So, I went for my mammogram, right? Of course I was hoping for the "all clear, everything looks good, come back in a year" message. But with my luck? That is almost never going to happen.
I had to go back for ANOTHER mammogram. I was confused and thought they needed better pictures of my cyst.
Of course, I was nervous. Who wouldn't be?
And there I was, back in that dreaded waiting room again, in a hospital gown, with the "fancy" plastic purse to hold my clothes.
The technician was trying to be very helpful. She asked if I was aware of why I was back again. "Because they want to get better images of my cyst?" I asked.
"No." She said. They were looking at a DIFFERENT area.
I felt the blood drain out of me.
And then things got creepier when she got out the permanent marker and started drawing on my hoot.
After another squeeze-a-thon, I got to walk down the hall for an ultrasound. Standard procedure.
On the way home in the car, I lost it. Sure, I can be melodramatic. That's a given.
And it's funny too, because the day before the appointment I felt good. I kicked ASS during my workout session, and suddenly the words of Good Saint Jillian came to me from "Ripped In Thirty" level 4:
"I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU! AND WHEN I'M DONE YOU ARE GOING TO BE UNBREAKABLE!!!"
Then, the DAY AFTER going for the new mammo and ultrasound, it was my husband's 40th birthday. I was in the kitchen with my girlie getting all set up to make the birthday cake. The phone rang.
It was the Dr's office. My doctor. They wanted me to come in THAT MORNING. I got off the phone, walked over to the couch and put my head between my knees, lest I barf.
And then I did what any good, grown woman does: I FREAKED. I brought my sister to the dr's with me. My dad drove us there.
She told me I have a "suspicious" spot. She told me that it's REALLY GOOD I came in to get that cyst checked out so they could find this and investigate. She told me it's very common to get called back. She told me that the lump is so small I'd never have been able to find it myself, so in the event that it's anything "bad," it will be "highly treatable."
But I cried! I cried because when my Mom went into the hospital finally, they told her she had stage 4 lung cancer, and even though this is nothing like that scenario, I was so frightened they'd say something scary like that.
So, tomorrow I go for a biopsy, and then I have to go through more agonizing waiting to find out.
There are actually a lot of comforting stories online about other ladies going through the exact thing I'm going through, and these little lumps all turned out to be nothing for them.
Hey, if there are any of you ladies out there who have been through this, and you've usually been too shy to comment, can you speak up please? I could use some good stories right about now! I've been having a rollercoaster weekend: one minute INVINCIBLE, and the next minute sobbing. Apparently this is my new face: with major bags under the eyes.