florida in their wheel chairs, and so all the rest of us common shlumps are waiting to get on the plane when buddy says;

"I'm sorry everyone, looks like there's going to be a slight delay.  I've just been informed that they have to RESET THE CONTROL PANEL, BY TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN.  So, it'll take a few minutes before you can board.  Sorry about that folks! Thanks for your patience!"

And then he disappears for a bit.


My sister, who has barely been keeping it together since we lined up, is crumbling faster than a house of cards in a stiff breeze.  She is MASSIVELY, MONSTROUSLY, SUFFOCATINGLY terrified of flying.

Why?  Why are we always tested.  Is the plane just going to STOP WORKING in mid air?  WTF.

All is well, it's time to board.  As we're walking down the portable ramp/hallway, sister is crumbling and starting to cry.  I had to keep her in line.

Me:  "NOT HERE!  Wait till you get in your seat!"
Sis:  "I'm trying!!!"
Me:  "try harder!  You CAN DO IT!  WAIT FOR YOUR SEAT!!!"

So, she sweated through her clothes, and hugged my arm, and any other thing near her for dear life, but we made it!  Me?  I was all excited kid with my face pressed to the window.

Highlights of the plane:  Jet Blue Airlines is a nice plane that is NOT too crampy on leg room.  Plus, you get your choice of lots of free snacks and drinks, AND they have a tv you can plug your headphones into.  We somehow had the luck to find a station that was playing back to back episodes of the Millionaire Matchmaker, which I secretly LURV.  SCORE!



We're here!  There's Dad!  Aw!  Big hugs for Dad!  Whoa, Dad...what the hell is with your hair?  I know you've been chillin' for a month, but the Einstein look is NOT in...

Palm trees!  Flowers!  GREEN EVERYWHERE!  Oh!  It's so warm!  CURSE YOU, HUSBAND FOR ADVISING ME TO WEAR THIS LONG SLEEVE SHIRT!   We change into flip flops!  Feel that tropical breeze!  Now let's hop into dad's van and away we go!  Off to BONITA SPRINGS!

Bonita Springs, FL, USA
suck it Canada: it's actually WARM HERE..oh wait,
it was stupid warm when we left too...

The condo is awesome!

Penthouse, BITCHES
actually...the penthouse is overrated.  You can't walk up
to the 5th floor a million times for cocktails.  Something to consider.

pic I grabbed from the net

The view of the bay from the screened in LANAIS (not a f*cking porch, people. It's a lanais) is fantastic!  It's all wonderful but...

my god.

I feel weird.

I haven't slept in hours and hours.

I'm...I'm so tired.

Wait..I think I'm not fun anymore!

I no longer feel fun.


Eat some American Raisin Bran, which is shockingly BRAN-Y, and collapse on the bed and pass out until...



Time to hit the pool!

Here are some highlights from the rest of the trip:

Jungle Crotch

Okay, there's something y'all might be aware of already. It's a travel phenomenon that occurs when there's too many hours spent in the same pair of underpants, too many hours being sweaty on an airplane, too many trips to airport washrooms, and a sudden change in climate to someplace much, much warmer than you were previously accustomed to:

Jungle crotch.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but my god-- the smell of one's steamy, tropical travel undergitch!  OH right!  Don't look at me with that self-righteous face.  As if you haven't sniffed your own gitch before.

Anyhow, I've learned that despite all my best efforts, and general rabid need to be clean and smell fantastic, and despite my obsession with body washes, scented lotions and other accoutrements of  smellgoodness,  I stink.  And, it would appear that while I travel, I piss my pants a little bit every time I go to the can.

Men, I'm guessing you suffer from this too.  I would like to offer up a name for you guys as well, so you don't feel left out.  I've just thought of it now: TROPICA-SAK.  You're welcome.

I share this horrible story with you, because you may have experienced this yourself, and felt unnecessary shame.

You are not alone, my friend.  You are NOT alone.


There really is no segue from jungle crotch to food, but whatevs.

The first day we ate dinner at Bahama Breeze in Fort Myers, which is not too far away from where we were staying in Bonita Beach, in Florida terms.  In regular human city terms, it's retardedly far, and the traffic is sooo stoopid you can't even BELIEVE that anyone wants to live here or RETIRE HERE.  I mean, MY GOD, EVERY ROAD FEELS LIKE AN EIGHT LANE HIGHWAY FOR CRAP'S SAKE.  HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE STAND IT?  HOW?!?


Bahama Breeze Restaurant

As I was saying, we went to Bahama Breeze.  I HIGHLY recommend, that if you're ever in the Florida area, you GO THERE.  No, you don't CONSIDER GOING THERE, you go there.  We went there last year, and we went this year and I ate the same damn thing twice because it is THAT FREAKING GOOD.

How good is it?

It is the best meal I have ever eaten in a restaurant.  In fact, it may be one of the best things I've eaten PERIOD.

Okay karen, so what did you eat?

We started the meal with THIS:

Coconut Shrimp

Coconut Shrimp

"Our guests' favorite! Crispy large shrimp hand-breaded with sweet flaky coconut, with our delicious citrus-mustard dipping sauce. "

Oh, freaking YUM.  Best dipping sauce ever. But it's the main course that has burned its way into my brain forever.

And it is.....THIS:

Buttermilk Fried Chicken
pic grabbed from their menu

Buttermilk Fried Chicken 

"Buttermilk-marinated chicken breasts, lightly seasoned and golden-fried, layered with spinach, tomatoes and melted cheese. With garlic mashed potatoes, lemon butter sauce and black bean roasted corn salsa."

So picture this most amazing, delicious, crispy, crunchy breaded chicken breast--no--two--sitting atop THE most delicious garlic mashed potatoes you've ever had, and circling them is this absolutely gorgeous salsa with just a hint of cilantro.  

Then you take a bite with the chicken, the potatoes and the salsa all at once.  Then you pass out for a bit.  You actually wish your stomach were the size of a garbage bag so you could eat the whole thing, but alas, you abandon half your taters, and take that other breaded chicken breast home in a little container for an awesome lunch  the next day.

I enjoyed this meal with a pina colada!  DOPE.

Extreme Riders ~ The Cruzin' Cafe

awesome samiches

As we were clipping up and down Bonita Beach Road, dad had spotted a sign that boasted the best sandwiches "in the world."  Well that's intriguing, right??  Who wouldn't want to see if that sandwich lived up to the claim!

So, we headed to this Biker's shop/cafe for lunch one day.  And damn, that was a fine, fine sandwich.

First I started off with an ice tea.


Totally forgot that in most parts of the U.S., your ice tea shows up SHOCKINGLY UNSWEETENED.  It's a disgusting drink without sugar, but I felt virtuous over all the calories I was saving.

From the list of yummy sandwiches, I chose "The Ducati".  My dad tells me that a Ducati is some sort of Italian motorcyle, but blah, blah, blah, GIRL BRAIN, BORING, that kind of went in one ear and out the other.

The Ducati SANDWICH however, is a masterful creation of fresh mozzarella, tomato, and olive tapenade topped with some lovely marinated salad greens on a crisp ciabatta roll.  YUM.  See that?  It was also vegetarian friendly.

It came with a generous pile of corn chips, and your choice of homemade coleslaw or homemade potato salad.  Well, coleslaw sucks ass, so I decided to take a gamble on the potato salad.  AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.  It was zippy and not all bland and gluey, and it had THE most important thing in it to transcend a potato salad from good to awesome:  dill pickle bits.

Don't try to tell me I'm wrong.  You know a good potato salad is better with pickle bits.  

We loved our sandwiches so much, we had to compliment the chef, who actually came out personally to ask how everything was.  It was such a unique, delicious, different sandwich, and the mannequin in the shop front, sporting the assless leatherchaps, bootie shorts, and tight t-shirt, had the biggest nopples of any shop mannequin I'd ever seen.

Thus, I would HIGHLY recommend that if you're there, you grab a sandwich at the Cruzin Café!

The Fish House Restaurant

we ate there!
You know what?  Any place where you can eat OUTSIDE and RIGHT NEXT TO THE WATER is AWESOME.  Honestly.  I hardly have to say anything else.  Really good seafood.  Gave me really good heartburn!

Stuff to See

Okay, so Bonita Springs isn't exactly CRAM PACKED with stuff to do, and the biggest problem of where we were staying was that there was next to NOTHING within walking distance.  Because, I love to walk.  I love to stroll up and down the road to get a feel for where I'm staying, and see what kind of fun the town has to offer.

Within walking distance, there was one typical beach shop/tourist trap, a 7-Eleven, and a neat shop that sold every kind of seashell you can imagine.

Honestly--the driving everywhere thing gets super old super fast.  I mean, you just want a freaking container of milk, and to get to Publix, it's like 15 minutes up the road and a total pain in the ass.


We were close to some really fun places,


Lover's Key

Dig this write-up from the same website:

Nestled within the islands of Southwest Florida is a tropical oasis known for its
impeccable beauty and amazing wildlife. Escape to an intriguing island getaway where dreams become reality.  

like Hell YEAH!  I'll have me TWO  HELPINGS OF THAT!

Just picture, as you're driving along, the land gives way to sparkling blue ocean on either side of your vehicle as you cruise along, with the balmy breeze in your hair.

One night, dad took us to a beach there, where we looked for shells, and saw


I have never seen so many starfish washed up on shore.


No, silly.  You're thinking of those lovely, golden starfish you bought in the gift shop.  Nuh-uh.  Picture more of a creepy, browny sea spider thingy, in the sand with all these little waving feeler things on their undersides.


We also saw:

* a little pink dead squid guy :(

* some weird corkscrew meaty guy things sticking up out of the sand (WTF ARE THOSE???)

* a couple of those blech-o sea TUBES.  What the hell are those tubes?  I hate those tubes

* the disgusting blob that lives in the big, impressive conch shell!


* lots of little hermit crab dudes

Okay, so nature is basically totally disgusting, right?  But, my sister and I respect it.  So, we made Dad toss all those ugly things back in the ocean so that they might LIVE ANOTHER DAY!

Some old man walking along the beach, picked up that meaty conch blob guy and tossed it back into the ocean, and as it flumped through the air, purple juice shot out the other end of it.


However, I told dad that that guy was his KINDRED SPIRIT.  AW.  Dad's not afraid to pick up anything!  Hooray!

so purty..but filled with gross, yucky ocean life

Then, as we were walking back to the car, it was dark, and we (not my dad) were TOTALLY creeped out that a gator might come roaring out of the long grasses to our right to devour us.

Aim:  "if one came running at us, I'd out-run it."
Dad:  "yeah.  GOOD LUCK."
Aim:  "I'm really fast you know!  I think I could do it!"
Dad:  "Yeah?  Are you FASTER THAN A HORSE?"

See?  It's a lose-lose situation.

Flamingo Island Hell  Flea Market

Okay, first of all, I need you guys to click on the above link to Flamingo Island.  There.  Hear that obnoxious song?

Flamingo Island...gonna keep you smilin'

Well, my sister, in all her OCD-ness, sang that song until my dad and I were sobbing, weeping, BEGGING her to stop.  We had seen the website before we got to Florida, and we were looking forward to the place, but my god, I never want to hear that song again.

Okay, I don't know.  It's someplace to go, but I suggest NOT going with your dad, because DADS hate shopping, and there are approximately 5 billion stalls of junk to peruse, and the place is cram-packed with old people, and there aren't any good bargains, and really?  It kinda bit.

Still, if you like 50 different store choices to find a pair of sunglasses, I highly recommend it!

Coconut Point Mall

I'm a little confused by the Coconut Point shopping centre.  I mean--it's huge.  It's WEIRD HUGE.  It's CRAZY BIG.  As we were driving down the road, there are like, at least five entrances into the place.  It's like it's own tiny city.

It's like....DISNEYWORLD for grownup women!

It's all shops, and lovely residences and...

I don't get it.  It hurts my head.

 Like--you can live in there, and go shopping there, and it all looks extremely posh.  It has every place you want to shop in...but HOW THE EFF DOES THE GPS KNOW WHICH ENTRANCE TO CHOOSE?!?

Okay people.  I have to be honest here:  the thing my sister and I were MOST excited about for Florida (well, one of the things.  I'm not ashamed) was our planned trip to VICTORIA'S SECRET.

Stupid Victoria's Secret.  Why are they only in select locations in Canada, and why did it take them so FREAKING LONG to get here?!?

Oh, you're thinking--you're one of THOSE girls.

Oh no I am NOT.  I don't give two shits about their teeny weenie bras and panties and uncomfortable slippery bed wear.

It's all about the SCENTED PRODUCTS people.

We're obsessed with it.

So, they had a deal when we arrived:  on this entire wall of smellies, you could choose 6 things for THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS, BITCHES, and then you got a 7th lotion for free.


We chose our stuff.  It took ages.  Dad must have been dying from boredom.

I did take a look at the bras.  Apparently, my 38 C's are on the outer periphery of bra sizes at VS.

Stooopid, if you ask me.  I mean, are you not known for your bras???  Ah well, as I walked past the posters of all those VC models, all super-sexed in their lingerie, I felt a little smug thinking I had bigger ba-bongos.  Not that I NORMALLY feel smug over that, but honestly people--in a place like that, it's all I have.  Don't take it away from me.

Once again, go without your dad.  Dads don't love shopping.

Pinchers Tiki Bar  ~ Fort Myers Beach


there is NOTHING wrong with drinking OUTSIDE!  If you go to Pincher's Crab Shack and Tiki Bar in Fort Myers Beach, it will cost you five bucks to park.  However, then you get a coupon (or Q-pon, as the lovely American peeps pronounce it) for five bucks off at the bar/restaurant.

Also, Americans know that the key to happiness in life is simple:

HAPPY HOUR, WITH TWO-FOR-ONE drink specials.

The bar sits at the top of the most gorgeous beach, with white sand like icing sugar, sparkling ocean waves, and NO DISGUSTING OCEAN LIFE WASHED UP ON SHORE.

It's a wonderful place to go.

Old People

At first, I was a little freaked out.  Then I thought it was fascinating and amusing that Bonita Springs is CRAMMED with old people.  CRAMMED.  And I mean OLD--well into their 80's.  And they're everywhere--they're on the road in their big, white, LINCOLN TOWN CARS.

if you think this car is awesome, you are very, very old.
 They're all over the place in the grocery store.  They're the CASHIERS at the grocery store.  They're the guys behind the meat counter.  They run the stalls at the flea market.  They SHOP the stalls at the flea market.  They're in the Dixieland band at the flea market.  They're clapping the rhythm to the band at the flea market.

But then I got to thinking:  GOOD FOR THEM.  I mean, they are living the remaining years of their lives to the fullest.  They're OUT THERE.  Riding their bikes, shopping, swimming, socializing.  Enjoying life.  Not sitting in a chair, with a tv tray full of medications, unmoving for the last 30 years of their lives.

Something to think about.

Incidentally, dad says that Florida is "god's waiting room."

That gives me the heebie jeebies.


Lucky people who can go to Florida!  Lucky people who can escape the drudgery of our lives, if only for just a little while, for a sky so blue it could make you cry!  I practically lived in my bathing suit the past five days.  I wore next to no makeup.  I put my hair up in a butterfly clip nearly every day.  I literally peed my bathing suit pants from laughing one day--not that I recommend THAT.  I floated in the pool for hours.

It was a very nice trip.  I hope we all get there again at some point in our lives.

Because, we deserve it.


  1. I FREAKIN LOVE YOU BIOTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






    1. Melissa, you made MY day, by telling me that I made your day by sharing my jungle crotch woes. Honestly, do I need to be that girl in the commercial who says; "sometimes I just don't feel........fresh."

      Apparently so! Hope the rest of your tedious list goes by as quickly as possible. Getting a house ready to put on the market is NOOOOO fun!!!

  2. Well, I'm glad you are back and blogging again, cos I missed you, and I am also glad you had a fine old wining and dining and peeing and scented-product-buying time.
    Your blog is an education to me, Karen, for which I must thank you. In addition to "hoots", I can now include "ba-bongos", "gitch" (or is it "undergitch"? Is that more polite? Less polite? Nothing resembling polite?) and "jungle crotch" to my vocabulary.
    Karen enriches your word power.
    It sounds like a great trip, all the better for being child-free (I'm so jealous) and I am looking forward to the bathing suit/no make-up photos. I don't care if you peed in the damn cossie - show us the photos!
    Welcome home, love! xxxxxxxxxxx

    1. Thank you Curtise! I'm glad to see fine friends such as you again too. I'm also glad to be of service in the wordsmith department, har har. Just go with "gitch." You can use undergitch too: they're both perfectly unacceptable.

      I will be showing real photos as soon as my sister and dad email them to me. I was stupid and didn't bring my own camera. So, I had to boss my sis around during the week.

  3. Let's go on vacation together, please. PLEASE.

    1. Sue: DONE, AND DONE! We'd have so much fun. I know you share my EW for nature!

  4. Yeah... it's true... it's ALL true... jungle crotch.. old people... GOOD times... don't forget about terror pits! Yeah, the smell of my pits after feeling utter TERROR over the plane! Bad.. very bad smell.


    1. I was just thinking of "terror pits" this evening as I got ready for bed and smiling. Poor nerdo. Why does terror have to smell like onion burgers???

  5. Karen, I haven't even read this yet, and god it's long - next time take your laptop - and I just want to tell you that knowing your back lifted my spirits. Hello!

    1. Oh Jeanne, long-shmong. We've all become far too impatient thanks to ever improving internet speeds. Now go read my ENTIRE piece of drivel. AND LIKE IT, DAMN IT!

  6. you need to stop talking about freaking food because my stomach is growling and i just finished dinner.
    your trip sounds fabulous, even though your twat was smelly while you were gone. i can't believe you didn't include info about whether your buddies mr tampon and mrs maxi were with you every moment. that whole jungle crotch is one of my least favorite parts of living in the south during the months of may through sept. i can't even imagine life before air conditioning.
    now i want to go on vacation with my sister so we can go swimming and shopping and pick our faces without our men being around to criticize our favorite pastime.
    do you live in a place where you can walk to a store for milk or other necessaries? i've never lived anywhere that i could walk to a store or anywhere else fun. the closest thing to me here is a truck stop and i generally don't head that way for kicks and giggles. though, sometimes i do go in for gum.
    i love the wild, living, stinky sea life that washes up on the beaches. it's one of my favorite parts of every beach trip. we even make special trips to the water's edge when it's dark just to see what extra cool goodies wash up in the night. and to chase crabs.

    1. Sherilin, you know you're way more adventurous (ie; BRAVE) than I am when it comes to the creatures of the world. I admire that very much. Maybe that will be me in my next life.

      OHMYGOD, I can't believe I forgot to mention that this is one of the first trips in EONS that my friend TAMPON didn't come with me!

      That was so fabulous I could weep. Truly it was a treat.

      Yes, I do live in walking distance to all kinds of things: grocery store, drug store, liquor store, convenience store, library, dentist and even my doctor. I was a lot farther away from stuff when I lived in Suburban Hell.

      You should plan a trip with your sister! It was so soothing. It was the most soothing time I've had in I can't remember when.

    2. JUngle crotch is a regular thing in the south????Thank God I live in i understand why they make feminine odour spray.

    3. Melissa, you are KILLING ME. I'd probably have a whole cupboard of the stuff then. I'd probably roll that pitstick right over my labia.

  7. "I piss my pants a little bit every time I go to the can." Oh dear god. *wiping eyes*. Okay. I've never had the J.C., but I have had Camptwat, which I can only imagine is similar. I find throwing yourself in the nearest body of water every so often helps immensely. But as you were in God's waiting room (nice, Dad!), maybe you just lost bladder control in sympathy with the old gals? Probably shouldn't swim behind one of those old folks. Pee in the water? For reals.

    1. CAMPTWAT! LOLZ! Hey woman, nice to see you! Glad you enjoyed my father's lovely nickname for Florida. I have an immense fear of death, so that gave me the willies just thinking about it. You're right though--no more stinko crotcho when I was swimming at the pool and beach all day! Hooray!

    2. omg old people pee in the water too? frack that.......oh my how will I ever tempt myself to go to aquasize now....I was bett off not knowing this.

    3. everybody pees in the pool. Especially if they've had a lot of drinkies, and their condo is on the 5th floor, and it takes a key to get OUT of the pool area, and a key to get IN to the elevator, and a key to get IN to the condo, and then a key to get OUT of the elevator area, and then a key to get back IN to the pool area.

  8. Okay, you seriously owe me for reading all that. I could have finished my entire list in Google Reader but no, I'm here, spending entire morning reading your post. Oh, and may I add, I'm at work. And why didn't you tell me that that damn Flamingo Island music would start up automatically? I rush to close that window quickly!
    Listen, you didn't talk about your Jillian Michael diet thingy. But, you did spend about 400 million paragraphs talking about food. Have you stepped on your scale since you've been back home? Aw man, that friend chicken meal. That looks to die for!
    I'm glad that your Dad made it through Bra shopping. I'm gay and I don't think I could even do such a thing. I'd just be sitting outside the store seeing if I could could pick up on my own Tropica-Sak. Nasty, by the way!
    Oh, and ah, you mentioned that you peed in your bathing suit a bit. And then you talked about being in the pool. Was that at the same time? Girls are gross!
    Glad you are back!

    1. ha ha ha ! You read it all! Hooray! Oh my. You people are all such whiners. Remember back in the days when we all read BOOKS, and not just 10 second entertainment articles online?

      Yeah. Think on that.

      I won't write that much again, but I was so excited. You nearly made me cry imagining you opening that heinous Flamingo Island page at work, and when you said Tropica-sak.

      No--I'm dying here.

      Okay, remember: we were NOT bra shopping! HELL TO THE NO. It was for the perfumed PRODUCTS.

      OH Mark, I love you, because you are hilarious.

    2. Okay, I feel the need to correct you. I don't read books so I'm not used to spending long periods of time reading or using my imagination. So there!
      See, I'm already bored just typing this reply.

    3. okay Mr. "this is going to be a long post, so just pick a picture to comment on and don't read the rest.."
      does that sound familiar? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S YOU! Hee hee.

  9. Gadzooks, is there a prize for making it to the end?? ROFL, you are a crack-up, my friend.

    It sounds like a wonderful trip, especially all the yummy food! Food and beaches and blue skies...what more can you want??

    Those old folks rock! I mean, how easy would it be to just curl up in front of Judge Judy reruns and wait for death? I admire them for being out there, loud and proud in their oldness.

    Also, swamp crotch sucks. I hate long car rides because of swamp crotch. I need to move around, I need circulation. I need to think about something else now!!

    Glad you're back!

    1. Flannery, swamp crotch has made me so happy. Not having it, but the name you have offered up. Lurv. Yeah. I suggest we all wear boxer shorts on vacation with NO underwear. Let that breeze in.

      You're the 3rd person to "mention" how long the post was. I'm so pleased!

    2. At least we didn't have to wait, with much anticipation, for a follow up! But you did make me hungry...damn you.

    3. see, I ate better things than hotdogs, just for you!

  10. I've been to Bonita Springs. It's a nice spot.

  11. This is hilarious! My favourite bit is SO MUCH SUPER GROSS FAUNA! - anything spidery sends me into a panic attack. Also I do like that you call everything ....guy or ...dude, my boyfriend does that, it's rather cute. Florida sounds like Purgatory or Limbo or something, though also fantastically pleasant and I'm very jealous but pleased for you and your amazing holiday!

  12. well then, you and I are on the SAME PAGE, FAUNA-WISE. I think you've just summed up Florida: Limbo, but a pleasant wait until you kick the bucket :)

  13. I was reading this to Matt as we are driving

    toMontreal sans kids boo ya! Thanks for making our 8 hrs in the car way funnier!

  14. Oh Paula! Have a wonderful time! Hope the shopping and dining are super, super fun!


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