Random Thoughts At 6:30 In The Morning
I got woken up at 6:30 this morning, by my daughter watching TV.
I couldn't believe Ella was UP at that time. Do you people KNOW how hard I've worked to get that freak of a little girl to stay in bed until SEVEN FREAKING O' CLOCK?
Yes. It was quite the topic of angst for some time in my life. Oh it sure was. I whined about that HERE. Go ahead, you can read it. I'll wait.
I think I whined about it a few more times, but whatever. So, she woke me up, and then I kind of drifted into that state of slightly awake, but slightly asleep and retarded, and suddenly remembered:
VELVET PAINTINGS OF THE 1970'S
Remember those giant landscape paintings your grandmother or your parents had hanging up in the living room? You know--rocks and trees and the stream that heads off forever to nowhere? And remember how the picture was kind of fuzzy and that was weird, because how come art was textural? So, you had to stand up on the couch, lean in and rub that tacky picture all the time? Or maybe it was a picture of some ocean in the moonlight, rolling up onto the deserted shore?
|from somebody else's wall|
And that led me to thinking about shitty art that I like to think of as DENTAL OFFICE ART.
You know: dilapidated barn on a grassy shore, by a small brook, surrounded by autumnal trees? Gadz I hate that kind of art. I hate that kind of art the same way as I hate QUAINT art.
Anyway, at 6:30 in my delerious, still-tired state, I thought it was a GENIUS idea to do a WHOLE POST about bad art--ESPECIALLY 1970's cheese landscape pictures. But wtf? How much more can I say about it? Whole post! Pppft! Get some more sleep, karen.
Getting Up In The Fall And Winter SUCKS SO HARD
Because, why is it so dark? Does it NEED to be SO DARK? It just makes me angry.
Which leads me to random thoughts from, oh, five minutes ago...
Health Makes Me Cranky
The only other person I know right now, who is working out like an idiot (like me), is my friend Sherilinnie from Laughing My Abs Off. So, I like to whine to her all the time about how choosing healthiness actually really blowz.
Like, yesterday, when I did that most repulsive Jillian Michaels video "No More Trouble Zones",
|made me almost cry.|
and then spent the REST OF THE DAY feeling slightly hungry, even though I had lunch, a snack and dinner. Then I was sitting there watching TV at 10:00 in the evening, feeling TOTALLY FOUL. Why? Because! Remember the GOOD OLD DAYS, when we were 20, and we went out and got a big f*cking plate of french fries that were absolutely SOGGY with gravy? And we ate that thing, and then we WENT TO BED? Or we went to McDonk's at 11 PM? Or, we went to the all night drive through at frigging Taco Bell, and got some nasty burrito??? But instead, here I am at home, all total bullshit, eating nothing in the evening, so I can lower my insulin thereby maximizing my growth hormone production. AND ALL I WANT IS A FREAKING JAR OF NUTELLA!!! But all I really want is to JUST get my waist circumference out of the heart attack danger zone. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FREAKING ASK?!?
I HAVE A MONSTROUS FEAR OF DEATH, PEOPLE.
AND, FURTHERMORE, who the hell wants to work out 6 days a week? I'm the only idiot dripping sweat on a cheap, shitty, Wal-of-evil yoga mat in this house. Not the kids. Not The Man. JUST ME. I'll tell you what--if I don't make it to 106 years of age, I will be PISSED. OFF.
I Had A Dream The Other Night
Recently I had a dream that Jack White became my newest blog follower.
|I lurv your blog, karen|
ERMAHGERD, JACK WHITE!!!
because I figured EVERYONE knew about Ermahgerd. You should note that this was just a dream, and would NEVER happen.
Which Mantel Do I Display This Hunk Of Shit On?
Okay, so recently we got a letter in the boy's backpack and the girl's backpack, saying that some local artists were coming to each of their classes and ooo zippee doo, it's SO EXCITING, and bottom line, it was going to cost five bucks per kid for them to enjoy this enriching little visit.
So, the artists came to Jack's class, and after school I was all "HOW WAS IT?!?" and Jack was all "I dunno." And I was all "well, what kind of art did you do?!?" and Jack was all "I forget."
And that is typical, people--that kind of would-be discussion about school.
First Jack came home with some piece of construction paper shoved into his bag with a few ripped out squares of coloured paper carelessly glued on. Here, let me art it for you:
Oh yeah, and there was even a dirty footprint on it, where he had obviously stepped on it. I thought this pretty much bit.
Anyhoo, I knew that Jack's class also had gotten the chance to work with clay, so I was hoping for some slightly crappy but endearing PINCH POT to love forever.
|see? Like that. Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.|
And lo and behold, there was finally a lump wrapped in brown generic school paper towels one day at the bottom of Jack's backpack. I was excited!
I hurriedly unwrapped it and discovered THIS:
|Here, let me take the "lid" off for you.|
Me: "What is it, Jack?"
Jack (totally NOT interested): "I don't know."
I don't know, indeed.
This is the part where I'm bad. I think that I'm basically violating some snuggy rule from The Mom's Lovey Heart Handbook Of Parenting here, because I can NOT embrace that lump of garbage. And I want you to say it like I'M saying it: not garbage pronounced "garBEDGE," but rather GARBAGE, pronounced
No, I'm serious. That's what it is. I mean, wtf? Is that supposed to be a box? A box that you can't put ANYTHING inside??? Have you ever seen anything so suckless?
I have to admit something to you, my friends: I came THIS close to immediately tossing it into the trash can. Don't even THINK of asking me if I'm going to lovingly display it on my dresser for a while before hiding it away in some drawer. No. I'm going to wait a couple of weeks until he totally forgets about it and then it's out of here. I know. You think I'm being a total dick. Okay, that's fine. Just know that I have two bins FILLED with every drawing Jack has ever made.
WORTH EVERY PENNY OF THAT FIVE BUCKS, LET ME TELL YA.
Can't wait to see what Ella will bring home.
What's been happening with you guys?