Sometimes life kicks you right in the poodle.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

What If I Have Always BEEN Boring?

Blank screen....blank screen....ohbum bleebum bloggum blooogin.

Seriously...what the hell do they say at the beginning of that Def Leppard "Rock Of Ages" Song?

Okay. Now I'm distracted. I have to look up the lyrics:

"Gunter glieben glauchen globen."

This actually pisses me off a bit.  Now I have to pop it into Google Translate:

(German ~ detected) "Gunter glieben glauchen globes."


BALLS!  

Now I must google "what does Gunter glieben glauchen globen" mean?


GIBBERISH?!?

I hate you, Def Leppard.  I truly hate you right now.


Of course, any of you who are too young to have ever walked around with 10 batteries in your "ghettoblaster," being all 12 years old and cool as shit, blasting out Rock Of Ages to your quiet, conservative neighbourhood...well, you won't get it.  You just won't get it.


What the fuck was I talking about?  Oh yes, I haven't been here for a long time.

And you know what?  Five of you actually give a shit, and that's good enough for me, so I'm back!  And I think I forgot how to write.

So, what have I been up to?  Well, the usual:  having inane arguments with my mildly Autistic son, watching Adventure Time with my girlie,


Adventure Time is THE SHIT!!!

trying hard to exercise 6 days a week,

I'm particularly pleased with my arm
and shoulder definition
trying hard to eat healthy food, instead of melting gourmet cheese on everything.  Seriously--why even live if you can't have a platter lined up with some Applewood smoked cheddar, some Red Leicester, and some goat cheese with a whisper of red pepper jelly on it?  Why even live.

Oh yeah! I've also been trying to grow out my hair for three years.  This is big news.  But I have to wonder:  is there something truly wrong with me?!?  It has taken 3 years to grow almost 3 inches of freaking hair.  I saw this friend in person one time, and then a YEAR LATER she posted an updated pic on Facebook, and her hair went from chin length to draping like gorgeous satin sheets over her shoulders.  WTF, hair?  I'm 41 now!  I need to grow it so's peeps think I'm 38.

And guess what, guys?!?  If any of you know me, you know I've had my thyroid poked, many, many times, because it gots a big, ugly, stupid, idiot nodule on it.  Well, I just had it stabbed again at the beginning of October.  Then I waited til November for the results.  Trust me--I was happy about waiting that long.  I had NOOOOO problem with it.  My results were AWESOME!  My thyroid is completely clear, and there is no trace whatsoever of it being cancerous.

My specialist said he was going to forward a letter to my family doc saying that I don't need to get it biopsied or ULTRASOUNDED (that's not a word. I do what I want) and the only thing I need to look out for is if I HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING, OR HAVE TROUBLE SWALLOWING!  HUZZAH!  BOO YAH!  SUCK IT, UGLY THYROID!

Now, now, gentle hearts, don't get all caught up on the breathing/swallowing thang. Sometimes when I'm chowing down on some McDonk's fries, they get all packed up in my throat, and I'm FINE.  It could be the giant nodule in there, or it could just be that McDonk's truly does put out a shitty product.  Meh--bigger fish to fry, my friends.

So that's super duper good.  What else...let's see...

Oops, I almost forgot.  My dad has ALS.

SCRREEECH.....


say WHAT?!?

Yes, that's right.  My mom died in 2010 from lung cancer, and hand-wringing time has returned once again.  Now, how the hell do you head-crop your way out of that one?!?



Why, yes! It IS a terrible disease!
(seriously though--have my head-cropping skills not become totally amazing?!?)

Well, looks like I did manage to do a head-crop joke for that.  Truly I am made of evil.

Bah.  It's how we cope at our house: not with hugs...NEVER WITH HUGS GODDAMMITT...no, with inappropriate humour!

So, things pretty much blow lately, but it's weird, because if things have blown in your life so often, you still turn around and get the laundry done.  Very, very strange.

Oh, but the blogging thing.  I have forgotten that I like writing.  Writing is my thing.  I have gotten caught up in the hum drum and the routine.  I think I got really, really frustrated with my blog when I tried to monetize it and BLOGGER basically rejected my ass. And let me tell you:  I filled out  a FREAKING REAM of information, only to be rejected in the end.  So, I did the mature thing, and promptly kinda gave up.

WINNING.

that's RIGHT, Charlie. You tell em' buddy.

So, I am going to try to kick my ass to do a lot of things:  a) pushups, which are so gross they actually make me really, really angry.

b) write, because it's the only thing I've been good at for longer than a couple of months.

But then I had to wonder:  what if I'm boring?  What if I've ALWAYS been boring, but I quickly run in and blow some gold and sparkly powder in your guyses' eyes, and shout something witty then quickly run away, and noooobody realises that I never did actually have anything valid to say?

Oh well, that's your problem dudes.

Sorry :)


22 comments:

  1. Hello, Karen. I've been wondering about you, and here you are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, kind of here anyway, eh Jeanne? How are you? :)

      Delete
  2. YEAH! Our seatbelts are fastened and we are READY for you Karen! BRING IT ON!
    Really good to see and hear you again. I wish my family had developed 'your way' of dealing with things that life throws at you!
    We are good here and bracing for the joyous winter months ahead!! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life offers up heaping helpings of shit at times Jim, and there's nothing to do but make shit... OH screw it. There's no happy little saying for that.

      Delete
  3. Back with a bang, Karen - with a bloody great big bang!
    So it's great to hear from you. And it's great that you've become a body builder with a perm. And that your thyroid is behaving itself, and doesn't require the stabby stabby thing anymore. But oh dear, it's such sad news about your Dad. I'm sorry. I'm not hugging you. I'll tell a joke, in a minute, when I can think of one...
    Nope, can't do it.
    But I am curious about the monetising. How do people do that, then? Were you going to sell your soul for sponsorship?
    Anyhow, I'm very glad you decided to return to the not-making-a-brass-farthing-out-of-it blogging fold, I've missed you.
    And show us your hair, please! (Shallow, moi?) xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Curtise, I WAS going to sell my soul for sponsorship. You saying it that ways sounds lurid and kind of sexy. I was all for it. Ah well, it's just as well. I hate adverts. I have not forgotten your request to see my hair now. Mayhap I will put a photie of it on this blog.

      Delete
  4. Yep, I definitely missed you. The monetizing thing, yeah well, I guess I do not blog enough to actually make anything because I only scored $1.95 in the first month. I am not giving up the day job. Sorry about your dad. I'm not a hugging person either. After my mom ran away from home, my dad bought her a big Lincoln, me, my brother and my sister said it was so she had a bigger place to live next time. Yep, one of those bad humor people. You do what you have to do to survive life and all it throws at you. Glad you are back. Alaina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Alaina, I appreciated this anecdote you've just shared, and I appreciate anyone who appreciates some good, dark humour. Hope you are well.

      Delete
  5. YAY! You are back! Thank you for giving me a distraction at work again! Loved the pic of your new bod btw. I choked on my coffee! :) Please don't make me wait another six months ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just had to count on my fingers Steph, and I realised this time it was only THREE months. Improvement!

      Delete
  6. Your back, I can always count on biting into a bit of crust. And then spew it all over the screen laughing. I will sit with wipes in anticipation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Melissa, you warm the cockles of my crusty heart :)

      Delete
  7. Inappropriate humour. I totally understand... :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Glad you are back! Just in time, because so am I! :) Sorry about your dad... :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. Six.
    Burger King has bigger fish it fries. But their kitchen hygiene is questionable.
    Sorry to hear about your dad. But I'm glad about your nodule being a Friendly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Friendly, but still ugly. Maybe I'll get that on a bumper sticker. BTW, I read your comment finally for my cartoony blog, and thank you, you are very kind. I miss making cruddy drawings and hope I will find more time to get back to it.

      Delete
  10. Hello. (I'm here actually giving a shit.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good thing I finally gave a shit and checked the comments that were awaiting moderation, as it were. Thanks dbs, it's nice to see you.

      Delete
  11. Yep, like the rest of your peeps, I've missed reading your blog. So happy to hear that your health is good but so sorry to hear about your dad. ALS is a bitch, my cousin passed away from it. Dark humour is a totally appropriate way of dealing with it. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it. Also, I'm so sorry about your cousin.

      Delete
  12. I'm pretty sure I commented but it's not here. Since I remember incorrectly, I am sure it was brilliant and I won't even try to recreate it. Get the bucket. I was reading your posts from 2011 or something, randomly flipping through. You are a queen. Merry Christmas or whatever holiday it is that you celebrate or don't.

    ReplyDelete

I lurv comments. Thank you for the comments. They are scrumptious.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails