Sometimes life kicks you right in the poodle.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Which Shitty Disease or Disorder Should I Champion?

It's Tuesday night, and I'm having a goddamn rye and coke, and you know what?  I feel good about it.  Yeah, that's right.  I don't have any meds to get me through life.  No prozac, no seratonin reuptake inhibitors or whatever they're called, no magic little delightful pills to slip under my tongue that will melt all my troubles away.

No.

I have two things:  horrible fitness dvd's and whisky.  An ironic pairing?  Perhaps!

Let us continue.

So anyway, life has become a great black hole of SUPER SUCK, and as such, sometimes I need a little helper.  So I've chosen POISON in a glass to make me feel better, and let me tell you my friends, at this moment, I truly don't give a shit if it gives me cancer, because then I'll say;

"CANCER?  OH THANK GOD!  THANK GOD IT'S NOT ALS."

Yeah.

So anyhoo, I've been pondering all day.  As I google this and that, and read message boards about this farking disease, I invariably come across stuff like:

"WALK for ALS,"
or,
"RAISE AWARENESS for ALS"

and blah de blah de blah fundraiser, awareness, get-out-there-and-support-the-cause kind of biznatch.  And even though I'm livin' it (well, by association), I can't get all jazzed up about putting on an inspirational t-shirt, getting some pledges and walking my little heart out for it.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

I mean, I'm all for raising awareness, and getting money for research for stuff and finding that CURE, but  I just can't get it up for ALS.

Before you start wondering if I truly am an asshole, here is my problem.

Take my Mom:  my Mom died of (from?) LUNG CANCER.  Well damn you, LUNG CANCER, YOU BASTARD!  I'll go champion YOUR cause!

But wait....technically we only knew my Mom had lung cancer for like a week.

Hmm...

Actually, my Mom suffered over twenty years with excruciating, debilitating, disfiguring rheumatoid arthritis.

FUCK YOU, RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS!  SOMEBODY FIND ME AN ARTHRITIS WALK-A-THON!

But....um, what about lung cancer?

Uh...my grandmother had lymphoma.  YOU SUCK LYMPHOMA!  YOU TOOK MY GRAMMA AWAY!

My boyfriend died from Rhabdomyosarcoma when we were twenty!  I HATE YOU, RARE CANCER!  I STILL HATE YOU WITH A HATE THA'TS DRIPPING WITH LOATHE!

Hmm....

The Man had thyroid cancer.  THYROID CANCER,  YOU SUCK SHIT!  IMMA RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT YOU!

Oh, right...

well, my son has Autism.  That's a real ass muncher too.


So, ah---


yeah.  Just pour me another glass.




Hey girl, you think too much. Let me take care of that.  

4 comments:

  1. May I share with you? Why the heck can't we run or dance or "a-thon" just for being freaking happy? Why do we only get motivated to make money or be active for sickness and disease and look cheerful while we do it, often while wearing pink or yellow or some other colour or flower that I enjoyed far more before it got associated with a disease? This is not logical. And if we lived in a truly humane world, cures would be at the top of all our elected government officials' lists. That's my take on this outstandingly written post about super suckage. I hope you are numb to the world for a while and wake up, um, dare I say...refreshed...?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel your pain Karen. I never still can't do a walk for Parkinson's or whatever fund stuff for it. I prefer not to think about it. It never gets easier does it? Watching our physically strong fathers become as weak as babies. Horrible stuff. The worst was when my husband had to carry my ox of a dad down our staircase one Thanksgiving. I cried like a baby. This was a man who carried a cast iron tub on his back up the stairs of my first home. Both memories flood my mind.
    I am here for you just like the other cousins sharing the pain.
    Pam xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmm i get what you people are saying.. But damn i just really love the way you present it to us

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi karen. Hi melanie i really love the way you people think. Seriously we would really have fun together:D

    ReplyDelete

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