Sometimes life kicks you right in the poodle.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Weekend After I Found Out I Wasn't Going To Croak

Yeah, yeah.  You people think I'm soooooo virtuous.  You think that all I do is walk around like a militant anti-junkfood despot.  You think it's all salads and antioxidants here.

Well, I have news for you:  I'm not a total robot!  Yeah, I avoid as much processed food as possible, and yes I am militant about fructose and I never ever have artificial sweeteners, and I exercise 6 days a week and blah blah.

But...last Friday after a month of stress, I found out my hooter didn't have a tumor in it....and....and well....

I drew it for you.



So...right after I found out that the little bumple they biopsied in my hooter was benign, I was soooooooo happy and relieved.  So was The Man.  He decided we should immediately celebrate.






I NEVER get coffee and a donut.  I mean, I make coffee at home, but...well, whatever.


Then he thought we should REALLY celebrate!  HOORAY FOR TAKEOUT FOOD!







Saturday.  The Man bought these chocolate croissant thingies. I never get too horny for store-bought goodies, but whatever.  I'd give it a try with my morning coffee.






Ermahgerd.




Crack.  It was chocolate pastry crack.


Later I was checking the pathetic, run-down state of our near-empty liquor cabinet.  Mon dieu! What's a liquor cabinet if you don't even have the ingredients to make a CRUSTY WIFE! (you can find the recipe HERE)

So, I told The Man that he was simply going to have to fork out some big bucks to re-stock that cabinet.




And then, when he got back from the liquor store, it was like freaking CHRISTMAS






Then my dad came over for late afternoon cocktails.  Do you people know how long it's been since I've had a RYE AND COKE?!?  DO YOU KNOW????  NO! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW?!?  YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!






WHISKY AND COKE GOOOD....SOO, SOOOOO GOOOOOOD...






Perhaps a little too good...


Well, if you've been spending time socializing and enjoying cocktails, you certainly don't have time to make dinner.  Luckily The Man is RESOURCEFUL!







Yeah!  HELL YEAH! WHY NOT?  I'M ALIVE!




By Sunday I didn't feel good anymore.  At all.









31 comments:

  1. Yay for celebratory weekend! (Well, except for antacid Sunday)

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    Replies
    1. antacid Sunday is RIGHT, Vesta! I was SUFFERING by Sunday.

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  2. I am so glad you took a moment to celebrate!

    As usual, your graphics are ah-mazing! You talented woman, you!

    Happy salad-consumption!

    Nitty Gritty Momma

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    Replies
    1. a moment...three days...meh, whatever. Thanks Kelly!

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  3. ah, that mixed bag of love and hate all intertwined with our food consumption.
    i'm glad you had a good weekend. sorry monday was less lovely. go spend some quality time with jillian to do penance.

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    1. well Sherilin, luckily I still did my heinous workouts every day except Friday, because RELIEF is is exhausting too.

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  4. Awww.

    It turns out that my tolerance for junk food has plummeted as well.

    So. Depressing. I can no longer enjoy my debauchery. :-/

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    Replies
    1. It IS depressing, Leauxra! I'm already nervous for Christmas dinner.

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  5. you had me at food......... even that salad looks good.

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  6. I hope you will have a gentle December.

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  7. I lerrvve your cartoons, Karen!
    You know, extreme circumstances called for extreme celebrations, so a little take away food and whiskey indulgence was completely in order. Now as life gets back to normal (or at least normal-ish) your eating will get back into its usual groove and hopefully you won't burp and fart so much. Well, only on purpose to annoy your loved ones! xxxxx

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    Replies
    1. thank you Curtise! Yes, I'm back in the groove, thank god. No more intestinal distress.

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  8. Your pictures get me going. I shouldn't but it was slow at work so I went visiting my blog friends, started laughing when I saw yours and tried to explain but they don't get it all. I can understand the celebration!

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    1. ah, temptation at work. Thanks Alaina, I'm glad you appreciate my crappy drawings :)

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  9. Now, THAT's a celebration! Hope you enjoyed it and that the not-feel-good Sunday stayed at Sunday and you're all better now!

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    Replies
    1. I am all better now, Tanner. Back to the strict regimen and all that boringness.

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  10. Awesome celebration....and I love your cartoons...nothing bur awesomeness :) :)

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  11. I did the same thing recently too...tore into the Halloween candy (which I had completely ignored previously) and then kept right on eating other crap and I had indigestion and acid reflux and the farts never ended and I appreciated my healthy diet so much more!

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    1. YES, EXACTLY! You have summed it up completely, Beth. It's so fun at the time, but we pay for it afterward.

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  12. You got 155 " farts" following you?
    Why?
    They into Aces and Red Solace?
    Because so is " Rene" - " Remy"?
    They with Crow and MQT?
    How about Gore?
    And Rove?
    You know what happens next?
    " C.R.A.P.R.O.L.L.Z. # 7".
    Just ask Nyannyan.
    Or Cocuk.

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  13. This is hilarious. Love the drawings. And the intrusion of the little 'real' bottles.

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    Replies
    1. thank you Picturetalk! I have so much fun avoiding housework through drawing.

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  14. Here you go honey, A Bloat Be Gone workout!
    http://youtu.be/Dq07w8JQpvY
    It will all be OK

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    Replies
    1. Don't ever forget your awesomness! I did the first mammogram thing a few weeks ago and survived because you already told me how it was. Now yesterday I got a callback and they wanted to see me today for an ultrasound. But with a moderate amount of alcohol and knowing that you're fine, I haven't freaked out yet.

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    2. Poor YOU, Lisa! I'm sorry that you're going through this now too. It is very stressful. However, tons of women get called back. Tons and tons and tons. And tons get biopsied too. I found it very comforting when I googled about being called back after the first mammogram. There are a lot of message boards with stories just like ours and they ALL turned out to be nothing. You will hate the phone for the next few weeks, but just remember that I lived through all that b.s.

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    3. It's all good. It took way longer than expected and I had a parade of techs but it's fine. And they were nice enough to find even more cysts. I did learn that the question "did you bring anyone with you today" can cause great anxiety.

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