Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

What If I Have Always BEEN Boring?

Blank screen....blank screen....ohbum bleebum bloggum blooogin.

Seriously...what the hell do they say at the beginning of that Def Leppard "Rock Of Ages" Song?

Okay. Now I'm distracted. I have to look up the lyrics:

"Gunter glieben glauchen globen."

This actually pisses me off a bit.  Now I have to pop it into Google Translate:

(German ~ detected) "Gunter glieben glauchen globes."


Now I must google "what does Gunter glieben glauchen globen" mean?


I hate you, Def Leppard.  I truly hate you right now.

Of course, any of you who are too young to have ever walked around with 10 batteries in your "ghettoblaster," being all 12 years old and cool as shit, blasting out Rock Of Ages to your quiet, conservative neighbourhood...well, you won't get it.  You just won't get it.

What the fuck was I talking about?  Oh yes, I haven't been here for a long time.

And you know what?  Five of you actually give a shit, and that's good enough for me, so I'm back!  And I think I forgot how to write.

So, what have I been up to?  Well, the usual:  having inane arguments with my mildly Autistic son, watching Adventure Time with my girlie,

Adventure Time is THE SHIT!!!

trying hard to exercise 6 days a week,

I'm particularly pleased with my arm
and shoulder definition
trying hard to eat healthy food, instead of melting gourmet cheese on everything.  Seriously--why even live if you can't have a platter lined up with some Applewood smoked cheddar, some Red Leicester, and some goat cheese with a whisper of red pepper jelly on it?  Why even live.

Oh yeah! I've also been trying to grow out my hair for three years.  This is big news.  But I have to wonder:  is there something truly wrong with me?!?  It has taken 3 years to grow almost 3 inches of freaking hair.  I saw this friend in person one time, and then a YEAR LATER she posted an updated pic on Facebook, and her hair went from chin length to draping like gorgeous satin sheets over her shoulders.  WTF, hair?  I'm 41 now!  I need to grow it so's peeps think I'm 38.

And guess what, guys?!?  If any of you know me, you know I've had my thyroid poked, many, many times, because it gots a big, ugly, stupid, idiot nodule on it.  Well, I just had it stabbed again at the beginning of October.  Then I waited til November for the results.  Trust me--I was happy about waiting that long.  I had NOOOOO problem with it.  My results were AWESOME!  My thyroid is completely clear, and there is no trace whatsoever of it being cancerous.

My specialist said he was going to forward a letter to my family doc saying that I don't need to get it biopsied or ULTRASOUNDED (that's not a word. I do what I want) and the only thing I need to look out for is if I HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING, OR HAVE TROUBLE SWALLOWING!  HUZZAH!  BOO YAH!  SUCK IT, UGLY THYROID!

Now, now, gentle hearts, don't get all caught up on the breathing/swallowing thang. Sometimes when I'm chowing down on some McDonk's fries, they get all packed up in my throat, and I'm FINE.  It could be the giant nodule in there, or it could just be that McDonk's truly does put out a shitty product.  Meh--bigger fish to fry, my friends.

So that's super duper good.  What else...let's see...

Oops, I almost forgot.  My dad has ALS.


say WHAT?!?

Yes, that's right.  My mom died in 2010 from lung cancer, and hand-wringing time has returned once again.  Now, how the hell do you head-crop your way out of that one?!?

Why, yes! It IS a terrible disease!
(seriously though--have my head-cropping skills not become totally amazing?!?)

Well, looks like I did manage to do a head-crop joke for that.  Truly I am made of evil.

Bah.  It's how we cope at our house: not with hugs...NEVER WITH HUGS, with inappropriate humour!

So, things pretty much blow lately, but it's weird, because if things have blown in your life so often, you still turn around and get the laundry done.  Very, very strange.

Oh, but the blogging thing.  I have forgotten that I like writing.  Writing is my thing.  I have gotten caught up in the hum drum and the routine.  I think I got really, really frustrated with my blog when I tried to monetize it and BLOGGER basically rejected my ass. And let me tell you:  I filled out  a FREAKING REAM of information, only to be rejected in the end.  So, I did the mature thing, and promptly kinda gave up.


that's RIGHT, Charlie. You tell em' buddy.

So, I am going to try to kick my ass to do a lot of things:  a) pushups, which are so gross they actually make me really, really angry.

b) write, because it's the only thing I've been good at for longer than a couple of months.

But then I had to wonder:  what if I'm boring?  What if I've ALWAYS been boring, but I quickly run in and blow some gold and sparkly powder in your guyses' eyes, and shout something witty then quickly run away, and noooobody realises that I never did actually have anything valid to say?

Oh well, that's your problem dudes.

Sorry :)


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