Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Don't Lick Poop.

The other night, The Man was putting the kids to bed.  Suddenly he ran coughing and sputtering into the bathroom, where he proceeded to gargle, spit and moan over the sink.

"What's the matter?"  I asked.

"I think I just licked some POOP!" he said with much horror.


♥ How did he do it everyone?

WELL!

It turns out there was a brown smudge on Ella's leg, and The Man employed that great parental method of cleaning a kid with a thumb and a tongue.

BUT

he DOUBLE DIPPED.  When the smudge, which he thought was marker (because Ella draws all the time), didn't come off immediately, he licked his thumb again but encountered a certain unmistakable ODOUR.

So, he runs into the can in total horror, tells me what happened, and I run in with my handy little spray bottle filled with hydrogen peroxide.

"QUICK!" sez I, "OPEN YOUR MOUTH!"

and he does, because apparently we trust our spouses COMPLETELY, so there I was spritzing and spritzing and spritzing his tongue, and as we all know, peroxide...well, it burns.

So, his eyes begin to water and his mouth starts to burn, and he says to me;

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?"

and I say;

"IT'S PEROXIDE!"

So, I make him gargle with a diluted solution of it, and then I made him swallow a swig of PEPTO, and he said;

"what will that do?"

and I said maybe, just maybe it will kill the poop bacteria before it festers and multiplies in his gut and turns into some fun episode of hurling.

Because really people?  I have no experience, personally, with licking poop.

So let this be a lesson to you:

29 comments:

  1. Oh the horror! Ha ha ha ha ha! This made me giggle. A lot.

    For the record, I have also never licked poop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, Leauxra, luckily it isn't a HUGE danger for all of us.

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  2. OMG, THE HORROR!!!! And for some reason this is making me laugh my ass off. Please tell your husband I am sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. as well it should Lizbeth. As well it should.

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  3. because apparently we trust our spouses COMPLETELY


    OmG this had me laughing to tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is exactly what would happen at our house....I have no clue WHY my husband think I know everything when it involves some sort of nurse/infectious disease consultant.

    And for the record that licking , thumb cleaning thing runs in my husbands family....I have seen it a million times with my hubby....YOU made my day!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh yeah--they're always licking the thumb to clean things off! But you are too funny, because yes--why DO our husbands trust us without question?!?

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  4. Hhahaaahahahahahaha!!! Wait? Hasn't he been a parent for a good while now? First rule: If it's brown, don't touch it to your tongue! (And at least you didn't use bleach, right?) Good one!

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    Replies
    1. I actually considered bleach, Leanne, and then felt immense sadness knowing I couldn't use my one, golden savior of a product in this instance.

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  5. I feel his pain. Once, when I was still working on an ambulance, I got poked in the eye with poop fingers. I had to go to my own ER to have it washed out, and was saddled with the monikor 'poop eye' for quite some time. Oh, the shame!

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  6. So funny! Always do the sniff test FIRST ... THEN you can use the finger and tongue method.

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    Replies
    1. yeah! And it's our youngest kid too, so she is NOT out of the poop zone of danger yet. She's close, but not close enough!

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  7. NEVER assume.
    -Student Nurse

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  8. oh dear god - i got some dog shit on mynose recently, the horror the horror.

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  9. OH MAN! OH MAN! Oh! OH! I'm weeping... WEEPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh dear GAWD... that was wonderful. Wish I read this earlier so I could have RIBBED him. HA! Actually....... I have my sympathy for the guy. I mean, seriously.. as parents, do we NOT have a hazardous job? Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes! We should all be wearing biohazard suits.

      Delete
  10. One time, when my kids were small, I thought I found a chocolate covered raisin on the floor...but nope. *hangs head in shame*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh no! Did you pour PEPTO BISMOL down your throat???

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  11. I think it may be a truth universally acknowledged that parenting will involve coming into far closer contact with poop than is desirable... Ingesting it is taking that a bit too far though! Ha, poor Man, that's a bit vile, but can only make him stronger since it didn't kill him! Have you snogged him since, Karen? xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did, come to think of it Curtise--LOL!!!! Yes, that deserved a "LOL". Yeah, far too much contact with poop. It's just no civilized.

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  12. Always the dispenser of sound advice, Karen :) I'll be sure to pass this on to my husband.
    Great post!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Megan. I tell you people these things so that you may be spared the same agony.

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  13. Oh my goodness! It is seven o'clock on Saturday morning and I just snorted coffee through my nose, thank you very much:)

    Your poor man!

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  14. Hang on, Imma write this down... don't... lick... poop. Got it!

    I caught some poop in my hand recently - holding my little fat baby newphew after his bath... all soft and cute and nudie rudie... and he totally crapped in my hand.

    Babies are disgusting.

    Sarah xxx

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  15. that's hilarious about your nephew. Too much proximity with poop.

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  16. Replies
    1. Oo! A new button! What a fun idea! Thanks very much, and welcome by the way, charming sun-symbol friend.

      Delete

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