Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Monday, June 11, 2012

It's Bad, But I like It.

You know,

 I like PLASTIC CHEESE.

oooooh yeah:  you


and DEFINITELY you too.


Yeah, I like fancy cheese too.  You know; the good stuff.  I like your basic block of grocery store cheddar as well, but I love plastic cheese.  I think it's delicious.  I could go to town on it...just like THIS:





I also love GARBAGE MEAT

source

I freaking LURV hot dogs.  I don't care what kind of snouts and endtrails and hooves and beaks and whatever shit you urban legend lovers claim they're made with.  I think they are delicious.  I could eat them at least twice a week.

Oh, and this is the KING OF ALL HOT DOGS:




the MOTHERFROCKING CHILI DOG WITH PROCESSED CHEESE.  See how it just masterfully incorporated two of my favourite things at once?

I also love this guy:



BUH-LOG-NA???  What the hell is that?!?  It's BALONEY, AND IT'S DELICIOUS, and my Mom NEVER bought it for us, because she thought it was garbage.

My Mom also never bought this:



She thought it was too "bland". We grew up with Miracle Whip, which is fine, but it doesn't make me want to curl up with it and spoon it straight into my yap.  Like Mayonnaise does.

But I love all those mayonnaise-y kinds of dressings and dips.  I love that Caesar salad dressing.  I want to put that on everything.  I don't put it on everything, but I want to.


Oh, and if you know me at all by now, you know that I freak out for these:

sniff--I'm getting all verklempt


I love them so much, I even made the lamest, cheapest video ever as a tribute to them.


But, it's not just that I love junk food, deep down in my secret heart,  I love other things too.

I love a good, filthy book:


Oh Jamie Fraser...

and I like books that are even dirtier than that one.  Sometimes I like books that are almost entirely dedicated to smut.



this fell out of my arm-load of books at the library
one time.  Some guy, walking in with his daughter
bent down to pick it up for me.
Mortification.


If there's no smut by the 10th page in, I'm not interested.

If,

that's what I feel like reading.

Yeah, I read "good books" too, but sometimes I also like a super easy, fun read:

better than the series, IMO

Ooo!  You know what else I really like?



"The Afternoon Nap" by William Edward Millner


I love taking a nap on a sunny day in the afternoon--ESPECIALLY if it's a day so beautiful, it's an absolute sin to be inside sleeping.


Sometimes, when the kids and The Man are gone out, I love to be on the computer almost the entire time they're gone.

Even if it's ALL DAY.



source


And when I'm on the computer?  Sometimes I head straight to Youtube, find the Karaoke Channel, and belt out terrible, shitty songs like THIS:






I'm thinking of making DORITOS NACHOS sometime.




source


It's probably BAD, but I'm pretty sure I'll like it.


What are some of your guilt-less, bad  pleasures???

41 comments:

  1. oh karen...oh karen. no chocolate on that list eh?

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    Replies
    1. strangely enough, in the past few years I've lost a lot of my sweet tooth, and super love the salty foods now. However, I do freak out for chocolate with nuts, and that new Cadbury peanut butter pretzel chocolate bar. That thing will be my undoing.

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    2. Have you tried sweet and salty popcorn? SmartFood makes a version and so does Sensations brand at Sobeys. It's Richie's favourite and I have to admit, I could eat a whole bag myself.

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    3. Oh yes Kirsten, I agree. I've also eaten a disgusting amount of kettle corn, which is pretty much the same thing, but maybe a bit greasier!

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  2. ooooo, dorito nachos! you sinful, smut-lovin, garbage-chower! my stomach is growling and the kiwi has ceased to call my name.

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    Replies
    1. yeah, Sherilinnie, I'm sorry. I'm in the PMS right now, which means I'm absolutely weeping for junk food. I needed everyone to share my suffering.

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  3. I never had mayo til I moved out on my own. Mom got the cheaper version of Miracle Whip. Ummm- real mayo! And who can't love a chili dog? Ok, my daughter. But, she's odd.
    I love getting a bowl of peanut butter and mixing in some chocolate chips. I know, I live on the edge.
    Stupid wheat in everything I'd really like to eat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruth, my dad claims to not love a chili dog either, but surely he's LYING because that's INSANE.

      Yes! I thought of you and your peanut butter and chocolate chips before I wrote this, actually. Since reading that, I've had it for a snack a few times.

      Do you still crave the wheat-filled foods? I can have all the healthy food I want in this house, but once a month I'd claw through walls to get chips.

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    2. I'm an inspiration! Yay! I've gotten my daughter eating peanut butter and chocolate chips too.
      Today I was visiting a friend and she got some oreos out for her grandson and I just inhaled the scent.Aaaahhhhh.
      I won't crack out of sheer stubbornness.

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    3. stubbornness can be awesome sometimes. Especially in a case like this, where food can truly be the enemy.

      I have no idea how you managed to smell the oreos though and not eat any. You are a STRONG, STRONG WOMAN!!!!

      Delete
  4. 1 Peanut butter
    2 Bat out of hell by Meatloaf

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

    Sarah xxx

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    Replies
    1. Sarah, I love you. I too am a peanut butter FREAKING FANATIC. I can appreciate some over the top Meatloaf too!

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  5. Oh I love brie baked inside pillsbury cresent dough.then put a load of red pepper jelly on it.oh so yummy it me makes my eyes roll back in my head! Try eating it while reading some bertrice small books.now that's good!

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    Replies
    1. Oh YUMMY PAULA! My mother in law has baked brie with carmelized onions in puffed pastry. I always want everyone to leave the room so I can be ALONE with it. I'll write that author down!

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  6. Speaking of Brie.......put some sun dried tomatoes and little pieces of fresh, garlic, and some olive oil, melt it all in the oven and bring out the crackers.....ooooh lalla...I always saute the garlic a little first......YUM.

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    Replies
    1. I am INSANE for garlic. Garlic and a dip? Oh FORGET IT. That sounds delicious!

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  7. Lots of beers and tortilla chips with about a pound of melted cheddar cheese. The cheese to chip ratio is about 9 oz of cheese per chip. Followed by a beer per 6 chips!

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    Replies
    1. Elizabeth, you are correct: there can NEVER be enough cheese.

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  8. I love peanut butter, but I might as well just smear it on my butt, because that's where it ends up.

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    Replies
    1. Hrm...I hadn't thought about that. The Man and I both are peanut butter fanatics. I limit myself to one whole wheat toast with some of it though a couple of times a week.

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  9. My mom always bought Miracle Whip as well...strange...that stuff is NOT allowed in my house..I want the real stuff and I want to put it on everything!
    okay, this has been a favorite of mine since i was about 8...rainbow chip icing on soda crackers...love that stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH YES, NOW THAT IS A FUN ONE, STEPH!!!

      As for the Miracle Whip--maybe it was a fad thing. I'll have to google and see when it came out on the market...okay, 1933.

      After thinking about it though, it was probably so popular because

      a) it's cheaper,

      b) there's no risk of salmonella if you leave that macaroni miracle whip salad out in the heat since there are few REAL INGREDIENTS in that thing.

      Makes sense now.

      Delete
  10. A very comprehensive survey, but - you left out Double Stuf Oreos. Or is that just another American sin?

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    Replies
    1. Actually Jeanne, I TOTALLY thought of those. They can't be just regular old Oreos either. It has to be DOUBLE STUF. And, what I love to do is crush a bunch of those myself and mix them with vanilla ice cream. I haven't done that in a long, long, long time.

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  11. FAD Karen? I think not... Miracle Whip RULES! I'm with Mom.... We need that ZIP and real mayo doesn't have ZIP... it has only... blah. Yes, that's right. The secret ingredient in Mayo is BLAH!

    My guilty pleasure? I like belting out that TERRIBLE Shania Twain (sp?) song From This Moment as loud as I can... and then I lay out on the couch and eat an entire bag of Reese Peanut Cups (the minis!) while watching Housewives of some stupid state...

    Oh! And once and awhile when the kids are in bed I like to make Dr. Oetker Sauce and Cake (the caramel one) and then eat the entire thing..... Yeah, supposed to feed a family of four AT LEAST.. and I ravage that thing. All of it.

    I actually feel like crying a little bit right now. But I won't cry because I've lost that ability LONG ago... Karen says it's because I'm dead inside. I say, good for me.

    aimee

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    Replies
    1. Oh my bad.. it's not Sauce AND Cake... it's Sauce N' Cake.. Somehow the TRUTH makes it worse.
      aim

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    2. Nerdo, that is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. I had no idea about the Sauce N'Cake. Now I have to ask you if they're that good, because I am a FREAK for caramel. FREEEEEAK. Maybe you need to make another Mexican flan...

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    3. Oh, and it may please you to know that I made the macaroni/tuna salad the other day with 2/3 Miracle Whip and 1/3 mayo.

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  12. Replies
    1. it's a DREAM post, Laoch, because like you, I avoid most bad food too. Sigh.

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  13. Oh I love all manner of junk food. Crisps (chips) are my downfall. I love Doritos, and nachos, and cheese, good or rubbish. I'm less bothered about sweet things and prefer salty/fatty crap. I could happily munch through my bodyweight in crisps, hot salsa, cheese, olives, salami, washed down with WAY too much wine. And kebabs - highly processed, unidentified meat products smothered in chilli sauce, mmmm!

    My literary junk menu would be full of gory, gruesome, nasty crime thrillers. The fictional serial killers murder folk so I don't have to, it's a good system.

    KARAOKE CHANNEL? Why do I not know about this? Am I mad or just stupid? You are obviously a power ballad kinda gal. Do you do Jennifer Rush' Power of Love? I'd pay to hear that. I'm a little bit country, a little bit 60s pop, and a bit cheesy rock chick. Sung brilliantly, of course, haha!

    And none of the above induce ANY guilt, at all. xxxxx

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    Replies
    1. Curtise, I LOVE your list. Love it. You and I are kindred salt sisters. Oh wait--salt and fat sisters. I sure as hell would do Power Of Love.

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    2. for the love of GOD I need to know about these Karaoke channels!

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    3. well then here is a link for you, Miss Simmonds!

      http://www.youtube.com/user/thekaraokechannel?feature=results_main

      then, just click on "videos" and happy searching!

      Delete
  14. I am with you on the cravings once a month. I search the house for something good to eat. WHO BUYS THIS FOOD THAT THERE IS NOTHING GOOD TO EAT! Me, damn. I do get it for myself during my lunch break. I love Doritos, peanut butter and chocolate. Salt and sweet is what my taste buds are looking for. Oh and I have to admit I was a smut reader too, now I do mostly magazines but I am thinking of getting one of those E-readers, first book I am downloading-50 shades of gray, heard too much of the book to not get it.

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    Replies
    1. Alaina, there is indeed a huge buzz surrounding that book. My sister's reading it right now. Her friends FREAKED OUT FOR IT. I'm curious too, so I'll put a reserve on it at the library (what a nerd I am). Yes, I often get angry at myself too for never buying anything fun when I get groceries!!!

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  15. Outlander is my favorite book of all-time, hands down.

    Sometimes I like to eat chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, which is basically like have cake for breakfast, except it's called a MUFFIN, so it seems better.

    The plastic cheese is my preferred item when making grilled cheese sandwiches, but for cold sandwiches I use the sliced cheddar. If it needs to be melted, then plastic cheese is the way to go.


    And way too often, I sit on my ass knitting or reading when I SHOULD be cleaning or doing something more "productive". But I figure it will get cleaned sooner or later, and why should my happiness suffer? See, I'm not doing this right, because I don't even feel any guilt.

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    Replies
    1. Ooo! Flannery! Do you LOVE the part when Clare is all tied up at the witch trial and suddenly Jamie comes barreling in shouting CUT HER DOWN!! I frigging love that part.

      Yeah, I like really sharp cheddar for a grilled cheese...oh wait, I just love cheese. Let's face it.

      I have a long history of doing something better than cleaning and lamenting how messy things are. I'm with you on that one, woman!

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    2. Oh wait..in the book it's Claire, right? Miss Simmonds in the next comment is Clare.

      Delete
  16. Karen. WE ARE GUILTY PLEASURE TWINS!!! I love all the same naughty things as you! I also love cookie dough.... any raw sweet mixture. I love napping on a beautiful afternoon. Plastic cheese and fancy cheese. Never had Cheese Wizz but I know I'd love it. I love secretly doing home karaoke, doritos, ultra refined garbage meat. Thank fuck I don't live in America or Canada, we can't get those tubes of cookie dough here....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOORAY FOR BEING GUILTY PLEASURE TWINS! That's sooo, soo funny that you're thankful you don't have tubes of cookie dough in England. My sister often says the main reason she bakes cookies is so she can eat a lot of the dough.

      What a party we'd all have if we all got together, eh?!?

      Delete

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