So, I did the 30 Day Shred, as some of you may recall, and I even posted my boring, whiny videos on youtube, as I chronicled my journey of pain and suffering.
Then I got super bored with that video, and I bought "Jillian Michaels Killer Buns & Thighs." I didn't buy it so much because I wanted THE BEST ASS I COULD GET. No.
I have to be honest: I've never cared about my ass. I can't see it, so it doesn't bother me. In fact, I thought it provided good balance all around: ba-bango hooters, stick-em-out stomach thanks to a small abdominal hernia, and SUPER BOO-TAY. See? I was like one of those Earth Mother statues: everything in harmony and balance.
|you guys better pick up your dirty socks, or I'm going to get ANGREE|
The reason I bought THAT video though, was because I think that Jillian Michaels is mean enough to get REAL RESULTS with her horrid workouts, but mostly it was the next shortest workout dvd. All of her other ones were for 45 minutes to 1 hour long workouts.
So, I've been doing this super ridonculous Buns & Thighs workout, right? And it started to get SLIGHTLY EASIER, so I JUST moved on to level 2. I won't bore you with the details, but I felt compelled to say this:
I can't believe how much exercise SUCKS.
Exercise sucks SO HARD. It is the most repulsive, horrible thing ever. As I'm gasping, and panting, and struggling, and sweat is rolling off EVERY PART OF MY BODY NOW...yes, that's right, EVERY PART...
in fact, let's stop here and talk about SWEAT.
Before I started working out, I would sweat, Sure, I'd sweat. I'd get a little sweat on my lower back, and if it were REALLY, REALLY, REALLY stifling out, I might get a few beads on my upper lip.
And that would be about it.
But now? These videos have turned my body into an efficient, and horrid SWEAT MACHINE. My EYELIDS get sweaty now. THE TOPS OF MY FREAKING HANDS get sweaty. Sweat even rolls down from somewhere way on the back my head, and over my cheek, when I'm in some ridiculous push-up position, muscles shaking, body ready to collapse.
It's unbelievable. This means one major thing: I have bad hair ALL THE TIME now. All the time. Right now? I have the hairdo of a five year old. Ringlets and cowlicks, people.
So, you would think, that since I've been doing hard core exercise nearly EVERY FREAKING DAY OF THE WEEK, I might start to like it.
It is terrible. It was terrible when I started, and I hate it hardcore now. The ONLY good thing about it is that it calms down my idiot hypochondriac brain, makes me feel pretty good AFTERWARD, and my pants were falling down the other day as I walked back from dropping my daughter off at school.
Stupid hard work. I wish, passionately, that I could just sit back and read a book all day, every day, but alas, I was tired of being tired.
Anyhow, that's all. I just wanted to invite ANYONE to join me, and fork out the 10-12 bucks, buy that Killer Buns & Thighs video, and join me, because I...I...I feel so alone, people.
It's lonely here in Terrible Exercise Town.