Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
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Monday, April 30, 2012

Back When All The Cute Boys Were Named Corey

When I was a budding teenager in the 80's, and my boobies rode HIGH on my chest, there seemed to be a lot of guys named Corey.


hey! There's that FREAK Kirk Cameron!
Ew Yucky @ Kirk Cameron


Names go in cycles, right?  So, there are more girls my age named KAREN, than there are nowadays, and there's probably a whole crop of Britneys out there who are all around the same age.

But you know what I'm talking about.

Back when I was 13, and in grade 8, all I did was dream about cute boys.  Where are the cute boys?  Where can we find some cute boys?  I hope there'll be some cute boys when I go on vacation!  And to that end, did every girl have a fantasy that a CUTE BOY would move in to the neighbourhood?!?

Well, that's what happened.  A boy named Corey moved into the neighbourhood.  He had super feathered hair

good old MacGyver
and braces

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and he was a little bit cocky, and totally conceited.  Wait...do cocky and conceited go hand in hand?  Anyway, he was the new kid in the neighbourhood and he was cute!  Well, I thought he was cute anyway.

So, one day, some neighbourhood kids and I were all hanging out at the park.  I was probably there wearing my Adidas half shirt and shorts,


source

and I probably thought I looked pretty cute. After all, I had lost 10 pounds not too long ago by not having desserts and doing jumping jacks after every meal.  So, at the park was me, and a bunch of other girls.  And this guy  ♥ Corey ♥, who'd been to the park to flirt with all of us a few times before.

It was the usual crap:  one of the older girls would say something to tease him, he'd chase her around the park, and then catch her and they'd roll around in the grass for a bit.  But Corey wanted more.

He wanted a girlfriend.

So, he asked this girl out:

Corey:  "Wanna go out with me?"
Girl #1 " NO!"

and then he asked everyone else out:

Corey:  "Wanna go out with me?"
Girl #2:  "NO!"

Corey:  "Wanna go out with me?"
Girl #3:  "NO!"

Corey:  "Do YOU wanna go out with me?"
karen:  "OKAY!"

DELIGHTED.

And so he became my boyfriend for the next TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

It was pretty boring.  And awkward.  One time I was with my new boyfriend and his friends in his basement.  Corey said; "wanna make out?"

I was APPALLED, and DISGUSTED, and FILLED with disapproval. I gave him a firm NO.

"Ha ha, I was just kidding," said Corey, abashed.

After a fun date of going to McDonalds, when he walked me home and asked if he could kiss me good night, I pointed to my cheek.  That's right, MISTER, no funny business!

I invited Corey home to meet my Mom one day.  I was dying a little bit, because I could tell that Corey was a stuck-up doofus in front of my Mom and older brother, and they thought he was a bit of a tool. He tried to be a little too cool, and he had to pop in to the bathroom to check his lid.

Oh yeah, and he carried a giant hairbrush in his back pocket.  All the time.



source

The brush kinda grossed me out.

Then, when I invited him upstairs to see my room, he totally flipped on the stairs.  Like, totally flumped out.  It was an older house, and the stairs were unusually tall, and of uneven heights.  We were all used to it, but EVERYONE who EVER came into our house, tripped on those stairs.  So, it wasn't that Corey rolled back down the stairs or anything, it was that as he was trying to sprint up them all cool, he fla-bumped onto his knees and elbows.  I didn't know whether to be embarrassed for him, or crack up.

But there was a bigger problem.  A bigger problem than the hair vanity, the brush in the back pocket, and his slightly bubble butt:

SPIT STRING.  





Corey had a big, thick, spit string from the top of his braces to the bottom almost all the freaking time.

So, it had to end.

And besides:  what the hell was a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GRADE 10 HIGHSCHOOL guy doing with a 13 year old ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GIRL anyway?

Ew.

57 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. EXACTLY, Ruth! This is why I HAD to dump him.

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  2. oh Karen! That is gross. I remember my friend from childhood asking me if I wanted to make out. I was really indignant considering his friend was sitting there wanting to watch. All I remember about this kid, is the fact that spit and drool was constantly in his mouth, and he had to SLURP IT UP, with this slurpy noise all the time. What is it with boys and waaaaay toom much salivia??? is it hormonal? and what about kissing with excess saliva.....gross!

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    Replies
    1. SLURPY SOUNDS! MON DIEU! That is gross. I don't think all guys had that problem...but between you and I, there are some terrifying commonalities. PLUS, a friend of mine was making out with a guy at a highschool party, and discovered that her hair was WET, as the drool ran down her face to her neck.

      Oh god. I can't tell this story any longer.

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    2. That is soooooooooooooooo baddddddd! ewwwwe.

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  3. how does making out while wearing braces work? doesn't someone get cut? or maybe i just made out more rambunctiously than other folks.
    i'm writing about childhood nuttiness today too. it makes me happy to look back on that stuff even if i was an idiot then.

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    Replies
    1. I have no idea how it works, Sherilinnie, because I was PRINCESS PRUDE, har har! Don't think of it as being nutty, think of it as being a crazy ball of FUN

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    2. i was a smoochaholic once i got started. i wouldn't do anything else, groping was bad, but let's share some tongue, shall we? preferably while we're at our church's youth events. down dark hallways or behind the church van.

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    3. I was scared of boys until I was 17! So, no secret smooch meetings for me. Too bad too, because now that I'm getting old, it's too late for that kind of fun and intrigue :(

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    4. that's a shame. yeah, your husband might not love it if you started making out with all the cute boys now.

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  4. Love it Karen...bring back the memories!!!
    Gawd I remember those horrid stairs...stretching my legs high to climb them lol!!!

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  5. Karen I am disappointed, there was not one picture of a mullet in this post. NOT ONE. And the combs in the back pockets....I soooo remember those. I may, or may not, have had one. I can't say anything more.

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    Replies
    1. Lizbeth! That's why I tossed MACGYVER in there! If that pic isn't MULLET CITY, then I don't know what is.

      Combs in the back pocket were fine. Small skinny brush/comb foldable combos were fine. GIANT HAIR BRUSHES in the back pocket were just stoopid.

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  6. Oh Corey Haim and his dreamy smile! And I did like Kirk Cameron! Good for you with the no funny business stuff. I would have been all about the making out part! Well, maybe not if he had a spit string...

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    Replies
    1. I was too afraid to kiss any boy at that age. Curse my boring, straighty ways. Yeah, Kirk Cameron USED to be okay.

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  7. I do believe that photo of MacGyver may qualify for the mullet.

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  8. Um..... Where the HELL do you find these photos!? The one of the spit string?????? Gross! And, while hard to make out the tooth, that tooth is gross looking too! The internet really does have everything doesn't it.

    Spit strings are gross.

    Guys named Corey were hot.. it's true... I remember a couple in school.

    And Kirk Cameron IS a weirdo...

    sistA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nerdo, I'm so pleased when the internet has the photo I want. So very pleased. It is gross. Super gross.

      Hey, on the Simpsons, when Lisa was in love with some teen idol, his name was Corey too, right?

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    2. SistA (heehee) What hot guys in school named Corey??? I am trying to think and i can only come up with one (Coreo and he didnt go to our school...and he was crazy..but i guess one has nothing to do with the other!)

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    3. PS...Beam, you were NEVER a fan of Kirk Cameron...remember the poster I had of him on my bedroom door(my downstairs bedroom, not my cool upstairs bedroom, which was plastered in GNR posters) YOu HATED that poster of Kirk and asked me to take it down atleast 9 times :)

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    4. did she? Now I'll have to ask her about this.

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    5. She totally did!! She couldnt believe I would have a horrid poster up on my wall...so heres the storey behind the poster...I liked the show Growing Pains...I liked Mike Seaver...at the time, I shared a bedroom with my sister adn she had teh final say on what poster went up on the wall (no GNR or Motley Crue posters for her!) If she had her way, our room would have been plastered with math book pages (kidding!) So anyway, she talked to my mom and Kirk Cameron won the spot on my door...he was badest guy we could all agree on...so yeah...Beam HATED it!

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    6. geez..look at that mess...I should NEVER comment while I am at work :(

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    7. OH YES YOU SHOULD! That is a hilarious story, Steph. Oh well, we ALL watched Growing Pains, didn't we???

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    8. haha! I remember that!!!!!!!!!!!! I always thought he was a bit of a douche. LOL Steph always liked the lame shows... she used to LOVE Full House too. ICK. Okay, I still love you Steph. You were, aside from your taste in t.v. shows, pretty right ON. hehehehe

      aim

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  9. It's weird, I was always into the wilder/trashier girls -

    coked up Belinda Carlisle
    Lita Ford

    hmmm....now I know the teenaged Karen

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    Replies
    1. it's true Lance: I was a parent's wet dream. I think the worst thing I did was get drunk at age 17 at a party.

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  10. I totally would've banged him! I couldn't resist the feathered hair.
    m.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear ya, Mark! Is eyeliner the new feathered hair?

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    2. yeah, I loved the hockey player haircut myself, Mark.

      Sarah, I also still have a bit of a weakness if a guy has eyeliner on. But don't tell anyone!!!

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    3. Your secret is safe with me, Kaz. xxx

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  11. ahahahaha! Oh teenage boys ever awful. I recently found out my boyfriend from when I was 13 has just become a father - ewwww. I dumped him because I decided I fancied people on the tv more. Yeah, weird. I had a boyfriend at 13, then nothing NOTHING til I was 25 and he was a dead loss. I remember being asked out by very very spotty horrible boys as a teen, there were nice boys but they were obviously too nice at they only gawped at me.

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    Replies
    1. Clare, those are all wonderful remembrances you're sharing. Ah, aren't we all glad we're not teenagers anymore?!?

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  12. SPIT STRING! YAAH! *runs away with hands waving hysterically in the air*

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  13. You do NOT want to know what I was doing at that age... so I'll tell you, obvs...

    I was pashing (thats French kissing in Canadaese I think) the singer of a famous Australian band... who was 35!!! Among other things... I was very, very naughty... and fabulous, of course.

    Sarah xxx

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    Replies
    1. I didn't french kiss someone until I was 15. I remember your story about that, Sarah! Were you 13 though? That's how old I was when I went out with hairbrush boy.

      No surprise that you were fabulous. You should dig out more old pictures!

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    2. TWELVE! Well that's it. I bow before you. Holy crap. At 12, I think a girlfriend brought this "where babies come from" book to school and I was shocked AND repulsed. Damn it, in my next life, I want to be FUN.

      Delete
  14. Corey must be an exclusively Canadian/American name, I don't know a single one in the UK, then or now. Perhaps I'm too old and I missed all the Corey-love. Oh those early teen years - so many hormones, so much to learn... Now I know it ALL (yes really) but the hormones aren't what they used to be!
    Oh sloppy kissers, no no no. And boys who spent more time on their hair than you? No no no again! xxxxx

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    Replies
    1. Curtise, it probably was a very North American name. What I wonder about is where the hell did all those Coreys go???

      You are so right--the hormones have indeed changed. What a shame.

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  15. OMGeezyBeezy. I gave a little squee when I saw my two favorite Coreys on the Tiger Beat cover. I loved them. Loved. I re-watched Dream a Little Dream not long ago. It didn't exactly stand the test of time.

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    Replies
    1. OH VESTA! Did you love The Lost Boys as well? That movie was Corey-tacular!

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  16. I've been gone for months and I come back to a Brush Butt. . .so happy things haven't changed around here!!!! Love you! glad you didn't marry that one K!!!

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    Replies
    1. Christina's here! YAAAAAAAY!!!!!! I've been missing you, but I know you've been busy. Plus, I see you peeking in here and there, so SNIFF, I know you're always nearby. How've you been, woman?!? I've been meaning to email you for ages. Anyone who gets to know me will realise that it literally can take a retarded amount of time to correspond.

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  17. For a minute I was worried you were going to say you ended up marrying Corey, which would mean there was a constant stream of spit string in your house. Ew.

    Know what else? I totally HATE Kirk Cameron. Yeah bitches, I said hate. I don't need a schpiel about how hating isn't healthy and productive. I feel very productive when I hate his half-witted, self-righteous ass.

    But you, you I love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Flannery, I love you too because you are FEISTY with a capital FUCKOFF! Wonderful. I think of you often when I try to invoke my inner...something with a backbone.

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  18. Brilliant- I was smirking so much at this that other half asked what I was looking at! We didn't have many Corey's but lots of Seans- I took a real shine to a Sean who always had scabby knees and cotton wool in one ear- classy. I'd like to say I've upgraded but I'm not sure! Steve has mountains of belly button fluff and a back like wolverine!Rx

    http://sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scabby knees and cotton wool in one ear! LOVE IT! This made me laugh, Rachael, thank you.

      Belly fluff is okay...but back hair...oh hell,that's like an analogy of life.

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  19. Jaysus,EW! OMG,those dreadful Tiger Beat and related magazines!Ugh!I used to fancy boys with braces,my main crush was Darren....I seem to recall in Australia in the 80's,most blokes were called Trevor or Brian.Or Paul.Good Aussie names.
    O,my,the early 80's weren't kind to me!I luckily don't have any spit string experiences,thank GOODNESS!
    XXX

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    Replies
    1. Helga, the 80's weren't too kind to me either. I didn't know too many other boys with braces. I guess that's why it was noteworthy. That and the spit. Shudder.

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  20. Hey, I designed that cover! How fun to see it after all these years!

    ReplyDelete

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