I don't talk about PMS too much anymore, do I?
I don't think I do at least. Remember when y'all were so sick of hearing about my period, and the PMS that preceded it, and all my problems with the lady paraphernalia we have to choose from during my Lady Tsunami?
Ah...the good old days.
Well, I used to suffer so much from PMS. In fact, I suffered so much that I learned from my bloggy buddies that it was more than your garden-variety, run-of-the-mill PMS. It was actually PREMENSTRUAL DYSPHORIC DISORDER! Hooray for disorders! Actually, boo.
On the side bar of my blog, there are always links to my posts about trying to conquer the PMS monster. I found a good, over-the-counter herbal supplement at my local health-food store, and that thing changed my life. Instead of having two solid weeks of either wanting to die, wanting to kill someone with strangling hands, or wanting to eat chocolate with cheese melted on top, I had just a few days peppered here and there throughout the two weeks leading up to my period.
But, I have to let you guys in on a little secret: I haven't taken that supplement in MONTHS. Why? I'm an idiot? Maybe. But in this case, no. I found something that works as well as the supplement. You're not going to like it. I don't like it. But, I'll tell you anyway:
(and slightly disheartening, but very healthy changes in diet)
Frigging exercise. Yes, I find exercise fairly unpleasant, but I am going to unapologetically tell you that exercise has improved my life dramatically. I actually have a libido now. A freaking libido. I haven't seen that guy since I was in my 20's.
Ew. You don't need to know this.
Also, I have all-day energy. All day. Well, with the exception of that black-hole time of day between 4 and 5 PM when I have to swirl some crap together in a pan and transform it into dinner, when all I want to do is have a NAP.
I found that diet and exercise manage my PMDD as well as the supplement.
there are still those tricky two weeks leading up to my period. I'm not so filled with rage for fourteen days anymore. I still get three days of pure, she-hulk anger though. I hate that.
And then, there's my favourite: the apathy. I don't give a crap about anything for two weeks. I want to be left mostly alone for two weeks. I don't even sign in to my blog for two weeks. I don't want to write anything. When my sister says; "when the hell are you going to do another blog post?!?" I say "pppfft...someday when I FEEL like it again." I don't want to email anyone. I can't even reply to the email you might have sent me. Libido dries up COMPLETELY. I just want to be left in my peaceful, vegetative state.
This month has been a bad one. Do you know what it's like to have PMS while living in a house with a high-functioning/probably has Aspergers son? It's HORRENDOUS. The kid has PMS RADAR. He can tell the second I am less than my usual, crusty but lovable self. He needs me to be his emotional weighted blanket. All. The. Time. You'll have to google "weighted blanket" yerself.
And when I'm not the emotional ROCK that my son needs, he is relentless. He badgers me. He taunts me. He is sarcastic. He mocks me. He pushes me until I snap. This month was really bad, because I had four days of the worst PMS I've had in a long, long time, with debilitating anger and frustration. By Monday night, my little guy had broken me, and I was sobbing against The Man's chest. And then, The Man was doing the dishes, and sending me off to Zellers. I went too, with my red-cry face and bags under my eyes. Hard days.
I have noticed that around the same time every month, I get a message from my lovely friend Sherilin, basically asking where I've "disappeared" to. Warms the cockles of my heart.
And then there's my new bloggy friend Kelly. Seriously--why aren't you reading Kelly? I love her writing, and her raw honesty. But I'll be talking about Kelly more in my next post. Anyhoo, in one of Kelly's posts, she mentions how losing weight is a struggle [for her personally] because thanks to her hormones and such, she only loses weight for two weeks out of the month. Well, my jaw dropped. A lightbulb went on. It was a freaking EPIPHANY.
When I hear about people losing weight, it seems to me that they tend to lose it much faster than I do. I would puzzle over this, knowing that I bust my ass every day with exercise, and am so well-behaved with my eating, that it's ridiculous. But, then it's two weeks before RED BUDDY, and suddenly I order The Man: GO OUT AND GET CHOCOLATE." I have to have some junk food. I become the crack-whore of junk food. I can't get it off my mind. I must have it. And even though I still exercise every day, I can feel the wheels of progress grind to a hault.
Oh, but please don't think I'm trying to say that Kelly has PMDD too. I'm saying that some of us just have EXTRA good fun with our bodies.
Great story karen. What's the point? HORMONES. No matter what I do, I have reconciled myself to the fact that this is who I am. I suffer from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and this is just my life. I will never take prescription medicine to deal with it, so this is pretty much just who I am. It's comforting, in an ironic way, to know this, because it's so damn difficult to understand our SELVES.
So, to all you other girls out there who are MISSING IN ACTION fifty percent of your life, just know that I'm right there with you.
...but email me about it AFTER my period. Thanks.