Sometimes life kicks you right in the poodle.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I SHREDDED IT, YO

Oh my god...my knees...
My knees have felt like SHIT for a MONTH



Well, my meeting with the principal regarding the state of all things Jack, was supposed to be today after school, but it has been postponed till Thursday. You know--I talked about my son, and the annoying other kids in his class HERE, and HERE.   So, I gots no new news for you yet, ma peeps.

So, instead, I'll talk about SHREDDING IT, YO!  SHREDDING IT, HARD CORE.

Or something like that...

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT BITCHES?!?  I DONE DID THAT THING!

I made it through the entire THIRTY DAY CHALLENGE.  Yes, I got a tad off track on my recent little Florida vacation, but only an idiot would turn down a pina colada on the beach and say; "hey guys, can we get back to the condo now?  I have to work out."

Yeah.  I know you guys understand.

But, aside from that little lapse in willpower, I did those thirty damn days.  One day even made me cry!  You can hear all about that HERE if you're interested.  I was even semi-serious in that little video.

I tracked most of my experience with that heinous Thirty Day Shred on my youtube channel, with really grainy, poor quality videos!  And I have to say, I'm pretty damn proud of myself.  I know it's cooler and more fun to be self-deprecating, but not this time.  That was bloody damn hard work.

Exercise is still not fun.  So why did I do it?  I was tired of feeling bad about myself. I was tired of being tired.  I was tired of fighting my shit thyroid.  I was tired of looking like a wreck after popping my nearly ten pound girlie out of my cooch.  I'm not ALL DONE yet.  I wanted to feel okay about myself again.

Oh, and I have a wedding to go to in July.  I will be seeing relatives of The Man whom I haven't seen in almost ten years.  Forget all those other touchy-heart-feely things I said in the paragraph above this.  Truly FEAR is the best motivator.

I haven't stopped working out though.  I've moved on to LEVEL THREE of the video.  Level three is SO hideous, the word HIDEOUS doesn't do it any justice.  Once I master this level, I will be a FRIGGING BEAST.  I can't believe that I, karen PORKCHOP TENDERHEART has made it this far.

So, my message is this:  for anyone about to embark on some stupid, tedious workout regimen...for anyone who is at the very beginning of a long climb uphill to fitness...for anyone who is in the middle and wants to scream THIS BLOWS..and for anyone who feels down on themselves:

If I can do it, almost anyone can do it.  (I;'m not being a dick--someone out there might have no feet, and find it really difficult.  Just sayin'.)

Yeah, that's a cliche, I know.  But it's so true.  After a million years I can now do FIVE pushups in a row.  Five.  I can't remember ever being able to do ONE before.

Okay, that's enough of me.  I just wanted to tell you guys how it all worked out.

Three days to go till the big four-O.


33 comments:

  1. yay for your thirty day shreddification! and now you can conquer that pesky level 3 so that you'll feel like a champ when you're done. you go, girl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, because I can't believe how hard it is! No, I'm not bragging or anything--it is seriously killer. It'll take me a long time to get there.

      Delete
  2. Karen! You are the bomb! Awesome that you finished your 30 day challenge, and even awesomer (is that a word?) that you're on level three on "jillian is killin' me." Man, that is hard. My husband cried like a girl after day 1.

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    1. is your husband doing it too, Jessica? Oh, I need someone to commiserate with!! Nobody else I know is doing it. Why? Because it sucks.

      Delete
  3. You did this during Easter candy? Whoa.

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    Replies
    1. yes, dbs! It just so happened that stupid workout's last day was on GOOD FRIDAY. That bit. But, if I'd been better in Florida, I'd have been done three days sooner. Easter candy was a pretty good motivator though.

      Delete
  4. I'm pretty sure I can only do 1 pushup....maybe...OW!
    Crikey,we'll be seeing you as a trainer on biggest loser soon,slappin' those asses!XXXXXXXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ooo...slappin asses! How fun! Oh Helga--I was NEVER able to do a pushup. This is testament to how cruel and heartless the woman who created the workout is.

      Delete
  5. eeek! the big 4-0! And you will reach it so damn tonk you make grown men cry. I still can't do a push up, but I used to do 100 sit ups a night, now I can just about manage to reach for the remote. What happened? Love, it made me lazy. But I'm fighting it, sort of. Not the love, the lazy.

    You're going to be spectacular! xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Miss Simmonds, SIT UPS are the other IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. When I was a kid, I could do proper situps. I can NOT. I just can't. Maybe one day, but that day is NOT today. I can do "curl ups" but not situps.

      I miss the days of just being peaceful and not always having stiff muscles.

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    2. when you say you can do "curl ups", do you mean like curl up in a ball and take a nap?

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    3. Oh Sherilin, what a lovely fantasy that is. I'm going to just melt into that for a minute..............................................................................................................................................................................................

      no, curl ups are those lame things whereby you put your fingers up by your ears, elbows out, and you basically just lift your shoulders off the floor.

      Delete
  6. "Go ahead and CRY you little crybaby!"

    Hee! I love your videos Karen, and you are a FRIGGIN' BEAST!

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    Replies
    1. thanks Vesta! I'm not yet, but BY GOD I WILL BE. Or, maybe I'll just finally cave in to Easter chocolate. Who knows.

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  7. Way to Go!!! You Rock! I have been being harassed by Jillian as well...Yoga meltdown. I want to crt like a baby after each session!
    Hey did you happen to read the paper yesterday (online, if you dont get delivery)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what did I miss Steph? Now I have to check it out. Jillian has a yoga video? Is it actually called Yoga meltdown? That sounds equally as hideous. I wish someone was doing that awful shred. I need to clasp hands with someone and say "YEAH! I KNOW!"

      Delete
    2. there was an article about not having enough EAs in our school board. I know the family that called them about the situation...the Coopers. It was in yesterdays paper..so if you check on line, go to local news for yesterday.
      YEs! the yoga meltdown is aweful...but i am so proud of myself after doing it..I seen the "shred" but passed and went for the "meltdown" I made my sister do it with me the other night...she hated it!!
      But super proud that you stuck with it!

      Delete
    3. Yeah! I love that she hated it, because it's HORRIBLE! I hadn't seen the meltdown. Now I'm intrigued. More horror awaits!

      Yes, is that the article I saw? About the kid who got sent home on Autism Awareness Day, because he has Autism and he bit another kid? I commented on that article. If it's not the same one, I will go hunt it out.

      Delete
    4. yes, thats the one...The Coopers...

      the yoga melt down is a good yoga workout, it about 30 minutes and after one week...HUGE difference! But Man oh man...ouch!

      Delete
  8. The big 4-0 is not so bad. I will welcome you with a big old glass of wine. But I have to be in bed early. I'm old you know. :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Lizbeth, I know it's silly to fret over 40, because it's just another year...and really, it's just one more day than the day before, and all that. I think it's the anticipation of it. It's insane, I know. Yes, DO have a glass of wine "with" me. That would be awesome.
      p.s. I like to go to bed at 10:30, so I relate, woman, I do.

      Delete
  9. 40 is fine - you have nothing to fear from the Big 4-0, Karen!
    I am so impressed with your perseverance and all your efforts.
    And I feel like a fat ol' lazy arse. Hey ho. xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, but Curtise, you already look slim and fabulous, so why the hell would you hop around like an idiot, as I am doing?!? Like I said to Lizbeth, up above, there's nothing wrong with 40--it's just the anticipation of it. I don't know why.

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  10. Soooooo proud of you!!! I do 5 days of any workout and I'm just pissed! I'm not allowed to call my yoga instructor a bitch any more, either. She's so sensitive...Good for you!

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    1. I know! I agree--working out is usually so hideous! And yet...here I am...I have malfunctioned.

      You're too funny re; your yoga instructor. Yoga is HARD!!!

      Delete
  11. LEVEL FRICKIN THREE - GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! YOU'RE A FREAK! A MANIAC! A MONSTER! YOU'RE AILEEN THINGAMIJIG!!!

    FORTY TWO IS WHERE IT'S AT! YOU WILL ROCK 40.

    So sorry for all the yelling. Your awesomeness brings out the yell in me!

    Sarah xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah, I love nothing better than an ALL CAPS comment. It makes it EXCITING!!! Yeah, tomorrow should be a good day! My playlist is all set!

      Thank you :)

      Delete
  12. No feet, that's hilarious!
    Good for you!
    I have trouble forcing myself to do my dance and be fit workout video. I bow to the master.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well, just wait till I fall off the wagon again and just kinda mysteriously stop talking about it...and then everyone wonders, hey, is karen still exercising..and the answer will be NO.

      Delete
  13. Look at you, kicking ass and shredding it like a bad ass.

    AWESOME.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, with sore knees! For a MONTH! That IS hardcore! Or stupid. Either, or.

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  14. It figures that you are married. Do you have any sisters with low self esteeem?

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    Replies
    1. alas, we both have relatively low self esteem and we're both attached. WONDERS NEVER CEASE, no???

      Delete

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