First things first:
Oh, I don't get many spam comments at all here on my blog, but when I do, they're so enjoyable.
Have you read Dr. C's hilarious post about SPAMBOTS and the stupid, inane messages they leave on his blog, in the guise of being helpful? Well, I've got a few of those comments now in my spam bin!
* " Thanks in favor of sharing such a good opinion, paragraph is good, thats why i have read it fully"
and then they link to their website, which apparently features "bondage kits and kinky sets."
Well, where were they BEFORE my birthday??? That comment, by the way was left on "I'm Burning That Hat, And Then I'm Going To Pee On It."
Good opinion indeed.
And then there's this:
* "This paragraph is genuinely a good one it assists new web visitors, who are wishing for blogging"
This follows with a link to a weight loss site. But, the best part is, that it's a comment left for a post I wrote about FARTING IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND. HOW DOES THAT ASSIST NEW WEB VISITORS?
I can't believe I wrote a post about farting. Sigh.
Less than two weeks ago, my 8 year old son Jack's EA, AND his teacher both approached me on their own to specifically tell me how pleasant Jack had been of late. He was happy. He was agreeable. He was his old charming self. Before the March Break, he had adopted a fine attitude of "f*ck you and your curriculum. I'm not interested." But after the break, everything was GREAT! We were BACK ON TRACK!
Whatever that means.
and then, THE BEES CAME BACK from wherever it is bees go when it's cold and shitty outside for months and months.
|hello Jack. Remember me? |
We're old friends you and I. OH yes. YES, YESSSSSSS!
and do you know who's even worse than THAT honey bee guy up above???
|HELLO, I'M A BUMBLE BEE|
I'M GIGANTIC AND STUPID AND CLUMSY
I MAKE A SOUND THAT MAKES JACK LOSE HIS
MIND WITH TERROR
And then it all went down the toilet.
Yes, my friends, spring is here. It's a lovely time for some warm days to sneak in here and there, and remind us that summer's peeking around the corner. Lovely, balmy weather, which is perfect for kids to play outside! Why, the teachers think that it's PERFECT to go have gym outside!
This is how life turned into a nightmare for Jack. He is TERRIFIED of bees. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking: we ALL hate bees, karen. MY KIDS are scared of bees too.
Yes, but are your kids so terrified that they can't even go outside? Are they so terrified that the first day of the season the bees returned they immediately developed a full body twitch--nay a full body JERK, and look like they're nearly convulsing as they try to walk home from school? Do they now have purple circles under their eyes from going to bed at night and fretting that the next day at school they just might have to go outside for gym? Do they say "YAAAAAY!" when the weather shows RAIN for the next day?
|this is how the playground looks to JACK now|
Yeah. Let's just call it a "little challenge", shall we? It's getting worse every year. Jack almost ran out in front of oncoming traffic last year as he was flailing away from a bumble bee.
So, I sat down and had a comforting chat with him one night. I pointed out that he is faster than a bee. His younger sister is faster. Even his just-turned-4 year old tiny cousin is faster. "If a bee comes near you," I said, "just run away." I told him if a bee comes near him when he's on the playground, run to the little kids' playground. If a bee comes to the little kids' playground, run to the school door. If a bee comes there, run to the baseball diamond, etc, etc.
That seemed to help. A bit. So, I did some hunting, and read online that bees and wasps don't really like the smell of mint. Thus, I'm going to dab him with peppermint oil for these last weeks of school, and make him feel like he's armed against them.
Also, Jack's teacher actually bought a little craft looking palm-sized stuffed bee to be Jack's "bee buddy," and when Jack feels stressed, he can give his bee buddy a squeeze. Jack loves his new bee friend. I told him that this guy is there to always be brave for Jack when he can not be. Jack has named him Tyler Joseph Honeybee, and what's most amazing is that he's been doing lots of imaginative play with him; chatting with him, drawing with him, etc. Jack does imaginative play with Dave, and now with Lego, but since he did none as a little guy, the novelty hasn't worn off.
Still, tonight at bedtime he was hoping for a cloudy, windy day tomorrow.
Poor kid. There's always something.
♥♥♥ Maxi Pads
Oh come on. I haven't talked about LADY TSUNAMI stuff in a while. Believe it or not, last night, when my little red amiga arrived, I was horrified to discover that I, karen tenderheart, was out of pads.
Thrilling story so far, yes?!!
So, I did the frantic dig through every purse I own, and luckily found one. But, this morning I had to make a trip to Wal of Evil for a few things, and I decided that I would CHEAP OUT and buy their generic crap brand of pads, and not my beloved Always. I decided that I would give up my love of driweave™ in order to save about three bucks.
Well I'm not happy.
I only had the pad on for a couple of hours and it looked like this (I arted it for you):
What you're seeing here, people, is, of course, my pink gitch, with a pad stuck on. What you should note is how scrunchy, stupid, folded over, and NOT WELDED IN PLACE it is on the bottom. Looks like a disaster waiting to happen to me.
Let this be a lesson to you, karen: NEVER SKIMP on your feminine paraphernalia.
:( THYROID STAB-O-RAMA
Yes, this is tomorrow morning. Bright and FREAKING EARLY. By the time many of you read this, I'll be hugging my knees and rocking back and forth, with a big bandaid over my throat. I will be taking the CALM DOWN PILL the doctor prescribed for me, and hoping it totally gives me that WHO GIVES A FLYING EFF feeling I'm really hoping for.
Actually, I don't even want to talk about it, so I'll just give you the picture I arted for you instead to show you all the places I'm going to get jabbed:
|I call this "Stabby Throat."|
Oh wait! There IS one last thing I want to say about nodule stab-a-pa-looza: THE MAN will not be here tomorrow. YES, that's right! He'll be out of town for a meeting! I also want to point out that said meeting was SUPPOSED to be LAST WEEK, but because FATE LURVS TO POOP ON MY HEAD, it got RESCHEDULED. WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN?!?
This means, that my dad has to get the kids ready for school, and karen has to wander off to the
♥ At Least I Have THIS To Make Me Happy
People, as you may know, my sister and I love trolling around junk/second-hand shops now. A few nights ago, I found THIS FABULOUS LITTLE TREASURE
|This is a pic I found on the net. My little buddy|
looks EXACTLY like it
IT'S A CAMPBELL'S SOUP KID SPOON REST! BOO YAH!!! I want to hug it and kiss it and love it and marry it. Do you know how much I spent on that, lovies? ONE FRICKIN DOLLAR, AH YEAH.
I read online that these little spoon rests were made in the early 1970's, and some dude on another website is trying to sell his for $26.
It's the little things that make me happy in life. The little things that cost a dollar.
And now you're all caught up! HOORAY!