Figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up.
Oop..I AM grown up...

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

But Seriously: Why I Gotta Be So Homely On Vacation?

Okay,  so I'm on vacation. I'm FINALLY enjoying myself .You would think it would be IMMEDIATE FUN but this is the kind of vacation for which I had to pack and organise for like 5 days in advance. You know; the kind of vacation where not even the TOILET PAPER is included. And it's not just that I have to pack every freaking thing I need, I have to pack stupid things I don't need but MIGHT need. And it's not just the packing,  it's like in those five days prior to leaving I have to make amends for WEEKS of slack housekeeping, all the while telling myself that I'm messy because I'm an INTELLECTUAL. Do you know how you say that,  btw? You have a gin in one hand that's ALWAYS tilted at a crazy angle, and you lean in too close to someone with your gentle, tired, hazy eyes and you say; "I can't be bothered having a tidy house. I'm an INTELLECT-CHOO-ELLE. The drink doesn't actually spill,  but it's all that guy will be able to look at. 

Anyway,  eventually by day 4 of all day packing , organising,  sudden, inspired scrubbing the SIDE of the oven,  waiting for the 40th load of laundry to come out on the dryer, it's THEN that you start to say stuff like; "you know what?  I'M not going next year. Unless EVERYONE PITCHES IN, I'M not interested anymore. I'm TOO OLD to do ALL THIS on my own."  Strangely enough,  this doesn't make my Autistic son MORE sympathetic , but actually LESS. 

So finally,  that day arrives when the van is loaded and it's time to go!  Yay! I DID IT!  I'm an AMAZING WOMAN. Okay - one last pee before we hit the road. BOOM: PERIOD. I kid you not. I don't know which is most exciting:  that time I got my period IMMEDIATELY upon landing in Florida,  or Christmas morning. Ah,  memories. 

So here I am in vacationland. Staying in a very nice trailer. Swimming at the beach every day!  Enjoying cocktail hour!  Eating S'MORES!  I've been working out,  sleeping not too bad,  bod's looking decent but oh my face. Like,  I took a couple of pictures of me and the kids , right? We'd just been swimming. The first one was Karen humpback of the beach,  and the second was me with the sunset STREAMING over my face and the boy said I was "red mom hulk" in that one. Also my hair is ridiculous. As soon as I'm NEAR the lake it's Shirley Temple on crack. And the bags under my eyes!!  WTF!  

It's a 46 year old worn-out-by-life,  I-eat-really-healthy-but-I'm-still-waiting-for-robust-eyebrows-to-grow-back. Don't get me started about eyebrows. I MIGHT do a whole next post on eyebrows. Vacations: actually kinda tiring, and I dig myself but sometimes those teenage girls zipping around with their straight hair and full eyebrows kinda bum me out. Enough whining. I may be getting homely but I did over a 100 pushups in my workout today,  and Karen with the luxurious eyebrows never used to be able to do any!  

I'm sure it's just the lighting... Pretty sure ...

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