Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Random Wednesday Thoughts

Random Thoughts At 6:30 In The Morning

I got woken up at 6:30 this morning, by my daughter watching TV.

I couldn't believe Ella was UP at that time.  Do you people KNOW how hard I've worked to get that freak of a little girl to stay in bed until SEVEN FREAKING O' CLOCK?

Yes.  It was quite the topic of angst for some time in my life. Oh it sure was.  I whined about that HERE.  Go ahead, you can read it.  I'll wait.

I think I whined about it a few more times, but whatever.  So, she woke me up, and then I kind of drifted into that state of slightly awake, but slightly asleep and retarded, and suddenly remembered:


Remember those giant landscape paintings your grandmother or your parents had hanging up in the living room?  You know--rocks and trees and the stream that heads off forever to nowhere?  And remember how the picture was kind of fuzzy and that was weird, because how come art was textural?  So, you had to stand up on the couch, lean in and rub that tacky picture all the time?  Or maybe it was a picture of some ocean in the moonlight, rolling up onto the deserted shore?

from somebody else's  wall
Yeah, well that's what I was thinking of:  the ass-ugly pictures that used to hang in our good living room, and Grandma's good living room, and other assorted houses I visited in my youth.

And that led me to thinking about shitty art that I like to think of as DENTAL OFFICE ART.


You know:  dilapidated barn on a grassy shore, by a small brook, surrounded by autumnal trees?  Gadz I hate that kind of art.  I hate that kind of art the same way as I hate QUAINT art.


Anyway, at 6:30 in my delerious, still-tired state, I thought it was a GENIUS idea to do a WHOLE POST about bad art--ESPECIALLY 1970's cheese landscape pictures.  But wtf?  How much more can I say about it?  Whole post!  Pppft!  Get some more sleep, karen.

And Also...

Getting Up In The Fall And Winter SUCKS SO HARD

Because, why is it so dark?  Does it NEED to be SO DARK?  It just makes me angry.

Which leads me to random thoughts from, oh, five minutes ago...

Health Makes Me Cranky

The only other person I know right now, who is working out like an idiot (like me), is my friend Sherilinnie from Laughing My Abs Off.  So, I like to whine to her all the time about how choosing healthiness actually really blowz.

Like, yesterday, when I did that most repulsive Jillian Michaels video "No More Trouble Zones",

made me almost cry.

and then spent the REST OF THE DAY feeling slightly hungry, even though I had lunch, a snack and dinner.  Then I was sitting there watching TV at 10:00 in the evening, feeling TOTALLY FOUL.  Why?  Because!  Remember the GOOD OLD DAYS, when we were 20, and we went out and got a big f*cking plate of french fries that were absolutely SOGGY with gravy?  And we ate that thing, and then we WENT TO BED?  Or we went to McDonk's at 11 PM?  Or, we went to the all night drive through at frigging Taco Bell, and got some nasty burrito???  But instead, here I am at home, all total bullshit, eating nothing in the evening, so I can lower my insulin thereby maximizing my growth hormone production.  AND ALL I WANT IS A FREAKING JAR OF NUTELLA!!!  But all I really want is to JUST get my waist circumference out of the heart attack danger zone.  IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FREAKING ASK?!?


AND, FURTHERMORE, who the hell wants to work out 6 days a week?  I'm the only idiot dripping sweat on a cheap, shitty, Wal-of-evil yoga mat in this house.  Not the kids.  Not The Man.  JUST ME.  I'll tell you what--if I don't make it to 106 years of age, I will be PISSED. OFF.

I Had A Dream The Other Night

Recently I had a dream that Jack White became my newest blog follower.

I lurv your blog, karen
I was so excited.  So, in the dream I sent him a message that said:


because I figured EVERYONE knew about Ermahgerd.  You should note that this was just a dream, and would NEVER happen.

and finally...

Which Mantel Do I Display This Hunk Of Shit On?

Okay, so recently we got a letter in the boy's backpack and the girl's backpack, saying that some local artists were coming to each of their classes and ooo zippee doo, it's SO EXCITING, and bottom line, it was going to cost five bucks per kid for them to enjoy this enriching little visit.

So, the artists came to Jack's class, and after school I was all "HOW WAS IT?!?" and Jack was all "I dunno."  And I was all "well, what kind of art did you do?!?" and Jack was all "I forget."

And that is typical, people--that kind of would-be discussion about school.

First Jack came home with some piece of construction paper shoved into his bag with a few ripped out squares of coloured paper carelessly glued on.  Here, let me art it for you:

Oh yeah, and there was even a dirty footprint on it, where he had obviously stepped on it.  I thought this pretty much bit.

Anyhoo, I knew that Jack's class also had gotten the chance to work with clay, so I was hoping for some slightly crappy but endearing PINCH POT to love forever.

see?  Like that.  Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.

And lo and behold, there was finally a lump wrapped in brown generic school paper towels one day at the bottom of Jack's backpack.  I was excited!

I hurriedly unwrapped it and discovered THIS:

Here, let me take the "lid" off for you.

Me:  "What is it, Jack?"

Jack (totally NOT interested):  "I don't know."

I don't know, indeed.


This is the part where I'm bad.  I think that I'm basically violating some snuggy rule from The Mom's Lovey Heart Handbook Of Parenting here, because I can NOT embrace that lump of garbage.  And I want you to say it like I'M saying it:  not garbage pronounced "garBEDGE," but rather GARBAGE, pronounced

No, I'm serious.  That's what it is.  I mean, wtf?  Is that supposed to be a box?  A box that you can't put ANYTHING inside???  Have you ever seen anything so suckless?

I have to admit something to you, my friends:  I came THIS close to immediately tossing it into the trash can.  Don't even THINK of asking me if I'm going to lovingly display it on my dresser for a while before hiding it away in some drawer.  No.  I'm going to wait a couple of weeks until he totally forgets about it and then it's out of here.  I know.  You think I'm being a total dick.  Okay, that's fine.  Just know that I have two bins FILLED with every drawing Jack has ever made.


Can't wait to see what Ella will bring home.

What's been happening with you guys?


  1. hahaha! Lily told me that she made a clay Mommy duck, daughter duck and an egg (and a box). I was so excited! And then she brought it home. Well. It's cute. But first of all, the daughter duck came with it's HEAD broken off. Lily was not pleased. But I'll be honest. Lily's box is a LITTLE nicer than Jack's. haha! (not by much)

    Great blog! Jack White!


    1. yeah, her box was a LOT nicer. But still, since it was a whole ART session, couldn't they have scraped up some PAINT for their boxes? Sheesh.

  2. HA! Light blue, medium blue, dark blue. I could have taught that for $4. You were ripped off. The clay box though - that is exquisite.

    I have a last supper painting on velvet - it's one of my prized possessions. Seriously - you think I'm joking but I'M NOT!

    I also have most excellent conversations with myself at 3, 4, 5am every day... thanks insomnia. Shame we are in different time zones or we could psychically sync our awesome crazy early morning thoughtmares.

    Sarah xxx

    1. Sarah, that diagram of the different shades of blue hit the recycling bin almost IMMEDIATELY.

      I think I've seen your picture--haven't you featured it in your blog? If you didn't have a velvet Jesus picture, Sarah, there would be something wrong with the world. I wish my parents had kept their landscape monstrosity!

  3. ew, those furry paintings were awful! thankfully we didn't have one. we had a metal train station hanging on the wall and some crochetted owls instead.
    grr for working out and not getting to eat anything like taco bell or gravy fries! those are part of my favorite food group. you know what i'm tired of? i'm tired of my muscles hurting constantly for the past 9 months. it's like i haven't had a single day of non-muscular-pain for the whole time since i started on this trek of punishing myself with health. right now it's my obliques and thigh/butt regions. oh my gosh. i keep telling myself how good i'm going to look when i'm done. but then i guess i'm going to have to keep doing it forever if i want to keep looking good.
    the one thing i keep reminding myself is that my chances of becoming diabetic are so vastly decreased due to having my weight into my medically ideal range finally. that's my consolation prize. we can live to ripe old ages together. we'll outlive our whole families.

    1. CROCHETED OWLS!!! YES! Wonderful. Very representative of the times as well.

      Yeah, you know what Sherilinnie--I read this comment ages ago, but now I suck at replying in a timely manner, and ever since you have been mentioning about having sore muscles for 9 months I have been intrigued and perplexed. Last week I said to The Man that I hadn't had sore muscles that often, and then I questioned if I was doing something wrong. So, now I am doing my various workouts with bigger weights, and I nearly destroyed myself last week! Hooray! Progress!

  4. Do you remember the velvet Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? They had ugly brown wood frames with notches cut out of them. I saw one the other day. I had not seen one since I was a kid, and they sold them...I think at Disney Land...?

    1. ooo...maybe you could get one on ebay Melissa! That's JUST your style! You could put one on one of your lovely white bureaus next to an antique jar of beautiful things. It would fit right in.

  5. oh, kids and their little creations. he has probably already forgotten about it. oh wait, I know, paint it red and make it a christmas tree ornament. family crisis averted.

    1. Yeah, he's totally forgotten about it! BOO YAH! Actually, I put it on my husband's dresser. Heh heh heh...

  6. Since you asked - I feel dishwater-normal today,but laughing first thing in the morning (I awoke slowly at 8:30, sorry, a privilege of being 70) has improved my mood. lvu

    1. Hi Jeanne, lovely lady among my favourite neglected friends! Waking up at 8:30 is CIVILIZED, dammitt.

  7. I won't judge you for throwing that box away. I would've thrown it away that moment. Call me heartless, but I'm allergic to knickknacks, especially those that fall under the "I don't know" realm!

    Also, if it makes you feel any better, I'm with you on the 6 days a week sweatshop thing. I hate feeling hungry or having a boring meal just because I know I have to, when I'd rather just go for pizza. Totally sucks.

    1. it DOES make me feel better actually! I'm glad that you're suffering through the mostly pizza-less existence with me.

  8. Hah! We had a pair of those velvet things in the living room when I was growing up... I think Grandma pawned them off... er, GAVE them to my parents when they were getting started. Best part? The weird wooden frame that stuck out 6 inches from the wall.

    Ahh. Good times.

    My mom had to secret my creations away, because I tossed it all after a week or two. Probably for the best.

    And Jillian (or as I call her, that Bitch Jillian) can suck it. With her perfect, beer-less body.

    And I would shit myself if Jack White decided to follow my blog. Because he totally blogs. Totally.

    1. Leauxra, I'm so glad you mentioned the frame, because I just couldn't seem to convey that not only were the pictures rather hideous, the frame made them so over-the-top garish!

      Beer-less body! Wonderful. That made my day.

  9. I want you to know this post had me laughing my butt off! You crack me up, Karen.

    Love the Jack White dream. Incidentally, I had a dream Woody Harrelson convinced me to commit a crime, and then ditched me when we got caught.

    And this is why I don't analyze my dreams.

    1. Lousy Woody. What a creep. Funny when celebrities pop into dreams, because, WHY???


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