|Apparently, this is wrong??? source|
I wish I could lift my shirt up and show you my bra.
I just went to this upscale lingerie store today. My goal was to hopefully find a strapless bra for when I wear a dress to a wedding in July. And technically, I did, but FORGET THAT.
Strapless bras were invented by SATAN.
My god. Let's talk about strapless bras for a second: could they BE more hideous?!? I can't think of anything less comfortable than a strapless bra, with its vice-like fit, all digging in to the skin under your breasts, making you feel like you want to DIE, leaving little red half moons on your torso for the REST OF THE DAY.
So, I don't care. I'll stitch my black bra straps to the dress straps, rather than wear a heinous, horrid strapless bra.
Anyhoo, when I walked into the shop, I told the lady what I wanted. I told her I had measured myself, and I was a 44 B. She took a professional look at my hooterage, and shook her head. Nope, she said. There was no way I was a "B" cup.
I was getting excited (no, not in a sexy way). After I had the kids, I had graduated to a C cup (or so I thought), and then after embarking on my rigorous "FIT TO 40" campaign, and had lost some weight, I felt my bra size was no longer working for me. I followed some online guide, measured everything, and came up with a ridiculous and awkward 44B.
And I told the lady this.
She pulled out her measuring tape, and in two quick measures gave me a new, shiny, UNBELIEVABLE bra size:
THIRTY EIGHT EFF, PEOPLE.
And she got me a bra, and I tried it on, and...
AND IT'S RED!!
The lady told me that a red bra hides better under clothing than a white bra (stupid white bras. Why do I want to always ruin the look of what I'm wearing?? Why do I want the world to know exactly what my freaking bra looks like???). Lo and behold, she was right. I put my white t-shirt on overtop, and the thing disappeared.
Also, when I put on this bra, it is doing all the things they always say bras should do: the middle part is sitting firmly against my chest and there's no side spillage. Totally freaky.
So, I have learned a couple of things today, people: RED BRAS don't show under clothing, and
I HAVE ENORMOUS, SUCCULENT HOOTERS.
I am a little freaked by this, even though the kind, motherly lady of the shop assured me I have "full breasts."
This is getting weird.
Erm, let me just summarize by saying every woman should go for a professional bra fitting! It's an EYE OPENER to say the least!!!