It would be a Saturday night. I'd be comfy cozy on the couch. For some reason, there's this one angelic TV station that has been having Saturday night Sex & The City marathons for months and months and months. And you know, no matter how many times I've seen those episodes, I never, ever get sick of them.
|I will never, ever get sick of you. I don't care what|
ANYONE says! SNIFF!
Except for that season when Carrie dated Berger. Blech. I hated Berger.
|hey! I was so whiny and douchy and unappealing on the|
show that S&TC fans can't stand me in ANYTHING
now! Now THAT'S good acting!
Yeah. Any season except the one with Berger in it. But then, I also hate when Carrie dated the politician who wanted her to pee on him...
Wait.. what was I talking about?
Oh yeah...the former life of a juicier, less concerned karen.
It would be Saturday night, I'd be all cozy on the couch with a giant bag of Doritos on my lap, and a rye and coke at my right, ice melting gently into the delicious, fizzy goodness. That's right: cramming orangey red corn triangles down my yap and washing it down with DELICIOUS POISON.
But no. Not anymore.
Last March I got into torturous, de-humanizing circuit training exercise dvd's. And then, on a whim, I signed this book out from the library:
AND IT WAS F*CKING HORRIFYING.
And I ranted the hell out of what I learned in THIS POST. Cuz I was FURIOUS.
*For the record, you should be furious too, because even though you're probably trying to be healthy with what you buy from the grocery store, chances are you are being SABOTAGED, and we're all bombarded by all the shit they put--not just in our food--in our bath washes, and that stuff they put on couches and rugs to make it stain-resistant and the awful plastics that are used for EVERYTHING AND
Okay, nevermind. You guys didn't get furious the first time, so I'll just keep my fury to myself and hope that at least a few people empower themselves from the evil powers that be, and try to rid themselves of as many toxins as possible.
Oh yeah! Doritos! Well, the thing is, I found out that Doritos has SIX DIFFERENT GLUTAMATES in it. Sure, you've heard of Monosodium Glutamate, or MSG, right? Ooo...bad...avoid MSG! Yeah, and just imagine: those chips that I loved so much I composed a frigging SONG about them? They have SIX of those bastards.
And glutamates are BAD! If you consume enough of them, they actually damage your brain.
Dig this shit:
The third most used flavor enhancer in North American food, after salt and pepper, is a drug. Glutamic acid, most commonly found in the form monosodium glutamate (MSG) is classified as a food additive by both the Health Canada and the US Food and Drug Administration. It is actually drug-like in its effects, despite attempts by both government and industry to convince us otherwise.
Everyone is susceptible to the toxic effects of glutamates. Glutamate is the most common neurotransmitter in the brain; that is, it is responsible for transporting chemical signals from neuron to neuron. To do this job, glutamate is rapidly released in minute quantities and then rapidly re-absorbed. If there is a high level of glutamates in the bloodstream, glutamate can enter the brain and cause the neurons to misfire, causing physical and psychological problems, and in extreme cases, permanent damage.
(from All Glutamates Are Not Created Equal )
And I know what you're thinking: karen's such a DOWNER now. She's all nutrition this and nutrition that and I just want to eat my greasy fries and not have her harping on me like someone's hellish mother
DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING TO HARP! That shit's f*cked up! And now that I know all about it, I can't eat it any longer!!! I haven't had Doritos in MONTHS!
And as for that delicious rye and coke? I love whisky! I want to marry it! Come on! You've seen the ridiculous whisky love festival, right?!?
|JUST CLICK HERE|
Yeah. I lurved whisky. I still LURV IT. It hates me though. I didn't read anything scary about whisky. I mean, booze in general is bad, and if you're a lady and you have more than two measly drinks per day, you raise your risk of getting breast cancer ridiculously, but har har, whatever.
My problem was waking up with a racing heart. Yes, and when you're up at 3 in the morning, and you're fervently praying not to die, and you're NOT EVEN RELIGIOUS FOR CRAP'S SAKE, then there is something very wrong, my friends.
So, do you know what I eat now on Saturday nights? Or most nights for that matter, unless demon PMS wraps her cold, dead hands around my neck, starts to squeeze and hisses EAT SOMETHING OR I WILL KILL YOU...
Do you know what I eat now?
Nothing. A big, shitty plate of nothing.
Because I read that if I eat before bed, my body is sooo busy pumping out insulin to mop that shit up that I can't produce enough growth hormone while I'm sleeping to look healthy. Is this even true? PROBABLY, but the point is
I'm like THIS NOW
|PLUG ME BACK IN! |
PLUG ME BACK INNNNNNNN!!!!!
I'm in ZION wearing RAGS and eating HEALTHY GRUEL and drinking bullshit cocktails with real juice instead of pop
AND MY GOD...I CAN'T EVEN HAVE COFFEE MATE ANY LONGER! IT HAS TRANS FATS AND A WHOLE SLEW OF HORRIBLE INGREDIENTS! AND I LOVE COFFEE MATE! IT MAKES COFFEE CREAMY IN A WAY THAT FRIGGING CREAM NEVER CAN
AND IT SUCKS! SOMETIMES IT SUCKS. SO. HARD.
I do feel pretty damn good though.
But damn, it sucks so hard.